by K. L Mann
“What about me?” I choke. “It’s always about fucking Lorenzo. Always what he wants, always his friends, always events for him that he doesn’t even attend, and always his accomplishments. You guys call me spoiled behind my back, and act like I have everything so easily. I haven’t had a friend since high school and none of them will talk to me now. The only men in my life push me away and protect me from anyone who is willing to talk to me. When the hell does it get to be about me?”
“It’s not that simple, Arianna.” His hand leaves my face and rubs his temples like I’m stressing him out or something.
“No, it never is.” I rush out of the bed, completely overwhelmed. Gio stands up too, but he’s on the other side of the bed. I can’t be near him now. “So tell me to move on, tell me you don’t love me, tell me that you never will. Tell me you don’t want to touch me as much as I want to touch you. Tell me, so I can give up, because if you don’t, I never will.”
“Please don’t ask me to say that.”
“Then tell me you love me, and tell me we’ll be together. Tell me that I didn’t waste years waiting for you to whisk me away while you brought other women to parties. While you no doubt laid down with them after. Tell me Gio.”
“Arianna, stop, please,” he pleads, running his hands through his hair worriedly.
I shake my head, and cross my arms over my waist, hugging myself lightly. “I waited for you, for years I waited for you.”
“Waited? Past tense?” He looks wounded as he asks.
My heart thumps hard enough to hurt me. Everything is about to come pouring out, everything is going to change now. I’m going to change now. “Yeah, past tense.”
My hands shake against my stomach, I shouldn’t have said it but I did.
Gio’s jaw tightens and his eyes glaze with anger.
“Take it back, tell me you’re lying.” His voice scares me as it comes out of his mouth. My body shivers as I suck in a breath.
“I’ve never given up on you, but I couldn’t wait anymore. You didn’t wait for me. You didn’t give me an ounce of hope. You’re not being fair! How long did you expect me to wait before I started living?”
“Who? Arianna, tell me who touched you, now.” Gio makes his way around the bed, coming for me. My feet step back instinctively.
Blanching, I open my mouth and a scoff escapes. “Why? So you can threaten to kill them?”
Gio backs me into the wall, his arms hit the wall behind me caging me in. The sound of his skin hitting against the wood makes me gasp. “Not threaten.”
“No.” My head shakes, the tears have subsided and anger washes over me.
“Tell me who you let touch you, Arianna. They’re a Deadman walking, was it that Angelo kid from the other night? Should I go pay him a visit and bring you back the remnants of my time with him?”
“No!” This time I yell, anger pouring from my soul. “You don’t get to ask me that! You don’t get to deny me, fuck other women and then interrogate me about who I let in my bed. You’re not my dad, or do I have to remind you? Do I have to call you daddy again, so you’ll feel the spark it ignites in you? If I dropped to my knees right now and showed you that I’m not your daughter, that I’m not yours to protect, would you believe me then?”
“Don’t threaten me, Arianna. Tell me who, I won’t ask again.” Gio’s eyes are terrifyingly beautiful and his voice rattles me.
“What are you gonna do if I don’t answer you?”
The bedroom lights flick on.
Luca is standing in my doorway. He’s shirtless but wearing black sweatpants and he looks even angrier than Gio does. “Gio, back off, that's enough.”
He doesn’t move his arms from blocking me in, but he looks at Luca. “This doesn’t concern you,” he tells Luca through his teeth.
I look at Luca too. I look at him like he’s the only light in this dark tunnel, like I need him to save me. He looks at me like he understands. It’s quiet for a moment, Luca makes his decision.
“Unfortunately, it does.”
Gio’s arms leave the wall surrounding me, he turns his entire body to face Luca. I stay cowering against the wall, watching the tension in the room boil.
“You wanna repeat that?” Gio barks.
“Guys, stop. It’s fine, nothing–” I’m about to say happened, I’m about to lie until Luca cuts in.
“I said it does concern me, cool off. We can talk about it when you can compose yourself.”
“Talk about it?” he spits.
He looks back at me like I’ve stabbed him.
Fuck.
Everything is falling apart so much sooner than I expected it to. Luca was supposed to be my secret, and I was supposed to be his. I don’t want us to end, it’s too soon. One weekend isn’t enough. Is Gio really going to hurt him?
He looks murderously at me. “Him?” Gio asks me furiously. “Luca? Out of everyone you could have picked, you picked one of my brothers.”
“You didn’t let me pick you!” I stammer. “Please stop, you’re scaring me.”
“It just happened, don’t freak out on her. It’s not her fault,” Luca pleads for my mercy.
Gio doesn’t look back at him, he just stares at me as if I’ve broken him. As if I should feel guilt, as if I’m to blame. I don’t understand what he wants from me, he’s hurting my heart.
“Congratulations Arianna, you got your wish. I'll say the words, I’ll say the words so you can get over your childhood crush. You can move on, now it can be all about you.” He takes a deep breath, staring directly into my soul. “I’ll never be with you, move on. I hope you two will be very happy together.” Gio storms out of the room, hitting shoulders with Luca on the way out.
My legs feel weak, I let them cave in, falling to the ground using the wall to support me. Luca rushes over to my side, but I don’t look at him. I can only stare forward, catching my breath like I’ve been punched in the stomach. My heart is shattering into a million pieces, I can hear it cracking inside of me.
“What have I done?” I whisper, as my mind races. “How can this be my fault?”
I want to cry again, but I can’t feel my eyes well enough to know if I am. My body feels numbed but numbed with pain, like I’ll never feel goodness again. I feel like I felt at the bottom of the hill, hopeless.
Luca pulls me into his arms, an act of kindness I was not expecting to receive. I don’t deserve kindness, I’m selfish and I’m never going to deserve love. My head falls on to his chest as he cradles me closer.
“What have I done?” I ask again.
“It’s not your fault, Arianna. He overreacts, you know this.” Luca’s hand strokes through my hair. “It’ll be fine, I’ll make him take it out on me. You can’t let yourself feel guilty. He knows he’s wrong, he’ll admit it eventually.” I think I’m crying because his skin feels wet.
“Don’t make him take it out on you,” I gasp. Luca shushes me as my voice comes out broken.
“I’ll be fine, I can handle it. It’s not your fault,” he repeats.
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
Something warm in my stomach starts to make me feel better, like maybe I’ll survive this. How Luca can ground me with only one word is a testament to how far we’ve come in only a matter of days. I need him now more than ever.
“Will you stay? I don’t want him to come back, he looked at me like he hated me,” I beg with a sniffle. “It hurts Luca, everything hurts.”
“I’ll stay. Come on, let’s get back into bed, okay?”
“My legs are numb,” I admit, softly into his chest.
“It’s alright, I got you.”
He wraps my legs around his waist carefully, and lifts us both off of the floor. He sets me gently down on the bed, and pulls a blanket over me. The warmness of it soothes the pain in my aching legs. I feel him climb into the other half of the bed slowly, like he’s trying not to disturb me. He wraps an arm around my waist, pulling my back into his body, spooning me.
I almost hate the immediate calmness that flows over me. I shouldn’t need to be held to feel better.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Someone should.”
My heart races.
“Promise you won’t ever do what he just did,” I plead. “Promise you won’t leave me like that, even if what we do isn’t love… don’t abandon me because I make you upset. Promise you won’t hurt me, you’re my only friend now.”
Lucas lips move to my ear.
“Promise,” he whispers into it, sending soft shivers over my body. He runs his fingers through my hair again. “Try to sleep baby, it’ll feel better tomorrow.”
Somehow, despite every ache in my body, and the cracks in my heart, Luca holding me is enough. It’s enough to make me feel safe again, and enough to allow my body to rest. Falling asleep in his arms is a magic I won’t give up.
Luca
What the hell did I just do?
Ignited a fucking war is what I did.
I couldn’t stop it, I had to step in. He was terrifying her. Arianna isn’t Katherine, she doesn’t know who we are or what we do. She doesn’t deserve Gio hunting down every man that’s ever spoken to her so that he can mangle them as a threat to her.
God, when he said he’d never be with her, her whole face washed over with sadness. She loves him, and here I am, cuddled up next to her, being her shoulder to cry on. I'm breaking a million different codes of brotherhood. Lorenzo and Gio are my family, we’re not blood, we’re not even bred from the same class of people; but we’re brothers.
I meant it when I said I was going to hell. There’s a special spot reserved for me at this point, a cage built to torture me for all of eternity. I fucking deserve it. I deserve it for loving how her touch makes me feel. I deserve to burn in hell by the hand of my own sins. I’ve broken every rule I’ve ever put in place for myself. I’ve been saved and I’ve spat on it. I’m not a good man, and I never will be. But in her bed? In her bed I feel like I could have been a good man. She gives me that, and I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve an ounce of goodness and she’s nothing but goodness. Soft, kind and bright white innocence. She’s a goddamn angel and I’m poisoning her by encouraging her dark side.
I should go after Gio, but knowing him, he’s already left. He’s probably on his way to torture some poor bastard, or cross a few names off a list. Maybe even just to fuck someone half to death. Yet, he won’t see the irony in it. He can’t see past his own hypocrisy. We’ve all fucked Katherine together for Christ sakes; another thing that’ll bite us in the ass when Arianna finds out. She was right when she yelled at Gio, it’s always about everyone but her. I get it now. She has never struggled like I did, she has never had to fight to survive. But I don’t know that I’ve ever met someone so profoundly lonely.
Arianna’s eyes are closed, and her breathing has slowed down. She’s holding me too tightly to be completely asleep, still, she feels at peace. Her soft skin is clinging to mine, her feet are tied up with mine and my hand is still stroking her hair.
I haven’t cuddled in well, ever. It feels good, I didn’t think it could feel this good.
Lorenzo, Gio and I are different versions of the same monster. None of us have ever searched for love, we’ve searched for women to drown our burdens in. Until Katherine came along, I never thought Lorenzo would marry unless it were a forced merger that meant nothing to him. But now when he looks at her, I can see a new man in him, one capable of love.
Gio and I don’t have that, and I don’t know if he even wants it. Still, I think maybe he needs it. Letting myself touch Arianna opened something in me. She’s filling dark and twisty holes in me with fluffy pink positivity and perkiness that I used to despise. I don’t know what she’s doing to me, but I know I’m not going to stop her. And if being with Gio will fill her with the pink and perky joy she needs, I’ll help her.
I judged her for too long, I didn’t care about her problems. They all seemed so fucking irrelevant and minuscule. Yet, they’ve rattled her more than any of us knew. Almost all of her issues are because of us. We’ve done this to her. We’ve isolated her, we’ve scared off friends and we’ve kept her in the dark.
I can’t tell her so many things, but I can make it right. I can help her, and I will.
I’ll do whatever she asks, I’ll keep making promises. Even if it means she gets Gio and doesn’t think twice about me after she has him. Because the truth of the matter is, seeing him like Lorenzo is with Katherine would make it worth it. I don’t need Arianna as much as he does. I was born alone and I’ll die alone satisfied, as long as my family is happy.
I'm going to make everything right, not for me, but for her.
Chapter 7: Fight Light Night
“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”
–William Shakespeare
Gio Colombo
20 Years Old
“You ready for this?” Lorenzo asks, looking over his shoulder to gage my reaction.
We’ve just finished getting ready, dressed into our black-on-black suits sporting expensive watches and messily tamed hair.
Am I ready for this? Fuck no I’m not. Recruiting is not my job, nor my specialty in any manner. I’m really fucking hard to get along with most of the time. This is Lorenzo’s gig. He’s the people person. Everyone loves the Vitale Golden Boy, but this recruitment is different.
If you can even call it a recruitment that is. We’re essentially about to adopt a kid.
And fuck if I’m not nervous as a motherfucker.
“I’m ready,” I lie.
His brows furrow suspiciously. Fucker knows me too damn well.
“You said you were on board with this, Gio,” he chastises, shaking his head lightly. “Are you having doubts?”
Doubts? Am I? Not about wanting him. I definitely want him. “No, we’ve been watching the kid for months, he’s ours,” I bite, my tone coming off a touch too angry.
“What is it then?”
Insecurity sweeps in, itching at my soul slowly and painfully. “What if he doesn’t want us?” I hate myself for asking. Hate that I can’t stand the idea of a stranger not jumping at the opportunity to become one of us. An opportunity we’ve never extended before.
“He will,” Lorenzo assures me.
His confidence is admirable and un-fucking-matched. It’s why he did Challenge Night at the same time as me despite being two years younger. It’s why we lost our fucking virginities together at 12 and 14. It’s why he’s in charge and I don’t envy that shit. Leadership is his thing. Death is mine.
I’m the silent type of killer.
I am the darkness in the dead of night. Cel, the Italian God of Death, a reaper.
Lorenzo, The Demon, he’s the antichrist. Born for notoriety, made to rule over the dark while I creep in the deepest of its shadows, doing the Devil’s bidding.
We’re each a particular brand of lethal. People die around me, people die because of me, and I can feel the blackness like clouds, cascading over me at every turn.
It’s more glorious for Lorenzo.
He’s a King and I’m a war General. We descend hell upon our enemies together like a well-oiled machine. We’re balanced and we respect each other. We work together perfectly, so having reservations about bringing someone else into our inner circle isn’t unreasonable. But I have no doubts about this one, only fear that he might slip away.
Luca Caruso. 16. Orphan. Fighter.
We’ve been watching him and we want him. Fuck, we might even need him. He’s got potential practically oozing out of him. Strong hits, amazing reflexes, excellent grappling skills, helluva head on his shoulders and yet, no family.
That’s where we come in. We want him in our family. Not as another program recruit. We want all of him. We want him moved in, training, partying with us, eating Sunday dinners, the whole fucking nine yards.
He’s got no family, other than another orphan he’s taken under his wing.
Barsimeo S
icil. 14. Runaway. Fighter.
They’re going to be a package deal. Obviously given his age, the plans are quite different for the two of them. Still, I imagine our offers will suffice. Given that my own father wants to personally take care of Barsimeo. Says he reminds him of me and that he has plans for him. All the better, I don’t have time to raise a 14-year-old. Luca though. I have ample time for him.
“If he says no, you’re taking care of my drunk ass,” I retort with a dead serious tone. I don’t drink to excess often, but being rejected would call for it.
“We could always just kidnap him,” he says with a shrug.
Laughing, I shake my head at the thought. “We want him to like us, not be brainwashed into obedience.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go get our boy.”
That’s right. Ours. Luca Caruso is ours and he doesn’t even know it yet.
Fight Light Night is gimmicky bullshit but draws in an impressive crowd. The Rossi underground fight circuit is dangerous. Not for Lorenzo or I, but for the fighters themselves. There are essentially no rules. Meaning that anything can happen including death. But Luca hasn’t lost a single fight since we started watching him three months ago. Even when a few of his opponents cheated, he still came out on top.
He fights like a man, despite being in the body of a boy. Though, his body definitely doesn’t look like a teenager’s. He’s built like a machine, and he fights like an assassin.
He’s meant to be with Lorenzo and I. No one can tell me otherwise.
Piero Rossi and I aren’t friends but we aren’t enemies either. I don’t mess with his business and he doesn’t fuck with mine. Probably because I would win, I always do. Nevertheless, Piero personally lets us inside the building as we arrive.
The room is already dark, illuminated only by neon accents. Black lights, neon paint, glow sticks and more. The fighting has just begun as we make ourselves at home in the shadows, waiting for him.
