“Okay, well, then he must have meant for the earlier kidnapping and such, now that Phillip is, um, taken care of. So, Trevon says everything from here on is ‘courting,’ whatever that really means. At least he’s being straightforward. But do we want Trevon around? He’s useful, and…” Blue blushed. The others didn’t say a thing, barely moving as they just let her get it all out. “And I think I like him. He’s… fun. He makes me laugh. He’s unpredictable, and in a strange way, I trust him.”
Mo’ata inclined his head. “Anything else?” His tone and expression were neutral, but not the guarded neutral that she’d seen sometimes on her mother’s face when Blue spoke of going to Karran. No, this was really just… neutral. He was listening.
Her stomach went from performing a trapeze act down to a simple somersault. “I’m scared.” It felt good to let the words out. “Terrified at times. Sometimes the new is too much, and sometimes I’m afraid I’m not pushing myself hard enough. I want the adventures and to explore, but then I wonder if I can handle it. I want to join the Order and master this portal thing and go on assignments and save the worlds. But then I also want to hide in my room. And I think, more than anything, I’m afraid I’m going to fuck this up and lose the two of you somehow.” She lowered her voice. “Lose everyone. And I’m not sure I can handle that.”
Mo’ata and Forrest exchanged a look and then laughed. Blue stared at them wide-eyed as Garfield crawled into her lap.
“You all are evil,” she said as she dug her fingers into her piquet’s fur. She’d just poured herself out to them, and they’d laughed.
“No, no, pixie.” Forrest wiped his eyes. “It’s not that. It’s—” He giggled. Actually giggled.
Mo’ata took a deep breath and brought himself under control. “My turn.” His hazel eyes locked on Blue. “I’m terrified, too, that someday you’ll step back and decide all of this isn’t worth it. That you’ll go tearing off, and I won’t be able to protect you. That you’ll get caught in a rockslide, and there will be nothing I can do. I’m scared of so many things.”
These were words Blue had never expected him to say. Especially in the middle of a crowded café. “I don’t—”
“I’m not done. Forrest has said his piece, as have you. Now it’s my turn.” He took a sip of his water. “We are all scared. Every single one of us. It’s how we use that fear, or don’t, that makes us who we are. You’ve chosen me to be one of your priden. And, though it has not been stated, as your First Priden. You chose me, but I also chose you. That hasn’t changed and never will. It is my duty to help you maintain the ransyi, the balance. To that effect, I, too, will cry ‘coconut.’ Because when this”—he tapped his head then pointed at Blue—“is out of balance, then we are out of balance. I do not need you to tell me everything that you feel. I would not mind it, but I do not need it. I need you to tell me anything that may affect the prida or your safety. As when Trevon stated his intentions or Dorani Faust offered to pay your expenses.”
Blue shot a look at Forrest, who blushed, but he didn’t look ashamed for telling Mo’ata about that particular conversation.
“Anything,” Mo’ata continued, “that could play into decisions we need to make together. That is what I need to know. And I will do what I need to in order to keep this family together. I will be your sounding board, and I will help you with the other members of the prida. When more are added—and I have no doubt they will be, your confusions aside—I will help you through that as well. There is another traditional role. The umsji. It roughly translates to “caregiver.” His job is to help monitor the… emotional balance of the prida members. To provide counsel when needed. Where the First Priden looks at the big picture, the caregiver looks into the finer points. Forrest, though young, is perceptive. And surprisingly wise.”
“I agree. I am surprisingly wise.” Forrest wagged his brows.
Blue flicker her fingers at him. “Goof.”
“This is not all on you. As you have said many times—partners. I think I understand now. It is like the balance. We all work together to maintain it.” Mo’ata held her gaze.
“And that’s what you need to know, pixie. It’s not just on you. It’s on all of us.”
Moisture obscured her vision and then spilled over her cheeks.
Forrest brushed the tears aside. “Okay?”
She sniffed and nodded. “I don’t think this is the last family meeting we’ll need to have like this. But, yes, okay.”
“It is the first we have really had, and the first time we have discussed these particular things as a family. Honestly, I believe we have been doing a wonderful job,” Mo’ata said, a playful smile tipping up the corners of his lips. “It is not every prida who can cross worlds and universes just to be together. Or thwart evil gods and save entire populations.”
Garfield purred. Pack good.
“Or,” she said, “rescue amazing creatures and solve the riddles of hidden cultures.”
His smile widened and his expression lightened. “Or that.”
Her mind went back to a conversation in the dark of the forest, on that first accidental trip to Karran. Mo’ata, was caught between two worlds, wanting the peace and security of the clan’s version of family, and needing to seek what else was out there in the worlds. We can do this. I can do this. For me, and for him.
“And now,” Forrest said, nudging her notebook, “we can start making lists.”
“I love you, both of you.” It had been the fear talking earlier. She knew she could love more than one man, because she did. Not in the exact same way, but what she felt for them was definitely love.
Forrest grinned. “We know.”
Blue let out a laugh and leaned in to kiss him, just as the waitress appeared with their food. She let her lips linger against Forrest’s as the woman placed their dishes in front of them. Then she turned to Mo’ata and half rose from her seat so she could drop a kiss on his lips as well.
There, better. Blue caught the waitress’s expression as she pulled back. Like the man she’d run into earlier, the woman sported a slight sneer.
“Thank you,” she said in Common as she resumed her seat. “This looks very good.”
The woman snorted and spun away.
“What was that about?” Blue asked, tracking the waitress as she made her way to the far side of the room. Others were staring now as well, some with wide eyes, some with narrow, and none of them smiling.
“Narrow-minded idiots.” Mo’ata stabbed his fork into his salad.
Blue raised her brows. “Sounds like something that would affect the prida.” And she was beginning to see why Mo’ata may not have found someone to begin a prida with already. Lucky me.
Mo’ata snorted. “Too clever, as always.” He dropped his fork, and it clanged against the edge of his plate. “Not everyone agrees with the clan way of life. It’s partly the Filiri, but the southern reaches of the Tremmir region can be very… rigid when it comes to relations between men and women. Add in the Cularnian views on courting, and we are bound to encounter some prejudice.”
Cularnian courting? Would that affect her growing relationship with Felix? Did he have a problem with her being with both Forrest and Mo’ata? She hadn’t thought so. She shook it off. Something to worry about the next time she saw him. “Does it bother you?” she asked Mo’ata.
“Not for my sake,” he said, but there was a stiffness behind the words, different from his usual steadiness.
She sent him a gentle smile, trying to tell him she was fine, that they were fine. “Then I won’t let it bother me either. I’ve taken on maniacs. I can handle a few idiots.” She took a sip of her soup. Creamy with a hint of butter and something very similar to bacon, it settled the last bit of gymnastics in her belly.
“And… there’s my cheerful bulldozer,” Forrest said, picking up one half of his stuffed bread. “So, Levi’s man nipples, huh?”
Blue’s cheeks heated, and the two men laughed. “This is weird,” she said.
“No,
this is good. And you said many things. We maybe should not have laughed.” Mo’ata did not look remorseful in the slightest. “I do not know how to answer much of what you said, other than to say that I trust you to follow what you feel is right and to come to me when you need to. In regards to Levi—”
“He’s probably just as lost as you were,” Forrest said and dug into his food. “This is good,” he said between bites.
Just as lost as me. Blue recalled her conversation with Levi back in Lianka. She’d suggested he start a list of things he wanted to try to help him find out what he liked. She had no idea if ever had made that list. “Next free day, can he come with us? Play tourist? I’m not sure he’s ever been able to just… do what he wants, ever had a day off.”
“It is a good idea. Ask him.” Mo’ata continued eating.
“I will.” She was halfway through her soup when she decided to go ahead and bring up another of the bison in the room. That’s what this day was about, after all. “So, what was with rage monster earlier?” she asked Mo’ata.
He frowned. “Rage monster?”
“Your reaction earlier,” Forrest translated for her. “When Blue bumped into that guy. She’s not seen you angry like that yet.”
“You have?” Seems like she’d missed a few things.
“Oh yeah. When Zeynar took you. Our clansman turned into a regular Hulk. Even punched Jason.” Forrest chomped into his stuffed bread and hummed as he chewed.
Blue focused back on Mo’ata. “You did?” Warmth filled her. Was it twisted that she was pleased the clansman had Hulked-out for her and punched someone?
Color flooded his cheeks. “Yes. He deserved it. So did the chuka from earlier.” His gaze roved over her face, searching for something. “So did Levi when he held back about the Prizzoli’s intentions. And Zeynar for some… inappropriate comments.”
“Don’t forget about the wall. It’s not like it ever did anything to you,” Forrest teased.
“How do you know about that?”
“Felix gossips like an old woman when he gets going.”
“Or when he is drunk.” Mo’ata frowned. “Was he drunk?”
Blue watched the byplay, thoroughly entertained.
“I don’t think so. Well, a couple of beers in the common room. I can’t imagine that would be enough to get him drunk. Body mass and all that.”
“No, you are correct, that it is not enough.” Mo’ata finished off the last of his salad and pushed the plate away. “It is a good sign. It means he is beginning to trust you.”
“Huh. He never rambles with me,” Blue said.
“That’s because he’s not sure what to do with you.” Mo’ata stacked the empty dishes and pushed them to the side.
“What to do with me?”
“You are kind of scary.” Forrest poked her shoulder.
“I’m scary? He’s the seven-foot giant mercenary.”
“It is not my story to tell, but Felix has a bad history with his relationships. He does not trust easily.” Mo’ata picked up Vivi, who snuggled into his lap. “Now, for the rest of what we must settle. Time to make your list, shopa.”
Chapter 4
BLUE
Blue tugged on the hem of her dress. She still wasn’t sure how the seamstress had talked her into it, but when it came up that she was attending a dinner at the Addamir residence and being escorted by a Peterson of those Petersons—apparently Jason was a “those Petersons”—Blue had been swept into the woman’s enthusiasm. Actually, it had reminded her of the times she’d spent with Phe getting ready for one thing or another, trying on outfits. She’d missed her friend terribly in that moment.
Now she stood before a pair of ten-foot-tall, carved wooden doors inlaid with some sort of silvery metal, in shoes that pinched, waiting for the hosts to greet them.
“Stop fidgeting. You look lovely.” Jason tucked her hand over his elbow.
“Um. Thank you?” Blue still wasn’t sure why she was here, exactly, or what it meant. Spurred on by the success of her afternoon with her prida, she decided to dive in. “Jason, what are we doing?”
The muscles under her hand tensed. “What do you mean?”
Ah, and there was the chill that had been missing until now. “I mean, what is this? Why am I here? This is a birthday celebration for a girl I never met, and—forgive me for this—but she’s dead. And according to you, she was your childhood friend, nothing more. I’ve come to the realization recently that I don’t do well when I don’t know where I stand in my relationships, whatever their nature.” She looked up, studying his profile. Classic. That was the word for it. “Jason?”
He pulled in a breath, stretching the fabric of his suit. “If I’m honest?”
Her fingers dug into his arm. “I’d prefer it.”
“I have no idea what this is.” He looked down at her, his chocolate eyes warming. “But for tonight, I just need a friend. And maybe a buffer. Rachel’s moth—”
The door opened, and light spilled across the patterned stone floor of the porch. Framed in a peachy glow stood a slim woman, her hair pinned up and her makeup done to a subtle perfection. “Jason.” She held out both hands and showed a wide smile.
Jason pulled away from Blue and took the woman’s hands. “Moira.”
Ah. Rachel’s mother. This woman didn’t look old enough to have a child Jason’s age. He bent down, and Moira pressed a kiss to his cheek. When she pulled away, her eyes glistened and she blinked rapidly. “Thank you for coming. I know this isn’t easy for you.” She dropped one of his hands and tugged, half turning back into the house. “Come. The others are already here. We’ve been holding dinner for—”
“Moira, stop.” Jason stood where he was, not budging. “I’d like you to meet someone.”
The woman turned, one brow raised. “Oh?”
The word held a wealth of meaning. Blue suppressed her grin. Jason had said he needed a buffer from this woman, who didn’t like that Jason had brought someone with him. Moira, her brow raised, locked her gaze with Blue’s.
Blue should be intimidated. And in a corner of her mind, she was. But Jason needed her help right now. He had become family somewhere along the way, if to a lesser degree than her prida. And one thing Blue was sure of was you didn’t leave family hanging. They’d sort the rest out later.
Jason pulled away from Moira and returned to Blue’s side. “This is Blue Faust, the woman who helped us track down the kidnapping ring. And, as you know, was key to… cleaning up the aftermath.”
Well, that was one way to put it. Blue plastered on a smile. “It’s very nice to meet you.” Her Common came out clear.
“And Blue, this is Moira Addamir. Her husband, Robert Addamir, is a prime justice with the Karran High Court. She is also, in her own right, a formidable advocate.” Jason had made the introductions in Common, but Blue followed well enough.
Moira’s face fell. “I am so sorry. I didn’t realize you were bringing a companion. I will have to see about fitting in another place setting.”
Well, that certainly puts me in my place, doesn’t it?
She turned to Blue and held out a hand. “Thank you for being such a good friend to our Jason. I’m sure Sarah will want to give you her thanks as well.”
Sarah? “He’s been a wonderful help to me. I could do no less in return.” Their hands met for a brief moment before Moira drew away and turned, heading into the house.
“Sorry about her. I should have prepped you, but I didn’t know how to explain…” Jason had switched to English.
“And I should have asked on the way over, instead of when we stood right at the door.” Blue tucked her hand in his elbow. “How much of a buffer do you need? Will ‘friend’ be enough?”
“I don’t know. Moira’s had her heart set on me and one of her daughters making a match of it ever since, well—ever. She and my mother grew up together and are great friends. When she finally accepted that Rachel wasn’t returning, she switched her focus to Sarah, her younges
t. It’s silly. I haven’t seen the girl in years and have never had any interest in her.” Jason stared through the doorway as the words spilled from him. His cold expression was back, and Blue finally realized what it meant.
Jason was nervous and holding something back.
“What do you need me to do?”
He sighed. “I just want to be able to remember Rachel without having to worry about fending off her family. I want this to be where I can say my goodbyes.”
“At a dinner party?”
He shrugged. “Too silly?”
She gave his arm a quick hug. “No. Not silly. I’m not sure it’ll work, though. Moira seems… determined. But I’ll do you one better than ‘friend’ if you like. What if we were dating?”
His mouth fell open, and then a grin spread across his face. “I’m not sure that will work. I mean, I don’t think Moira will believe it.”
She shrugged. “We can try. What’s the worst that can happen?”
A corner of his mouth quirked up. “Moira takes exception and spreads rumors. The guests catch on and roll with it. Sly looks and innuendoes abound. People talk. It follows you to the Academy when you start there. Name-calling and bullying ensue. You’re ridiculed for being not just with me, but with Mo’ata and Forrest. They get involved to defend you. Fights happen. Disciplinary committees get involved. You get kicked out of the Academy and Mo’ata is banished back to the clans. You and Forrest to Earth. All of this was for nothing.” His shoulders hunched up. “Not so bad right?”
Blue’s mind went back to the afternoon and the looks and comments she’d garnered simply from kissing two men in a café. Surprisingly, her anxiety meter—the twisty tummy—remained calm. “Not so bad and not so different from high school. Apparently small-minded people are not limited to Earth.” Everything he’d said was something that could happen. Could being the key word. And… it changed nothing. “But those things could happen no matter what. After this afternoon, I’m sure they’re bound to.”
“What happened this afternoon?” He squinted down at her.
A Blue Star Rising Page 4
