by Nerys Leigh
His Phoebe. His wife.
He grabbed her and pulled her to him, crushing her against his chest. Pressing his face into the side of her neck, he squeezed his eyes shut and choked out her name.
She pushed her arms around his waist, shuddering in his embrace.
He had no idea how long they stood that way, gasping for air, clinging to each other as if they would never let go. But finally she stopped trembling, and his breathing returned to normal.
And the raw terror that he would lose her eased.
She moved in his arms, turning her head to rest against his shoulder. But she didn’t let go. Part of him hoped she never would.
“Are you hurt?” he asked.
“No. Are you?”
“No.” Thanks to her. If she hadn’t attacked the bear, he would have been killed.
“I thought you said bear attacks were rare,” she said quietly.
He had told her that, it was true. “I guess we’re just really lucky.”
He hoped she would laugh, but she didn’t.
Shifting in his arms, she pulled back, and reluctantly he released her.
“Which way is the trail?” she asked, pushing the hair back from her face. She didn’t seem to want to look at him.
He looked around. In their desperate flight from the bear he’d lost all sense of which way they’d been going. Some of his fear returned. He knew the danger of becoming disoriented in the wilderness.
He raised his eyes, searching for the location of the sun through the deep green canopy. “This way,” he stated, with as much certainty as he could muster.
He held out his hand, not at all expecting her to take it. But she did. He didn’t know whether to be pleased or saddened.
As they started walking towards where he desperately hoped they’d find the trail, he didn’t know how to feel about anything.
She’d called him Jonah.
She’d risked her life to save his.
Even though she was scared, she was still trusting in him to save her.
And he was no longer sure that he could.
~ ~ ~
Phoebe came to a halt, scanning the ground ahead of her.
Nothing, just like there had been for the past hour of searching.
“We’re lost, aren’t we?” She looked over at Jonah where he faced away from her, searching his own patch of trackless earth.
His shoulders slumped. “We must have gotten turned around. I don’t think we’re going to find the trail again.”
A spasm of fear seized her gut. She tried to ignore it. She was afraid enough as it was, what with being certain the bear, or another wild animal, would burst out at them any moment.
He turned to face her. “But we will still make it back. As long as we go southeast, we’re bound to find a town sooner or later.”
She nodded and tried to appear as if she believed him. She didn’t want him to think she blamed him. It wasn’t his fault.
He held out his hand and she took it. That helped a little.
He gave her a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Come on. For all we know, Black Hawk might be just around the corner.”
Phoebe had no idea how far they walked after their run-in with the bear. Without a trail to follow, it became merely a case of putting one foot in front of the other, and trusting Jonah that he had them going in the right direction. The trouble was, she wasn’t sure he believed that he did.
Much as he tried to hide it from her, she knew he was worried. And seeing Jonah worried scared her more than she cared to admit.
She missed that morning, when there was still hope that they’d be home before nightfall, and their conversation had been light and fun, and they hadn’t had to fight for their lives, and she wasn’t so exhausted.
They weren’t even holding hands anymore.
A distant howl brought her to a stop. She glanced around them in fear.
“It’s all right, it’s miles away,” he said.
It may have been, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything closer.
Raising her face to the overcast sky, she closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath as the wind whipped her hair around her head.
She could do this. She was strong. She…
A fat blob of water landed on her cheek.
Her eyes snapped open.
Several more splattered her face and shoulders.
Oh no. Please, no.
As if someone had upturned a giant bucket in the sky, the heavens opened.
She was drenched within seconds.
“This way,” Jonah shouted above the roar of the rain.
He grabbed her hand and ran back the way they’d come. After a minute of slogging through the downpour, he plunged off the animal trail they’d been following and pulled her up a short rise to a rocky outcropping.
An overhang jutted from the main jumble of rocks and he headed for it. A few seconds later they stood on dry ground. Not that it made much difference. Phoebe felt as if she’d never be dry again.
Or warm.
Or comfortable.
Or safe.
Or not hungry.
Or out of pain.
Or…
Crumpling to the dusty ground against the rock wall, she burst into tears.
She was vaguely aware of Jonah lowering to the ground beside her, but she couldn’t see him through her tears as the great, heaving sobs tore at her chest.
A soft touch brushed her shoulder. “Phoebe…”
“I’m cold, and wet, and tired, and my feet hurt.” She was wailing now, but she couldn’t stop crying. “And hungry, and scared, and wet, and tired, and… and… and it’s all Norman’s fault!”
A fresh bout of sobs seized her. Norman would have scoffed at her for it. At least she knew Jonah wouldn’t.
He waited for her tears to ease before he spoke. “Norman?”
“My husband.” She swiped at her eyes angrily. “My former husband. My no good, heartless, miserable, self-centered, snobbish, callous, deluded…” A raft of words that would have made her mother gasp popped into her mind. Instead of using them, she imbued her final “husband” with as much venom as she could, which was a lot.
“Um…” Jonah looked as though he wasn’t sure how to react to her tirade. “He wasn’t a good husband before he died?”
Her sodden hair whipped her cheeks as she shook her head. Not that it made her any wetter. “He was a terrible husband. And he’s not dead.”
There was a pause. “But you said you were a widow.”
“That’s what I tell everyone. The truth is, he left me. We’re divorced. Tragically, he’s still alive.”
And there it was, out in the open. She’d have liked to say there was something liberating about telling the truth, but at that moment she was too bedraggled to feel anything but sorry for herself.
“Why in the world would anyone leave you?”
She would have thought Jonah was joking, if he hadn’t appeared so genuinely bemused. Not that that meant anything. He was as wet and tired as she was.
“He was always talking about having a son to carry on his legacy, whatever that was. He blamed me that we didn’t have children. There were times, after he started showing his true colors, when I thought all I ever was to him was a womb on legs. In the end he left me for another woman. She’s twenty-four. They’ve been married almost two years now.” A humorless smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “She hasn’t gotten pregnant yet either.”
Not that she held any ill will towards her erstwhile husband’s new wife. Well, not much. She’d find out what a loveless, unfeeling cad he was soon enough. All she was really guilty of was being young and stupid, just like Phoebe had been when she married him.
“He sounds like a fool,” Jonah said.
She threw her hands into the air. “That’s exactly what he is.”
“Not that I’m disagreeing with you, but why is our current predicament his fault?”
Her hands flopped to
the ground. “Because if he hadn’t left me, I would never have answered that newspaper advertisement for lady Pinkerton agents, and I wouldn’t be here.”
He moved his gaze to the wall of water spilling from the overhang to pound the ground a few feet away. “I see.”
If she hadn’t known any better, she would have thought he appeared hurt. She did know better, but the sight still stirred the strangest notion.
“But you want to know something funny?”
He nodded absently, his attention still on the rain.
“I’d rather be here with you than in a warm, dry house with him.” It was true, and it both scared and thrilled her at the same time.
He finally looked at her. One corner of his mouth hitched up. “I think you may be almost as much of a fool as he is.”
She wiped away a rivulet of water wending its way down her forehead and smiled. “Probably.”
He gazed into her eyes until her heart was thudding and a blush was most definitely threatening.
She moved her attention to the rain, before she embarrassed herself. “Do you think it will stop anytime this year?”
“I hope so, or we’re going to be swimming home.”
She wrapped her arms around herself. Now they were no longer running, the cold was seeping into her skin.
He moved closer and settled his arm around her, and she snuggled against his side to rest her head against his shoulder. Even though they were both soaked through, it did make her feel a little warmer.
“When it’s not so heavy, I’ll see if I can get a fire going,” he said, his low voice comforting against the incessant roar of the pouring rain.
“In this?” She waved her hand at the drenched landscape before them.
“I should be able to find something dry enough. With any luck, there’ll be some dead wood I can use.”
She relaxed into his embrace and closed her eyes. With the hypnotic sound of the rain and his arms around her, she might even be able to fall asleep.
And maybe she’d be able to forget that she was, in all likelihood, falling in love with Jonah Hays.
Chapter Sixteen
“Phoebe, wake up.”
“Wha’?” she slurred, mind still cocooned in sleep.
It was then that she felt Jonah behind her, his chest pressed against her back and his arm wrapped around her waist. Her head appeared to be resting on his other arm.
“Phoebe.” His whisper tickled her ear.
She snapped conscious. “I’m awake.” Very, very awake.
“Don’t move. Look over there, on that rock.” His hand moved against her as he pointed.
She followed the line of his finger to a tumble of rocks a little way from the overhang where they lay, fully expecting to see some terrifyingly dangerous wild animal. At first she saw nothing, but then a squeak drew her gaze to a small, gray ball of fur.
The furry ball squeaked again. From somewhere nearby, another answered it.
It was quite possibly the cutest thing she’d ever seen. “Is that a pika?”
“Mm hmm.”
As the pika continued to call, she relaxed into Jonah’s embrace. It was early still, the rising sun casting long shadows and a chill hanging in the air. The fire he’d started the previous night had gone out, but at least it wasn’t raining. And at that moment, resting in his arms and watching the adorable pika, she was perfectly, wonderfully content.
They were going to live, she and Jonah. After the bear, she’d begun to doubt. But no longer. She would do everything she could to help him keep them both safe and get them home. She didn’t know what would happen after that, but right now they were husband and wife, and together they would survive.
After a couple of minutes, the pika jumped from the rock and scampered away.
“Told you,” Jonah said behind her. “Insensible.”
Smiling, she closed her eyes. “Dangerous things, pikas.” Despite lying on the hard ground, she had no desire to move just yet.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked.
“Better than last night.”
“We’re going to get back.”
“I know.”
A lengthy silence followed during which she began to drift off to sleep again.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what?”
“For getting us stuck out here.”
“You didn’t get us stuck out here. Brewer and his thugs did.”
“But it was my decision to confront Brewer. I didn’t foresee how he’d react.”
“I think you’re elevating your abilities far out of proportion if you think seeing the future is one of them.”
His body vibrated against her back as he chuckled. “I meant that I should have known he’d do something. I’m the training agent. I’m the one with all the experience. I should have known.”
“You don’t have to be perfect.” Although she was beginning to think he was fairly close.
His chest rose and fell in a deep sigh. “I do where your safety is concerned.”
“I’m not going to die out here.” She was determined not to, for both their sakes.
He didn’t reply right away, but when he did, there was a sadness to his tone that made her heart ache. “Three years ago, I was partnered with a new agent on a case. I made a mistake; I underestimated a dangerous man we were hunting. As a result, the agent I was training was almost killed. He suffered a bad injury that could have been fatal. After that, I refused to train anyone else. I didn’t want anyone suffering because of my mistakes. That was the reason I didn’t want to train you.”
She moved her hand to cover his where it rested at her waist. “I’m so sorry.”
He entwined their fingers. “I’m afraid it will happen again, that I’ll make a mistake. And if it happened with you, I don’t know what I’d do.”
“You’ve got us this far. All you can do is your best. That’s all anyone can do.”
“What if my best isn’t enough?”
“Your best will always be enough for me.”
When he didn’t say anything further, she turned over to face him. “Are you now saying you don’t think we’re going to survive this?” He always made her feel better by making her laugh. She was going to do the same for him.
He looked taken aback. “Um…”
“Because you’ve been telling me the entire time that we would get back, and now you’re saying we won’t?”
“I didn’t…”
“Well, which is it? Are we getting back or aren’t we?”
His mouth snapped shut. And then he smiled. “I guess we are.”
“‘I guess?’” She heaved an exaggerated sigh. “Well that’s hardly the attitude to take. What am I supposed to do with an ‘I guess’?”
His smile widened. “I know we are.”
“That’s more like it.”
His smile softened as he gazed at her. Normally she wasn’t fond of beards, but the two days of growth darkening his jaw gave him a rugged quality that did funny things to her stomach.
He really was very close. If she leaned forward just a little, she could…
Swallowing, she rolled away from him and sat up. “We should get up. We have a long way to go. Probably. Or maybe not, I don’t know. I don’t know where we are. Black Hawk could be half a mile away, for all I know.”
She didn’t seem to be able to stop talking. Had she looked at his mouth just then?
Sitting up beside her, he placed his hand on her back. “I couldn’t do this without you. I just want you to know that. You’re going to make an excellent agent.”
She tried to ignore the things his touch was doing to her heartbeat. “Well, of course I am. You’re only now realizing that?”
He snorted a laugh. “I’ve always known it. I just didn’t want you to get conceited by telling you so.”
“How considerate of you.”
“Yup.”
~ ~ ~
Following another foraged breakfast, they
set out with a renewed determination to get back to Black Hawk.
Phoebe told Jonah that the pain in her feet had lessened considerably from the day before, and after he found her some new leaves for her boots she was practically bouncing along. The fear from the previous day’s bear attack had retreated, and their pace picked up. He still wasn’t sure they were going exactly the right way, but they kept a roughly southeast bearing and seemed to be going downhill more often than not. He took that as a good sign.
“Phoebe!” He lunged forward, throwing his arms around her and stopping her in her tracks.
She tensed in his embrace, her head whipping around as she tried to find the source of the danger. “What is it?”
Her hair still smelled like some kind of flower. How was that possible? He was sure she hadn’t washed it in at least three days. Was it just her natural fragrance?
“Jonah?”
She’d been using his Christian name since the bear attack. He didn’t mind at all.
He forced his eyes from the rich, dark depths of her hair. “You were about to step into a patch of poison ivy.”
She looked down.
He released one arm to point at the noxious plant. The other he kept around her. Only to make sure she didn’t move, of course. “You really don’t want to touch that, believe me. You’ll be itching for days.”
He’d fallen into poison ivy once, when he was fifteen. He’d told his brothers he could jump across the wide patch. He’d been wrong. His mother had to tie mittens onto his hands to stop him from scratching his skin off.
“Thank you.” Phoebe paused. “You can let me go now.”
He took a surreptitious final sniff of her hair before stepping away. “You want to watch out for poison oak too.”
“What does that look like?”
He scanned the area but couldn’t see any. “I’ll let you know.”
She picked her way carefully around the poison ivy. “Animals that can kill you, poisonous plants, and no comforts of home. I can’t fathom why anyone ever wants to come into the wilderness.”
He took her hand to bring her to a halt. “Close your eyes.”
She cocked her head to one side in a silent question, but she didn’t argue.
