by Karen Swart
***
I was walking in a beautiful garden. Fountains and flowers greeted me all the way. I looked down to see that I was wearing some kind of red dress. I didn’t do dresses, so this was really weird. I started to feel uncomfortable. Why on earth would I make up a dream where I wear such a stupid thing? From the very first moment my mom forced me into one, I felt as if it was demeaning to me, breaking me down into something I wasn’t.
I only kept them on for a short while. The moment she turned her back long enough, I would have created an “oops” with it, always making sure it never ended up on me again. Of course my mother always went ballistic afterwards. Telling me that I should start thinking about my future, and that being a lady was honorable and to take pride in it. Well, it never worked. I still hated the damn things.
“Come, hellhound, our feast awaits,” a guy said, and I looked up to find my demon standing there, dressed in a black Armani suit with a red shirt beneath. Oh, for crying out loud! Why does he always have to spoil my dreams?
“Go to hell, demon,” I replied and turned around, ready to run in this stupid thing I was wearing.
“Wait! I only wish to dine with you. I believe your day already had enough excitement,” he said and I stopped, standing there contemplating what to do.
Should I turn around and dine with him? Or should I turn around, dream up a pair of swords and get him the hell out of my life? No, I did enough of that for the day. No more. This was my dream, right? So I just need to out-dream him, if that was even possible. I’d give this a go. Maybe I could get rid of him that way. So I turned around and faced him.
“Why?” I asked, watching him carefully. No way in hell did I trust this demon.
“Please, I promise that this will be a proper dinner with no intentions,” he replied, gesturing to his left. I followed his hand and found a table at a fountain, flowerbeds circling it. It had two plates filled with food, and candles added to it.
“If you try anything, demon, you’ll regret it,” I said, turning my eyes back to him. He lifted his hands in a surrender gesture and stepped aside for me to pass him. I walked past him slowly, all the while watching him, over to the table and sat down, my eyes still on him. He joined me at the table and poured red wine into one of the wine glasses standing on the table, and then the second glass. Placing the bottle of wine back on the table, he handed me a glass. I’d never had wine before; I was too young for that sort of thing, so I took it. I might as well try it and see what happened.
“You’re wrong,” he said, taking a sip from his wine while looking at me. I slowly brought my glass to my mouth and took a sip. With my eyes on him, I tasted the wine. Well, not too bad I had to admit; it was pretty nice.
“And what would I be wrong about?” I asked him, taking the glass away from my mouth and rolling the taste of the wine in my mouth. I wondered what type of wine it was?
“You’re not a monster; the werewolf got what he deserved,” he replied, taking another sip.
“How would you know about him?” I asked, trying to find out how the hell he knew what was going on in my life if he only visited me in my dreams.
“My little hellhound, I know everything about you. Your mind is free for me to explore, and I do so with much interest,” he answered, a smile forming with the last words.
“How?”
“That, little hellhound, is a secret. But enough about that. The werewolf touched you without permission. Your love and Custos saw it and only stood by, doing nothing to protect your honor. You had the right to defend it.”
“Yes, well, I could have picked another way. My choice was bad. I could have hurt him badly, and in return I may have lost the only friends I ever had,” I replied, taking my eyes off him. My throat was starting to burn again. No way was I crying in front of him, so I bit back the tears, locking my jaws.
“I believe a true friend would have understood, and in fact supported you on this. Why did your love and Custos not help you? Why leave you in the arms of such a male?”
I sat there thinking about it for a while. He might be right. If they all saw what was happening, why did no one help? If Nanini and Lada saw what he was doing, why would they judge me? Was this one of Chax’s training things? If it was, it sucked big time. I have no problem with a punch or kick or that kind of stuff, but grabbing me and telling me stuff like Marcus did was a little disgusting.
“If you were in my care, I would have taken his head for that. I would have kept you safe from such things, but if I did, you would not have found your true self today,” he continued, gesturing to the plate of food in front of me.
It was a small steak, rice, and greens and yeah, it looked tasty. So I picked up a fork and scooped up a bite, looking at him. “What do you mean ‘my true self?’ Do you mean the monster I became?” I asked, taking the bite.
“Are you sure it was a monster? What was the first thing your parents told you about yourself? Was it not that you are a hellhound born?”
Now that caught my attention. What was he saying? That a hellhound was a born monster? No way! I was not a monster. Okay, yes, I lost control today and made a bad decision, but that was just today. “I was not born to be a monster,” I threw back at him, pissed off instantly.
“No, not a monster, but were you not born to be the best of all Fallen? Is it not in your nature to conquer? Your Custos has only scratched the surface of what you are destined to be, and many hellhounds don’t live up to it. As far as we know, no hellhound has ever again reached that divined destiny; all too afraid to take their true nature and embrace it. Imagine how many of us they could have destroyed if they did. Are you sure that your Custos is not trying to tame you in a way?”
What? “What do you mean?”
“Are you sure he isn’t holding you back, because they are afraid of you?”
Where the hell did he get that? No way! Chax pushed me too hard every time. He wanted me to become a warrior.
“Yes, but what happened today when you became one? Did he not ask you to stand down, and let him fight for you? Why would he do that?”
Did he just read my freaking mind? How in the hell did he do that? But something in his words triggered the conversation I had in Chax’s garden. Yes, he did ask me to back down and let him take care of the problem. Why would he teach me to fight, and then ask me to let him deal with it? My mind started to run all over the place. I remembered the training, Chax’s words, and everything. Confused as hell, I sat there thinking about it.
“Dawn’s approaching, my little hellhound, so I leave you with my final question. In a war, would you not use your greatest weapon to win?” he asked, and with the final word, he began to fade away. I woke up in my bed, looking into darkness.
