by Vani Mahesh
Sanju soon joined her in the balcony. ‘Hi, Aishwarya Rai.’
Sanju was looking nice and relaxed. That was how he started the day and his job coupled with the Bangalore traffic sucked the life out of him by the end of the day. ‘Dad called. He is bringing jackfruit in the evening. What time are you leaving?’
Anu’s parents-in-law bought jackfruits and watermelons that could serve an army. Watermelon was for Sanju’s benefit and the jackfruit for Anu. Her father-in-law brought it cut and packed three times a week. ‘I will call him to come by before five,’ Anu said contemplating a second cup of coffee.
‘Sanju, if we move, your father cannot drop by like this anymore. That is sad.’ Anu meant it. Not just her father-in-law, her father, mother, mother-in-law, at times even Padma aunty, just dropped by their house to have a chat over coffee. Suddenly, Anu found Padma aunty’s visits endearing too.
Sanju grew serious. ‘I said take your time to decide on the move.’ Well, he didn’t say it like he meant it.
7
That weekend Anu came to stay with her parents since Sanju was busy working on some deadline. And over a hot Uppittu breakfast, Anu ended up blurting about the move to her mother and grandmother.
Her mother went silent for a good three minutes, which was very uncharacteristic of her. Then she declared disdainfully. ‘That North Bangalore is not even Bangalore. Aren’t there luxury places here?’
Anu’s grandmother shook her head vigorously to get the water out of her hair. ‘There is a Durga Parameshwari temple somewhere there.’
‘Ajji!’ Anu screamed in despair. ‘Do you think we are moving so that we can live close to the temple?’
Anu’s father walked in and he was briefed as well. ‘The only real luxury in Bangalore is owning a house.’ He said before picking up the newspaper. He was a man of very few words. He practised economy in everything.
‘You people don’t give any concrete suggestions.’ Anu snickered. ‘Tell me what to do. Sanju is very serious.’
‘He is only proposing to rent a house, not to buy one. You can try.’ With that, her father was gone.
‘Tell Sanju you can’t move. You father once wanted to move to Singapore but I refused.’ Her mother said with finality.
‘That was a great opportunity that I missed.’ Her father yelled from somewhere.
Anu’s grandmother, now drying her hair vigorously with a towel, chimed in. ‘Tell Sanju that I might die any time and so you can’t move.’
‘You said the same thirty years ago to foil our Singapore plans.’ Only Anu heard her father mutter as he passed by.
Anu suddenly felt very dejected and her eyes began to well up. ‘None of you are taking me seriously. I am the only one who is fighting to stay back.’
Anu’s mother handed her a cup of coffee. ‘Men always make these outrageous plans. It won’t happen, Anu.’
Her grandmother squeezed her hand. ‘I will pretend to get admitted to a hospital. My friend Rathnamma’s daughter owns one. Then how can he ask you to move?’
Anu sighed. Her father was too practical, grandmother too impractical, and mother in complete denial. It was her battle now. She considered talking to Sanju’s parents but dismissed the thought. They preferred to simply go along with whatever their beloved son proposed. Only Padma aunty could put some sense into Sanju, although she might also convince him to marry someone else. Some battles have to be fought alone because the outcome of it affects only you.
Anu walked on aimlessly through the Vijaynagar main road that evening. She ate Masalpuri at her usual corner (the cook knew she liked it mildly spiced without sweet chutney,) drank Mosambi juice from her regular joint (the shop-keeper knew how she liked it—only fruit, no water, no ice and one spoon of sugar), bought a kurti from a street vendor—well, Anu didn’t know him but he still sort of favoured her over a hoard of other customers.
While heading back home, Anu stopped before an ice cream shop feeling all nostalgic. That was where Sanju had proposed to her. From then to now, the shop had severely shrunk. Once big and airy, it was now reduced to a nook with two chairs. The bigger area had been rented out to a mobile outlet. But the owner was the same.
Anu smiled at him. ‘Hi.’
He looked at her intently. ‘You are Balakrishna sir’s daughter. How are you?’
Everyone in that area either knew her or her family. Anu called Sameer. ‘At the ice cream shop. Will you come?’
Squeezing inside the nook, Sameer frowned at Anu. ‘Ice cream? We are not in high school anymore, Dorothy.’
Anu laughed. ‘The only literary reference you can make!’
With her favourite Butterscotch ice cream melting in the mouth, Anu began to feel like a kid again. ‘Sameer, I went all around Vijaynagar and now nostalgia is oozing through me!’
‘Drama Queen!’ Sameer worked on his Pista ice cream. ‘You know that all three of them are the same Vanilla with three different colours, right?’ He pointed at the colourful tubs of green, yellow, and pink.
‘Mixed with hazardous food essence.’ Anu pursed her lips. ‘But who is complaining? I love it.’
‘Why did you want me here so urgently?’
‘Not urgently. But for old-times sake. Now hear me out.’
Sameer took a deep breath. ‘I knew there was a catch.’
‘I have to do the pros and cons. Pros of moving? Makes Sanju happy. Cons? Makes me unhappy.’ Anu looked up pleadingly. ‘I need a sign from God to tell me whether I should choose myself or Sanju.’
Sameer laughed. ‘You are going to get the sign while devouring your ice cream?’
Anu screwed up her face. ‘God has nothing against ice cream.’ Then she added absentmindedly. ‘Sanju has never really said no to anything I have wanted. Why is it so hard for me to say yes to the one thing he wants?’
‘Because this is a big ask. You never asked him for anything that was against his will.’ Sameer pointed out.
Anu laughed. ‘You must be amnesiac! I made him move out of his parents’ house!’
‘Right. But that was before you married him.’
A conspiratorial smile played on Sameer’s lips. ‘Anu, there is a sign coming your way as we speak.’ He was sitting facing the street.
Anu turned back to see what he was referring to. Padma aunty was walking into the shop with a friend. What a hypocrite! Did she think the ice Cream was made up of millets?
‘Hello, Sameer.’ She greeted him warmly while she nodded coldly at Anu.
‘I am leaving on my trip to the US and Europe tomorrow.’ She beamed visibly.
‘Shall I drop you to the airport, aunty?’ No wonder everyone adored Sameer.
‘No no, Sameer. I am going with friends. Thank you for the offer.’ She cast a you-never-offered glance at Anu. That was not fair! Anu had done the woollens and jackets shopping with her!
When she began to leave, Anu asked. ‘Aren’t you eating here?’
Padma aunty snickered. ‘No. Absolutely not. I saw Sameer so came inside.’
With that, Padma aunty joined her friend who was walking out with two cones of ice cream.
When she left, Anu pursed her lips. ‘I wanted to tell Padma aunty about her nephew’s grand idea but I don’t want to bother her before the trip. Sameer, please give me a suggestion I can’t refuse.’
‘Let us have a beer.’
That indeed was a suggestion she couldn’t refuse. But that evening, not even beer and the grub succeeded in calming her down. When she watched around Drink and Dine, instead of the usual joy, she felt melancholic. She knew she was grieving a little too much but she was never good with changes.
‘Anu, it may not be so bad. A better house, posh neighbourhood.’ Sameer tried consoling her.
‘A change is exciting only when you are craving one. To me, this feels like an unwanted wedding to a millionaire.’ Anu rolled her eyes. ‘People move for a new job, a new house, or new life when what they have isn’t good enough. But what I have is fantastic.’
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‘That is because you are fantastic. Come on, Anu. Moping isn’t you. Fight, baby, fight.’
As they sipped in silence, Anu gasped. The large-screen TV started blaring about how North Bangalore was a posh and upcoming neighbourhood. What were the odds of that! Anu watched the massive villas and flats on the screen in dismay. ‘Sameer, look! The TV here always shows Cricket even if it is a match from hundred years ago. Maybe God is talking to me through the TV. He wants me to see those houses.’
Then the TV screens changed to show the news. ‘I don’t believe this!’ uttered Sameer.
‘Kavitha! That is Kavi on TV!’ Anu almost screamed. Kavitha was on some sort of highway amidst a berserk crowd and was being pushed back by a female constable.
The news reporter began to talk, ‘Actor Sudeep is shooting on the outer ring road near the Hebbal flyover and the fans are going crazy to catch a glimpse of their favourite star …’
Anu sighed. God was talking to her through the TV! Though Kavitha’s obsession with Sudeep was nothing new, what were the chances that she was on the Hebbal flyover at almost ten in the night!
Then it struck her. How would Kavitha get back home? Yanking the phone out, Anu called and Kavitha answered the fourth call.
‘Anu! Can you believe? I got Sudeep’s autograph!’ Kavitha was screaming in euphoria.
‘That is great, Kavi. Who are you with? How are you coming back home?’ Anu started to feel concerned. Kavitha was, well, not someone who planned things.
‘I came here at five o’clock. I took an auto then. I will get an auto now. Don’t worry.’ Kavitha screamed again.
‘Fine. Call me if you don’t find anything in fifteen minutes.’ Anu hung up the phone.
‘What do you plan to do if she calls for help?’ Sameer cocked a brow at Anu. His dislike for Kavitha was nothing new. For a while, she nursed a massive crush on Sameer and he wasn’t happy being followed around by a grinning Kavitha wherever he went. Anu had then manufactured a story to bail Sameer out. That he was engaged at birth to marry his father’s childhood friend’s daughter. That hadn’t gone too well when Kavitha spread that story to everyone in Sameer’s college, but it was still okay since it got Kavitha off his back.
The phone duly rang in fifteen minutes. There was no background noise anymore around Kavitha. ‘Anu, no autos, man. Feeling a bit scared. What do I do?’
‘Is there a bus-stand around you? Stand there. It is safer than the roadside. I will come to get you.’
Anu looked at Sameer and got up. ‘Come, Sammy boy. Let’s rescue the maiden in distress.’
Sameer shook his head in disagreement. ‘No way! I am not getting caught for drunken driving because of that whacko.’
‘Hey! What happened to all the chivalrous men? Come on, Sameer. She can’t call her husband because he hates her love for Sudeep. Her father doesn’t drive.’
‘Ask Sanju to pick her up. He will be sober and he works closer to where she is.’
‘He is in the electronic city office! It is insanely far for him. And, he is in the middle of some software crisis. Come on, Sameer.’
Sameer picked up the keys reluctantly. ‘Why are you the saviour of the crazy world? Who will mess with her? She is large enough to pick up a man and throw him into the traffic.’
‘Hey! No body shaming.’ Anu poked Sameer in the arm, fastening the seatbelt.
‘She calls me a skinny crow. Isn’t that body shaming?’
‘That is because you broke her heart.’
What usually is one of the most wretched stretches of Bangalore during the day turned out to be a nice drive at that hour on the outer ring road. Anu could see lit-up huge apartment complexes with large empty spaces on either side of the road. Tiny cars and tinier two-wheelers zipped past majestic BMTC buses and trucks. Sameer was enjoying the drive as much as her. By then, Anu’s mother had called a hundred times. Anu deftly dodged that bullet by lying that she had gone home with Sanju.
‘Lucky we weren’t stopped for alcohol testing.’ Sameer sighed in relief. They had come past a couple of checkpoints but the police hadn’t suspected them.
After being misdirected by Kavitha a dozen times, they were able to locate her sitting in an empty bus stop.
She got in muttering at Sameer. ‘Yo, skinny crow. Can’t you locate a place properly?’
‘I will throw you out of my car if you insult me, Tata Sumo.’ Well, that was a mean nickname but that was how the insults between Sameer and Kavitha went.
‘You can’t even move my little finger!’ Kavitha snickered and turned to Anu. ‘Thanks, Anu. What would I do without you?’
Within ten minutes of driving, Kavitha had a desire to drink the roadside tea. Anu didn’t mind since she had begun to feel drowsy. Sameer was ever ready for a tea so he turned off the ring road towards a tea-stall. But the moment he got onto the service road, Sameer started cursing when a drunken-driving checkpoint stared at them straight in the face. Soon a traffic policeman approached them with a breathalyzer. Anu peered at it curiously and she grew suspicious.
Sameer got off the car and walked a little distance with the policeman.
‘That looks like the breathalyzer I got on Amazon to gift to Shwetha. Do you think these are fake police? Are they stopping us to fleece money out of us?’
Kavitha grew all excited. ‘You are never wrong when it comes to products sold on Amazon, Anu. Let us call their bluff.’
The next few minutes went by very quickly—with Kavitha accusing the policeman of being fake, a constable getting into their car and driving them to the police station, and Sameer repeatedly telling the policeman that the women with him are a bit demented.
When they got off at the police station, Sameer glared at them. ‘I want the two of you to shut up. Especially you, Sumo. Can’t believe I am stuck with you.’
Anu walked around outside while Sameer pleaded with the policeman. Kavitha said she was too tired to get off the car. Anu smiled at a woman, smartly dressed in jeans and T-shirt, about the same age as her.
‘Drunk driving?’ Anu asked smilingly. A fellow felon.
The woman shook her head. ‘No. I am a journalist. Here to find a story.’
‘Wow. That is cool. I have never been in the news.’ Anu said wistfully.
‘Give me a story. I will put you in the paper.’ The woman smiled.
‘Tonight I am a joke! You can put me in the comic section.’ Anu walked away. What if that woman took a picture of hers and published it in under some heading like, ‘Educated woman caught stealing.’ Journalists did exaggerate.
Sameer had now gone inside the station and Anu saw a man with a parrot, standing before a horse. He was talking to a policeman animatedly. Anu walked towards the scene fascinated.
‘Sir, I don’t know who gave alcohol to the horse. I don’t drink, sir.’ The man slurred even as he spoke.
‘You are drunk and you were riding a drunk horse. I will put you in the jail for one year.’ The policeman was not exactly polite with the threat.
Anu was flummoxed with the conversation. The police station at night was quite exciting. No wonder that journalist woman was hovering around.
‘Sir, what if the horse was drunk but not the man? Will you arrest the horse?’ She asked out of curiosity but the policeman thought she was joking.
‘Madam, you may find this funny but for us, you are all a big headache.’ He muttered something and walked inside instructing the parrot-cum-horse-man to stay put.
When the policeman had left the scene, Anu asked pointing at the parrot and the horse, ‘Are they both yours?’
‘I am a parrot astrologer, madam. Someone gifted me this horse because my predictions are so good. My ancestors were astrologers at the court of the Mysore Maharaja.’ That was another thing in the Bangalore-Mysore area. Everyone cited some or the other connection with the Mysore Maharajas. Some were his poets, some taught him or his queens something, some tended to his stable or garden.
‘Can you predict my
future?’ Anu extended her palm.
‘I am a parrot astrologer, madam. Not a palmist.’ The man gave Anu a look of disdain. ‘Wait. I will tell you.’
He sat down on the steps and asked Anu to do the same. The horse was now tied and doing some crazy eye movements.
The astrologer spread some cards facedown, muttered things, and let the parrot out of the cage. It daintily walked towards the deck and picked up three cards. Handing the last card to its boss, it pirouetted and then walked back to the cage. Anu found that little green bird so cute, she picked it up. When the astrologer screamed at her and the parrot pecked at her, Anu, all panicky, let the bird fly. At that very moment, a camera flashed. That was the journalist.
‘Come on, madam. Stand in front of the horse and unleash it.’ The journalist called excitedly.
Anu followed the journalist promptly and untethered the horse with aplomb, though she had no clue why she was doing what she was doing. The beer had that effect on her. The animal now stood on two hind legs and neighed. That was the next photo the journalist shot.
‘Your name, madam?’
‘Anu … Anupama Rao.’
‘Anu darling, you will be a star tomorrow. Read Times Today.’ The journalist zoomed off on her moped.
Now the horse was still neighing standing in place. The silly thing hadn’t realized that it was free to run. The astrologer was running behind the parrot that was now walking instead of flying. Kavitha was furiously taking pictures of the astrologers’ cards. ‘I will interpret these cards, Anu. I can do it. I just need these pictures.’
‘Put my cards down. You … you … I will curse you.’ The astrologer still ran in circles but was screaming at Kavitha. The parrot now perched on the horse, making it run.
A policeman who walked outside with Sameer threw up his hands in exasperation. ‘Sir, please get someone to drive you and take your crazy women home.’
