by Karina Halle
Jana is obviously exaggerating her age, but I’m not going to argue with her. I’m not going up there.
Vanni at least agrees to that, so we walk back to the Duomo, Jana holding Vanni’s hand the whole way.
The line-up isn’t as long as yesterday, but it’s still an hour’s wait. So the four of us stand in line, and talk about a whole range of stuff, though most of the time it’s Vanni rambling on to his mother about space shit.
A couple of times I take the opportunity to be alone, and volunteer to go get gelatos for everyone. I wish Italy embraced the coffee to-go thing here, but they don’t. So, I have an espresso while standing up at a counter, hoping the coffee will calm my nerves while knowing it’s doing the opposite.
Finally, we finish our gelatos and get inside the cathedral.
It’s absolutely stunning, and I’m taken by the vast gothic interior, feeling spacious even with all the people in it. It’s surprisingly bare, but it adds to the sense of peace and tranquility inside.
We walk slowly toward one of the many circular stained-glass windows, Vanni and Jana ahead of us. They stop and Vanni points up, excitedly telling his mother something about it. It’s probably a portal to another dimension or something.
I glance at Claudio who is standing right next to me, and he gives me a small yet reassuring smile. Briefly, very briefly, his fingers reach out for mine and we grasp the tips of each other’s hand for a moment, before our hands fall away.
Even from that one instance of my skin against his, I feel my body grow heavy and warm and happy. He’s grounded me.
We spend quite a bit of time inside the cathedral because there is a lot to see, and then we head back to where we were last night, a chance to go inside the Santa Croce church where the game was.
Here, Claudio pays his respects to the tomb of Michelangelo, and I feel his reverence for him, while Vanni lingers at the tomb of Galileo. Fittingly, when we leave the church, he wants to go to the Museo Galileo.
I’m tired on my feet though, so we have lunch first.
And this whole time, the topics of conversation have stayed very easy and neutral. A lot of questions on how I’m liking Italy, but Jana doesn’t touch on how it’s been to live with Claudio and vice versa, nor does she ask what I’ve been doing, or how the book is going.
But I know that’s coming. That’s one of the reasons she’s here.
It isn’t until later, when we’re at a nice restaurant for dinner, eating outside in a quaint alleyway, that Jana turns her sights on me for real.
“So, Grace,” she says over a sip of her wine. “Tell me, how is the book coming along?” She catches the expression on my face because she adds, “You knew this was coming.”
I give her a cautious smile. “The book is actually doing really well.”
Her eyes go round. “Really?”
I nod, spearing my linguine. “Really. I’m at chapter…”
“You’re at chapter sixteen,” Claudio fills in.
Now Jana is looking at him in surprise. “Oh? You’ve read it?”
“No.” He shakes his head and has some of his wine. “I haven’t. But we talk about the book often.”
“He’s good for bouncing ideas off of,” I explain.
“I see,” she says slowly. Then she smiles at me. “Well that is excellent news Grace. I am so excited for this book.”
“Me too,” I say. Then I blurt out, “But I thought you should know, it’s a romance now.”
“Gross,” Vanni comments.
Jana adjusts her glasses and stares at me. “A romance?”
“Yes.”
Oh shit. I see her disappointment.
I clear my throat. “See, I was stuck when it was women’s fiction and it was so much pressure on myself to produce this big aching book and then I thought, you know what? I’ve gone through too much pain and misery lately, I don’t want to write something that will make me feel worse. I want to write something happy. I wanted to write a romance with a happily-ever-after. And I figured, well, if I feel this way about the book, maybe that’s what will make it good. Maybe others will want to feel good too. Close the book with a happy sigh and let that feeling carry them through the day.”
I realize I’m rambling so I quickly shove a forkful of pasta into my mouth, just to shut myself up.
“Oh, okay,” Jana says after a moment. She looks to Claudio. “You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not picking up on her passion for the project, it’s just very different than the book the publishers decided to buy from her.”
“I’m aware,” Claudio says smoothly, and I can tell that Jana doesn’t like that. “But if the book is better this way, then I’m sure it will be okay.”
“Claudio, darling, look. You don’t know publishing.”
“No, but I know a good writer when I see one and I think any publisher will want Grace’s book.”
She squints at him and then looks at me. “So, I see you’ve had a cheerleader this whole time” Meaning Claudio. “Listen, this is a lot to take in.”
“I know. I’m sorry. But it will be fine,” I tell her. “Because it’s almost done. It will be finished soon. And it’s more or less the exact same story, there are just fewer tears and more sex.”
“But people want tears!” Jana exclaims.
“And people want sex,” I counter.
“¡Basta!” Vanni yells, covering his ears with his napkins.
Claudio reaches over and lowers Vanni’s arm, since he’s attracting attention from the other tables.
“And who says there isn’t both,” I tell her, leaning forward. “It has all the ingredients the publishers want, it’s just sexier and it ends happily. That’s all. I am sure readers will go through the wringer regardless.”
Claudio quickly reaches over and puts his own hands over Vanni’s ears now. “And if they can get off on it, all the better,” he adds with a cheeky smile.
Then he drops his hands. Vanni looks like he wants to hide under the table.
“You’re not wrong,” Jana eventually admits.
“And I’m happy for having written it. That counts for something.”
“It counts for everything,” Claudio says emphatically, his eyes locked on mine. “You come first, remember?”
I bite back a smile.
Jana exhales loudly, tilting her head as she moves her vegetables around on her plate. “I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, I will give them the book and hope for the best. I suppose I should have known this would happen. How could you come to Italy and not want to write a romance? For all I know, you are living your own romance already.”
Claudio and raise our brows at each other.
“Didn’t you say you came here to see that Lorenzo?” Jana goes on, asking me. “The game was last night, wasn’t it?”
“It was…” I say carefully.
“So, am I wrong in thinking there is something blossoming between you both?”
I’m looking at Claudio again, trying to find the words.
Then Vanni puts his fork down with a loud clatter, looks his mother dead in the eye, and says, “No. Grace is not in love with Lorenzo.” He looks at me and then at Claudio. “Grace is in love with my father and he is in love with her. They are in love with each other!”
Jana blinks.
Claudio chokes on his water.
I feel the world shift.
Twenty-Two
Grace
What the fuck?
I feel like I’m about to fall off my chair.
Did Vanni really just say that? Did he really just tell his mother that Claudio and I are in love with each other?
“What is he talking about?” Jana asks, her voice shaking a little, her eyes darting between the two of us. “In love with each other? You? And you?”
I don’t say anything. I can’t. I press my lips together, hard, because I’m afraid I might vomit if I don’t.
Jana doesn’t look happy at all.
And Vanni?
&nb
sp; Well, I can’t figure the kid out.
“Vanni,” Claudio says sternly after a moment. “What do you mean by that?”
Vanni sighs heavily, rolling his eyes. “Oh please. Do you think I’m stupid or something? It is very obvious.”
More silence.
Vanni knows. He’s probably known all this time.
We’ve been so busy trying to hide it, so busy worrying about him knowing, we never realized he was onto us. I’m quickly flipping through the days in my brain, trying to figure out when we were careless. God, I hope he didn’t see anything…
I catch Claudio’s eyes and he must be thinking the same thing because he says, “But how do you know?”
Vanni stares at him with a wry expression. “I just know. Besides, I got confirmation that I am right.”
“From who?”
Vanni shrugs. “No one.”
“Sofia,” Claudio mutters.
“I’m saying nothing.”
Sofia. Of course. Maria would have told her daughter, or her daughter would have overheard her talking about it to Claudio or her parents, and then the telephone game began.
“Is this true?” Jana asks, staring at me now. Her eyes are hard, and they’re hurt too. “Grace. Are you in love with my ex-husband?”
Oh shit. Now I really don’t want to say anything.
“I am in love with her,” Claudio interjects, to which Jana gasps. “Vanni is right. And we are together. We are happy. We are so happy, Jana.”
Jana shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe it.” Her eyes snap to me again. “How could you do that to me? How could you make things so bloody complicated? You were supposed to come here to write, not screw my ex, my son’s father. How dare you?”
My face grows hot, the tears threatening to come.
“Hey,” Claudio says sharply, eyes blazing at her. “This isn’t Grace’s fault. It just happened. It wasn’t planned. And if it makes you feel any better, we spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out how to tell you. The both of you.”
“Oh sure. That’s why they were sleepless. No,” Jana says, getting to her feet and throwing her napkin down on her plate. “No. This isn’t right. This is humiliating. I came down here to see you and meanwhile you’re all secretly playing house? I don’t think so…”
“Jana,” Claudio says to her.
“I’m leaving,” she says, grabbing her purse and marching through the restaurant, people turning their heads to watch her go.
“Fuck,” Claudio swears. He gives me and Vanni an apologetic look and goes after her. I suppose someone has to. After the look she gave me, it sure as hell won’t be me.
“Whoa,” Vanni says, watching his father run down the street after her. “My mother is really angry.”
“I know,” I say quietly, my stomach turning in knots. This was my worst-case scenario, and it’s happening right in front of me. The thing I was afraid of came true.
I’m over.
The book is over.
I won’t have a career anymore.
I’m finished.
“Do you think she’s coming back?” he asks with big eyes, worry all over his face.
“She will,” I say, trying to reassure him, though I can’t be sure. This might be the last time I ever see Jana Lee again. “She loves you, Vanni. She won’t leave without saying goodbye.”
He seems to calm at that. I take a large sip of wine, no longer hungry, my anxiety ripping through me. But even the wine doesn’t seem to help.
“Hey,” Vanni says to me. “Are you mad at me?”
I shake the doom from my heart and look at him in surprise. “Mad at you?”
“Yes. For saying something. Maybe you were keeping it a secret from her, like you were keeping it from me.” He cocks his brow for emphasis.
“Oh, Vanni,” I say with a sigh, my heart heavy. “I am so sorry we didn’t tell you sooner. Your father wanted to, but I was too afraid. It’s my fault.”
“Is that why you were trying to talk to me about romance the other day? Because that was a bit weird.”
“Erm, yeah,” I admit.
“Why didn’t you just say something? I would have understood. I’m not a kid.”
I’m not about to argue with him, that he is a kid, because right now, he’s a lot more mature than I am.
“I was trying…I was so afraid to talk to you.”
He contemplates that for a moment. “I suppose I am intimidating.”
I laugh. “You are, Vanni, you are.” I pause, biting my lip. “And, well…you kept talking about Gio’s timeline and it was better because your mother and your father were together. So I figured…how can I compete with that universe?”
“That is true,” he says slowly. Then he perks up. “But now it is better. This timeline is no longer the darkest. Now I’ll have my father and mother and you’ll be there too. The three of you can live together!”
“Vanni, what you’re describing is polygamy. And that’s not going to happen.”
His face falls. “Oh.”
“But that doesn’t mean you won’t have three people who love you very much. Your father, your mother, and me. Isn’t that nice, to have three people in your life who you can call your family?”
Okay, I am probably overstepping my boundaries here, but I’ve got adrenaline coursing through my veins still. I know that Jana will punish me for this, the least I can do is make sure that Vanni doesn’t hate me as well.
“I do have a lot of family already,” he muses. “I suppose it doesn’t hurt to have more.”
“See. More people to adore you.”
My words seem to have an impact on him. He nods slowly, his lips pursed as he mulls it over. “But my mother will still live in London?”
“She will. It will be just as before. But now your father is happy. Right? All you wanted was for him to be happy, now you know he is happy.”
“Because he’s in love with you…”
I smile softly and reach over and squeeze his hand. “Yes. He’s in love with me and…” I take in a deep breath. “I’m in love with him.”
I’m in love with him.
No point denying it anymore, no point in trying to figure it out.
What Maria said was true, when you know, you know….and I know. Maybe she was also right in that it took the truth to come out before I could recognize it, but it’s there and shining inside me, loud and pure and true.
I love Claudio Romano.
“Gross,” Vanni says under his breath, taking his hand away.
He goes back to eating his food, while I sit there feeling stunned and breathless.
No one ever said love would hit you like a frying pan to the face, scrambling your brain, making you feel dumbstruck.
But that’s all I can feel right now. Like I’ve been shaken upside down and now I have to figure out how to get everything back in the right spot, or perhaps the beauty is that you don’t. Love is chaotic and messy and maybe nothing will ever feel the same again, and maybe that’s the point of it all. Maybe that’s the best thing to ever happen to me.
I definitely know that Claudio is the best thing to ever happen to me.
I quickly reach into my purse and pull out my phone, going to the notes app.
“What are you doing?” Vanni asks in between bites of his food.
“I’m writing,” I tell him, my fingers flying across the keyboard. “I think I know how to end the book.”
“It’s a romance,” he says. “There’s probably going to be kissing.”
I break out into laughter, happiness flooding through me. “Yes, there is going to be kissing.”
“And no time travel?”
“No time travel.”
I know how the heroine is going to come to her senses, I know how they’ll end up on their happily-ever-after. I know it and I can see the end so clear. I’m spurred on not only by my love of Claudio, but I feel like I have Robyn on my shoulder, showing me what to do and where to go. Even if Jan
a drops me as a client, I know I’m going to be okay.
I’m going to be okay, because even though writing can be the loneliest profession, you’re never truly alone when you have people that love you.
“Can I get dessert?” Vanni asks me, after we’ve sat in silence for a while. “I don’t think they’re ever coming back.”
I finish wrapping up a sentence and slide the phone away. There’s a difference between being struck by inspiration and being rude. “Sure you can. Let’s see…”
I’m bringing the menu over to us when I see Claudio come back into the restaurant, his expression grim.
Uh oh.
He sits down and gives us a quick smile, reaching for the last of the wine.
“How was it?” I ask him.
“I’ll tell you later,” he says before he has a big gulp.
“She’s coming back, right?” Vanni asks.
He shakes his head, swallowing. “She’s gone to her room. She has a headache. But you will see her when you go back. Perhaps you can download a movie and watch it together.”
“Okay,” Vanni says, seeming content with that.
But I feel awful.
“Hey,” Claudio says to me gently.
He reaches across the table and places his hand on top of mine and holds it tight, our first public display of affection in front of Vanni.
Vanni just rolls his eyes and goes back to reading the dessert menu.
“It’s going to be okay,” Claudio says to me. “I promise.”
I trust Claudio and all, but I don’t see how any of that is going to be okay.
When we get back to the hotel, Vanni goes to Jana’s room to watch a movie, and I’m alone in mine, staring out the window at the streets of Florence, watching the tourists move in the night. It’s so much calmer after the sun goes down. I think I prefer it this way.
Finally, there’s a knock at my door.
“Who is it?” I call out, walking over to it.
“Special delivery,” an overly high-pitched voice says from the other side.
I can’t help but smile.
I open the door.
Claudio is standing there holding a bottle of Prosecco and a floral arrangement of pale taupe and pink roses in a vase.
