He wasn’t getting enough sleep.
Blue rose and rounded the island, catching his hand just as he reached for the fridge. “Stop. You’re worn out too. Let’s just order something or ask Trev to bring food. I don’t really care about his snack rule, not right now.”
Mo’ata pulled in a breath and let it out slowly.
Taking a stab in the dark, she repeated his own words to her. “This is not all on you.” She held his gaze and waited. A snippet of their conversation in the forest on that first trek to Tremmir came back to her. She’d asked who he talked to. There was one person. “You’ve been holding us all together. Let it go for one night. Both of us will.” She tugged him toward the couch. “We’ll sit here, just the two of us, and let the world go to hell, just for the night.”
He gifted her with that beautiful smile of his and allowed her to lead him. Forrest watched from the nook and gave her a small nod of approval. “I got this,” he mouthed to her and pulled out his comm.
“I’ve also got to let everyone know what Zeynar has discovered,” Mo’ata protested as he allowed her to nudge him into a reclined position. He had to prop his feet on the couch arm.
“One night won’t be the end of things.” Blue climbed over him and settled into the sliver of space between the back of the couch and her clansman, well aware their roles had just switched.
“There have been two deaths.” His voice slurred.
She peeked up. His eyes were closed. “It’s not much in the grand scheme of things, but…” She kept her voice soft.
“What if it takes months to find the culprit?”
“Like with the kidnappings?”
“Yes…” He shifted so she half rested on him, her head pressed to his chest. His breaths deepened as she listened to his heartbeat.
She slipped her comm from her pocket and sent Forrest a message.
Can you tell the others to be quiet coming in? Just in case?
Yes. A pause. Did you know he wasn’t sleeping?
Blue frowned. No. She’d have to watch that more closely. Admittedly, she’d been distracted by school, the assignment, and dealing with her feelings for Levi and Felix, but that was no excuse for neglecting Mo’ata. This balance thing was hard.
We’ll watch him. Food is on the way. Forrest put away his comm and went back to his current piece, something with swirling greens and golds that looked like trees in the sunlight.
“I know you are talking about me. Do not worry shopa. I have held many things together, for far longer than this.”
She stiffened, then relaxed back into him. “I’m allowed to worry. It’s practically in the job description now.”
A large hand came to rest on her back, rubbing in light circles. “Thank you.”
They stayed like that the rest of the evening, barely moving for dinner or the movie, forcing the others to join Trevon on the floor. Maybe there wasn’t much she could do yet, while she was still getting caught up on life on Karran, but she could do this much.
Chapter 24
TREVON
Movie night had ended a few hours before. Trevon was grateful. As much as he enjoyed the time spent with Blue, her Prida, and the cubs, he needed a few hours of quiet away from her.
“Sir.”
Trevon looked up from where his fingers rested against the keys of the piano. He wasn’t playing. He didn’t want to. But this room had always been his rather than his father’s, and it was the place he thought best.
He kept the walls bare, and the clean white soothed him. Delicate lighting reflected from recessed coves and dispersed in a soft glow above, only bright enough that he could read the sheet music if he needed to.
He didn’t often need to.
There were other instruments in the room with him, arranged in a very careful scatter. A guitar from Earth, a set of pipes from Falass, a set of grand drums and a malut—a multi-stringed percussion instrument—from Cularna. Each had been carefully selected for its beauty and quality. The piano was his favorite.
He pressed down on middle C, listening to the clean sound.
“Sir?”
He sighed. “Yes Prin?”
“The package from Pike has arrived.”
“Thank you. I’ll be there in a moment.”
Prin inclined his head and pulled the door shut, leaving Trevon in his solitude.
He was out of time to think, and he still had not come to a conclusion.
Before his father’s death, when he had still just been the heir, he would have thought nothing of becoming tangled with the Order, making friends with agents, and flirting with a pretty girl, even bringing her gifts.
Tonight he’d realized, after seeing the scattered papers of Blue’s notes and the way she could barely sit through the movie despite being determined to rest with the clansman, that she’d always find a way to entangle herself in the dealings of the Order. There would never be a time when she didn’t dive into a problem or work toward fixing something she thought of as a wrong. It was not a bad thing.
But as the head of his Family, every action he took, every word he spoke, every piece of information he shared or favor he granted, came back on the multitudes of people who looked to him as their leader and caretaker.
All that sleeps in the light of the stars and all that they shine upon…
A line from the oath he’d taken when he stepped into his father’s role. The entire thing had been drilled into him since he could walk.
Each Family had a responsibility for their people as a whole, but also for the world they lived in. Every life was weighed equally. A kipo bird or a pet goora or a man. An ancient tree or a sapling. Each were weighed equally when making decisions. A kipo may save a man, and a man may take care of a goora, and the goora may defend the home of the kipo. Reversely, a kipo may attack the goora, a goora may abandon his master, and the man may eat the kipo to stave off hunger. And a sapling would someday be ancient.
All of these things worked in the natural pattern, a pattern that was both complex and simple. And one that had a delicate balance.
When he made a decision now, it had to be for the best of everything. One life, no matter whose, was an acceptable loss to save a thousand.
Allying himself with Blue and her prida could be either the ruin of him and his family, or make them stronger. Up to this point, every decision he had made could also be considered for the good. Even now, with this investigation, cooperation with the Order was for the good. This drug, whatever it was, went beyond an easy relaxation or relief from pain or even a brief burst of energy. It stank of the reason Cularna and Martika had split hundreds of years ago.
The decision he faced now was not so clear. He had declared for her in a moment of whim, and not one he regretted. He had brought her, and her prida, movie night and given them Duri. He had shared his findings and arranged it so Mo’ata and his team were the ones investigating the drug. He had accompanied them to Padilra and provided them with the equipment they’d needed. And he had helped Forrest with the wedding.
Somehow, every time he was around the wildcard, he made the decision to help her, be with her, and afterward found reasons why it was the correct decision. Very soon after, sometimes seconds after, yes, but always and first came Blue.
The variable. He chuckled softly to himself. Always the variable. The wildcard. The thing that changed the outcome of the equation.
He hit middle C again. The constant note, the one from which the rest originated. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she wasn’t the variable, but the constant.
There were the results of a scent analysis waiting for him, as well as a necklace and earring set. If he proceeded with this courtship, he would not just be entangling Blue with his Family, but his Family with Blue, her prida, and by extension, the Order. There would be more favors asked and loyalties tested. Even if there was a clear, written agreement, even if those favors were not specifically asked of him, he would end up granting them.
Because that’s si
mply what he did with Blue.
Could he keep his oath and have Blue as well?
All that sleeps in the light of the stars and all that they shine upon…
If he explained it to her…?
She would make him keep the oath.
The answer came to him with the clarity of the constant note. Now he would just need to find the right time to tell her what she needed to know. In the meantime, he could continue the courting.
He pushed away from the piano and rose from the bench. Time to see if Pike was any good at his job.
Chapter 25
LEVI
He swallowed as he stared at the apartment door.
Blue had messaged earlier today and said she wanted to have a “date night.”
It was his night with her. His third night with her. So far, all they had done was kiss and what she called cuddle for a little bit before he left for his room for the night. And he always left before things became too heated. Not because Blue asked him to, but because he wanted to make sure he did this correctly. This… relationship.
Swallowing, he pressed his hand to the scanner, and the door slid open.
The lights in the apartment were dim. He stepped into the small entrance carefully. The kitchen was a little messy—empty, but used bowls had been piled in the small rinsing sink.
Beyond, Blue stood beside the dining table wearing the same dress she’d worn to the dinner with Jason. Covered dishes sat before two of chairs, side by side. Two thick candles, the wax glowing golden with the flame, sat in silver holders.
She gestured at the table. “Hey. I figured we could tackle another thing. See if you liked it. I… haven’t actually done this either. I didn’t actually have it written on my list, but I figure we can both mentally add it and then check it off, and we’ll be doing it together and—” She cut herself off.
Was this like the thing with the man nipples? Where she rambled and talked and things just slipped out?
“What is the thing to put on our lists?” He stopped in front of her, only a couple of feet separating them.
“A romantic, candlelit dinner.” Then she smiled, the one that invited him to laugh with her, only he didn’t know what at.
He smiled anyway, unable to resist. “This is an Earth thing?”
“Yup.” She stepped back, waved at the table, then hesitated. “Do you want to change out of your uniform?”
“Yes. I will be just a moment.” He hurried to his room. Changing into the more traditional lounging garb he’d brought with him only took seconds. He’d put the armor away properly later.
When he got back to the living area, Blue eyed his bare feet. Then she sighed, and the sound held a trace of relief. Her heeled shoes were kicked off a half second later. “Better.” Then she pulled out one of the chairs, he pulled out the other, and they sat.
The food was adequate and the conversation stilted. He told her of his childhood, or what he could remember from before he’d begun his training with the elders. It wasn’t much. She spoke of a cat she’d had, and her mother.
He took a last bite of the pucho and placed his fork across the plate. Blue matched him, her gaze down and shoulders slightly hunched.
“Maybe not the best experiment, huh?”
The candlelight cast hints of gold in the portions of her hair that hadn’t been dyed. The waves were soft, and he wanted to find out if they felt the same. He ran a finger over a strand that had fallen forward. “Maybe not a-a date for us, illi. I wonder if we are trying to make something be that is not.”
She faced him then, eyes wide, lips parted. “What do you mean?”
He was not saying this correctly. “You look beautiful tonight, and I appreciate the effort you went to in making this food and finding us some time to be alone.” He looked around. “Where did the others go?”
“Duri is hovering in Felix’s room.” She gave him an embarrassed smile. “Mo’ata and Forrest are down in the stables, and then they were going to have a guys’ night. Only fair since I had a girls’ day, they said.”
Levi nodded. It was also a clear sign that they accepted him as part of the prida, to allow him this time with Blue to see what there could be between just the two of them. “What I meant about tonight is maybe we do not fit with the candlelit dinners. Maybe we are meant to do other things together. Maybe there is someone else who will be better at the dinners.” He cupped her cheek. “I did not mean that we do not fit.”
Her hand covered his. “We just have to figure out what those things are.”
“Yes. I will be honest with you, illi. It may take a while. I know I like practicing the kiti with you, even when your friend joins us. I enjoy sitting with you during movie nights. And, though I did not enjoy the dinner, I enjoyed trying it with you.” He pulled in a breath. He’d been thinking about this, and he needed to make sure she understood. “I am not sure I know what love is.”
She dropped her hand from his and tilted her head back as though she sought answers from the ceiling. His own hand fell away at the movement.
Then she shrugged and focused on him once more. “And I will be honest with you. I’ve often wondered the same thing. But I think if you crave the other person’s presence, if you can’t imagine your life without them in it and want what is best for them, then that is a sort of love. And I think there are degrees of love. People talk of needing someone, of uncontrollable urges, of passion and heat and soul mates and destiny. I’m not sure I believe in that.”
Levi lost himself in her words and her eyes. If you can’t imagine your life without them…
“Or maybe those things are simply not what I dream of. For me, I think love is the moment you decide you want the other person with you no matter what and you realize you’d do anything to be sure they had what they needed.” She shrugged and smiled, a little quirk of her lips.
Lips he wanted to taste. “Like trying a candlelit dinner.”
As if she’d heard his thoughts and not just his words, her gaze dropped to his mouth. “Yes.” She leaned toward him a few inches. “Not that passion is bad. I can get behind passion, for sure.”
He leaned in as well. “Maybe it is something we would enjoy together, a thing we will be good at.”
Her gaze still focused on his lips, she closed the distance between them by a few more inches. “We should definitely at least try.” Then she looked up. “I don’t want to wait until there’s a disaster or accident or emergency. Not this time. I waited with Forrest. For good reasons, I thought. But then it was so hard to bridge that last bit and move into the physical. And with Mo’ata…”
Levi knew what had happened there; he’d helped with the ceremony and ensured they were undisturbed for their night together.
“I don’t want to have to rely on outside things to push my hand,” she continued, shifting until there were only a few inches separating their lips. “It’s a type of cowardice. I don’t want to be that person who’s too afraid to reach for what I want.” A crooked smile formed on her face. “Of course, I’m terrified right now and I’m pretty sure I’m going to start babbling at any moment, so if you could just kiss me now, that would be great. And then we can do other things too. Like, maybe you don’t leave the room tonight kind of things and man nipple things and, yup, there I go—”
He knew the perfect way to save her from her rambles, and he used it. She tasted of aipin juice and opi, sweet with a little tart. He increased the pressure of their lips and slid his tongue against hers, deepening the kiss. And then her hands were around his shoulders and sliding up to cup the back of his head and hold him close.
BLUE
Maybe passion would be their thing. Her Levi was usually so quiet, never saying much, always observing and watching. Then when he did speak, it was usually a doozy.
But Blue didn’t want to think about speaking or doozies or anything but kissing this man, about eliminating all space between them. Heat built in her as she broke the kiss long enough to lick along his lower li
p. It was fuller than Mo’ata’s or Forrest’s, and she wanted to bite it.
So she did. Just a nip.
Levi made a sound in the back of this throat—part moan, part grunt—and gave her a nip in return.
Too much distance. She still sat in her own chair and Levi in his. Which meant he was too far away. Six days. She pressed her lips to the edge of his, then moved down, giving him little sucking bites and fierce kisses all along his jaw.
Six days since they’d decided to make this real. It wasn’t a long time. But as she’d told him, she didn’t want to wait. If love meant wanting that person with you always and knowing you would do anything you could to give them what they needed, then she loved Levi.
And sometimes you just make your decision and leap. You don’t think and ponder and wonder if maybe. You just jump.
Blue jumped.
It was a small movement, just what was needed to take her the couple feet from her chair to his, but he must have already been off-balance, and they tipped, crashing into the side of the table.
Neither paid attention. Levi gripped her sides, then slipped his arms around her and stood. Blue hooked her feet together behind him and squeezed, still trying to eliminate any distance. Heat built, and she needed him, needed that connection.
Golden eyes stared down at her. Then Levi bared his teeth in an uncharacteristic, pirate grin. He moved, taking her somewhere, each step subtly pressing his abdomen to that spot she really liked between her legs.
“Now.” Was that her voice? It was a little breathy and aggressive, sure, but they were the only two people in here, and Levi hadn’t said it. “Now,” she said again, pulling herself up against him until she could give him more of those nipping kisses, this time along the chorded muscles of his neck.
He stopped walking. He dipped his head and captured her lips in another kiss, as though he would never get enough of the taste of her. One hand kneaded at her back while the other slid lower, along her leg. He found the hem of her skirt and pushed beneath it, his fingers massaging the muscles of her thigh in strong strokes as they worked their way back up. When they reached her underwear, he tugged.
A Blue Star Rising Page 23
