Winn laughed. “I know how you feel to some extent. I only recently regained most of my memories, and I’m not entirely certain how to control Winter’s powers.”
“When did you mark her?” Zane asked Cord, looking far more serious than he normally did.
Cord met Zane’s glare. “I marked her shortly after rescuing her. Before you ask, no, she didn’t remember who she was at the time.”
“It must be even stranger to find your mate when you don’t remember who you are,” Zane added, not looking away from Cord. His accusation was clear.
“I found Cord long before any of this happened,” Winn explained. “When I woke up after my attack, the only thing I remembered was Cord being my mate.”
“Stop glaring at Cord,” Lexi ordered Zane. “She’s happy with him, and he’s not hurting her. You don’t exactly have a right to judge him. As you may recall, you marked me shortly after I regained consciousness in the hospital, when I thought I was having a mental breakdown.”
Zane dropped his gaze and sighed. “You’re right. I know how strong the bond to one’s mate can be.” He scented the air and frowned. “It’s really strange that I didn’t notice your scent before. Why do you smell like a jaguar?” he asked Winn.
“I’m half-jaguar,” she admitted.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Zane insisted. “Other shapeshifters have been around you, and they would have noticed you being jaguar. Someone would have seen you in jaguar form. You can’t hide that sort of thing for very long.”
“I’ve never shifted,” Winn explained.
“But you could,” Zane insisted. “I know many half-shifters can’t, but when you said you’re half-jaguar, I felt that power emanating from you. You can shift, so I don’t understand why you haven’t.”
“She will when she’s ready,” Cord interrupted, seeing how upset Winn was getting.
“We should go,” Lexi stated, grabbing Zane’s arm.
Zane looked like he was going to argue, until Lexi squeezed his arm, and then he grinned at Winn. “My mate is trying to tell me I’m being too pushy with you. Sorry, Winn, I’m not good at recognizing boundaries.”
“I understand,” Winn told him with a forced smile.
After Zane and Lexi left, Cord turned to his mate. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Winn said with an overly bright smile. “I’m going for a walk.”
With that, she pushed past him and hurried out the door. The logical part of Cord told him to let his mate go, to give her space. Instinct told him to follow his mate. Cord decided to go with instinct and took off after her.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Winn hadn’t told Cord, but she’d tried to shift more than once since she’d been staying with him, and each time had been a huge failure. Vexx kept insisting it would happen, but Winn wasn’t sure, and she felt like she was missing a huge part of herself. Cord would likely argue that her refusal to accept her connection to Winter was part of the problem. Several times, he’d tried to get her accept she was Winter, but she didn’t want that to be the case.
It’s not that she believed Winter had been a bad person. In fact, she’d saved lives and helped protect the environment. When she remembered those things, she felt some connection to Winter, but Winter also seemed like an enemy who’d held her back, preventing her from embracing her jaguar. Winter had been controlled, cold, and alone. She wanted to be wild and untamed, and she wanted to have a home.
“I’m not Winter,” she breathed out.
Stripping out of her clothes, Winn dropped them on the ground. Running through the trees, she reveled in the feel of the dirt beneath her feet and the wind brushing against her body. She stopped and screamed at the sky, resulting in a crack of thunder just before rain fell in heavy sheets. As she spun in circles, dancing in the rain, the droplets caressed her body.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” Cord uttered from close behind her.
While she’d known he was there, she’d chosen not to acknowledge him, enjoying the way he watched her. She was aroused by her own power and the rain sliding along her body. With Cord watching her, it felt delightfully wicked.
Winn stopped spinning to face him, her hips swaying as if dancing to the beat of the storm. “You’re getting all wet.”
Cord chuckled and slipped an arm around her waist, pulling her against his naked body. Rather than ending her dance, he swayed with her, rolling his hips with hers and making her dance seem even more sensual. “I don’t mind the rain.”
“You’re not cold?” she asked.
“As long as you are with me, I’ll never be cold. You are by far the hottest female I’ve ever met.”
Winn gripped his biceps and stared into his eyes as she continued to dance with him. His pale blue eyes had a hint of gray to them, reminding her of a stormy sky. His hair was wet, and drops of water moved down his body, tempting her to follow each droplet with her tongue.
The sky lit up just before the thunder rumbled again. Winn moaned as the rumble of the thunder vibrated through her body. One of Cord’s hands cupped her chin, and he kissed her. There was no hesitation—his mouth claimed hers in a dominating kiss. All the while, their bodies swayed and rocked. Her hands slipped around his back, exploring the hard muscles. Cord’s tongue stroked hers before retreating. He bit her bottom lip gently, and she moaned at the slight sting.
Cord’s eyes locked with hers. “Do you trust me, Winn?”
“With my life,” she replied without hesitation.
One hand gripped the hair at the back of her head tightly while the other slid around her lower back. The power emanating from Cord moved along her skin, making her shudder and moan. Being an alpha shifter was about more than being strong, something non-shifters could never understand. As the power moved along her skin, it stung, and she tried to look away, but his hand tightened in her hair, holding her in place. Frightened, she started to close her eyes until Cord gave her hair a gentle tug.
“Trust me, Winn,” he both soothed and commanded. Her body was on fire with sexual need and the stinging of his power sliding over her heated skin. When her jaguar stirred, she experienced a moment of panic and tried to pull away again. This time, Cord moved his face closer until his lips brushed against hers when he spoke. “Don’t fight me.”
“I’m trying not to,” she whimpered.
As the hum of Cord’s power became stronger, the storm raged around them. Her control seemed to have vanished. With one final crash of thunder, the rain suddenly stopped. Winn screamed as her body was flooded with Cord’s power. It invaded every part of her, consuming her.
“Stop fighting me,” Cord ground out.
The pain eased as she accepted his power and allowed it to flow through her freely.
“That’s it,” Cord crooned. “You’re almost there.”
Winn’s vision blurred, and her own energy joined Cord’s, zapping along her skin just before pleasure so intense she thought she might die from it washed over her body. This time, when she screamed, it came out as the roar of a jaguar—a jaguar who was no longer a stranger. Relief flooded her body as the two parts of her merged and she shifted.
Looking across, she found Cord in cougar form, and realized he was much larger than her. She wondered if her smaller size came from being half-shifter. Small or not, she felt powerful. She longed to run and hunt. Cord nudged her, and she growled playfully. This time, he nudged her harder and gestured to the woods with his head. She’d heard that being different types of shifters made it harder to communicate in animal form, but she still understood what he wanted. Cord was encouraging her to run and enjoy being in jaguar form for the first time. She took off through the trees, with Cord by her side, free in a way she’d never imagined possible.
They ran for well over an hour before Cord finally stopped and shifted to human form. Winn stared at him, not sure she wanted to shift. She liked the freedom she experienced as a jaguar. Cord seemed to understand what she was thinking.
“Life is much simpler in our animal forms,” Cord told her. “We don’t have to worry as much about our responsibilities, but we aren’t meant to stay that way. Both forms are part of us, and we need to embrace each of them.”
With great reluctance, Winn shifted back to her human form, surprised by how easy it was. Now that she’d shifted for the first time, she simply knew how to do it. There was a small part of her that feared she’d have trouble letting her jaguar side take control again, but she trusted Cord to help if that happened.
She looked around, surprised the ground was dry where they were. “I guess it was a contained storm I created.”
Cord nodded with a grin. “It looked like a shower that was only in that small clearing. It was pretty damn amazing.”
“I’ve only done that a few other times,” she admitted. “It takes a lot of energy to channel my power like that, but it can be useful.”
“So, you remember how to use your power?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied. “I remembered everything as soon as I shifted. It all came back to me in a rush.”
“And you’re finally ready to accept that you’re Winter?” he asked.
“When I was running, I came to the realization that I can be both Winn and Winter,” she explained. “I may need to be that cold at some point, but for now, I’m just glad I remember how to use the powers I share with her.”
“You make it sound like you’re two different people,” he remarked.
“I am,” she said with a shrug.
Cord shook his head. “No, you’re not. That’s part of your problem. You need to stop putting parts of yourself in different compartments. That was why you were having so much trouble shifting. You kept thinking of your jaguar as someone else. The jaguar, Winter, and Winn, are all the same female, my female.”
“I still think of the jaguar as someone else in a lot of ways,” she admitted. “I get that she’s a part of me now. The same is true for Winter.”
“Then you don’t get it,” he insisted. “You are the jaguar. The jaguar isn’t a piece of you that can be compartmentalized. You need to embrace it as your identity.”
Winn thought about what he’d said. “I don’t know why this is so hard for me.”
Cord pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “This is really common with half-shifters. It tends to be more difficult for them to accept the parts of who they are, and I often have to help them with their first change.”
Pulling back as far as he would allow her, she looked up at him. “Why didn’t you help me before?”
“You weren’t ready,” he replied.
“I’ve been trying to shift for days,” she argued.
Cord looked surprised. “You never mentioned that.”
“Vexx has been trying to help me,” Winn admitted. “I’m surprised she didn’t mention you could do this.”
“If Vexx didn’t tell you, it’s probably because she was worried about how you’d react to having the change forced,” Cord explained. “Like I said, you weren’t ready. How do you feel?”
Winn thought for a moment. “Still confused. I remember some things from when I was living with my clan, things I locked away as Winter,” she admitted. “Despite my confusion, I feel like I’m where I should be.”
“Where is that?” he asked, and her body tightened with lust when she saw the desperate need in his eyes.
“With you,” she breathed out.
“Where you should be after your first change, is under me while I fuck you until you scream loud enough for the vampires to hear you at their settlement,” Cord rasped out.
Winn wanted to lose herself in the pleasure Cord could give her. Still, they needed to talk.
“Why the hesitation, Winn?” he murmured, brushing his lips against hers.
“We should talk about what I remember from when I was with my clan,” she began. “I know why the jaguars want me, or at least I think I do, and we should meet with the vampires and the lynx.”
“We’ll talk,” Cord assured her, before lifting her in his arms and cradling her against his chest. “First, I need to get inside you. I need to claim you all over again now that you’ve accepted your jaguar.”
Looking into his stormy eyes, Winn saw a need as strong as the day he’d marked her. Having experienced her first change, she needed to renew their bond. She was so desperate to have him, she was thankful she’d looped around during her run so they didn’t have to go far to get to Cord’s home.
Cord hadn’t moved, and his eyes remained locked with hers as he waited for permission.
“Please,” she breathed out. “Make me yours all over again.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Winn’s plea sent heat shooting straight to his dick, and Cord wasn’t sure how he managed to keep his knees from buckling. Stalking toward his home, his dick throbbed in time with each step. His clan all moved out of his way, which was a good thing since he was feeling overly aggressive, and he was certain he’d have fought anyone who delayed him from getting inside Winn’s body.
Once in his home, he set Winn on her feet in his bedroom and kissed her, exploring her mouth. She wasn’t a passive partner, sucking his tongue and clawing at his ass to bring him closer. The sting of her nails made him groan.
Tearing his mouth from hers, Cord stared down at her. “Fuck, Winn. You’re making it hard for me to go slow.”
“Don’t go slow,” she practically begged. “Winter is controlled, not me. Winn is untamed. Just fuck me. No more control.”
Warming bells went off in Cord’s head, and he suddenly realized his mate was asking him to wipe away all that her life as Winter represented, something he wouldn’t do. “Control isn’t a bad thing. Without control, I couldn’t lead my clan, and I couldn’t have helped you shift.”
“I don’t want control,” she argued. “The last thing I want is to control everything again.”
“We need to have a lesson on control,” he told her, allowing his fingers to trail along her collar bone. Winn shivered under his touch. “You need to stop being conflicted. You say you don’t want control, but you keep fighting to control the different parts of who you are.”
“That’s not true,” Winn argued. “I shifted today, and I was the jaguar as we ran. To do that, I had to give up control.”
“Yet you are still trying to deny who you are,” he told her, grabbing rope from one of his drawers.
Chapter Forty
Winn’s eyes widened when she saw the rope, and she swallowed hard before meeting Cord’s eyes. “What is the rope for?” she asked, even though she was pretty sure she knew the answer to that question already.
“Do you remember asking me what the rings on my wall are for?” he asked, gesturing to his bed.
Winn nodded, realizing she was about to get intimately acquainted with how those rings were used and getting even more aroused at the thought.
“Lie down on your back,” he commanded. “If anything I do hurts, I want you to say the word rabbit. Do you understand?”
“Why can’t I just tell you to stop?” she asked.
He shook his head. “This is better. It ensures I won’t mistake your intent.”
“What are you going to do to me?” Winn asked nervously.
“Everything,” he replied in a rough voice, and Winn’s body tightened with lust. She wanted him to do everything to her. This didn’t sound like he was forcing her to be in control—it sounded like a way to avoid being in control.
Winn laid on the bed, and Cord dropped to his knees beside her before straddling her body and looping the ropes through the rings on the wall. The rope slid around her wrists, and based on the quick and efficient way Cord secured her wrists, she guessed he was used to this kind of play.
“Are you ready?” he asked when her hands were tied together above her head. She wasn’t tied so tightly that it hurt, but she definitely couldn’t bring her hands down.
“Yes,” she replied, arousal hum
ming through her body.
“Next time we play this way, I’m going to secure your ankles, too,” he told her. “I’m dying to have your legs spread wide open while I enjoy your body.”
Her only response was a needy whimper.
“I knew you’d like this, Winter,” Cord murmured, and she tensed. Still straddling her belly, he watched her reaction. “You don’t think you can be Winter with me. You think if you keep that part of yourself compartmentalized, you’ll be able to avoid dealing with how this changes your life. You are my mate whether I call you Winn or Winter.”
Winn shook her head. “I can’t be Winter with you. She’s as cold as her name, and she would never be with you like this. She would leave you because she’s incapable of passion, incapable of love.”
“Here’s the deal, Winter,” Cord began. “You are my mate, and I intend to claim you again. I’m going to pleasure you until you forget about this imaginary boundary you’ve created to keep your memories as Winter separate from what we have.”
“I’m scared,” she admitted.
Cord laid beside her, stroking her cheek. “What are you afraid of?”
“I’m afraid if I let that part of me be involved in this, I’ll want to leave again. It hurt to leave you the first time. It tore me up, and I had to leave the area for decades to keep myself from going after you. When I was called back here, I was terrified of coming, knowing how much it would hurt to see you again.”
“Sweetheart, it sounds to me like you weren’t nearly as cold as you seem to think,” he pointed out. “You just described fighting your emotions to do what you thought had to be done.”
Winn shook her head. “I knew you would only have one chance at a true mate, and I stole that from you. My duty was the only thing that mattered to me.”
“We both fucked up, Winter,” he told her. “I could have tried to get you to stay, but I didn’t. I let you walk away because it was easier that way for me, too. No more stalling. I am going to make you come, and I’m going to mark you again.” His voice was rough with need when he made that last declaration.
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