“I know I probably shouldn’t admit this,” she said, still surprised by how honest and vulnerable they’d been with each other, “but my biological clock is ticking. I want a baby, a family, a life partner.” She sighed. “It doesn’t have to happen right away, but I know I wouldn’t be happy waiting ten years either.”
“I wasn’t asking you to wait for me.” He kissed her hand. “I would never do that to you. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Then where does that leave us?” She feared she knew the answer, but needed to hear him say it.
“As friends, I hope?”
She leaned in to hug him. “Always friends.” Which meant her little proposal was off the table. If she’d known their last time together would be in his car, she would have chosen a better locale. Where they could have indulged over and over again.
“You know how much I care about you, right?” he asked, grasping her face before she could withdraw from his embrace. “You know there’s been no one else who made me feel… this?”
“I know.”
Admitting it only made it harder—for both of them, she suspected. But she understood why he felt the needs to voice it after so many years. When they broke up, she’d been too hurt to hear it. When he came back to town, he’d been blindsided by the changes in her life. But this moment was theirs, to say all the things they should have said back then.
“I don’t want to let you go.” His voice was so low, she had to strain to hear it. “I made that choice once before, and it was the single biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I can’t help but feel this is a mistake too.”
Mistake or not, it was the only choice they had. He had to know that.
“It’ll get easier over time,” she said, trying to convince herself too. “In a lot of ways, it’s like a breakup all over again because I think, without meaning to, we started imagining the possibilities again.” At least he had. She’d never allowed herself to believe it could be any more than it was. A temporary diversion from Ethan’s real life.
“Being with you has that effect on me,” he said with a half-smile. “Makes me think about things I have no business thinking about. Imagining the life I have no right to anymore.”
She hated to see him hurting, but there was nothing she could do to negate the pain. Just like there’d been nothing he could do to ease her hurt the first time around.
“It’s time,” she said, resting her hand against his cheek. “Time to let go of each other.” It sounded so simple, but she knew it wouldn’t be. Letting go of a person physically was much easier than letting go of memories and dreams for the future.
He closed his eyes as he turned into her hand, kissing her palm. “I know, baby. I know.”
His kiss was soft and sweet with undertones of regret and sadness and heartbreak, and she had to make a quick escape before he saw her tears.
Chapter Nine
Ethan woke early the next morning to some sick SOB pounding on his door and ringing his doorbell intermittently. He swore softly as he hauled his ass out of bed and pulled on a pair of black sweats. He’d had a hell of a time falling asleep after his conversation with Gracie, and he just wanted to sleep the day away to avoid the aftermath.
He groaned when he looked through the glass panel beside the heavy oak door. Issie. Yanking the door opened, he asked, “What the hell are you doing here? I thought I—”
“Are you alone?” she asked, pushing past him.
“Of course I’m alone,” he said, running a hand through his hair, which he suspected was standing on end. Good thing he no longer cared about impressing her. “Not that it’s any of your business.”
She wrinkled her nose when she looked at him. “Still with the beard? I thought that was just a play-off thing?”
“You thought wrong,” he said, stroking the soft hair on his face. “So what do you want? Why are you here?”
“We need to talk,” she said, pouting.
He had to admit she looked damn good. She was wearing high heels, tight skinny jeans, and a denim jacket over a floral blouse. Her long red hair fell in soft waves down her back, and her makeup flawlessly enhanced her green eyes and porcelain skin. But he wasn’t affected by her beauty anymore, because now he knew what lay beneath the pretty packaging. Nothing.
“I thought I made it clear on the phone. I don’t have a damn thing to say to you.” He made his way to the kitchen, intent on making coffee. Heated conversations with Issie usually required a stiff drink, but since it wasn’t even eight, he’d settle for caffeine.
She followed him, as he knew she would, and her heels made an annoying clickity-clack sound on the kitchen’s travertine tile. “You’re not being fair!” She set her huge designer bag on the island with a heavy sigh. “Everybody makes mistakes. It’s like you expect me to be perfect.”
He turned to stare at her, trying to determine whether she was for real. Judging by the tears gathering in her eyes, she felt like the victim.
“I never asked you to be perfect. I asked you to be faithful. And apparently that was too much for you.” Before she could defend herself, he added, “So I’m done, Issie. Doesn’t matter what you say. I. Am. Done.”
“How can you go from loving someone—”
“Maybe I didn’t. Love you, that is.” He felt a twinge of guilt when her face crumpled, but he knew it was the time for brutal honesty. “I shouldn’t have proposed, and I’m sorry I did. You’re not right for me. Truth is, you never were.”
Her green eyes were filled with rage when she whispered, “How can you say that? You know we’re perfect for each other.”
“No.” He turned away, popped a coffee pod in the machine, and set his favorite mug on the base before pressing the button. “I made the perfect amount of money for you to live the kind of life you desired. That was the only perfect thing about our relationship.”
“Not the only thing,” she said, her tone suddenly suggestive. “There’s something else that was pretty damn perfect.”
So despite the hostility, she still thought she could appeal to his baser instincts? She really didn’t know him at all, Ethan realized. “You can’t build a lasting relationship on good sex.”
“The sex was great and you know it!” she cried, sounding more offended than she’d been by anything else he’d said.
He thought about that night in his Jeep with Gracie. Now that had been great sex. Mainly because they’d both been in the moment, enjoying every single second of their connection, and he hadn’t been afraid to bare his soul to her.
“Sex is just sex,” he said, snagging his coffee cup. He normally would have offered her one, but he didn’t want to give her an excuse to stay. “I’ve had plenty of sex. So have you. But making love is different. You need to have—”
“Oh. My. God.” Her eyes were wide as she slapped a manicured hand over her mouth. “You’re back with her , aren’t you? That’s why you’re spewing all this sappy crap about making love and—”
There was no question, she was talking about Gracie. Issie had always been insanely jealous of her. She’d try to talk him out of going back to Hillsborough during the off-season because Issie knew he’d cross paths with Gracie eventually and that scared the hell out of her.
“I’m not back with anyone.”
“But you’ve seen her?”
“Sure, I have. It’s a small town. She’s my sister’s best friend.” He shrugged, trying to play it off simply because he didn’t want her hassling Gracie.
“Then you and she haven’t hooked up?”
He took a sip of coffee, wishing he were a better liar.
“Oh my God, you have! You’ve slept with her!” She slammed her palm on the counter. “I can’t believe you! You are such a hypocrite. You lecture me about being with someone else and you’ve done the same!”
He couldn’t believe she had the audacity to compare what he’d done to what she’d done with that bartender. “First of all,” he said, trying to remain calm, “you were engaged to me wh
en you banged that guy. Hell, you were on vacation with me. A vacation I paid for.”
She rolled her eyes. “It always comes back to the money with you, doesn’t it?”
Pot, meet kettle. “I don’t give a shit about the money. But I do care when I walk into my hotel room and find my fiancée riding some kid—”
“He wasn’t a kid,” she said, as though that was the most important point. “He was twenty-four.”
“Point is,” he said, through clenched teeth, “I’m telling you now what I told you then. I’m done with you. I want nothing more to do with you. So why the hell are you even here? Why can’t you just get the message?”
“Because I know you aren’t dumping me because of what happened in that hotel room. You’re dumping me because of her. It’s always been about her.” She sniffled, her eyes downcast. “Just admit it, you never loved me the way you loved her.”
“None of that matters now.” He sighed. “The point is it’s over and we both need to move on.”
“What if I don’t want to move on?”
“I’m not giving you a choice.” He’d never been cruel to a woman before, and after the breakup, he was usually the one with lingering guilt since he’d been the one to end it. But that wasn’t the case with Issie. He just wanted her out of his life. For good.
“You’ll regret it, you know,” she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “You think she’s so perfect, but she’s not. You’ll see. Little Miss Vanilla will bore you in no time. Then you’ll start looking for a little fun.” She raised her chin. “But don’t think I won’t make you work for it. It’ll cost you.”
Being with Issie had already cost him too much. “You don’t have to worry about me coming back to you, ‘cause I won’t. Ever.”
* * *
“Great,” Grace mumbled when she saw Issie walk in. “Look who it is.”
Ash grimaced before turning to face Grace, his back to Issie. “You want me to get rid of her?”
Ethan had introduced Ash to Issie during one of their off-season visits to Hillsborough, and her friend shared Grace’s opinion of Ethan’s ex. All sparkle, no substance.
“No, I got this,” she said, curling her hand around his arm. “I think I’ll invite her back to my office though. No need for all our clients to hear her spew her garbage.” And Grace had no doubt the reason for her visit was to make unfounded accusations and find someone else to blame for the demise of her relationship.
“How long have you been planning this?” Issie demanded, glaring at Grace. “Weeks? Months? Years?” She tapped her manicured fingernails on the desk. “You never really got over him, did you?”
“We can go back to my office and discuss this,” Grace said, crossing her arms. “Or you can get the hell out. You decide.”
“Lead the way,” Issie said, gesturing down the narrow hallway leading to the offices. “I’ve been waiting forever to have this out with you.”
“Are you sure about this?” Ash asked under his breath. “You don’t owe this crazy bitch a thing.”
“I’m sure,” Grace said, smiling sweetly. “Believe me, she’s not the only one who’s been waiting for this moment.”
“Fine, but if I hear anything other than voices, I’m coming back there.”
“Deal,” Grace said before walking down the hall with Issie on her heels. Once she closed the door, she turned to Issie. “Have your say, then you can shut your mouth while I have mine.”
Issie curled her small hands into fists. “Why couldn’t you stay out of our lives? We could’ve been happy together. You have to know you’ll never be able to make him happy.”
“I didn’t screw up your relationship with Ethan. You did that.”
“I don’t know what he told you—”
“He told me the truth. That you were having sex with some stranger and he walked in on you.” Grace had no doubt Ethan’s version of the story was accurate. He never would have lied about something like that.
“I’d been drinking and—”
“And that makes it all right?” Grace shook her head. “How the hell can you justify cheating on a man like Ethan? You must be out of your mind.”
“You always thought he was best, didn’t you?” She rolled her eyes. “I have no doubt he was the best you ever had because come on… who did you have to compare him to? That creepy eye doctor who watched every move you made?”
When they were engaged, Joel had had a tendency to keep a close eye on her whenever Ethan was around. He’d convinced himself Ethan was somehow going to lure her away.
“Unlike you, I don’t rate my lovers.” But if she did, Ethan would always top the list.
“You already had a guy who loved you, one who was your speed. Why’d you have to take Ethan? We both know you’ll never be able to keep him satisfied.”
Ouch. “But I suppose you were able to keep him satisfied?” Grace ran her tongue over her teeth as she silently berated herself for stooping to this bitch’s level. “Is that what he told you… or what you told yourself?”
“He dumped you once because you weren’t woman enough for him,” she said, raking her eyes over Grace from head to toe. “And I can see why.”
“But he came back to me, didn’t he?” A slow smile spread across Grace’s face. “I don’t see him coming back to you any time soon.”
“Listen, you little—”
Ethan opened the door. “Is there a problem here?”
Issie whirled around, facing him. “What are you doing here?”
“I think the better question is what are you doing here?” He looked from one woman to the other. “Gracie? You okay?”
“I’m fine.” It would take more than Issie to rattle her. “Your girlfriend was just reminding me that you’d dumped me once because I wasn’t woman enough for you.” The words stung, even when she repeated them, but she hoped Ethan still cared enough about her to refute them.
“Ex-girlfriend,” he said slowly, staring at Issie. “And I can assure you she doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about. I may have been stupid enough to break up with you once, but if I were ever lucky enough to get a second chance with you, it wouldn’t happen again.”
Grace melted a little. Not just because he’d said that in front of Issie, though that was reason enough, but because she could tell he meant every word. If she gave him a second chance, he would make the most of it. If only it were that easy.
“You two are pathetic,” Issie said, pushing past Ethan. “I don’t know why I wasted my time coming here.”
“I don’t know why you did either,” Ethan said, watching her leave. “Hopefully you won’t make that mistake again.”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry,” she shot over her shoulder as she marched down the hall. “I never want to see you again!”
Ethan ginned at Grace. “I guess I should be grateful for that, huh?”
“Are you?” she asked.
“Of course I am.” He chuckled. “You have no idea how hard I’ve tried to get rid of her.”
She bowed slightly. “In that case, you’re welcome.”
“You could let me thank you properly. Dinner tonight?”
Resisting Ethan would never get any easier, but she’d assumed after their talk last night, he would stop asking her out.
Ignoring the question, she sank down in the chair behind her desk, needing a barrier between them when he closed the door.
“It wasn’t a coincidence, was it?” she asked, taking in his faded jeans, long-sleeved black T-shirt, and black boots. “You showing up here when you did?”
“No, Ash texted me that Issie was here giving you a hard time. I thought I should haul ass over here and set her straight. Again.”
“Then she went to you first?”
“Of course she did.” He walked around the desk and sat on the edge as he faced Grace. “She couldn’t get anywhere with me, so I guess she thought she’d come over here and rattle your cage.” He folded his arms over his chest. “I’
m sorry she dragged you into it.”
“It’s okay.” She licked her lips, trying to ignore the way the soft cotton shirt pulled tight against his bulging biceps. “She didn’t get to me.”
“You sure about that?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow. “She can be a vindictive bitch. No one knows that better than I do.” When Grace nodded, he said, “Sounds like she was saying some pretty nasty things to you… about us.”
Grace didn’t need to be reminded that Ethan had been the one to end their relationship, but it had happened so long ago. It didn’t sting as much now. “You did what you had to do. I know that.”
He took her hand. “I did what I thought I had to do. I was wrong. But by the time I figured it out, it was too late. Someone else had figured out how amazing you were, and I’d lost my chance.”
She didn’t need a history lesson. Every moment she’d ever spent with Ethan was burned in her memory for all time. “Things happen for a reason.”
“Do they?” He tipped his head to the side as though he were contemplating her words. “I keep hearing that, but I’m not sure I believe it. ‘Cause I sure as hell can’t figure out why we had to end.”
She withdrew her hand. “You know why. We covered this last night. Baseball was the life for you.” She gestured around her tidy office. “And this was the life for me. We both got it right.”
“Then how come we’re so miserable being apart?”
“Presumptuous, aren’t you?”
“You’re really going to sit there and try to deny I’m right?” He tipped his head back, looking at the ceiling. “Don’t you know by now you can’t hide anything from me? The way you feel about me is all there in the way you look at me.”
She diverted her eyes, fearing he was right. “I thought you agreed with me last night that we were better off apart.”
“Yeah, about that.” His mouth quirked as though he was trying to suppress a smile. “You were wrong about that.” He checked his watch. “And by my estimation, I still have a few months to prove it to you.”
Down the Line (Sports Romance) Page 10
