by Jerry Cole
“Woo hoo, my favorite. Okay, so how did your heart feel after that?”
Again, I took a pause to recall the sensation. I was happy, giddy, even a little excited when we kissed. But I was also alarmed.
“It was sudden. It scared me at first, but I liked it.”
“Well, what about your southern region? Any tingles in that department?”
“I don’t know. I was too shaken up.”
“Well then there’s only one way to answer your question, Ian. By the way, your real question isn’t ‘am I gay’. What you really want to know is whether or not you like Josh for who he is or what he represents.”
“And how do I do that?”
“Well, the easiest way to figure that out is to sleep with him.”
I tucked my legs up under me as I sat on the couch.
“That will just complicate things. He’s definitely gay and he knows he wants me.”
“Which is perfect,” she said. “He knows what to do and he has great taste in men.”
“I can’t!”
“Yes, you can. Just tell him the truth.”
“And say what? Hey, I’d like to fuck you to test whether or not I’m gay.”
“Yeah!” She seemed really excited by the prospect. “And then tell him it had to be him. He was the only person you could think of to help you out.”
“Ooh, maybe I should be taking notes.”
“You should, this is good stuff here,” she said. “Listen. When he calls you, pull your shit together and meet him, right?”
“Right.”
“Do you know how much I wish I had somebody out there that was worth facing all the mess and the terror out there? If you can leave the safety of your own home to meet him then you owe it to yourself to find out.”
“You have me,” I replied meekly.
“I sure do, but what if there was a chance, no matter how slim, that it could be something more? I don’t know about you, but I would move heaven and earth to grab it.”
A buzzer rang in the background.
“Oh, that’s my groceries. I’ve got to take care of this now, they always leave me until the end of the route and my ice cream starts to melt. Talk to you later?”
“Sure.”
“CALL HIM! And don’t forget to give me all of the juicy details, later.”
I procrastinated. I watered my plants, played music, returned emails from people I'd been avoiding. I even considered getting a head start on my taxes. Friendly watched from her perch on the overpriced dog bed I'd pulled out of the closet to vacuum.
“You know she's right. She's always right.”
Finally, I gave in. This whole situation was already a comedy of errors. There was no reason to drag it on any longer.
Ian: Can I ask you a favor?
I waited on pins and needles for his response.
Josh: Anything.
My heart pounded in my chest.
Ian: Would you have sex with me?
I watched the little indicator beside the message turn blue. He’d read it but he wasn't replying. I sat there staring at the phone like a cat stalking a roach. The longer it took the harder it was to breathe. Just when I thought I'd lose consciousness the screen lit up with a new message.
Josh: When?
Chapter Eleven
I was already sweating bullets. I doubted I could go through with this, but I’d come too far to back out now. I stroked Friendly’s head nervously. She licked my hand every once in a while, alerting me to my nervous ticks. I clutched my backpack against my body as if it were stuffed with treasure. In reality, it was just a change of clothes, a few toiletries, and a half-decent bottle of wine.
I mean, what do you pack for experimental sex?
“You live out here, man?” The Go-Car driver whistled as he turned into the housing development where Josh lived.
“Uh, my friend does.”
“I need some friends like this, does he have a sister?” The driver chuckled.
“I don’t think so.”
Friendly licked my hand again, alerting me to the nervous scratching against my palm. I smiled down at her.
“So, is that really a service dog?”
“Yeah.” I rolled my eyes silently. I was getting tired of answering that question. I already knew the script for the rest of this conversation.
“I've never seen a pit bull service dog. I thought they were all labs and retrievers.”
“Nope, any breed can be trained to become a service dog.”
“Even those little fluffy things...what are they called? Pomegranates, or something like that.”
“Yup, even Pomeranians,” I said. I leaned forward to look at his GPS. We were less than a minute away from Josh’s house and it couldn’t go by fast enough.
“I was just wondering because I saw you had a service dog and I expected you to have a wheelchair or something.”
“Not all disabilities are visible.”
“I got it. I was just wondering. I mean I wasn’t expecting a pit bull. It doesn’t matter much to me one way or the other. I love dogs.”
I breathed a sigh of relief when Josh’s house came into view. The electronic voice buzzed “your destination is on the left” and the screen went dark.
“Thanks,” I said, escaping the car as quickly as I could. Despite his annoying questions, I would be sure to leave him a tip. Not all drivers were comfortable with a dog in the car, and he was still pleasant and courteous. It wasn’t his fault that I was a nervous wreck and in no mood to answer the same questions that I get almost every time Friendly and I are out together.
Josh opened the door and met me on the sidewalk. Shaolin came trotting behind him, looking like he was fresh from the groomers and in high spirits.
“You didn’t have to bring anything,” he said, taking my bag from me.
“I always bring things. I would’ve been a great scout. I always want to be prepared.”
“Are you?” he leaned in and softly said, “Are you sure you’re ready?”
My whole body tingled as his words made their way into my brain.
“Only one way to find out,” I said with much more confidence than I had.
He chuckled and grabbed my hand, pulling me up the walkway and into the house with both dogs in tow.
“Dinner first, I hope you like chicken and cheese.”
“Mmm, my favorites.”
He pulled out a large casserole dish from the oven and put it on the counter while I tried to look comfortable in his house. I’d only been there once before, but it seemed like it was changed in some way. The handful of candles that had been sitting around the house were all lit, giving the air a soothing bouquet of ylang-ylang and lavender. The sunlight that made everything in the house look fresh and crisp was replaced by soft lighting and inviting furniture in neutral tones. It felt like a den.
“Are you hungry?” He stepped closer to me and waited patiently for me to answer.
“Hmm, you need a few plants,” I said, trying to ignore how his proximity made my heart beat faster.
“I will leave that up to you.”
I turned away from him before I was tempted to fall into the warmth of his body.
“We should eat before it gets cold. It smells so nice.”
Josh handed me a plate and piled two heaps of rice, chicken, and broccoli in a cheese sauce. It really did smell great, much better than I could accomplish without several hours of YouTube tutorials and at least two panic attacks. I pulled the bottle of wine from my bag and offered it to him. He smiled and poured the glasses.
“What about them?” he looked over at the two dogs who were snuggled on a large dog bed.
“I brought her food with me but she ate before we left.”
“They seem happy,” he smiled at the resting pair.
“They do. I’m jealous.”
“Why?”
“It’s all so simple for them. They meet and within a few minutes they either get along or they don’t. Unl
ess something drastic happens, they will stay like that, even if they are separated for a long time. I wish I could get close to people that easily.”
“You made it here,” he said.
“But now where do I go?” I hadn’t meant to say it out loud. I didn’t want the evening to be about my baggage, but I couldn’t escape it either.
Sensing my distress, Josh got up from his seat and pulled me into an embrace. I wasn’t sure how to react at first, but I decided not to overthink it. I just let myself be hugged. I let him stroke my hair and tell me that I was doing fine. I didn’t feel fine, but I wanted to believe him. I wanted to be the version of myself that he saw. I hugged him back and rested my head on his shoulder.
“We can figure it out together. I cleared my schedule. I am here for you all night. When I decided to take you up on your offer, I knew what the deal was. If you want me, you can have me in any way you need me.” His voice was pitched low and slowly engulfed my body like a warm bath.
“I don’t want to drag this out and lead you on…” I couldn’t bring myself to look up at him, even knowing that all of his attention was turned on me.
“Don’t worry about that. If you want me, I’m ready. I’m yours. I know the risks and I’m all in. You take all the time you need to figure it out.”
“What if things don’t work out?”
“Then we remain friends.”
“Do you promise?”
Josh cupped my face and lifted my chin to look him in the eyes.
“You were honest with me, and I’m being honest with you. No matter what happens tonight, you and I are still friends.”
I searched his eyes, the liquid amber flecks of his eyes reminded me of my mother’s. So too did the affection and tenderness I saw in them. It drowned out all of my doubts and allayed my fears. We were definitely going to do this, and for once I wasn't going to worry about everything. This wasn't a random hook up or a coerced encounter, this was Josh and he was here for me.
I pulled his head down and let myself kiss him. It shocked us both but I think he adjusted faster than I did. He quickly took the lead, pressing his lips against mine and then capturing them in his. I found myself rolling up to the balls of my feet to get closer, drawn like a moth to a flame. I wanted all of the heat and danger of being kissed and touched by this man. As my balance shifted, he caught me around the waist, holding me against his body.
"Jesus, how tall are you, exactly?" I complained, my feet barely on the ground.
"Six feet and two inches of twisted steel and sex appeal, at your service," he lifted the corner of his mouth in a half-smile and quickly bit my bottom lip.
"Shit. Put me down. I must weigh a ton."
"Nah-uh honey, you're doing just fine right where you are," he shifted his weight a little and I could feel the effects of our kiss pressed against my belly.
I looked up into his handsome face and watched as his pupils dilated and his breathing became slightly uneven. He pressed his face against mine, smelling my hair and burying his nose into the crook of my neck. I could feel the way his body reacted to mine and it lit a fire in my veins. I closed my eyes and gave myself permission to just feel. The strong chorded muscles of his thighs, the strength of his arms, the heat from his body and the gentle pleading of his lips as they pressed against my face, neck, and ears.
I clung to him. It was impossible to deny my arousal. I wanted him. I kissed him again. This time more deeply. Daring to taste him, the tip of my tongue darting into his mouth to sample the sweetness there. He responded with his own invasion, dueling with me as we discovered just how deep a kiss could be.
I felt dizzy and desperate. Suddenly all of the clothes that separated his skin from mine seemed heavy and oppressive. My fingers found their way beneath his shirt and onto his smooth skin. Touching him was such a relief that I sighed with satisfaction. I let my hands roam all over the wide expanse of his back and shoulders, holding and kneading the flesh as I gave in to an urge I'd never known before. He jumped at the contact and then groaned, pressing my body closer to his and rocking his hips.
He was hard but so was I. I tried to pull his shirt off of his body, struggling to get proper leverage with my feet barely on the ground. He dropped me for a second and pulled the troublesome garment off before returning his lips to mine. For the first time, I felt frantic; I needed to touch him and I needed to be touched by him. I needed to be consumed. It was more than just lust. Lust could be overcome or ignored but this feeling was a deep aching need.
Josh pushed me away from him.
“No, not like this,” he panted. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me behind him as he went up the stairs.
“We don’t have to—”
“Like hell,” he growled. I was confused by his aggression and started to pull away from his grip when he spun around pegged me with a hard look. “If we are going to do this it won’t be a quickie up against the counter or on the floor. Whatever happens, we are going to do this right.”
I nodded and followed obediently. I’d been led into many rooms in my life. Most of the time something bad happened. This was the first time I allowed myself to believe that it would be different. This time I wouldn’t regret walking through the door.
Chapter Twelve
Josh
He could say no at any moment and I would be duty-bound to respect that. That’s what I kept telling myself. He might not be ready for everything he’s asking for. Hell, he might not even understand what he’s been asking. I’d never take from him what he didn’t offer willingly, but I kept reminding myself that he was different. He was trusting me to keep him safe and make this pleasurable.
After getting his text asking me to sleep with him, I had to admit that I had my apprehensions. Normally, if a guy asked me to sleep with them as part of some sort of experiment to figure out their sexuality, I would tell him to pound sand. But I didn’t even consider turning Ian down. Not only did I want him in the worst way, I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to know it, deep in his bones, that being with me was what he wanted. Most importantly I wanted him not to be scared. I wanted to prove that he could trust me with the parts of himself that scared and confused him the most.
I knew that was a tall order when I agreed to this. But I’m a man who loves believing all of the best things in life happen after a hard fight. Winning over Ian Lewis was going to be one of the hardest fights I’d ever had.
The challenge was as exciting as the possibility of having him in my bed. I led him into my bedroom. I’d bought new sheets and done an embarrassingly necessary deep cleaning of the bedroom and bathroom in anticipation of this moment.
“What about the dogs?” He looked back over his shoulder at the staircase but didn’t slow his steps or pull away. He wasn’t trying to back out, he was just thinking about Friendly.
“They can take care of themselves; the doggy door is unlocked.”
I closed the bedroom door, pinning him against it with my body. He smiled seductively and tilted his chin up, inviting me to kiss him. I complied, sucking the sweetness from his lips. He sighed, wound his arms around my shoulders and relaxed against the door. Kissing him could easily become addictive.
His hands were like brands, burning the memory of his touch into my senses. I needed more but I wouldn’t push. I slammed my palms against the door behind him and crushed him against me. I wouldn’t do what I was desperate to do. I wouldn’t strip him naked and drive him into my bed. I wouldn’t pillage his skin while I buried myself in his body. God knows my body was screaming for me to do just that. But until he asked for it, I would keep my urges under control.
He leaned forward, pressing his chest against mine, moaning softly. He broke away only long enough to pull his own shirt off of his back and fling it across the room. I didn’t need and more invitations. I crushed him against my body and pulled him toward my bed. I got more excited with every step.
We tumbled into the waiting sheets, I held him against my chest and looked up
at his face. He looked relaxed and happy. Perhaps happier than I have ever seen him.
“What now?” He sat back on my thighs, looking down at me with hopeful eyes. I took the opportunity and sat up, grabbing his hand and pressing it against the throbbing erection in my pants.
“Can you help me?”
The contact shocked him, he looked down at me distrustfully but seemed to relax as I sat, waiting for him to make up his mind. Not moving was torture but he needed this. He needed to know that I wouldn’t corner him. I wouldn’t force him to make up his mind. I promised him I would give him whatever he wanted and that’s what I would do. But the feeling of his hand pressed against my cock did strange things to my breathing. I was nearly panting. I closed my eyes against the building pressure when I felt him move. He unzipped my pants and my cock sprung free of its prison.
“Ahh,” I clutched Ian’s hips, hanging on to him like a drowning man clinging to driftwood. I was sinking and I knew it, but I wouldn’t let go of him even if I could.
He stroked my hard length and I licked his neck in response. He repeated the action and I used the tip of my tongue to fondle the delicate nubs on his chest. He rocked his hips forward and intensified his assistance, gently draping his body over mine.
“Josh, touch me,” he whispered. I didn’t hesitate. I reached into his pants and grasped his cock. He shuddered and slumped down further, his legs turning to jelly as the feeling shot through his system.
I watched his face for reactions. He was shocked, surprised, even a little confused, but he didn’t pull away. A lewd expression etched itself into his features, turning his tiny gasps and caresses into an erotic show. There was raw lust in his eyes as he looked at me. It was unwavering and bold. If there was any doubt in either of our minds about whether or not he wanted me, that look put them to rest.
He responded by stroking me until I thought I would cum. I grabbed his hand and pinned it behind his back, pulling him down until he was no longer kneeling over me, but in a sitting position, my cock pressed between us. He looked confused.
“This isn’t for me,” I reminded him. He smiled a little and kissed me softly.
