by Sean Covey
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Great power comes from accomplishing something you set your mind to. In the legends, when a knight defeats an enemy in battle, he absorbs the strength of that enemy. So it is when we overcome a weakness, resist a temptation, or achieve a goal we’ve set. We absorb the strength of the challenge into our being and become stronger. For one, an accomplishment might mean getting straight As; for another it means making the drill team; and for another it’s overcoming a weakness, like cleaning up your language.
Sometimes our accomplishments are different than we expect. Tanner, from Northridge High School, always had the goal of becoming the state wrestling champion like his older brother. After years of hard work, Tanner became recognized as one of the top wrestlers around. Finally, it was his chance to prove himself in the match that would qualify him for the state tournament.
During the championship round, however, Tanner severely dislocated his elbow and his dreams of becoming the state champ were shattered. He was sick about it, until he received a letter from his older brother, who wrote:
Tanner,
It feels good being a state champion, but not everyone is gonna remember you for that. But they will remember you for the way you prepared. You gave all you could give before you actually wrestled for state, and that’s what really matters. You left everything you had on the mat.
Tanner was deeply touched. To top it off, during the state tournament, the entire team each wore an elbow brace to honor him. It was then that Tanner realized he’d actually accomplished what he had set out to do in the first place.
There’s always a gap between where we are and where we’d like to be. Sometimes the gap is small. Sometimes it’s huge. Whatever your gap, stay positive, keep closing the gap, and beware of the perfectionist inside you who is never pleased. Closing the gap even a little is an accomplishment to be proud of.
PHYSICAL HEALTH
As a kid, I loved pop, doughnuts, and chips of every kind. Consequently, I got called fatso a lot. I’d ask, “Mom, do you think I’m fat?”
“No, you’re not fat,” she’d say. “You’re husky.” And I’d walk away grinning. “Yeah, I’m not fat. I’m husky.”
During the summer before I started eighth grade, my dad sent me on a four-day survival trek, to toughen me up. I hated it. Basically, eighty or so of us hiked about fifty miles over a four-day period while eating nothing but weeds. The leaders made us do all sorts of crazy things like rappel off cliffs, cross raging rivers, and kill and eat a cute little lamb. Poor thing.
From this I lost about ten pounds. When I came back, my mom’s friend said, “Hey, Sean, you’re sure lookin’ skinny.” It was the first time in my life that someone had told me that. I was thrilled! It was the jump start I needed.
So, I went home and got a hold of my mom’s eating guide. Some of the details may have changed since then, but it worked great for me. It separated all the food groups and had little check boxes on the number of servings you were allowed to eat each day. I remember it exactly. (Now, the USDA has a new nutrition guide to reference.)
After watching what I ate for a few days I realized I was living on bread, meat, and fat, and that I seldom ate fruit, veggies, or dairy. I was hardly drinking any water either. What a shocker! So, I started following the program religiously. Every night, before bed, I’d check off what I had eaten that day. I was still eating a lot of food, just different kinds of foods, like fruits and veggies. I also started lifting weights and running. My body changed quickly and the extra weight I was carrying just melted away in a matter of months. Suddenly, I felt so much better and more in tune with my body. To my surprise, I even went from being one of the slower players to the fastest player on my eighth grade football team.
As I discovered for myself, getting in shape physically is a competence that needs to be learned through trial and experience. If learned at a young age, it will serve you for life. Don’t ever underestimate the impact of physical health on emotional health.
Here are ten commonly agreed-upon principles of nutrition that will improve your health every time:
In addition to sound nutrition, exercise is also essential. Have you heard of endorphins? They’re powerful chemicals in your brain that do two things: elevate mood and kill pain. Guess how you get them? Exercising. Isn’t that amazing? Hey, who needs drugs when you can get a natural endorphin high at any time for free?
Everyone thinks they don’t have time to exercise. In reality, you don’t have time not to. Exercise will make you feel better, look better, and live longer (not that you’re worried about that yet). For a balanced exercise program, Time magazine health experts recommend you do these four things:
CLEAR YOUR MIND: Yoga, Pilates, or some sort of stretching, breathing, or meditation relaxes the body, protects against injuries, and enhances circulation. Do it three times a week to reduce stress.
EXERCISE YOUR HEART: Swim, power walk, cycle, jog, kickbox, or do an aerobic exercise that significantly increases your heart rate. It benefits your heart, lungs, and circulatory system, as well as burns calories and body fat. Do it three to five times a week for 20 to 60 minutes.
BULLD YOUR MUSCLES: Lift weights at the school gym or do body-weight exercises like push-ups, planks, and elbow dips at home. Strength training makes the body burn more calories and increases bone mass. Do it two to three times a week for 20 to 40 minutes.
TAKE A BREAK: Strength training and other strenuous exercises tear down muscle fiber. During periods of rest, muscles repair and rebuild themselves; avoid weight training the same muscle group two days in a row.
If you play competitive sports, you’ll usually be doing all of the four suggested activities above regularly, and have some fun in the process.
As a rule of thumb, one pound of weight is equal to 3,500 calories. So, if you want to lose a pound of weight in a week, you’d have to burn 500 calories more than you’re taking in each day (500 calories x 7 days = 3,500 calories).
Learn about sound nutrition and exercise. Get in shape and watch how it improves your social, mental, and spiritual sides. I’m not talking about obsessing over your looks and I’m not talking about being thin. (You can be a large person and still be healthy, by the way.) I’m talking about getting healthy. It’s how you feel on the inside, not what you look like on the outside, that really counts.
THE KEYSTONE
Fourteen-year-old Leah shared how she had just begun junior high and was having a rough time. It seemed that everyone was so into looks and clothes and popularity. She didn’t feel accepted and was often made fun of because she was overweight.
A few months later she found some friends and life got much better. But it wasn’t long before Leah’s friends began going in a different direction than Leah wanted to go. They dressed sleazy, used vulgar language, and were experimenting with addictive substances.
One night, while roaming around with her friends, Leah looked at them and thought: “My friends look like sleazebags. Is that how I look?” She called her mom to come pick her up. That night she made the gutsy decision to stop hanging out with these friends.
The next few weeks were rough for Leah. Her old friends turned on her when she’d no longer hang out with them. She’d often eat her lunch in the bathroom stall because it was too embarrassing to eat alone in the lunchroom.
But Leah hung on, and in a matter of a few months she’d made some new friends who shared her goals and brought out the best in her. One of her old friends also left the old group and started hanging out with Leah instead. Leah grew in confidence and began finding her way. What a difference one smart choice can make!
So, which comes first? Do you make good decisions because you have high self-worth or do you have high self-worth because you make good decisions? Yes. It works both ways. It’s sort of like asking, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”
Smart decision-making is the keystone of the Self-Worth Arch of Triumph. If you do this one right, all the other buildin
g blocks seem to fall into place. Funny thing is, building healthy self-worth, the sixth most important decision you’ll ever make, is the result of being smart about the previous five decisions. Here’s how smart choices boost self-worth.
HIGH ROAD DECISIONS
HOW IT BOOSTS YOUR SELF-WORTH
Do your best in school
• You’ll learn more and develop stronger skills
• Your parents will nag you less
Choose true friends and be a true friend
• Your friends will bring out the best in you
• You’ll make friends more easily
Get along with your parents
• You’ll have more peace at home
• You’ll get more support from your parents
Date intelligently, respect your body, and save yourself
• You’ll enjoy a good reputation
• You won’t worry about STDs, pregnancy, or emotional trauma
Avoid addictions
• You’ll feel better physically
• You’ll be in control of your life
The social mirror of the world tells you that self-worth comes from good looks and popularity. The truth is, healthy self-worth comes from character, competence, and smart choices. As Dumbledore says in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,
“It’s our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
Conquering Your El Guapo!
One of the great movies of all time is Three Amigos, in which a classic battle between the good guys and a crazy villain named El Guapo takes place. In one scene, one of the amigos is trying to inspire the villagers to stand up to El Guapo by saying, “In a way, all of us have an El Guapo to face someday. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big dangerous guy who wants to kill us.”
When it comes to self-worth, all of us have our El Guapo to conquer. What’s yours? Here are three common ones:
• How do I build self-worth if I think I’m not good-looking?
• How can I cope when I constantly get called names, put down, and teased?
• How can I get out of this depression I’m in?
HOW DO I BUILD SELF-WORTH IF I THINK I’M NOT GOOD-LOOKING?
This question was sent to me from a teen from Israel named Rotem. I’ll answer by telling the story of another citizen of Israel who felt just like Rotem when she was a teen. Her name was Golda Meir.
I was never a beauty. There was a time when I was sorry about that, when I was old enough to understand the importance of it and, looking in any mirror, realized it was something I was never going to have. Then I found what I wanted to do in life, and being called pretty no longer had any importance. It was only much later that I realized that not being beautiful was a blessing in disguise. It forced me to develop my inner resources. I came to understand that women who cannot lean on their beauty and need to make something on their own have the advantage.
Golda Meir became the first female prime minister of Israel, and is considered one of the great leaders of all time. So, how did Golda build her self-worth? She found out what she wanted to do with her life, and suddenly being pretty wasn’t that important. You can do likewise. Once you get a sense of what you want to do with your life—your goals, dreams, and purpose—you’ll be energized by it and won’t obsess about your looks.
Virtually every teen I know wishes they were better-looking or could change something about themselves. I hear stuff like:
In one survey by TRU.com, teens were asked: What are the top things you would change about yourself if you could?
WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?
1. BETTER LOOKING
2. BETTER STUDENT
3. MORE CONFIDENT
4. BETTER ATHLETE
5. HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND
6. MORE POPULAR
7. HARDER WORKER
It’s no surprise that being better-looking was the top response. While not fixating on your looks, strive to look your best and enhance the natural features you were blessed with. Notice what colors look best on you, practice good hygiene, and find a hairstyle that suits you. Appreciate your finer features. After all, everyone is beautiful in their own way—sparkling blue or rich brown eyes, a delicate chin, high cheekbones, a cute nose, a prominent nose, elegant ears, graceful fingers, broad shoulders, muscular legs, long eyelashes, full lips, or buns of steel.
Author Susan Tanner, who was once an insecure teen with a bad case of acne, never forgot the lesson her mother taught her. “You must do everything you can to make your appearance pleasing, but the minute you walk out the door, forget yourself and start concentrating on others.” This is good advice for all of us.
Remember, if you always look to the social mirror, you’ll always feel inadequate. If you look to the true mirror, you’ll realize that inner beauty is more important than the outer kind.
Audrey Hepburn was one of the most glamorous Hollywood actresses from my parents’ time and was famous for her beauty and style. She often shared these beauty tips.
Beauty Tips
For attractive lips,
Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes,
Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure,
Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair,
Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For Poise,
Walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored;
Never throw anybody out.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes
Because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
—Sam Levenson
Reprinted by permission of Sll/Sterling Lord Literistic, Inc., Copyright © 1973 by Samuel Levenson
Author Neal Maxwell observed:
“Wouldn’t it be interesting if what was on the inside of a person were revealed on the outside? Then we would know who the truly beautiful people of the world are.”
You’ll Be Dead Before You’re Thin Enough
In our quest to look and feel good, please don’t take things to the extreme.
…I tried this vomiting business…I thought I could make it whatever I wanted. When I ate something on my “bad” list, I could get rid of it. I had this irrational fear of starting to eat and not being able to stop and just becoming huge. I figured if I reached a certain weight, I would feel secure enough and would be able to stop. The strange thing was the number on the scale was never low enough…
This is how someone who suffers from an eating disorder thinks. An eating disorder is defined as an eating habit which hurts you physically and mentally. The three most common ones are anorexia nervosa (starving yourself), bulimia nervosa (binge eating, then throwing up), and binge eating disorder (uncontrollable binge eating). Did you know that tens of thousands of teens have died or will die because of them? In fact, anorexia nervosa has one of the highest death rates of any psychological disorder.
Millions of teens have an eating disorder. You probably know someone that does. Maybe you’ve got one yourself. They’re found among boys and girls, rich and poor, children as young as three and adults as old as ninety. They’re most common among teen girls. Often an eating disorder can go unnoticed for years. When it is finally recognized, denial usually follows, and the disorder goes untreated. There are many contributing factors, including family problems, depression, sexual abuse, or an obsession with being thin.
As a teen with a future, you need to have a strong, healthy body. You can’t afford memory loss, disorientation, constipation, deterioration of muscles, slow irregular heartbeats that lead to heart attacks, or any o
ther symptom that goes with anorexia. Don’t let yourself get suckered into this unnatural, unhealthy lifestyle. Eating disorders are hard to shake and can stay with you for life. There are natural and healthy ways to lose weight if that’s your desire.
If you’ve got a disorder right now, go to your parents, the family doctor, or a local support group for help. Or visit the Help Desk in the back of the book for some credible resources.
HOW CAN I COPE WHEN I CONSTANTLY GET CALLED NAMES, PUT DOWN, AND TEASED?
Sixteen-year-old Reese was on a roll this time. At least, he thought so. He was telling his friends the long version of how he got lost skiing and ended up on the Olympic jump site, where no one was allowed, when Brad cut him off.
“Reese!” he yelled. “Shut up! We don’t care about your dumb story! You know what? You talk too much!”
Everyone laughed. Reese acted like it didn’t bother him, but he died inside that day. He felt like such a fool and wondered how many of the stories he’d told in the past were annoying, too.
After that, he started being extra careful about anything he said around these friends. He didn’t call to see if they wanted to hang out for fear of bugging them, and soon they stopped calling him, too. He kept thinking, “If they want to do something, they’ll call me.” They never did. Eventually, these friendships ended and his self-worth took a huge hit.
This kind of thing happens all the time, doesn’t it? A rude comment. An unkind word. Gossip. And it hurts! We should all be a lot more careful with our tongues.
I remember talking to a middle school girl who hated school. I asked her why. In tears she said, “It’s because, on B-days, I’ve got all these rude girls in my classes that are mean and call me all sorts of names. I just can’t stand it anymore.”
