“Do you mind if we stop at the grocery store?” she asked.
“Sure.” He signaled the turn and started to slow. “What do you need?”
“Saltines,” she replied. “Renata says they help with the morning sickness.”
For Tilly. He glanced over at her, feeling a wash of warmth. She always had been sweet. Even after Adam’s infidelity and the divorce, even after Tilly had put her through the wringer for years, she was doing her best by the girl. Did Tilly know how good she had it? Because he’d experienced a whole lot less goodwill with his own stepmother.
“What?” she asked, catching his lingering gaze.
“You’re a nice person, Mel,” he said.
“It hasn’t gotten me too far,” she said.
“You can look yourself in the mirror,” he said. “Not everyone can do that...”
Himself included. He used to think he was a good guy, too—a solid husband, a devoted dad. And then his wife’s death had blown that self-image apart. Because Caroline had seen him a whole lot differently... His father had said that he was like him, and that stung, because Logan had worked a lifetime to be nothing like his old man. Was that the part of Logan that had disappointed Caroline so much?
When they got back to the lake house, Logan turned off the engine and he looked over at Melanie.
“You want to come in?” she asked.
He did...which wasn’t wise to admit, even to himself, but he really did want to go inside and spend more time with her.
“You sure you don’t have something better to do?” he asked.
“Not at all,” she replied. “If you’re only here for a few more days, I suppose we should make the most of it.”
At least this wasn’t entirely one-sided. He felt a smile tug at his lips.
“You like having me around,” he said.
A blush touched her cheeks. “What do you want me to say here?”
“That you like having me around,” he said with a short laugh. And he did. In fact, before he went inside with her, he needed to hear that. He couldn’t just be some ghost using up her time. She met his gaze and the lines around her eyes crinkled as she smiled.
“Fine, I like having you here,” she said. “And it’s nice to—get to know you as an adult, I guess. See you all put together.”
“Ditto,” he murmured. Because she’d been beautiful as a teenager, but she was a stunning woman. There was something about a woman who’d had time to mature and grow as a person. It deepened her beauty in unforeseen ways. But he’d have to make sure whatever he was feeling stopped there.
They got out of the truck and headed to the front door. When they came inside, he spotted Tilly on the couch covered by a light blanket. She was snoring softly.
Melanie shut the door quietly behind them. “I’ll give her the crackers and the vitamins when she wakes up.”
Logan glanced around, and Melanie gestured to the deck outside the window.
“Do you want to go outside?” she asked.
“Sure.”
Melanie deposited the grocery bag and her purse on the counter, and then tiptoed through the living room to the sliding door. He followed her out onto the deck and she shut the door quietly behind them.
The view was breathtaking. The turquoise water sparkled in the midday sunlight, and the mountains rose rocky and jagged all around them. The air was cooler by the glacier chilled water, and overhead he could see one lone circling eagle.
“Do you ever get used to this view?” he asked.
“Nope,” she replied. “Not even after all the years of coming out here.”
Logan leaned his forearms against the railing, looking down to the rocky beach and the rickety wooden wharf that stretched out into the water. Across the lake, he could see the lodge—the windows shining with reflected sunlight.
“I didn’t want to come back,” he admitted quietly.
“Me neither.” She shot him a smile. “Funny how life works, isn’t it?”
Melanie leaned against the railing next to him, and he moved over a couple of inches so that his arm rested against hers. It felt good to be standing this close to her—to just have her next to him.
“You’re a good stepmother,” he said, looking down at her.
“I’m not so sure about that,” she replied. “When Adam and I separated a year ago, I didn’t put a lot of effort into staying connected with the kids. I didn’t think I had a right to. And the kids made it pretty clear who they chose—”
“But Tilly’s here,” he reminded her.
“Which only proves I should have tried harder,” she admitted. “Tilly turned to Simon and now she’s pregnant. How much of that is my fault for not being there for her?”
“You can’t beat yourself up,” he said.
“Can’t I?” She tipped her head onto his shoulder for a moment, her sun-warmed hair smelling like citrus. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of her leaning against him...
“None of us are perfect,” he said quietly.
“You seem to be pretty close,” she said.
“My wife didn’t think so.” He hadn’t really meant to say so much, but it had come out before he could think better of it.
“You stayed together, though,” she countered. “You were both faithful. Why are so you unsure about that?”
“My wife kept diaries,” he said, his voice low. “A few weeks ago, I stumbled across a box of them that I’d put aside. I started to read them, thinking it would be nice to relive some of our memories. I read about how she met me, about her pregnancy with our son, about those early days of mothering...about our life together as the years rolled on. And you know what I found out? I was a jerk.”
“I don’t believe that,” Melanie straightened. “I really don’t.”
“She wrote it all down—every hurtful thing I said, the times I ignored her feelings, the times I took out my frustration from work on her with some biting comment... She wrote it all down.”
“Venting, maybe?” Melanie asked.
“Definitely venting, but there were a few times she wrote something like, I wonder what life would have been like if I hadn’t married him.” His voice grew thick with emotion, and he swallowed hard. “I remembered a life full of love and growth and adventure together. She remembered me being a jerk—hurting her feelings and messing up. I didn’t make her happy, Mel. I tried really hard, but I didn’t make her happy.”
He turned toward her and Melanie looked up at him. Did she know how pretty she looked right now? He lifted his hand and touched her cheek with the back of a finger, and her skin was so soft under his touch that he lingered there.
“I know the feeling...” she whispered. “I didn’t make my husband happy, either. I wasn’t enough.”
“At least you can be angry with him,” Logan said. “He was in the wrong. He was a cheater. Caroline was perfectly faithful. And I can’t be upset with my dead wife, can I?”
A lump rose in his throat. He’d said it like a rhetorical question, but he actually wanted an answer to that one. Did it make him a monster to be angry with Caroline? If she’d told him straight how she felt, then he could have fixed something. But she never told him.
“You’re a good guy, Logan.” She touched his chest through his shirt and lingered there.
“My dad said that. I’m not sure it means anything.”
“Your dad is a lot of things,” she said quietly. “But he was right about that.”
“I meant well,” he softly. “But I’m not the guy I thought I was.”
“Logan—” She met his gaze, but she didn’t finish what she was going to say. He felt his reserve begin to crumble. He’d never said any of this aloud before, and he’d expected to see judgment in her eyes. But it wasn’t there...
He stepped closer, looking at her pink lips—the lips
he remembered from all those years ago... The lips that used to fill his mind and his plans back when Mountain Springs had been his whole life. And then, before he could think better of it, he leaned closer and let his mouth brush against hers. He wasn’t sure what he expected—shock, recoil—but her eyes fluttered shut and he leaned closer still, covering her lips with his own. She felt good in his arms—warm, soft, fragrant. She was a relief, an undeserved comfort.
And then she pulled back, her gaze dropping.
“Sorry...” he whispered.
“It’s okay.” She licked her lips and glanced toward the window. There wasn’t any movement from inside, but he knew what she was worried about. They weren’t as private as they felt out here.
“I didn’t mean to do that,” he said, and he felt a wave of embarrassment... They were both vulnerable, and they were old enough to know better than to toy with these kinds of feelings.
“Me neither.” She smiled faintly.
“I guess we still have that spark,” he said softly. “There always was something that drew us together, wasn’t there?”
She looked away, stepped back. Was it something he’d said?
“It might be getting complicated, Logan.”
“I’ll cut it out,” he said. But he didn’t want to cut things off. “I don’t want to mess this up again. I’m perfectly capable of being friends with a woman. I promise.”
“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?” she whispered.
“It seems so...” He met her gaze, and he was suddenly very grateful for having met her again. He wouldn’t mess this up. “Come for dinner at the lodge tomorrow. It’ll be nice and public. Bring Tilly with you. It’ll probably be good for both of you to get out, change the dynamic a bit.”
“I can’t do dinner,” she said. “I have plans with Angelina. How about lunch?”
“I could do lunch.” He cast her a smile. “I’m not some passionate teenager anymore, Mel. I really can behave myself.”
She laughed and shook her head. “I believe you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
That kiss was the wrong move, but he’d make it up tomorrow. He wasn’t going to be any good at being more than a friend, and he knew it. For the first time in his life he had some confirmation of why—he was Harry Wilde’s son, and it seemed that he fell a little too close to the tree.
CHAPTER EIGHT
MELANIE WATCHED AS Logan’s truck pulled out of the drive. Her lips still felt warm, and she sucked in a slow breath. It had been a very long time since she’d had a first kiss. It was a long time since she’d felt a man’s embrace like that.
It was a long time since she’d been kissed by Logan McTavish, but it was different this time. Was she imagining that? What was it about Logan that he could make her heart ache with just the touch of his lips?
Maybe they were both different now. Older, wiser, a little more battered by life. And his kiss hadn’t been the enthusiastic kiss of youth, but a softer, deeper kiss filled with a longing that held no demand. Maybe that was the part that tugged at her heart—he wasn’t asking anything of her, and yet he wanted to. She could feel it.
“Is he gone?”
Melanie turned to see Tilly sitting up. She leaned forward slowly—nauseous still, it would seem, and Melanie felt her face heat. How much had Tilly seen? Hopefully not that kiss...
“I got you some saltines,” Melanie said, grabbing the box from the counter. “I asked a nurse, and she says they’ll help. Just nibble on a few.”
She pulled out a tube of crackers and brought it to the couch. Tilly took it wordlessly, and helped herself to a cracker.
“I also got you some prenatal vitamins.”
“Ugh. I can’t think about swallowing vitamins,” Tilly said, nibbling a saltine. “I saw you kiss him.”
Melanie blinked at the sudden change of topic, and she felt her cheeks heat.
“We’re just friends. That wasn’t supposed to happen,” Melanie replied.
“I guess you’re single now, you can do whatever you want,” Tilly said.
Tilly’s primness was irritating.
“I have my own life,” Melanie agreed. “Your father is moving on, and I’m going to, too. Eventually.”
Later. Much later. But it was better to be honest about these things.
“Whatever...” Tilly took a bite of the cracker. Her phone blipped and she reached for it, then sighed. “Are you going to sell this place?”
“It’s a possibility. I’ll have to think about it.”
“This lake house is special.” Tilly looked up at her. “This meant something to us.”
“To our family,” Melanie said.
“To me and Michael and Viv.”
Right—the siblings.
“But you guys spent half the time here upset that you were forced to come,” Melanie countered.
“We still came here every summer,” Tilly replied. “So, maybe me and Michael and Viv had some attitude, but it was still our childhood. And we hung out here. We grew up here. Now, you’re throwing it away.”
“I’m not throwing anything away. I’m trying to figure out how to start over, Tilly. I know you’re upset—things didn’t turn out the way either of us expected, but you’ve got to appreciate my situation, too. I thought I’d grow old with your father. I thought I’d help plan your wedding one day. I’m not getting any of that. I have to start over. I don’t actually have a choice here!”
“You left him,” Tilly said woodenly.
“It’s more complicated than that,” Melanie said. “When someone is cheating, they’ve made a choice, too. It changes things.”
Tilly was silent for a moment. “Yeah. I guess I can see that.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t stay, Tilly. One day, when you’re older, you’ll probably understand that better than you do now. But I’m truly, deeply sorry.”
Because the family that Tilly had kicked against had also been the family she’d relied on for stability and support. And Adam and Melanie had torn that apart.
“Do you miss my dad?” Tilly asked quietly.
“Yes.” There was no point in lying. “I do. I married him because I loved him, and I do miss him. He’s not going to stop being a part of my history. You don’t erase fifteen years of marriage. I’m heartbroken. I’m not a wife anymore, and I’m not a mom anymore.”
He cheated. He lied. He disrespected her. He thought his money made his behavior acceptable. But she hadn’t married him for the financial comfort. She hadn’t been willing to raise his kids because he was wealthy. She’d loved them all.
“So like, do you regret not having your own baby? Now, I mean. Looking back on it?”
Yes...with every breath, with every fiber of her being, yes! And she only realized now how much she wanted a baby of her own. She’d spent too many years convincing herself that she didn’t. But she couldn’t tell Tilly that.
“Tilly, it’s over. It doesn’t really matter anymore. The thing is, it’s possible for a guy to be lovable, to be smart, to have many good qualities and to still be completely wrong for you. You might keep that in mind. There is a quote I saw somewhere—don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.”
“So my dad was a mistake?” Tilly asked stiffly. Not to be derailed, apparently. Melanie was thinking of Simon now, and hoping Tilly would be smart enough to walk away before she wasted fifteen years on the wrong guy, too.
“I don’t know... Your father is a fine man in many ways. He’s a great father. He’s a brilliant businessman. He’s a loyal friend, a handsome guy...” She smiled sadly. “Your father has all sorts of good qualities, but in the end he wasn’t good for me.”
“Because of the other women,” Tilly clarified.
“Yes,” she said. “I think that blindsided us all.”
“Not really,” Tilly replied.<
br />
Melanie blinked. Tilly’s reply had been so quick, so flippant. “What?”
Tilly crunched into another cracker. “We all knew he was doing it. He didn’t hide it very well.”
“You knew?” Melanie felt the air seep out of her lungs.
“Of course,” Tilly said. “It was going on for years, from before I understood what was happening. There were a few of them that I even met. His secretary—she was extra nice to me, and I saw them kissing in his office. There was that journalist, too, who did the story on our house and the decor and stuff.”
“No...” Melanie shook her head.
“Yeah, her, too. Mind you, it was Michael who pointed that one out. I had no idea for her. There were others.”
So the kids had talked about it together—pointed out which women their father was cheating on her with...and no one had let her know! Melanie had sacrificed so much for them, devoted her entire life to raising them, done her very best to give them the love and support they needed, and this was how they’d repaid her?
The truth hit her right in the heart. They hadn’t told her because she hadn’t been their real mom... Or maybe it was their father’s treatment of her that solidified that into their minds. She hadn’t been worthy of their father’s fidelity, so why should she have been worthy of their love and respect?
“You didn’t tell me,” she said, her voice choked.
“Dad would have been furious,” the girl said with a shrug. “Sorry.”
Their father who had seldom punished them for anything, who was lenient to a fault...
It wasn’t fear of their father. It was their loyalty to him. The sorry didn’t sound sincere.
Melanie turned back to the kitchen, her heart hammering. These were the children she’d sacrificed for. This was the tiny little blond toddler who had stolen her heart all those years ago...the little mite who needed a mother.
“Melanie, I’m sorry!” Tilly said. “I was a kid! What was I supposed to do?”
And she was right, she’d been a child, an innocent onlooker. Her father had been in the wrong. So maybe Melanie was more upset with herself for being the last one to notice her own husband’s infidelity.
Their Mountain Reunion (The Second Chance Club Book 1) Page 11
