The 6 Most Important Decisions You'll Ever Make: A Guide for Teens

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The 6 Most Important Decisions You'll Ever Make: A Guide for Teens Page 6

by Sean Covey


  TIME FINDER

  Cut Screen Time

  Screens are the biggest time wasters—from the big flat-screen in the living room to all the laptops, tablets, and smartphones littering the house and beeping for attention every minute of the day. Unwinding after school by spending a few minutes watching a funny clip on YouTube, playing a game on your phone, or catching up with your friends on social media is no big deal. Too much time spent with your nose in a screen, however, is a total waste, a Quadrant 4 activity that’s neither urgent nor important (see the Time Quadrants). Did you know that the average U.S. teen spends 9 hours using media every day? That’s 63 hours a week spent playing video games, texting, sharing photos on Snapchat and Instagram, and above all watching TV. This is more time than they spend sleeping. And then they complain that they don’t have time for anything. Hmmmm…

  TIME FINDER: Think back over the last 7 days. Add up how much time you spent in front of a device during that time, including weekends. Be honest now. Record it in the Time Finder under “Hours Spent Here Last Week.” Now, how much time do you think you could cut back without falling apart? Record it under “Hours I Could Save Each Week.”

  Reduce Your Personal Time Waster (PTW)

  Beyond the mindless screen time we all indulge in now and then, we all waste time doing some Quadrant 4 Slacker activities on a regular basis. I call them Personal Time Wasters, or PTWs. They’re different for everyone. It may be spending too much time on the phone, text messaging, playing PlayStation or Xbox, shopping, putting on makeup, rearranging your room, or listening to music. Hey, you need time to relax and kick back for sure. I’m not saying to get rid of your PTW, just to cut back some. I know one 16-year-old, Michael-Sean, who spends two to three hours daily buying and selling shoes on eBay. I’m sure he could cut that time in half without freaking out.

  TIME FINDER: Write down your PTW in the Time Finder. Now, think back over the last 7 days and record how much time you spent on it. Then record how much time you think you could cut back on your PTW without severe withdrawal pains.

  Say No with a Smile

  Quadrant 3 is the devil, the home of The Yes-Man (see the Time Quadrants). In an effort to want to please everyone and not miss out on anything, you say yes to everything and overbook yourself. I’m all for getting involved in sports and clubs and other extracurricular stuff, but don’t overdo it. The first place to look is at your job. About two-thirds of U.S. high school students hold part-time jobs during the school year. Ask yourself: Do I really need to work while attending school? Of course, some kids have to work to help support their families. Fine. But many don’t need to. The few extra bucks you earn for clothes or whatever is not worth it if it hurts your performance in school.

  I like what author and teacher Tom Loveless says: “Some people argue that work teaches responsibility and how to function in the real world. A better way to learn responsibility is by taking the most difficult classes available and completing assignments promptly and efficiently. And, really, who is better prepared for the real world: someone skilled in math and science or in flipping hamburgers and making change at a cash register?”

  Ask yourself, “Am I trying to do too much?” If you’re involved in too many activities and your life feels out of control, drop the less important activities and focus on the few essential ones. Start saying no, and do it with a smile, as Elizabeth, from Hilliard Darby High School, learned to do.

  Once I was asked to edit a senior class video. I knew nothing about editing videos. I eventually had to tell the person in charge that I wasn’t gonna be able to do it. And it was really difficult for me, ’cause I didn’t want to seem irresponsible. It’s really come to the point where I have to learn to say no.

  Simplify. Do a few things with excellence instead of many things with mediocrity.

  TIME FINDER: Pick a lower-priority activity that you’re regularly doing and record it in the Time Finder. Record how much time you spent on that activity over the last 7 days, including weekends. Now, record how much time you think you could save if you cut out or cut back on that activity.

  Stop Procrastinating

  My brother and I shared a beat-up Honda Accord in high school. One day, I could tell that something was wrong with the brakes and that I should take the car in to get repaired. But I kept putting it off until the brakes started making scary sounds. Finally, I took it in, but by then the brakes were totally destroyed. It took several days and cost big bucks to repair them, about five times more than if I’d taken it in earlier. All because I put off until tomorrow what I should have done today. Procrastination always costs more and takes more time in the end, whether it’s putting off writing your term paper, delaying that apology you need to make, or waiting to apply for that summer job. Today I try to follow the slogan: “Whenever you have a job to do, ask yourself two questions. If not now, when? If not by me, by whom?”

  Do you have a habit of cramming? You know, do nothing for weeks, then cram all night before the test? Does it work? Maybe in the short term. Have you ever worked on a farm? Can you cram on a farm? You know, forget to plant in the spring, goof off all summer long, then show up in the fall to bring in the crop? I think not. Life, in the long run, is more like a farm than a school. You’ll reap what you sow.

  I confess. I was a professional procrastinator in high school. I’d put off studying, cram the night before the test, and do well. But I didn’t retain much. When I got into college and graduate school, I had to make up for years of cramming. In many ways, I never made up the lost ground and I deeply regret it.

  There is a remedy for procrastination. It’s called “Just do it.” (Thanks, Nike!) Stay on top of your studies and don’t let yourself fall behind. Get into Quadrant 2 (The Prioritizer) and develop the habit of planning.

  I recommend using a planner of some type. Many schools give them to their students. If not, buy one. They don’t cost much, and you can get one at almost any office-supply or discount store. Get one that has monthly calendars and space for weekly or daily note-taking. Or you may want to try an electronic version.

  Bridgett, a 17-year-old junior from Joliet, Illinois, called her planner her “best friend.”

  My biggest challenge is just having enough time to do everything. So I use a planner. It is my best friend. It just helps me organize my thoughts. I’m a very forgetful person. But with a planner, you can write everything you need in it. And before you go home from school you just take one look at it and everything you need to do for the rest of the day is in there.

  I didn’t use a planner my freshman year. But at the beginning of my sophomore year I had a biology class with a teacher who was voted the hardest teacher for five years running. And I had to use a planner, because he assigns so much work. I mean a planner looks like it’s stupid, like it’s not gonna help you, but if you use it right, it really does.

  Once you get your planner, write down everything: upcoming tests, due dates for papers, school breaks, holidays, games, birthdays, key family events, and so on. Writing things down will put your mind at peace because you won’t have to remember everything. Then, at the start of each week, review what’s coming up. Don’t wait until the last moment to prepare for a test or write a paper. Chip away early on.

  TIME FINDER: Over the past week, record how much time you think you spent making up for things that you procrastinated on earlier (examples: repairing a broken relationship you neglected, doing make-up work or extra-credit work because you got so far behind, fixing a piece of machinery that you didn’t take care of, overcoming an illness that arose because you ran yourself into the ground). Now, record how much time you think you could save each week if you were to stop procrastinating.

  Now, add up the total in the “Hours I Could Save Each Week” column and see what you come up with. Did you reach 7 hours? 15 hours? More? Isn’t that amazing? And you thought there wasn’t enough time. Each of us has 168 hours each week to spend how we wish. Wrote Michael Altshuler, “The bad new
s is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.”

  Challenge 3: “I JUST DON’T CARE”

  Has anyone ever told you, “You’re so lazy in school. If you only applied yourself, you could do so well”? If so, you’re not alone. It’s easy to fall behind, do poorly, or just not care.

  If you aren’t motivated and feel that school is being forced down your throat, think carefully about what you can and can’t control about school. Obviously, there are lots of things you have no control over whatsoever. Surprisingly, however, there are lots of things you can control.

  You don’t have to love school, but please don’t be a victim. Don’t allow yourself the luxury of saying, “I just don’t like school so I’m not going to try.” Waaa! Instead, focus on what you can influence.

  Your education is your responsibility, not your school’s or your parents’. When you graduate from teenagehood, you’ll want to know how to read, think, and speak well. You’ll want to know a thing or two about history, countries, and cultures. You’ll want to have read many of the classic books and know about many of the great men and women who came before you. That is what your education is all about. And it can be exciting! So stop letting your education happen to you. You happen to it. Here are some ways to turbo-charge your education.

  • Develop a hobby that you really love, such as photography, art, dance, or whatever gets your blood pumping.

  • Sign up for an elective class you’ve always wanted to take.

  • Get involved in fun and challenging extracurricular activities at school like a club or a sport.

  • Apply for a summer job or internship in a field that excites you.

  • Take a class from the teacher that everyone says is the best.

  • Start your own business.

  • Join an education track that suits you. Many schools offer education tracks that emphasize different things.

  • Travel, at home or abroad.

  Just Outside Your Front Door

  Saint Augustine wrote: “The world is a book and those who stay at home read only a page.” I couldn’t agree more. Whether it be traveling to another continent or visiting a nearby monument, I can’t think of anything as fun and educational as traveling. Here are just a few benefits, derived from Carol Carter’s book Majoring in the Rest of Your Life.

  1 Traveling can jump-start a career that you’ll love. You may have an interest or a passion for something and not know it until you broaden your experience.

  2 Traveling can provide you a very specific, tangible skill: speaking a foreign language. In some fields, the more exotic the language, the more marketable the skill. Adding “I spent a summer in Romania” to your résumé gives you an edge.

  3 Traveling can boost your confidence and expand your comfort zone. After navigating a strange and foreign city, culture, and language, navigating the social scene back home will seem like a piece of cake.

  4 Traveling can give you an appreciation for different cultures and people and bless you with a profound sense of gratitude for your own country and heritage.

  5 Traveling is fun. Having fun while learning, imagine that! You’ll get to see incredible sights you’ve only read about, like the Louvre in Paris, the Great Wall of China, or Times Square in New York City.

  By now you’re probably saying to yourself, “Yeah, right. So how do I get started? Where will I get the money? And how in the world can I convince my parents to let me travel?” If you’d really like to travel, within or outside your own country, there are limitless resources, programs, and people willing to help. You don’t have to spend a fortune. For starters:

  • Take advantage of your school’s travel programs. Virtually every school has some. Just talk to a counselor, administrator, or someone else in the know. Often, you can get credit for foreign travel. While I was in high school, I went on a school-sponsored trip to Mexico, where I got to live with a Mexican family. One day I went jogging with my shirt off and I couldn’t understand why all the Mexican kids were laughing at me. Finally, I realized they had never seen anyone with such white skin. Ouch! Anyway, I had an incredible experience and learned how to say “crazy” in Spanish.

  • Join a volunteer organization. There are numerous organizations that are in desperate need of volunteers. You can travel to an impoverished area of the world and make a difference in someone’s life while enriching your own. Dan, a 17-year-old neighbor of mine, has been involved with Operation Smile. Operation Smile is a group of doctors and volunteers who travel to various poor countries every year for several days to do thousands of quick surgeries on kids who have facial deformities, like cleft palates. These simple surgeries give these kids their lives back. “It’s been the most meaningful part of my high school experience,” Dan told me.

  • Be a foreign exchange student. Sign up to live with a foreign family and fully immerse yourself in their culture.

  • Travel with your parents on business trips. During the day, while your mom or dad work, you can take a city tour, visit the museums or zoos, or have lunch at the local restaurants. At night, see the sights with them.

  To find out more about travel opportunities, simply do an online search, talk to a school counselor, visit the library, or talk to someone who’s done it. Bridgett, a 17-year-old junior, got a real kick from her travels.

  One day, I was talking to my mom. “Oh, I want to travel. It would be so much fun.” She’s like, “Well, maybe you can do that someday, like one of those foreign exchange things.”

  So, I researched online, found a bunch, and then went to talk with a counselor about 'em, to make sure they were legitimate. We found one called Youth For Under-standing. So I looked into it and decided I wanted to go to Japan. But it was $5,000. So I applied for one of the Okinawa Peace Scholarships, and about three months later I found that I’d gotten one. It paid for almost the whole thing.

  And I was off to Okinawa, the Hawaii of Japan. I was there six weeks and I didn’t want to come home. My parents said no more six-week trips, but this year I’m going on a teacher-sponsored trip to Ireland!

  It is a small world, after all, you know. (Hey, that sounds familiar.) So get out of the puny confines of your own head and start exploring this vast world waiting just outside your front door.

  Challenge 4: “I’M JUST NO GOOD AT SCHOOL”

  Maybe you’re doing poorly in school. Or maybe you think that you just don’t have what it takes. Keep your chin up, mate. Some of the greatest minds ever felt that way too. Did you know?

  Albert Einstein, considered the most influential person of the 20th century, was four years old before he could speak and seven before he could read. His parents thought he was retarded. He spoke haltingly until age nine. He was advised by a teacher to drop out of grade school: “You’ll never amount to anything, Einstein.”

  Isaac Newton, the scientist who invented modern-day physics, did poorly in math.

  Patricia Polacco, a prolific children’s author and illustrator, didn’t learn to read until she was 14.

  Henry Ford, who developed the famous Model T car and started Ford Motor Company, barely made it through high school.

  Lucille Ball, famous comedian and star of I Love Lucy, was once dismissed from drama school for being too quiet and shy.

  Pablo Picasso, one of the great artists of all time, was pulled out of school at age 10 because he was doing so poorly. A tutor hired by Pablo’s father gave up on Pablo.

  Ludwig van Beethoven was one of the world’s great composers. His music teacher once said of him, “As a composer, he is hopeless.”

  Wernher von Braun, the world-renowned mathematician, flunked ninth-grade algebra.

  Agatha Christie, the world’s best-known mystery writer and all-time bestselling author other than William Shakespeare of any genre, struggled to learn to read because of dyslexia.

  Winston Churchill, famous English prime minister, failed the sixth grade.

  In spite of their problems at school, these people made some
thing of their lives and so can you. If school doesn’t come easily for you, it doesn’t mean you’re not smart. There are many types of intelligence. Yet success in school is based mostly on only one: the ability to analyze, reason, think abstractly, and use language. You might think of that as what’s measured by an IQ test.

  But there are other types of intelligence that are every bit as important. For example, there’s EQ, or emotional intelligence. People with high EQ have lots of intuition, can read social situations, and have an ability to get along with other people. School doesn’t test for that. Then there’s SQ, or spiritual intelligence, which represents our longing and capacity for vision, value, and meaning. It allows us to dream. School doesn’t measure that either. Finally, there’s PQ, or physical intelligence. Your body is naturally smart. You don’t have to remind your heart to beat or your lungs to expand. Physical intelligence is also the ability to learn through bodily kinesthetic means, like physical sensations and touching.

  Your friend may be stronger in IQ and you may be stronger in EQ. One isn’t better than the other. Just different. Be grateful for your unique gifts and talents, and don’t let anyone ever lead you to believe you’re not gifted in some way. And if you ever are teased, remember what Albert Einstein, who also got teased, said: “Great spirits will always encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

  What If I Have a Learning Problem?

  Perhaps you’ve been told that you have a learning disability, such as ADHD, ADD, dyslexia, or an inability to focus or concentrate. Here are a couple of things you might try. First, visit a professional and find out if you really do have a problem, and, if so, what they recommend you do about it. Some kids take medication and find it useful. Others use alternate approaches such as diet, therapy, stress control, exercise, herbs, or a combination of many things. Still others may not have a problem at all, but only think they do.

 

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