by Imogene Nix
He reached over, found the pink bud of her nipple, and lightly touched it with the pad of one finger. It sprang back, distending under his touch. He pressed it again, just a little harder, and she shifted, moving slightly so that her legs widened.
His mouth dried. How far could he go before she woke fully? He smiled. It was time to find out just how she reacted to his touches on an instinctive level.
Steve levered himself up so that her nipple was below his mouth, and he gently blew. She moaned in her sleep, and he plumped her breast in his free hand, opened his mouth, and took the distended berry into it. He sucked as her hips moved, and when he released her nipple, she reacted to his touch without thinking about it. That pleased him...enormously.
He slid his hand down her body, exploring soft curves all over again. He loved the feeling of her rounded belly and ran light fingers over her warm flesh. For a moment a flash of what she would look like full and large with child—his child—filled his mind, and he gulped before shying away from that thought. Instead, he tracked his fingers further downward toward her hidden folds.
He found the hair that hid her core and gently ran his fingers through it. They were soft against his palm, and he hissed as his erection jerked with need.
On a moan, Jenny moved again, her hips arching unconsciously, and he slipped one finger inside her hot, wet sheath. He rubbed as she writhed. He dipped his mouth down over her moist core, the tip of his tongue touched her, and he delighted in her taste, rich and musky. Far better than the finest wine he’d ever consumed. His finger moved back and forth, and she rolled slightly, as if encouraging him to find the right spot.
He sat up, settling his mouth over hers, rapaciously feeding on the taste of her lips.
Her arms rose, even as she remained cocooned in her dreams, folding around him while her tongue dipped within his mouth in a parody of the connection his body craved. He positioned himself and slid home, filling her so slowly he tensed. He wasn’t certain how long he could hold on, but was determined to feel the sensation of orgasm rippling throughout her body first.
He grunted and pulled away. Her fingers tangled in his hair, tugging him back, but he laughed and pulled further away. “Sleeping Beauty, this is your punishment for tempting me.” She woke with a thready cry as he pushed back harder, and her thighs tightened like a vise against his buttocks, the rhythmic clenching leaving him gritting his teeth as he arched and undulated.
God, he loved the taste and feel of this woman. He loved how she filled him with heat and need.
He gave one last thrust, unable to help himself, and she cried out. Her climax came quickly and surprised him. The milking sensation so strong it pushed him over the edge. He let go and spilled himself deeply within her body. “Jenny!”
He held himself still, his heart beating wildly in his chest. How could this happen? How could things get so out of hand? The familiar confusion he’d felt since meeting Jenny beat down on him again. He pulled back emotionally, and saw on her face the moment she realized it as well. The dawning horror on her face gutted him.
Chapter 13
Jenny lay still. Steve was still seated within her, hard and hot, but she saw on his face a distance that chilled her to the bone. They’d had sex, again...unprotected, wild sex, just as they had done every time. It was worse now, because it was the second time on the night after he’d buried his lover.
So what on earth does that make me? Easy? She nearly choked on the thought.
Jenny tried to pull away, but he gripped her hands and kept her still. “Jenny, I need to talk to you.”
Oh yes, just the words a girl wants to hear right after a man has finished screwing her.
The bitter thoughts hurt to the very depths of her soul, but she needed to face reality.
Hot, burning tears welled in her eyes, and bile rose in her throat.
The first time was bad enough, but she’d reasoned it was two drunken people needing closure after they had lost someone they were both close to.
The second was consensual. Maybe not the right thing to do under the circumstances, but they’d both agreed to the intimacy. Since he’d started right after she’d told him what she thought of his so-called interest...maybe that made it a pity fuck. Her shoulders slumped.
The third... She closed her eyes, hating the truth that left her shaking.
“Jenny? Honey, don’t do this.” His words entreated and she pulled away, feeling his penis slip from between her legs. She felt the emptiness, but had to get away. Had to go now! If she stayed...
The truth was, if she stayed, they would do this again and again. No matter how rational her brain might be, her body wanted him. Wanted him to fill her, pleasure her. She would keep fooling herself that something real and lasting could form between them.
A bubble of pain erupted, and she clapped her hand to her mouth, desperate to stop the sound.
“Jenny, please...listen to me.” His hands caught hers, but she tugged away. “Look at me!” The growling tone demanded she do so, and her body betrayed her yet again as she saw the hard planes of his face, the tight lines of strain around his eyes and mouth.
“Don’t...” She whispered the word, hoping he’d hear the guilt and let her go.
“Oh, baby, don’t do this. I want you. I want this.”
He leaned forward, and she knew he believed the words at this moment, but they weren’t real. These emotions were ghosts of what they both wanted. It was the stress causing him to see a connection where none existed between them except for sexual compatibility. Her rational brain wanted to quote from some textbook, to show him that what he felt was...ephemeral.
The emotions he felt were little more than his mind working to find a solution to his pain. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words though. If she did, he’d turn away from her, and she’d be gutted.
“Jenny? Talk to me.” His voice pleaded, and the pain consumed her. Black clouds of despair filled her chest.
“I can’t...” She gasped the words out.
He shook her slightly. “Dammit, Jenny! I’m trying to tell you I feel something strong for you. I don’t understand it yet, but I want to.”
The words intruded on the cloud of loss, sorrow, and fear that surrounded her. She dismissed them. It was grief talking. It had to be. She clung to her denial.
If he meant them, they were in trouble, because she was drawn to this man, and she didn’t think there was any way she could cope if he made her believe it and then left her. Just like everyone else had done in the past.
“No. What you feel is survivor’s guilt wrapped up in some kind of...” She waved her hands in the air, searching for the right words while her heart beat wildly in her chest. She pulled away, clambering to the side of the bed. “What we feel right now isn’t love. It’s lust and the need to prove we’re alive.”
“God damn it, Jenny! I’m being honest here.” His voice echoed with frustration and anger.
She raised a hand. “Look, we’ve been under great emotional stress. What you’re feeling...it’s got no depth. It’s. Not. Real.” She nodded, thankful her voice didn’t crack or break as she gave her pronouncement.
He groaned. “I know you’re the psychologist, but this is real. What I feel for you is real. I’ve never experienced this before. It’s like heaven and hell.”
She closed her eyes, wishing she could block her hearing too. God, how she wanted to believe his words. They tantalized and gave her a glimpse of a future with this strong man by her side, Lola with them, but it was fantasy...nothing more. “Steve...”
He put a soft finger to her lips. “I don’t know how to prove it to you, but give me a chance. Please?”
Her body quaked. Could she do this? Could she give him the chance he asked for? Was she strong enough?
“I don’t...” Her resolve weakened. What if it is real? Will I let my fears strip my one chance of happiness away? She looked down at the white scars on her wrists. Will I succumb to the blackness again if it
isn’t real? Can I afford to take the chance on missing out on a love that could last forever? The jumble of thoughts argued and warred in her head.
“Please.” His soft entreaty broke through the wall around her heart. But instead, she shook her head, and left him on the bed.
This time when Steve woke, he was alone. His hand traced the indentation of her head on his pillow. “Why did you leave, Jenny?”
A wall of reserve had frozen him out. Not for the first time, he wondered why she was so gun-shy. He knew she had issues with her size, though the generous curves of hips and breasts attracted him more than he ever thought they would.
In her eyes, there was a distant and long-seated pain. “Who hurt you?”
He slumped back to the bed. He’d already learned she was giving, caring, and dedicated—just look at the way she worried about Lola.
He dragged his hands over his tired eyes and scrubbed, hoping to wipe away the confusion that had taken up residence in his head.
Jenny. Cara. Two women, vastly different, yet close. Cara had told him once that they had grown up together. Attended the same schools, until Cara went to the private college her parents had sent her to for a short while. Funny, he’d never thought to enquire why. It hadn’t seemed important.
He shrugged. It wasn’t important now either. Except...apart from Jenny, no friends of Cara’s had attended her funeral. He’d never met any. Cara had always insisted there was time. She’d been wrong, on so many fronts.
“Dammit, Cara, why do I suddenly realize you’re an enigma? Why didn’t I push harder to know more about you?”
A flash of insight answered his query. Because Cara had always shrugged it off, as if she didn’t really want him to know the real woman. The thought gave him pause, and he felt a shuddering sigh escape, the sound unsteady.
He pulled the sheet away and stood, his skin caressed by the cool current wafting from the air-conditioning, feathering his body, just as Jenny’s touch had. Jenny.
She carried her troubles locked inside herself. It seemed to him she was scared to face what grew between them. Could it be she was as mixed up about it as he was?
“I don’t want to hurt her.” He didn’t. He wanted something more than just the satisfaction of pleasuring her.
With a sudden jerk, he pulled open the wardrobe drawer, scanning his clothes with blind eyes. She’d been up for a while because the bed was cold. Steve was intent on making the most of every moment with her. Learn what drove her, what had wounded her, and how to heal her.
A nagging presentiment told him he’d only have one chance with Jenny. Make it work or lose it. The thought left his stomach plummeting again.
Chapter 14
Jenny needed time to think, but she doubted Steve would give her that. Her mind was still whirling at the memory of his words. How in hell was she supposed to concentrate knowing that he labored under the impression that there was a possibility of some kind of relationship?
Jenny showered quickly. Even though she’d retreated to her bedroom last night, after dragging her clothes back over her sex-spent body, she hadn’t bathed, instead seeking the oblivion of sleep.
She’d told herself it was as much for the sake of propriety that she hadn’t wandered through the house naked. After all, she’d had to consider Lola. It hadn’t felt right. She didn’t want the little girl to think that it was okay to hop into another person’s bed whenever something bad happened.
She rinsed the shampoo from her hair, slicking it back off her face with savage movements. Jenny turned off the taps and stepped out of the shower, grabbing one of the fluffy towels.
Today she needed to go through Cara’s bag. She’d only found the clothing the undertaker required then closed it again. Since then, she’d carefully avoided looking at it.
It was time to address what she’d ignored, so perhaps she could find a way of dealing with her grief and building a new life...one without Cara in it.
She shook her head when she questioned if Steve and Lola would be part of it.
She sighed. Clearing the apartment wasn’t something she looked forward to. The same with sorting out her other affairs. Did she have a solicitor? Was there a will, and who would make those arrangements?
“That’s Steve’s job, you idiot.” She scowled at herself in the mirror.
The whole mess still felt very odd. She didn’t want it to be real. Emotions swamped her again. If she hadn’t known better, hadn’t seen the body, she would have called the situation a cruel hoax.
Pulling on fresh underwear, she grimaced, thinking of what Steve had done down there. Ohmygosh! He’d seen the stretch marks, and said nothing. She bit her lip, embarrassed by what he’d seen.
She grabbed a basic white bra and fastened it, then rifled through the wardrobe looking for something that flattered her large figure. She hunted through the clothing options before settling on bootleg jeans, a loose, white peasant blouse, and boots. Jenny found a hair clip and she tied her hair back off her face. She could go the whole hog and slap on makeup, but she shrugged. He’d seen her at her worst, and makeup wouldn’t fix the major issues she had.
She caught sight of Cara’s bag laying on the floor and she nearly reached for it, but a tap at the door had her inwardly sighing. “Come in,” she called out.
The door opened, and Steve stood there staring at her. “Jenny? Want a coffee?”
His voice warmed her, and she had a vision of him, naked and leaning over her, that voice telling her what he planned to do to her. She couldn’t open Cara’s bag now. It felt wrong.
With a humph she backed away from the bag. “Yeah, I’m on my way.”
She hurried down the corridor, following him until she reached Lola’s room. She peered within, but the little girl was nowhere to be seen. Jenny headed for the kitchen.
“Hey, where’s...” Her voice trailed away as she saw the little girl with tousled hair and pink cheeks smiling at her.
Jenny returned the grin.
“Lola just got up.” Steve slipped the coffee into her hands, their fingers touching for a second longer than necessary, and a spark of electricity filled her. “So we should organize breakfast and then decide what we’re going to do with the rest of our day.” He glanced at the pile of white envelopes and picked them up.
“I can deal with that, if you’d like?” she offered.
He stared at her then shook his head. “No. I really should.” He flipped through the envelopes, then stopped and stared at one of them. “Do you know who she used for her solicitor?”
He looked at her and Jenny shrugged. “It’s probably the same firm her parents used. Um, Chalmers and something?”
He laid the rest of the envelopes on the benchtop, tugging at the lip of the envelope still in his hands, and then he walked around the bench and dropped himself heavily into the last seat. “I don’t think I’m ready for this.” He wiped a shaking hand over his face, and she longed to reach out and smooth the worries away.
“Whether you’re ready for it or not, it’ll still need doing.”
His glance at her was resigned. “I know.”
She reached out, briefly touching his hand, wanting only to give him comfort. “How about you drop me at her place and I start packing up her clothes? I can take her bag with me to make it easier.”
The girl beside her wiggled and gave an angry growl.
Jenny glanced down, surprised at the change in the girl’s demeanor. “It’s okay, Lola. She won’t ever leave you...”
The girl wriggled more, and for the first time, she wondered about Lola’s time with Cara. “Lola!” Steve’s voice was tight, not at all the tone he usually used with the child.
“This isn’t characteristic?”
He shook his head. “No. I don’t know what—”
Jenny caught Steve’s attention with a carefully aimed kick and looked at him meaningfully. He turned toward her, startled, and must have seen the look in her eye as he closed his mouth.
“Y
ou know what, Lola?” Jenny turned back to the little girl with a falsely bright smile. “Why don’t you go get dressed, and we’ll think of something else we could do today?”
Lola sat still for an instant longer and then slowly moved. It hurt to watch the withdrawal on her face, but she kept her mouth shut until Lola left the room.
“Oh, Steve, there’s something wrong. The minute I suggested going over to Cara’s, she started acting...” She searched her brain for a word, but the process had turned to a treacle-like consistency, slow and thick. “I don’t know...weird? You saw it, didn’t you?”
He nodded slowly. “Yes, she always seemed reluctant to go home with Cara, but I put it down to wanting us to be together.”
Jenny absently massaged the ache between her brows, while she thought over the child’s reaction. “Whatever caused her silence, it could have taken place somewhere around there.”
Steve looked at her, his gaze thoughtful. “That never occurred to me.” His face paled. “God! The times I’ve bribed her or got a little cross...” His voice trailed away. “Do you think that’s really the case?”
“It’s just a feeling, but I would pretty much bet that somewhere in the vicinity of Cara’s place is where something big and traumatic occurred in Lola’s life. Was there any evidence of...anything bad there?”
“Look, where Cara lived...it’s not the best part of town for kids. I didn’t like Cara living there, but she laughed it off, saying she was a grown woman and more than capable of looking after herself.” He nodded, accepting her professional opinion. “Okay, so what do we do now?” He sighed.
“I don’t know. Is there someone you trust who she would be comfortable staying with?”
“Dave...he and his girlfriend, Fiona, have babysat her a couple of times. Usually here, so they know her routine.”
