He’d been an idiot to let his emotions get involved. She was probably smart to send him away. He was trouble—no longer on a motorbike, but trouble nonetheless, and at least she could see it.
“Look, in my own defense, I didn’t stand a chance of not falling for you,” he said softly. “You’re truly incredible.”
He wondered if it would have been better to just text her and head on out of town, but he’d promised her. He wasn’t ghosting her again. He wasn’t hiding from his feelings. He was done with breaking the hearts of the women he loved.
“Call me if you ever want to,” Logan said, pulling open the door.
“Oh, Logan...” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I love you, too...”
Logan froze, the door partway open and the pine-scented air coming in to meet him. “You do?”
“But what use is it?” she asked, shaking her head. “I can’t just trust another guy with my life, and I can’t fool around with feelings like these. It’s too much! I’m not tough enough to roll with it. Maybe it’s been too long since I’ve dated anyone, but I can’t.” She shook her head. “And what about you?”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Can you just launch yourself into a serious relationship?”
He rubbed his hand over his eyes. “I made my wife miserable, and I don’t know why. Or how. Or what went wrong. I’ve got to take this slow.”
“And I don’t think it’s going slowly between us,” she said. “It’s burning fast, and if we aren’t ready to take the next step, it will burn out.”
“Do you think we can be something to each other?” he asked.
She shrugged helplessly. “Maybe later. Much later. I can’t go through another heartbreak, Logan. I need to get my balance here. And your life is in Denver. I’m not repeating history.”
It was impossible—he knew it.
“I still hate saying goodbye,” he said miserably.
“Me, too, but at least this time we get one.” Her chin trembled. “And I’m grateful for that.”
Logan left the door open and crossed the hallway toward her again. He swept her into his arms. This time his kiss was filled with longing for all the things he wished he could be to her, if he were only a little less damaged, a little less of a risk. The soft scent of her filled his head and his heart, and when he finally pulled back, he knew he had to leave now or not at all.
“I’d better go,” he said, his voice choked, and he left, putting one foot in front of the other until he got into his truck. He clutched his steering wheel with a death grip, willing his emotions to stay buried beneath his granite mask. He wouldn’t put the burden of his heartbreak onto her.
Melanie stood at the open door, her brown eyes filled with tears, but she raised one hand in farewell as he put the truck into Reverse. He unrolled his window before he took his foot off the brake.
“Call me if you want to talk,” he said.
Even if it hurt. Even it made it worse, he wouldn’t turn her away.
She nodded, but she didn’t say anything, and he knew what that meant. She wouldn’t call. And neither would he. This was the goodbye they should have had twenty years ago.
He took his foot off the brake and pulled out of her drive. It seemed that the right thing to do could be identified by how much it hurt. Because a proper goodbye had been the thing they’d both needed...but it left him gutted.
He’d go pick up his son and get back to his life. Melanie had never been his to hold on to, anyway.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
MELANIE STOOD IN the silence of her house for a moment, the weight of what had just happened sinking down into her chest. It was then that the tears broke free and her shoulders shook as she dropped to sit on the floor.
She loved him. Maybe she’d never fully gotten him out of her heart. He’d been the first one to break her heart, and now he’d done it again, but she couldn’t blame him. She’d known better than to toy with these kinds of feelings with Logan McTavish, and he’d tried to stop himself from falling for her, too. Why couldn’t they be better at this twenty years later? Why were they still so apt to tumble down that slope together?
But there was something about that man that tugged her in. In some way, he still felt like hers, except he wasn’t. He still belonged to his late wife, and he still felt guilty and responsible to her. They’d both been betrayed in their previous relationships, just in different ways. His wife had never opened up to him and let him fix what was going wrong. And Adam had denied her the same thing by cheating on her. He’d never told her why she hadn’t been enough, or why he felt like other women were more exciting.
Was it something about her that fizzled in their relationship? Or was it something about Adam that was broken?
Melanie cried until her tears were spent and her legs felt stiff from sitting on the floor. And then she got up and went into the kitchen.
She had to start over—to have something that was hers, without relying on a man. And ironically, with her lake house and her divorce, she had just that. She should see this painful time as the opportunity it was to build a life that would show Tilly what a woman could do on her own.
Because the kids were watching...always watching. She owed her stepdaughter a good example.
The sun had set when her friends arrived. Melanie had lit some candles out on the deck, arranged a few Adirondack chairs and pulled down the wine glasses that hadn’t been used in probably a decade. Her heart was heavy, though, and her tears still felt very close to the surface.
When they’d settled outside on the deck with some soft music filtering out the open patio door, Melanie leaned her head back and looked up at the stars. She could pick out a couple of familiar constellations, and she breathed in the pine-scented air.
Renata and Angelina settled into the other two chairs, and Belle sat on the edge of the deck, her legs swinging. Gayle was next to her, a glass of wine in her hand.
“So why are the kids with their dad?” Angelina asked Renata with a frown. “I thought you had them all summer.”
“I got tired of it,” Renata said. “I felt like I was being pushed and manipulated from all sides. Ivan kept telling the kids that they didn’t see him often because we weren’t a family anymore, and the kids were blaming me, and it was getting really ugly. So I decided that if they needed more time with their dad, they’d get it.”
“Did that make your ex happy?” Melanie asked.
“Far from it,” Renata chuckled. “The kids are wonderful, but they’re a lot of work, and I always do that work. When we were married, I was the one to make sure they were dressed and clean and fed and polite and...alive.”
Melanie chuckled. “Yeah, I know that feeling.”
“So Ivan has the kids for two weeks, and he’s already called me three times, asking stupid questions, but he’ll figure it out. And so will they. I’m not taking the blame for our divorce, and I’m not standing between the kids and their dad.” Renata sucked in a deep breath. “And look at me, out after dark three times in one month.”
Gayle smiled. “Look at you, indeed.”
“I think that’s great, Renata,” Melanie said.
“I agree,” Belle echoed. She took a sip. “It’s very mature of you.”
“Thank you for noticing,” Renata said with a low laugh. “Ivan called me childish and manipulative.”
“Nah,” Gayle said. “He wanted time with his kids. Now he can choke on it.”
Melanie chuckled. “Oh, it’s good for all of them.”
Dads mattered. Tilly needed Adam right now. Even Logan had spent his life longing for that connection with his father. At the thought of him, tears prickled her eyes.
“I miss the kids already,” Renata said, her smile slipping. “I’m not used to all this freedom.”
“I know you want sympathy here,” Gayle said. “But the freedom wil
l grow on you. Trust me.”
Melanie couldn’t help but smile past her own raw emotions, and she took a sip of her white wine.
“So what’s the update?” Angelina asked Melanie. “You sounded...momentous.”
“I’m keeping the lake house,” Melanie said. “I really thought that Adam was too much a part of this place, but when he came to pick up Tilly today, I realized that he’s not. He was never here...not often. This is mine. All mine.”
“That’s powerful,” Angelina said with a slow smile. “I’m glad. This is a pristine property. Are you starting up your own business, then?”
Melanie nodded. “I am. Tomorrow I’ll enroll in a design course, and come September, I’ll be a student again.”
“You okay?” Renata asked, fixing her with a perceptive look. “You seem...really sad. Is it just the adjustment? You said you saw Adam today, right?”
“I did, but it isn’t that. If anything, seeing Adam helped matters.” Melanie swallowed. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with Logan, and we started feeling more for each other than was wise. We called it off today.”
The women fell silent, and for a moment, all that could be heard was the music from inside and the chirp of insects down by the water.
“Feeling more than was wise...” Belle repeated. “Did you fall in love with him?”
“I didn’t say that—” She didn’t want to admit to it, at least.
“You didn’t have to,” Angelina said quietly. “You two always did have a spark.”
“A spark isn’t enough,” Melanie replied, and her chin trembled.
“A spark is something quite extraordinary, though,” Gayle said. “It’s something some of us spent years and years without.”
Melanie couldn’t deny that. Whatever she and Logan seemed to share was rare and beautiful...just doomed. And her heart couldn’t take any more battering. She’d been through too much. The candles flickered in a gust of breeze and Melanie moved one closer, looking down into the flame.
“I just can’t do it,” Melanie said woodenly. “I’m tired. I need to be on my own.”
There was silence for a moment, then Angelina said, “We don’t have to be with men to be happy. Realizing that is why we’re all here, I think.”
“Amen to that,” Belle said, lifting her glass.
“A house on a mountain lake, a group of good friends and plans for the future,” Renata said. “If we can’t find the good in this...”
“It’s a good life,” Melanie said. “My stepdaughter needs to see me do this—build a life of my own, find joy in the little things, get excited about my own career—because she’s going to have to be stronger than she ever thought possible. A baby is coming, and her boyfriend is the kind of man who sucks a woman’s soul dry. So this second start is for her, too. Sometimes you have to show the next generation how to fall down and get back up again.”
“Yes,” Renata said quietly. “Exactly that.”
Melanie had gotten over Logan before, and she could do it again, this time with the wisdom of her life experience behind her. But Melanie’s heart was still heavy. She was tired of trying, of throwing her back into her relationships. There were times when trying wasn’t going to change a thing.
* * *
LOGAN PULLED INTO his garage on the cul-de-sac in the west end of Denver where he and his son lived. Logan and Caroline had bought the house together when Graham was all of five.
They’d been catching up on the drive back from the airport, so Graham had already heard all the pertinent details about his grandfather, his uncle and aunt and cousins. It felt good to be able to tell his son about this—some kind of connection to his side of the family.
Logan got out of the truck and heaved his son’s suitcase from the truck bed. Graham came over and grabbed it.
“I’ve got it, Dad. But thanks.”
Graham looked more mature—a few weeks abroad had changed him. Funny how life did that. It wasn’t in a physical aging process, just an emotional one that could be seen in the slant of his shoulders and the glint in his eye. He’d matured.
“You know, I was thinking,” Logan said. “I can take you to see your grandfather’s grave, if you want. I wouldn’t mind seeing it, myself.”
“You think your brother will even talk to you after that speech?” Graham asked.
“I figure he might.” Logan smiled ruefully. “It was honest, but not mean. So, what do you think?”
Graham shrugged. “Yeah, maybe.”
Graham carried his suitcase into the house and Logan followed. Graham didn’t need a trip back to a grave—Logan could tell. His son was being polite, trying to be supportive, but he’d never met his grandfather and hadn’t seemed to suffer without him. Logan had made sure of that. He’d never wanted his son to feel a lack of love from his relatives. There was a whole family out there who had never even brushed against Graham’s life. But did it have to be that way?
Logan had never made the rest of their family a priority. He had let them slide off the map. But he was feeling badly about having left the funeral the way he had. Melanie had said he didn’t need to stop existing to comfort others, and maybe the same could be said for Graham, too. They had a family out there, whether that was comfortable for all involved or not.
Graham got the suitcase inside the house and Logan picked the mail up from the pile on the floor and flicked on lights. It felt strange to be home—not quite good.
“Your uncle Junior wants to meet you,” Logan said.
“I’m not really interested,” Graham said. “I’m going to be pretty busy moving into my own place and all that.”
“Yeah, you are, but they’re your family,” Logan said.
“They’re yours, too.” Graham cast him a curious look.
“I’ve made mistakes,” Logan said, and Graham looked back, sobered. “I probably should have gone home to see my father sooner. I didn’t have as much time as I thought. I should have sat down with my dad and hashed out some sort of relationship with him, and I should have gotten to know my siblings. I messed up.”
“They weren’t really worth it—”
“They were family, Graham. And I hope that one day, if you and I have some sort of falling-out, that you’ll try. You won’t just give up on me like I did with my own father.”
“Is that what this is about?” Graham asked. “You and I have a relationship, Dad. It’s not the same thing. Your father pretty much cut you out of his family for the crime of being born to the wrong woman.”
“I know...” Logan rubbed his hand over his face. “And you’re right that it isn’t quite the same, but even if they didn’t include me in their family, maybe we can start by including them in ours.”
Graham headed through to the kitchen. Logan could hear him muttering about there being no food with both of them having been away for the last few weeks, and Logan pulled out his phone, checking for messages.
He knew whose text he was looking for. He was missing Melanie already.
There was none. He hadn’t really expected any. They’d said all there was to say earlier, but... He looked up to see Graham eyeing him skeptically.
“So what happened with that woman?” Graham asked. “The ex-girlfriend, or whatever.”
“We’re friends,” Logan said. Sort of. Maybe they’d be friends in the future, at least.
“That’s too bad,” Graham said. “I was hoping maybe you were dating.”
“You want me to start dating?” Logan asked, surprised.
“Yeah, it’s been a few years now, Dad. I mean, I want you to be happy. Mom would have wanted that, too—” Graham paused when he saw his father’s face. “What? Did she not want you to move on?”
“She did,” Logan said. “It’s not that.”
He’d been thinking about how to tell Graham ever since he’d read the diar
ies. He’d considered destroying them, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He’d been in a guilt-ridden limbo. And he hadn’t wanted big family secrets to come between them. This was his chance to do things differently with his own son. “We need to talk...”
“What’s going on?” Graham asked.
“The thing is, son, your mom...” Logan rubbed his hands over his face. “I loved her. I really did. You know that. And I’ve grieved for her really hard, but—”
“But?” Graham said.
“You know how I pulled out your mom’s diaries? Well, I started reading them a few weeks ago, and I found out that your mom wasn’t all that happy with me,” he said at last.
“What?” Graham shook his head. “I don’t believe that.”
“I want you to know that I did do my best, and there wasn’t anyone else in my heart. Just her. I adored your mom, but if you end up reading those diaries, you’ll see a different version of me...one I didn’t realize existed all those years.”
“Were you mean? Did you hit her?” Graham asked.
“No! No! My God, Graham. I know how all of this sounds, but it wasn’t anything like that. I think it was just a personality thing. Or all the baggage I came with. I mean, I have a really dysfunctional family. I could be hard to talk to, and to deal with sometimes, and...” He hated opening up about this. He wanted to be his son’s hero, not some loser who’d made Graham’s mother miserable. Still, it was better to address it now than later. “I guess I made mistakes, and I don’t even know exactly how. But I obviously did.”
Logan looked up at his son and found Graham shaking his head. “I snagged one. To read while I was in Europe.”
“So you knew?” Logan asked hesitantly.
“Hold on.” Graham headed to his suitcase and rooted through it, then pulled out a journal. He flipped through the pages. “Read that.”
Graham passed the journal over and Logan’s heart sank. “I don’t need to read more of it, Graham—”
“No. Read it. Seriously.”
Logan looked down to where his son was pointing.
Their Mountain Reunion (The Second Chance Club Book 1) Page 21
