Kyle took a deep breath, closing his eyes, trying to avoid the painful expression he knew was written on her face. He didn't want to do it this way. He didn’t want her to believe that he didn’t love her with everything he had. But sometimes love just wasn’t enough, and this was one of those times.
He grabbed his duffle bag and zipped it closed. There were so many things he was probably forgetting, but he could get any immediate needs in Clearwater. He needed to get out of this room, away from this resort, to a place where he could be alone with his feelings. More importantly, he needed to give Drea the space she would need to move on from him.
“I have a flight to catch. I have enjoyed every moment with you, Drea, but all good things must come to an end. Have a good life.”
He kissed her softly on the cheek and headed out the door. Halfway down the hall, he heard her let out a sob that nearly had him running back to her. But he couldn’t go, he couldn’t let her believe in him anymore. He’d already hurt her too much.
The sand on Big House Beach was warm from the sun and felt nice against her legs, but wasn’t doing much to fix her mood. Usually the sun and surf were enough to lift her spirits when she was feeling down, but the events of the morning had dragged her down to a new level. She’d finally broken down and put on sunglasses after her eyes, swollen from crying so much, had started to burn when looking out over the waves.
Trying to keep her breathing steady, she breathed in and out with the waves. In, out, in out, over and over again. It wasn’t working. No matter how hard she tried, her pulse still raced and her breathing was still ragged. She felt like she could throw up at any moment. She didn’t think she had any tears left in her, but that didn’t stop a sob from escaping here and there. Worst of all was the empty feeling in her chest. While she could still feel it beating, her heart felt like it had been torn into pieces and scattered all over.
She had never realized that it could feel this awful. This must be what real heartbreak is. She’d thought she’d been heartbroken before, in high school when the kid she’d had a crush on didn’t return her affections. But that felt nothing like this. In fact, she’d give anything to feel that disappointment all over again instead of this now. If this is what Uncle Miller had felt when he lost Marta, Drea was starting to get an idea of why he had never dated again.
Her phone dinged again, indicating a new text. She’d gotten a text from pretty much everyone over the last couple of hours, not that she’d read any. Everyone but Kyle. Picking up her phone, she opened it to her messages to check the damage.
Simone: Drea, I know this morning was rough, but I’m here when you’re ready to talk. Love you.
Grayson: Kiddo, I’m sorry we lost our cool this morning. I hope you know how much we love you.
Vaughn: Drea, we both said some things this morning I think we didn’t really mean. Me more than anyone. I hope you will accept my apology. If you’re serious about the buy out, we can proceed, but your uncles and I really hope that you’re not. We, I, want you here. Love you.
Dalton: Heard what happened darlin. Heartbreak boozin is on me. Let me know the time and place.
Miller: Baby girl, I’m so so sorry. Please call me.
The latest one was from Leona. She’d been surprised when she wasn’t the first one to reach out and that her best friend hadn’t already found her on the beach. But maybe the gossip mill hadn’t moved quite as fast as she had assumed.
Leona: Ok, so since I’m apparently not gonna hear from you, this must be worse than I thought. I’m sorry girl, but seriously, fuck him. If he’s not willing to fight for you, he’s not worth your tears. You know where to find me.
Leona: PS> All three of your uncles are moping around here like someone died. So, there’s that…
It did make Drea feel a little better that all three of them felt like crap as well. She hadn’t meant to unload quite as much as she did this morning, but once she started she just couldn’t hold back anymore. She’d wanted to tell them to treat her like an adult for so long, but never was able to find a time to do it. Better late than never, she thought.
The jangle of his keys gave him away long before she could actually hear his footsteps approaching in the sand. By the time Miller sat down to her left, she’d blinked back the newest batch of tears and dried her face as much as she could. They both just sat there quietly for a long moment, before he finally broke the silence.
“The day you were born, as we were standing there holding you in the hospital, your Aunt Marta said to me, ‘we should have one.’ At first, I thought she was kidding,” he said, laughing. “You were the most perfect thing I had ever seen, Drea. The idea of Marta and I having one scared the shit out of me. I was sure that I would be a horrible, horrible father.”
“Why?” she asked, still looking out over the water.
“Because I had no idea what to do with a baby. But Marta was persistent and I couldn’t say no to that woman. Two days before the accident, she told me she thought she was pregnant, so I said that weekend we’d head into town to grab a test. Not a day has gone by that I don’t wish we had dropped everything to go get one right then. I know it wouldn’t have changed what happened with the stove that day, but at least I wouldn’t have spent the last twenty-five years wondering.”
“Uncle Miller, I had no idea.”
“No one does, baby girl. Not my brothers, not your grandparents when they were still alive. You are the first person I’ve ever told,” he paused, sniffing a bit. “But after everything happened, I knew that I had to figure out how to be a dad, to be your dad. I really had no idea what I was doing, but what I didn’t realize was that no one knew how to be a parent automatically. It’s a figure it out as you go kind of thing.”
“You did a great job, Uncle Miller.”
“Thank you, baby girl. Sometimes I look at you and am just in awe that I was the one to raise you to be this amazing young woman. You’re smart, caring, have a great head on your shoulders, and have an incredible sense of adventure. Just like your mother.” Drea laughed. “But other days, I think about all the mistakes I made and I think it’s a wonder that you turned out this good despite all the fuck-ups I had on my part. Like not telling you about your part in the resort.”
“I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell me,” she said, finally looking over at her uncle.
“I had it in my head that if you knew, you would leave. The resort was our dream, and you just happened to be sucked into that by circumstance. I didn’t do a good enough job in knowing you to know that you felt like this place was your life too. So I thought that if I didn’t tell you that you’d just stay, because, well, obligation I guess.”
“Why would I want to leave?”
“It‘s that sense of adventure of yours, baby girl. I always knew there were big dreams in that head of yours. Dreams that I assumed meant you wanted more than our little resort,” he answered with a small shrug.
“Why didn’t you just ask?”
“Because it seemed like asking would have been a way to push you further into what I assumed was already a desire to run away,” he shrugged again. “I can’t really explain it, Drea, and I know it doesn’t make sense. But not much about how a parent loves their child ever does. And I know I’m not actually your dad, just the guy who raised you, and I don’t ever want to take anything away from Dave. But you will always be my child, baby girl.”
“You’re not just the guy who raised me. You are so much more than that. I hate that you felt that you couldn’t tell me. But at the same time, being lied to like that really, really hurts,” she admitted, holding back more tears.
“I know, and that’s on me. I’m so, so sorry, baby girl. It was so incredibly selfish. But you were all I had, Drea. After the accident, I felt like the only thing I had left in life was you. You became my reason for living. I know it sounds cliché, but you have been my everything ever since Vaughn walked out of his office holding you, still sound asleep, as the rest of the world shifted beneath my
feet.”
“Uncle Miller,” Drea said, exhaling, reaching out for his hand. He took hers in his and squeezed.
“It’s a stupid excuse, I know. But as misguided as it was, it was because I love you. Can you forgive an old man?”
He reached an arm around her and gave her a hug. She let him hold her like that for a long moment before pulling away, fighting off tears yet again. She loved him so much, and knew that he really only ever did what he thought was best for her. It was impossible to stay mad at him for too long.
“I won’t lie,” she said, pulling away slightly. “It still hurts that you didn’t trust me with that information and I’m still pissed. But...but I get it. I get that you just didn’t want to lose me like you lost Aunt Marta and my parents. So, I guess you are forgiven.”
He wrapped his arm around her again, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. Into her hair he said, “Thank you, baby girl."
“I’m not so sure I’m ready to forgive the other two, though.”
“This is my apology. They are on the hook for their own,” he said, smiling a little. “Now, not to rub salt or anything, but I know I am not the only one who hurt you today, and if I were a betting man, I would wager that the pain I caused is nothing compared to what happened after you left the kitchen.”
Drea let out a sob, and crumpled into her uncle's arms. Part of her felt so stupid, crying to him like she was a little kid who fell off her bike. But at the same time, it was incredibly comforting to have him here.
“It’s okay, baby girl, let it out. Let it out…”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Grayson’s apology had come the next morning, by way of Leona. Miller had told her before he left her on the beach the evening before that he would send meals over so that she could do her own thing and take as long as she needed. He’d seen her sulk enough as a moody teenager to know exactly what she needed, and was more than prepared with the skills and ingredients to help her eat her feelings.
Dinner had shown up just as the sun was starting to set, hand delivered by Dalton, who also happened to be carrying a handle of rum, another of tequila, and two short tumbler glasses he’d obviously commandeered from the dining room. He didn’t speak at all as he laid out the food on the little table on her porch, and he continued to let them eat in silence. It wasn’t until after they had food in them that he’d grabbed the two handles, held up each one, and finally asked, “A or B?” She’d opted for the tequila, and they’d spent the night in silence, every now and again taking a shot.
The next morning, complete with what her Uncle Gray would have referred to as “a dehydration headache” rather than a hangover, she found Leona in her kitchen with a basket of magic muffins and Grayson’s go-to hangover cure—a bottle of Coke.
“He also gave me this,” Leona said, handing her a laminated five by seven piece of cardstock.
Drea took it from her best friend and looked at it. She recognized it immediately and couldn’t help but laugh out loud. It was bright yellow and had a winged version of Mr. Monopoly in his tuxedo flying out of an open birdcage on it, reading “Get out of jail free.” She’d given him the actual card from the family’s set of the board game when she was thirteen and had accidentally ripped a sail on one of the boats, hoping that it would buy her some grace with her uncle. He, too, had laughed when she gave it to him, and told her that it was an acceptable use of the card, and to expect that someday he would return the gesture. She flipped over the card and found his handwriting on the back.
My turn to cash in? Groveling and begging shall commence once coupon is accepted.
-G
Drea sighed and shook her head. Sometimes it was really difficult having family members who could charm the pants off anyone. Just like Miller’s apology yesterday, it did little to temper her anger at this moment, but overall it softened her resolve. He wasn’t really the one she was incensed with. Was she mad that he kept the secret? Yes. But he’d never been the type to stick himself into other people’s business, so she knew that if Miller had said he told her, Grayson would have trusted that and let it drop. He’d also come to her and Kyle’s defense. That had to count for something.
Over the next few days, Vaughn had tried to seek her out a number of different times. Each time she either zagged when he zigged or she flat-out excused herself from the conversation. She had no desire to cause a scene in front of guests, so she kept herself as scarce as possible if she knew he’d be around. Other than Friday morning, when they met with the lawyer to officially add Simone as the fifth owner to the resort paperwork, and the same evening at the rehearsal, Drea had managed to only have to be in his company a couple of times since that breakfast. Simone had told her that if she didn’t feel comfortable being her maid of honor because of what happened, she’d understand. Drea had considered the offer, but she knew how much it meant to Simone to have her in that role, so she opted to stay.
“I just don’t make any promises to be entirely nice to the groom,” Drea told her.
“I think that’s perfectly acceptable,” Simone had responded.
The whole resort was abuzz with wedding prep come Saturday morning, on top of all the normal weekend chaos. Everyone around her was smiling and laughing, so excited for the happy couple, but it was really all she could do not to act like a zombie. Having been in the guest service industry her entire life, she could fake a smile like no one else, but today it was draining her faster than she thought she could ever replenish.
The nail salon on site was quiet, other than the sound of the faucet dripping in the little sink not far from the pedicure chairs. It wasn’t quite the water feature Drea had in mind, and was actually starting to annoy her. With Simone to her right and Leona to her left, along with Simone’s mom, sister, and aunts over at the manicure tables, Drea knew she should be a lot more relaxed than she was.
Her tears seemed to have dried up yesterday afternoon, although that might just be from sheer dehydration. Because she certainly still felt like crying. Every time she thought about how just a week ago they’d been exploring the streets of Old San Juan, she wanted to curl up in a little ball and die. In her mind, that day seemed like yesterday and forever ago, all at the same time.
Kyle’s words still rang out in her head. Have a good life. How could he be so cold? He’d been so sweet and loving just a couple of hours earlier in the shower. Had she known that would be the last time they were together, she would have made the moment last. She certainly wouldn’t have rushed them to get dressed when she saw what time it was, or told him that he was a bad influence on her punctuality. Thinking back on it, she hated herself for saying that and wished like hell she could take it back.
“So, how exciting will it be to have a proper spa? I think we definitely need to take that trip to Bora Bora now to check out the Thalasso,” Simone said, cutting into Drea’s internal pity party.
“Um, yeah,” Drea agreed, half-heartedly.
“A spa?” Leona asked. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Oh, um, I guess I didn’t realize it was a go,” Drea answered.
“Vaughn told me the other night that if that’s what you want—to create and manage a spa at the Indigo Royal—that he’s absolutely in support of that.”
“I’m sure he is,” Drea said sarcastically. “Trying to buy my affections.”
“There are worse ways to do it than a spa,” Leona muttered.
Tears pricked her eyes and started to fall before she ever realized what was happening. She sniffed loudly and wiped away at them, trying to collect herself, but it was no use. Thinking about the spa—creating it, running it, and building it into the mini empire she’d dreamed it could be—would never not be tied to Kyle now. She’d been so self-conscious in telling him as they were sitting sharing secrets in the sun, but not only did he not laugh, he encouraged her. She pictured him in there with her, picking her up after work or the two of them sneaking off into one of the treatment rooms for some alone t
ime. But now it all just seemed so hollow, like his ghost would forever haunt something that had been her dream.
“Sorry,” she sniffed. “I don’t mean to ruin your day.” She wiped away more tears with the back of her hand.
“Oh honey,” Simone said, reaching out her hand. “Don’t be sorry. You’re heartbroken. It’s okay, you’re allowed to be upset.”
“I guess I was just being a stupid girl, but I really thought we had something.”
“You did, honey. If it hadn’t been real, he wouldn’t have celebrated with you the way he did in the moment at breakfast.”
“She’s right, Drea,” Leona added. “He could have just been talking out his ass that morning before he left. He was upset about your uncles, and Dalton said he got a text about his mom being sick, so he was probably just stressed.”
“He told me to have a nice life! That’s not talking out your ass!” Drea exploded.
“Girl, I don’t know if you’ve figured this out yet, being raised by three men and all, but guys are dumbasses. Not some of them—all of them. Some more so than others, but they are all dumbasses on some level or another. Sometimes they come to the realization of their dumbassery on their own, other times they need help realizing it. Have faith he’ll come around.”
“It’s over. He won’t ‘come around.’ He’s gone back to Florida, for crying out loud. I wasn’t important enough to fight for. I was just a convenient fuck.”
“You were not!” Leona exclaimed. “Sweetie, I know it sucks because you pined after him forever, but you can’t seriously think that’s all you were.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? Besides, today is Simone’s day, and I’m going to smile and be happy if it fucking kills me.”
“I can’t believe he actually booked you guys the honeymoon suite,” Leona said to Simone, as she wrapped her hair around a curling iron.
Can't Fight This Feeling (Indigo Royal Resort Book 1) Page 24
