by Elle East
“I—” I start, but then the door behind us opens violently with a loud bang.
“Where the fuck did the rest of this go?” Brax’s mom is standing there, shaking an empty vodka bottle.
Brax looks like he wants to crawl into a hole and disappear.
“I don’t know, probably your douchebag, alcoholic boyfriend? You know, the one who’s a fucking thief??” he says angrily.
“He said he didn’t do it!” she yells at him. “So I think it’s my no-good, worthless son. It’s not like you’ve never stolen from me before!”
“I didn’t do it,” Brax growls. “You probably drank it and just don’t remember… Wouldn’t be the first time.”
“I did not fucking drink it myself!” she shrieks.
“I didn’t take your booze,” he says through clenched teeth.
“Maybe it was her.” She turns on me and waves the bottle in my direction.
In an instant, Brax is between us. He says in a deadly voice, one that sounds like he’s channeling Daire and it makes me shiver, “She did not take it. It was your current pathetic excuse for a fuck buddy. Now go back inside.”
She opens her mouth as if to say more but then finally sees her son properly. Brax is terrifying. He’s a foot taller than she is and he looks furious. She thinks better of it and goes back inside, shaking her head in annoyance and talking about her boyfriend.
“Wait until I tell Ben about this. I know you did it.”
Brax slams the door closed behind her—a large crack darts across the glass.
The porch is swallowed by silence. He is breathing heavily and his jaw is clenched so tightly that it looks like the muscle is going to pop right out of his skin. His back is to me and his face is cast in dark shadow, but it’s not hard to tell how upset and angry he is.
Without thinking about it, I reach up and put my hand on his shoulder. He spins around with shocking speed and I rip my hand back with a scared gasp. I thought for a brief, ugly second that he was going to turn all that anger on me, but he doesn’t. We just stare at each other in the quiet darkness.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say.
“For what?” he snaps. “Don’t feel sorry for me.”
But I do. Behind every monster are the people who made them that way.
“I’m sorry that you have to deal with her.”
Brax takes a deep breath, reigning in his emotions. He tries to shrug it off.
“That’s just her. She was never the world’s greatest mom but ever since my dad died she’s been drinking more and has definitely gotten worse.”
“I’m sorry,” I say again.
“Don’t be,” he says sharply.
Standing in front of me, I see a guy who’s had a hard life and is trying to do what he needs to survive. I see the reasons behind why he’s with the Vicious Crew, why he does those “jobs”. He never had a chance at a good life. He seems so lost.
Before I realize what I’m doing, I walk up to him. He looks at me, confusion in his dark eyes.
We can be lost together.
I reach up on my tiptoes and kiss him.
The second our lips meet warmth floods through me. I can feel that my kiss took him by surprise and it takes him a second before he fully realizes what’s happening—but the next second he’s kissing me back with more passion than I’ve ever experienced in my entire life. He’s kissing me like the world’s going to end and all he wants to do is taste my lips for the last time.
I’m completely swept up in it, and in him. The barely smoked cigarette drops from my fingers and rolls away. I run my hands up his hard arms to rest on his shoulders. He wraps his around my back and pulls me in tight. I gasp against his lips and he moans deeply in response.
I press myself against him and feel all the hard lines of his body being molded around me. I can’t help thinking about what he looks like naked. My fingers run through the hair at the nape of his neck, which is rough from the bleach he uses. His hands are moving over my body like he can’t get enough.
Our lips break apart for air, but the time is too long and we come together again desperately. We are just two lost people who’ve finally found one another and are pouring ourselves into each other.
On this cool night, the passion between us is so hot it feels like we are standing in a fire. Our tongues caress and my lips are pressing so hard against his that I think I’ll have bruises later. We kiss like we are the only ones who’ll ever understand each other.
This feeling is intoxicating—but reality dawns on me all of a sudden.
What the hell am I doing?
I pull away abruptly. Brax’s eyes are wide and honest. His lips are slightly kiss swollen. He looks so cute I can’t resist leaning forward to kiss him ag—No!
“I can’t,” I whisper.
He looks at me with longing and confusion written on his face.
It’s so warm on this porch we are starting to sweat.
His hands are still wrapped around my upper arms. A flash of hurt crosses his face as he realizes what I just said and—
That’s when we realize the backyard is on fire.
“Fuck!” he yells and hops off the porch.
There're flames surrounding us, but luckily they aren’t too big—yet. The backyard is made up of tall, dry, brown weeds. If we don’t get it under control—and fast—the whole thing will go up in flames, and then the neighbors’ places, and then their neighbors, and then the whole neighborhood.
Brax starts stomping on the flames with his combat boots, and it works but it’s too slow to stop it from spreading. I look around desperately. Over by the collapsed shed are several large pieces of rusted sheet metal.
I run and jump off the porch, missing the growing flames by inches, and run over to grab the metal. Brax yells that it’s not safe and I need to stay away—like hell I will.
I run back to the fire and throw a piece onto the flames. I jump on top of it and stomp it into the dirt. Brax watches and realizes what I’m doing—and that it’s working.
“Here!” I toss him the other piece I brought.
He takes it without hesitation and then starts doing the same thing. When I’ve put out the part of the fire underneath my metal, I pick it up and move it to a new patch. I throw it down and repeat the process.
We both continue putting out small patches of fire as fast as possible. Luckily, we are slowing it down, unluckily, we aren’t able to go fast enough to put it out. I have a sudden terrifying vision of the whole house and then the neighborhood going up in flames.
“What the hell?!” I hear Theo yell as he enters the backyard from the site gate.
Yes! I never thought I’d be so happy to see him in my life.
“Grab a piece of metal by the shed and help us!” I yell at him.
He doesn’t hesitate and runs over to the shed. He then comes back and helps us to smother the fire.
Finally, with three people we are able to just stay ahead of the new flames. We slowly start winning the battle and manage to put out the rest of the fire. It’s not quick though, it takes us a few minutes and by the end of it we are all exhausted and panting.
When the backyard is once again pitch black, with no signs of orange, the three of us collapse onto the porch steps. The wood is charred around the bottom but luckily this is an old porch that no one cares about. If this was a nice one, then the damage would be bad enough they’d have to replace it.
Theo is the first to catch his breath. “What the hell happened?”
“I think one of us dropped a cigarette into the grass,” Brax answers.
Theo nods, then he stops and his brow furrows. “What were you doing out here?”
“I was—just getting some fresh air,” I say quickly.
Theo looks at me and despite the lack of light out here I can tell he looks suspicious. “Fresh air? You were trying to get fresh air out here with Brax while he was smoking?”
“I didn’t know he was smoking when I came out!” I say
too defensively before standing up and going inside, leaving the two of them sitting on the burned porch.
16
The next couple days involve me avoiding Brax like the plague—which is hard when he’s trying to talk to me, and also because we live together. I can’t talk to him yet though. I don’t know what the hell that was on the porch. I think we were just caught up in the moment and got carried away. I really don’t think it meant anything. But all I do know is that I’m not ready to talk to him yet.
I’m sure it meant nothing to him either—he’s just trying to talk to me because he wants to tell me that. I’ve seen the way the girls at school act around him. He’s probably dating like ten of them right now so there’s no way that kiss meant anything to him—I hate that at the thought of him dating ten girls there’s a knot that forms in my stomach.
One afternoon, for the first time since I got to Marter High, I’m not going straight home after school. I wait eagerly by the curb until I see the practical gray compact car round the corner. I almost squeal with excitement.
The car pulls to a stop and I rush over to the driver’s seat. Before she can get all the way out, I’m already hugging Adalee tightly.
“Hey, girl,” she says to me as she returns the hug. “Missed you too.”
“I missed you so much, you have no idea.”
It’s been so long since I saw a friendly face that I’m on the verge of tears, but I hold them back. Adalee squeezes me tight and then pulls away.
“What the hell are you wearing?” she asks with a laugh.
I’m dressed in a black crop top hoodie and black jeans with rips in them. Definitely not my regular style, but Daire was right, the second I started wearing these clothes to school my life between 8:15 a.m. and 3:15 p.m. has gotten a lot easier.
“Long story,” I answer with a laugh, and then can’t help but hug her again.
Adalee hugs me back and then asks where my sister is. “This area is really dangerous, I saw like three burned-out cars on the way here. Three. We could give her a ride or something.”
I just shrug. “She walks home with her friends—and we’ve also got a couple people watching out for us, so she’ll be fine.”
“I’m not surprised. Olivia always made friends super easily.”
“Are you saying I don’t?” I tease.
“Well, you were always more…” Adalee thinks for a moment for the right word. “Particular.”
I laugh, but then think about the people who I’ve been spending time with lately. Yeah, I’m real particular, I think sarcastically—but then again, they were forced on me, I didn’t choose them.
“Olivia was always trying to find the most popular person she could that was willing to be her friend. She would never have been friends with the maid’s daughter. That’s why you’re better.”
I hug her again and she indulges me.
“I feel like she’s kind of abandoned me. I do all these things to try to protect her but she doesn’t act like she’s grateful or anything. We should have each other’s backs because if anyone knows what the other person is going through it’s her and I, right?”
She rubs my back comfortingly, and I had no idea until that second just how much I needed it.
“You know Olivia. She’ll come around eventually, it’ll just take a little time. Fitting in is the most important thing to her and once she’s no longer worried about that, she’ll come back to you. I’m sure she’s having a really hard time too and is dealing with it the best she can.”
“You are literally the best, Adalee.”
She squeezes me again then says, “Let’s get some food?”
“Yes! Anything with vegetables, please. I haven’t had a salad since I got here.”
“Ok, we’ll have to leave Marter to get that. Hop in.”
We jump in her car and take off. It feels amazing to be with her and driving away from that horrible school and my horrible new life.
We talk about how college is going for her. She’s doing well even though she’s struggling with not being the best player on the team. Adalee didn’t go to Sheltered Glen but went to a public school nearby—since we lived in such a rich area the nearest public school was a twenty-minute drive. At her high school, she was by far the best player, but now she’s a smaller fish in a bigger pond and admits she’s having some trouble adjusting.
We drive to the next town over and pull up to our favorite Thai place. My mouth is salivating just stepping out of the car and walking up to it. After ordering fresh rolls, green papaya salad, and pad Thai, Adalee turns to me and I know things are about to get serious.
“So how you doing? Like really how are you doing. Don’t BS me.”
I sigh. Where do I begin?
“I texted you a bit about it, but you saw the burned-out cars on the way here—”
“Those were insane.”
“—and you saw how bad the school and houses look, well, that’s how my life has been. It’s pretty depressing.”
I haven’t told her everything—I haven’t told her about the Vicious Crew—because I don’t want to worry her. There’s nothing she can do to help me. She’s a college student that lives in a dorm with four other students and can only afford to go to school because of a scholarship. I don’t want to burden her.
She shakes her head in disbelief. “Yeah, it’s quite the change from your old life, like night and day.”
“Tell me about it. All the kids at that school want to kick my ass because of who my family is—because my grandfather shut down the auto plant and all that. I guess they blame us for Marter being so poor—and they aren’t wrong.” I shrug.
“Yeah, I met your grandfather just once before he died and he was kind of, how do I say this… a dick?”
I laugh loudly. I love that Adalee can be that honest with me. It was always so refreshing to have her take on things when I was at Sheltered Glen, because all the students there were trying their best to be polite and say the right thing so they didn’t ruin any business connections. Adalee would always tell it like it was, and that made me feel I wasn’t going crazy when no one else was saying what I thought was so obvious.
“Sorry, I know he’s like your grandfather and everything—” she backpedals.
“No, no, you’re right. He was a dick for sure.”
Our fresh rolls come and I stuff them into my face like I’ve never eaten food before in my life. I can’t help but moan because they are so good. Adalee takes one and generously lets me have the rest.
“How’s your foster home? You said that the mom was a bitch?” she asks.
“Yeah, she is. She also has a problem with alcohol and a disgusting, pervert boyfriend named Ben. I had to pull a knife on him the other day.”
Her mouth falls open. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah! It was insane… but that’s not the only thing that’s been insane.”
I proceed to tell her everything about the Threesome Pact, the Vicious Crew, sneaking back in to Sheltered Glen, everything. I don’t want to burden her with my problems, but I need to tell someone. Having her in front of me, face to face, I can’t hold back any longer.
I leave out the part about Daire almost drowning me and also the part about me being an accessory to murder. I trust Adalee, but I’m just trying to get through high school alive. If I tell her then she’ll try to get me to go to the police and I know if I do that then both my sister and I will be in danger. If we ever make it out of this town and are safe, then I’ll tell the authorities everything I know about the Vicious Crew.
I also don’t want her to know those things about them because she’ll judge them—which she should. Why am I trying to protect them?
I finally finish by telling her about what happened on the porch and the fire.
“I think that’s pretty much everything. Only took six hours to tell. It’s crazy how much has happened in such a short time,” I say and reach for more papaya salad.
As I’ve been talking, Adal
ee’s face has alternated between shock, horror, disbelief, and now she looks almost amused. There’s a small smile on her lips as she eats her pad Thai.
“What?” I ask.
“You like him.”
“Who? Brax? I mean yeah, we made out, but I don’t like him. I think he’s a horrible person. He’s just super hot, and I felt bad for him at that moment so I guess I thought I’d comfort him… with my mouth. I would never actually like like him. He’s annoying and arrogant and inconsiderate and rude and just not my style, at all.”
“No, I mean Daire,” she says slowly.
My full fork drops back down to my plate. “What??”
“You like him.”
“NO, I don’t,” I say in disbelief. “Were you not listening to my stories?? All the horrible things I said about him?”
“Yeah, I was listening, and that’s how I know you’re into him. The way you described him sounded like someone trying to convince themselves that they hate him.”
“I really don’t.” I can’t believe that’s the impression Adalee got. She’s usually really perceptive, she’s usually right, so I’m shocked that she could get it so wrong this time.
She holds her hands up in surrender. “Hey, maybe I’m wrong—there’s a first time for everything.”
“I. Don’t.”
“Ok, ok, you don’t. My mistake.”
“I hate him.”
“You can hate someone and also love them at the same time.”
“I don’t!” I howl incredulously.
“Like I said, I’m wrong this time—can’t always shoot a hundred percent in a game. So this Brax guy, anymore make out sessions in the future?” She tries to change the subject but I’m still disturbed by what she said about Daire and I.
“No, definitely not,” I mumble, distracted. “A onetime thing for sure.”
“Well, I love the new look. It’s very… Marter.” She tries a different topic.
I laugh weakly and go along with it, happy that we aren’t talking about Daire or Brax anymore.
We finish up our meal and then drive around for a bit. We end up going to see a movie, but I can barely pay attention to what’s on the screen because I’m too distracted thinking about what Adalee said. I can’t believe she could be so wrong. How could someone who knows me so well seem to not know me at all? Even though I’m with my best friend, I feel more lonely than ever.
