My burden to carry.
Chapter Two: School Days
Leaning against the counter in the teacher’s lounge Emily stared out the window overlooking the playground. Her thoughts drifted toward the upcoming three-day weekend. It wasn’t going to be fun filled like some of her students’ breaks. For her what waited was a lonely house and a stack of papers to grade that would take her all weekend to get through. Beyond that there were lesson plans and worksheets requiring her attention. While others were outside enjoying the beautiful weather before winter took hold of their sleepy town, she would be stuck indoors. She loved her job and her students, so she didn’t mind. More than that it helped to pass the lonely hours. The work would keep her thoughts on school work and preparing for the upcoming weeks, instead of in the past. Staying busy is what she needed now more than ever.
“There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.” Hazel stood in the doorway, her dark brown hair curling around her face, as she watched Emily. Still there was concern in her eyes that drew Emily’s attention.
“Why? What’s up?” She sat her to-go mug of coffee on the counter and looked at one of her closest friends. The way Hazel’s gaze shifted around the room before settling back on Emily, was all the warning she needed. Something was on her friend’s mind. Something she wanted to talk about without the possibility of anyone overhearing. Please don’t let this be about Daniel.
“You’ve been avoiding me for days now.” Hazel stepped into the lounge and gently shut the door behind her. “Did you write him?”
“I told you I would.” She tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear and kept her gaze on Hazel. “You know me better than to think I’d flake on a promise. I might have made a fool of myself, but I sent the letter off with all the others early last week.”
“A fool of yourself? Why?” Hazel stood near the door, her voice low so if anyone was passing they wouldn’t be overheard. Anyone who didn’t know the situation might think she was doing it to save Emily embarrassment. Rather she was doing it so no one heard them talking about her brother. To the town he was a hero, one they put on a pedestal. She didn’t want anyone to know she was worried about him. It would start rumors no one wanted.
“I tried to tell you before, but you won’t listen. Our situations are different. He’s not going to confide in me. Nothing I can say to him is going to make him open up to you either. Leaving the military is an adjustment, for some it’s bigger than others. He’s going to need time.” With the bell about to ring she needed to get back to her classroom and prepare for her students. Grabbing her to-go coffee cup and the stack of papers she had set on the counter when she entered, she tipped her head toward the clock on the wall. “Lunch is almost over, I’ve got to get back to class.”
“You don’t know that. I mean about Daniel, not about lunch.” Hazel stood in front of the door, blocking Emily’s escape. “Until this, we were always able to confide in each other. Now he’s blocked me out and I don’t understand why. He’s done his duty and now he can live his life anyway he wants. It’s a good thing. Isn’t it?”
“He’ll come around.” She tried to assure Hazel, but she didn’t know what it was like to have someone she could confide in, especially not a sibling. Still she knew it wasn’t that easy. They might have been close, but there would have always been things that Daniel couldn’t talk to Hazel about. She knew Hazel enough to know she couldn’t handle the things he witnessed overseas. She was soft and for a kindergarten teacher it was perfect, but in Daniel’s line of work it would be disastrous.
With time they’d find middle ground. Once he was back from his tour of duty, Hazel might not be as anxious about her brother, she might even believe things were back to normal. For Daniel it might take longer. Emily had experienced the uncertainty he was going through, and the adjustment wouldn’t happen overnight. Time is all that helped.
“You think?”
“I do.” She gave Hazel the brightest smile she could manage. “Give him time and you’ll see.”
“How much time?”
“That’s a question I can’t answer. Try to be patient.” The bell rang interrupting her. “I’ve got to run.”
“Thanks, Emily, for everything.” Hazel turned around and opened the door. The hallway was already filling with the sound of the students returning from lunch. “I guess it’s too soon to ask if you’ve heard from him yet.”
Stepping into the hall she nodded. “Letters can take up to two weeks to arrive overseas. If they haven’t already arrived, they should soon. I’ll let you know.”
“I doubt they’ve arrived. I haven’t heard anything from him either. Knowing Daniel, he’s not going to be happy that I urged you to contact him.” She shook her head. “You know e-mail would have been faster. We wouldn’t still be waiting around on edge.”
“Not my style.” Though part of her wished she would have just e-mailed him. Then they’d both know his reaction. If Daniel wanted nothing to do with her that would be the end of it. She’d have tried and that’s all Hazel could have asked. Instead, she stuck to her ground and wrote a physical letter, making this whole thing drawn out. “I’ll see you later.”
Before Hazel could say anything else, Emily stepped into the hall and headed toward her classroom. She needed to put distance between them before her thoughts could drag her any deeper. She hadn’t expected the letter to affect her as it did. It wasn’t like it was her first letter to a service member overseas, though it was the first one to someone she didn’t know personally. Still the letter had thrown her right back into her own past. Into memories that were best left forgotten.
Chapter Three: Connections
Forty-eight hours passed slower than they’d ever passed before. Every second of those hours seemed to be full of a woman Daniel didn’t even know. Emily Sharp and her letter had been weighing on his conscious. Yet he still wasn’t sure what to do about it. Did he respond or just ignore the letter? What was he going to say to Hazel? Was he angry at her for bringing her friend and co-worker into this? He had more questions than answers.
The name Emily Sharp lingered in his thoughts. The name seemed familiar, but the memory was too hazy for him to connect the pieces. At first, he figured Hazel must have mentioned the name before, but it didn’t fit. There was something more to it, something he couldn’t put his figure on.
“Emily…Emily Sharp. It’s right there.”
“Gunny?” Staff Sergeant Barrett tipped his head to look in his direction.
“Talking to myself.” He dragged a hand over his face and stared up at the sky. It was a long day and he needed to hit the sack, but his brain wouldn’t shut off. “Just trying to remember where I’ve heard that name before.”
“Emily Sharp, as in Sergeant Sharp?”
“Huh?” He glanced in Barrett’s direction, not really seeing him.
“The sole survivor after her squad was cornered by gunfire. We aided in her rescue. She was under Gunnery Sergeant Gavin’s command.”
“Are you sure her name was Sharp? Emily Sharp?” He pressed, not wanting to believe it was the same person.
“Positive. I think my brother and she had Marine Combat Training together after boot camp. After they ended up at the same duty station and bonded. They still keep in touch. Exchange e-mails frequently and anytime he’s deployed she sends him care packages. She always includes letters from her class for the other Marines deployed with him.” Barrett let out a deep sigh and leaned back into his chair. “That had to be what, six years ago? Why are you thinking about it now?”
“Six years.”
“Sounds about right.” Barrett nodded.
“That letter I received…it was from her.” Rather than thinking about the mission, his hand slid across the outside of his pants, feeling to ensure the letter was still tucked safely in his pocket. Since receiving it, he’d carried it on him. At first, he hadn’t realized it, but this morning as he slipped it into his pocket it registered. It was stupid but
even after he pulled it out he couldn’t make himself leave it behind as they prepared to go out on patrol.
Handwritten letters are a physical connection between people. They’re hard evidence that there was something between them. He thought they had no connection but maybe they did. Did Emily know?
“After all this time? What did she want? I mean, you didn’t know her before that mission, did you?”
“She’s a teacher with Hazel and her class sends letters and care packages to service personnel while they’re deployed.” He ran a hand over his face, feeling the ruff stubble of his five o’clock shadow. “I guess Hazel wanted to do something to mark my last deployment, so she gave Emily my name.”
It wasn’t the truth but the last thing he wanted was for Barrett or any of the others to know his thoughts were jumbled with the decision he made to leave the Marines. As hard as the decision was to make, it was the right one. He needed to move on and maybe find some happiness in his life. He didn’t know what would make him happy anymore. At one time it was the military. He loved the brotherhood that was established with the men and women he served with. But the cost of losing them had taken its toll. Over the last several years he realized he wasn’t developing the same relationships he had before, he was keeping himself closed off, for fear they’d be the next blood on his hands.
It wasn’t until later he realized Private First Class Hammond was the turning point for him. Losing him had broken something inside him. Something that he hadn’t been able to fix, and the only solution was to wall himself off from others. He couldn’t spread his doom and gloom attitude to the others.
He was too young…too innocent.
“You’re really going to do it?” Barrett waved his arm in front of him to their small camp. “You’re willing to give all of this up and retire?”
“All this.” He let out a deep chuckle.
“Come on man, we’ve been through too many deployments together for you to deny that you’re going to miss this. We’re family here.”
“Family.” That one word sliced through his chest like a hot blade. “It’s time to move on. Maybe do some traveling.”
“Start a family.” Barrett’s suggestion had Daniel turning to look at the other man. “Don’t give me that look. I know your sister has been nagging you into getting back out there. It’s been more than a year since Roseanne. With you retiring maybe Hazel’s right, you need to get back out in the dating scene again.”
He opened his mouth to say no but maybe they were right. Relationships hadn’t worked in the past because of his military career, but now he’d be home. That had to make things easier. He wasn’t sure what work he’d do next, but anything he chose couldn’t mean traveling more he did now.
“How about you focus on your own love life and leave me to handle mine. How’s the new lady anyways?” For the life of him he couldn’t remember the woman’s name. Barrett was the playboy of the squad. Women were like flavors of the month. None of them lasted long enough for him to get serious with.
“Kat…” The twinge of doubt seeping into Barrett’s voice warned Daniel that he’d brought up the wrong topic. “I don’t know. She’s…”
“There’s other fish in the sea. Isn’t that what you always say.” He leaned back against the chair. “Seven weeks and we’ll be out of here. You’ll find someone else.”
“Yeah.” Barrett nodded. “It’s more like seven and half weeks. To be exact it’s fifty-two days.”
“Less than two months is all that matters for me.” He let out a deep breath. “I need to hit the computer tent and then get some sleep. See you in the morning.”
“Night.”
Daniel rose from where he was sitting and headed further away from his bunk. Hit the computer? What was he thinking? He hadn’t realized he had decided on whether to respond to Emily or not, until he opened his mouth and made his decision known not only to himself but to Barrett.
“I’m not going to e-mail her, I’m only going to check to see if it’s the same Emily Sharp.” He reasoned with himself, but even if he wasn’t ready to admit it, he’d already decided to reach out to the woman.
There were questions he was dying to find the answer to. The most important one: how had the woman they rescued end up in Blessing, Montana working at the same school as Hazel? He wasn’t surprised Hazel had befriended her, that was the type of person his sister was. He was surprised Sergeant Sharp had landed back in his hometown. He tried to remember where she was from, somewhere on the East coast he thought, but his memory could be wrong. He’d see what he could turn up online before he responded. A little insight into her might give him an equal playing field.
Chapter Four: Response
Even with the long weekend, Emily had barely made a dent in her to-do list. Every time she sat down to grade papers she found her thoughts turning to Gunnery Sergeant Fitch and her own trying time following her military discharge. Their situations were completely different, yet it didn’t stop memories best left forgotten from threatening to rise again.
Needing a breath of fresh air, she rose from the kitchen table and opened the French doors that led onto the back deck. The rush of cool air sent her hair billowing out around her. Even as the cool night air sent goosebumps popping up along her arms she stood there taking in the mountains before her. The last rays of sunlight were peaking over the tops, creating a beautiful glow over the area.
She’d chosen the cabin for its remote location, but the view had sealed the deal. It was what she needed when she moved here. There were days when she wondered if she wasn’t isolating herself too much. If she lived closer to town she might be tempted to call Hazel to meet her for dinner. Instead, she was alone with the memories pressing on her shoulders like lead weights.
“I’m stronger now. Those memories have no hold on me.” Even as she whispered the words she knew it was a lie. She lived with the memories and the scars every day. Somedays she thought she accepted what had happened and grieved all she could for the lives lost that day. Other days it was a fresh wound where the littlest things could break her.
She’d never forget any of the men and women she served with, but the ones in her squad who fought and died that day were imprinted in her mind. They carried a spot in her heart as well as on her body. After returning she had their names tattooed on her body, forever honoring them for their sacrifice.
Having a piece of them with her reminded her that she had to keep fighting. No matter how bad things got she couldn’t give up. She had thought she’d die that day in Iraq and as the hours went by waiting for the rescue team she made peace with it. Until the unexpected happened, giving her a second chance, one she couldn’t waste.
“They should be here. Not me. Gunnery Sergeant Gavin had a wife and two sons.” She sucked in a deep breath, doing her best to keep the tears at bay. Every time she thought about the Gavin family her heart cracked. That was the wound that wouldn’t heal. She’d willingly have given her life for him to return home to his family. She was alone in this world but instead of her dying that day, Gavin lost his life.
“It wasn’t fair.” She screamed as the tears broke free of the dam she’d tried to so hard to use to hold them back.
In the background, her computer dinged, alerting her to a new e-mail. She reached up and wiped her tears away. “I’ve spent enough time feeling sorry for myself, it’s time to work.”
Moseying back into her cabin she shut the doors and locked them before going to the kitchen table. Work is what she needed to focus on but as she sat down her finger slid over the mousepad of her laptop, clicking to bring up the new e-mail. Anything to delay the inevitable.
The e-mail displayed on her screen and her heart skipped a beat. Even before her gaze moved away from the e-mail address she was already thinking about Hazel. Before she could contact her friend, she needed to read the message. If he was upset with his sister, the least Emily could do was warn her.
Miss Sharp,
It was a surprise t
o receive your letter but I’m sure it’s no shock to you that I’m e-mailing my reply. I don’t know what my sister expected to accomplish dragging you into this, but I’ll speak with her. I’ll do my best to assure her everything is fine.
To leave the Marines is a choice I’ve made. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t believe it was the right thing. She should know that. The future is uncertain once my time here is done but it will work itself out. As for staying in Jacksonville, no. I’ve spent all the time I wish in North Carolina. It’s never been home. I miss the mountains, small town living, and fresh air.
Once my discharge is final, I’m coming to Blessing. I’m not sure how long I’ll be there, a week at least. Meeting for coffee sounds fine. Is Blessing Cafe still open for business? They always had the very best coffee in town.
Marines have to stick together. Oohrah.
Daniel
“That went better than I thought it would.” She let out a deep sigh and leaned back in her chair. Unlike Hazel, Emily hadn’t expected Daniel to confide in her. For her, just hearing back from him was a step in the right direction.
Rereading his e-mail one line stuck out to her more than anything else. Marines have to stick together. How did he know? Had Hazel mentioned her before? She told him she was a veteran, but she was positive she didn’t say she was a Marine. She didn’t want to risk bringing up her time in the military and she certainly didn’t want to have to answer questions as to what happened on her last mission. If he knew any of those who died that day it would only drag up her guilt. She’d worked hard to put that behind her, yet it was impossible.
Before she could think it through she clicked the reply button, her fingers flying over the keyboard. Her thoughts were too jumbled for her to focus on what she was writing.
Touch of Home (Blessing Montana Book 2) Page 2
