by Virna DePaul
"What did you do?" she demanded, scowling at him.
He gaped at her, anger rising to take the place of the pain. "What did I do? You should be asking me what Rose did. This wasn't my decision. Everything was great last night, and then this morning, she was gone. I guess she's over it."
If she ever felt anything for him at all.
"You're dumb."
His sister's reply was so matter of fact, for a second, he was speechless.
"She's crazy about you. If she left, it's for a reason. Now you'd better get your ass on the move and go find out what it is."
The words that had been lost to him a moment ago came rising up like an angry tide now. "You don't get it. None of you get it. We made this all up to get Nana off my back," he gritted out, too far gone to care who heard anymore. "We lied and told you all we were a couple, and we weren't. She played her part very well. So well, I got caught up in it and our physical chemistry. That was my bad," he said, his voice sounding as raw as an open wound. "But don't sit here and try to give me hope when there isn't any just because you like Rose and you bought into our little show."
Michelle drew back, her eyes full of sadness and what he could only describe as pity.
"I'm sorry you felt like you had to do that, Gio, but it doesn't change a thing. Even Aunt Alice, who had a five-minute conversation with the ice sculpture on the dessert table last night, could see that you two are made for each other."
"I can't see, but I can sure hear real good, and she's right," Aunt Alice's disembodied voice called from the kitchen. "You better go chase that girl and get to the bottom of this if you know what's good for you."
“I already called her three times and she didn’t answer. I’m not going to stalk her into talking to me.”
“Nobody said anything about stalking,” Michelle said, crossing her arms over her chest. “In any of your messages or conversations, did you ever once tell her how you feel?”
He was ready to snap back a yes, but then paused as he ran through the past week in his mind.
He really hadn’t. He’d wanted to give her time to get used to the idea and hadn’t wanted to spook her.
But surely he’d shown her?
“Don’t even tell me that she should know because of xyz,” Michelle said, holding up a hand and cutting his thoughts short. “If you didn’t tell her the words, then you can assume she didn’t know. And you want to know why, Gio? Because she’s not a mind reader, that’s why. So you have two choices. You can let Rose go because you’re too much of a coward to face rejection, and you’d rather die with your pride intact than have a chance to spend your life with your soulmate. Or, you can take one, giant leap of faith, tell her how you feel, and have a chance at a lifetime of happiness.”
She made it sound so fucking easy. But it wasn’t just pride. Hearing Rose tell him he wasn’t the man she wanted would gut him like a fish and leave him gasping on dry land to die.
“Go after her, son.”
He looked up to find his mother standing in the kitchen doorway, his grandmother and Aunt Alice flanking her.
“You don’t want to live a life of regret. We’ll be here to help you pick up the pieces if it doesn’t work out.”
They were all a bunch of hopeless romantics. It was very likely it wouldn’t work out, just like it hadn’t all those years before.
But as he sat there contemplating a life without Rose, a sense of calm settled over him. He stood, flexing his jaw in determination.
If there was even a 1% chance that she would talk to him and they could work things out?
Then he needed to get on the next flight to L.A. because if this week had taught him anything, it was that Rose Whitman was worth the fight.
This was as bad as it got.
It had been awful when Rose and Gio broke up the first time. Rose had locked herself in her room for days on end, unwilling to talk to anyone or let them see her pain. At least then she'd had her anger to keep her company.
Now, all she had was grief.
Rose sniffled into the wad of tissues in her hand and stiffened as a knock sounded on the door.
Her heart beat double-time as she stood slowly and walked toward it on autopilot. By the time she opened it, whoever it was had been there had gone, and she found herself staring down at a paper bag on the porch.
The note taped to it read Chicken and orzo soup, good for the heart. <3 Rafe
A stab of disappointment rocketed through her and she swallowed the knot in her throat.
It wasn't Gio. Why would it be? When she'd gotten off the plane yesterday, she'd found a voicemail from him and it was pretty clear that he'd accepted her leaving without a hitch. In fact, his tone had been so impersonal, she'd shivered.
She still owed him a huge apology and an explanation, but she needed another day to lick her wounds and get up the courage. At least now, she could cry in her soup.
She made a mental note to thank Rafe, both for the soup and for understanding when he'd called early that morning and she'd told him she wanted to wallow all by herself.
Her cat, Samwise, let out a mournful yowl as he wound his way around her legs, and she managed a pitiful smile.
"You want some soup too, buddy?"
She ladled herself a steaming bowl and mixed a bit of the chicken and broth in with Sam's food before returning to her mound of blankets on the couch. Once she got comfortable again, she picked up the remote and hit play.
A twelve-year old Michael's face wavered and then came into focus.
“Now if you look carefully, you’ll see there’s no strings or hidden wires,” he said, his cherubic face animated as he waved his hands around over a nickel sitting on the coffee table in front of him. “Abra cadabra!”
At his words, the shiny coin began to tremble and then move slowly across the wooden surface.
“Wow, amazing,” her voice chimed in from off camera as she began to applaud. “You’re the next David Copperfield!”
She took a big bite of soup, made all the more salty by her tears as she watched her brother’s god-awful magic act.
He’d never been very good at it, and, despite his assurances that there were no strings or wires, there definitely were. But that didn’t matter. He’d been happy. So worry free and joyful. Nothing like the anxious, tortured soul he’d become when his symptoms had manifested.
She would give anything…anything to have him back.
The short video came to an end and led into another and then another. But it was the one at the end of the old VHS tape that had her silent tears turning into sobs.
“Pick a card, any card, Gio.”
Michael was older in this one, and the youthful roundness of his face had given way to lean cheeks.
A young, painfully handsome Gio stood in front of him and cocked his head as he eyed his options carefully.
“This one,” he said at last.
Rose watched as two of the people she’d loved most in the world interacted, and the pain was so keen, it felt like it might split her clean in half.
She’d lost both of them. How many times had she watched this same video, asking herself how Gio could’ve been so sweet with Michael…so kind, only to turn his back on him? Watching it now made it all the more heartbreaking, in a whole different way.
As the magic trick came to an end, Michael said “cut”, but, distracted, she’d continued to let the camera roll for a few seconds longer. As he turned away, the animation on his face faded and she saw it. The demons that haunted him that he tried so hard to keep at bay. How hard it must’ve been to pretend some days…
The sobs shook her entire body as she rewound the video and paused it on a single frame.
Michael and Gio, grinning at one another.
She’d lost them both. Hell, she’d lost them and the whole Esposito family. She’d felt so warm and safe in their crazy little pack all week. Now she was alone.
At least it hadn't been for nothing, though, she reminded herself as she t
ried to catch her breath. She had raised $200,000 for Michael’s charity.
Was that the going price for a human heart nowadays?
She blew her nose into the wad of tissues again and swiped the tears from her eyes just as another knock sounded on the door. She ran a hand through her mussed hair. Either Rafe had tried to give her some space and couldn’t stand not at least seeing her for a second and making sure she was all right, or he’d forgotten dessert.
She was hoping it was the latter as she swung the door open.
“The soup was great, thank you so—”
But the rest of the words died on her lips as she stared into the eyes of the only man she’d ever loved.
Chapter 20
Rose’s stomach dropped to her feet as she tried to find her voice.
"Sorry, I thought you were Rafe," she mumbled, suddenly painfully aware of exactly how horrific she must look. Hair a mess, eyes puffy from crying, and here was perfect ten Gio Esposito staring down at her. "I was, uhm, just cutting some onions in the kitchen, so that's why..." she trailed off and gestured to her ruined face.
"Can I come in?" he asked, his tone gentle.
She tried to slow the hammering of her heart as she stepped back and waved him inside. As he passed, she caught a whiff of his masculine but subtle cologne combined with that scent that was pure Gio and wished she could lean closer and breathe him in for comfort.
"Did you want me to put on some coffee?" she asked shakily as she trailed behind him into the living room.
"No, Rose," he said, wheeling around to face her. "What I want is for you to tell me why you left without even talking to me?"
It was only then that she noted he didn't look so hot either. Rewind. He did look hot, but he also looked exhausted. Dark smudges marred the skin under his snapping brown eyes and a five o'clock shadow shaded his square jaw.
Had he not slept well because she'd left? Her throbbing pulse kicked into turbo-mode and she wet her lips nervously. Surely, it hadn't been that big of a deal to him. He'd been very clear with Nana Ginger that there was nothing between them but business. Maybe that was what he was mad about.
"I'm sorry. I know that we agreed I would stay through the end of the week, but since the wedding was over and all, I didn't think it would be a big deal to lea—"
"Not a big deal?" he shot back incredulously, his dark brows caving into a thunderous frown. "I had to explain it to my whole family, which was pretty difficult, considering I don't even know why you left."
She nodded, her cheeks flaming with shame. "I was just in such a rush to go, I didn't really think about that part. I hoped you'd be able to express my apologies and everything would be okay. I know I broke our deal and you don’t have to give me the mo—"
"Fuck the deal and fuck your work emergency," he shot back, his voice like a crack of thunder. "No one is buying that, least of all me. You ghosted me for the second time in this millennium, Rose. I deserve to know why. No more bullshit."
She blinked up at him, wishing she could buy some more time. Just five more minutes before she pulled back the curtain and unveiled all the ugly beneath it thereby making Gio despise her--and rightfully so--forever.
"Where do you want me to start?" she asked wearily, sinking into the closest armchair.
He sat across from her, his intense gaze never leaving her face. "From the beginning. When we were kids."
She turned to face the TV, flinching at the sight of Michael's face staring back at her.
This was the way it should be. Face to face, taking it on the chin like a grown up, not behind a keyboard or on the phone. But, damn, was this going to hurt.
Seeing the disbelief in his eyes. Seeing his anger morph and build into hate and disgust.
Just say it.
"I didn’t tell you the truth about why I broke up with you. I mean, I did, but you took it the wrong way, which wouldn’t have happened if I’d really talked to you.”
The tears welled up and began to fall as she recalled the pain in his voice when he called and left message after message, begging her to meet him.
"That night at the 4th of July party,” Rose said, “right before we broke up, I told you I wasn’t feeling well and you went by yourself. The truth was, I wasn’t feeling well but it was emotionally. I’d always been insecure about our relationship, why you chose me, and you were always so good about reassuring me, but that summer, you were working so much and I didn’t understand why. I wanted to spend every moment I could with you before you left for college, but you didn’t seem to want the same thing.”
Gio clenched his jaw. “Go on.”
“I decided I needed to talk to you about how I was feeling. So I went to the party. I went inside and saw you standing with some friends. I overheard a couple of them talking about Michael. Saying...awful, awful things about him."
“Oh Rose.” Gio’s face reflected her pain tenfold but she forced herself to press on.
“I waited for you to stand up to them. To stand up for Michael, but the seconds ticked by and you said nothing.”
“Jesus.” Gio raked a hand over his face and shook his head, eyes clouded with hurt and shock. “Rose, I would never let—”
She held up a hand to stop him mid-sentence.
“I already know. Michelle told me the rest of the story, and she explained why you did it the way you did.” She let out a bitter laugh that turned into a broken sob. “How ironic that the very thing I had thought made you less of a man turned out to be the thing that actually showed how thoughtful and kind and mature you were already, even at such a young age. Not only did you stand up for my brother, but you did it in a way you hoped wouldn’t get back to me or Michael. You were trying to protect us, just like always.”
Gio was shaking his head slowly over and over. “You said I wasn’t the guy you wanted. I assumed you were interested in someone else.”
The hurt and accusation in his voice felt like a rain of razorblades falling from the sky.
“Never,” she whispered. “You were everything I wanted you to be and more and I let one moment ruin it all. I have no excuse. All I can say is that I was young and going through a hard time as Michael’s condition began to get worse. Kids were getting meaner and I didn’t know how I was going to be able to protect him.” She swiped at the tears on her cheeks and shrugged. “You know what it’s taken me fifteen years to realize, though? I grabbed onto that excuse with both hands. Instead of asking you or giving you a chance to explain, I went with the worst case scenario because I thought I didn’t deserve you. I didn’t see how we could last. We were going to be hours and hours apart. You were already miles out of my league in our little pond. What was going to happen when you got into the big water? All those fish, all that sea…I had no shot.”
Gio exploded out of his chair like he’d been shot out of a cannon.
“I wasn’t even going to go. I was going to stay in L.A. so we could be together. But not because I was worried we couldn’t weather being apart.” He towered over her, his whole body quaking with some mix of emotion she couldn’t even identify. “I just didn’t want to live without you. I was going to ask you to marry me, Rose. That’s why I was working so much. I was saving up for an engagement ring.”
Rose gasped as pain sliced through her. Nausea roiled in her belly.
Oh God.
“You were going to propose?” Her voice cracked. She shook her head and closed her eyes. “I ruined it. I ruined us,” she sobbed, covering her face with her hands.
Gio pulled her up and into his arms. He held her tight while she cried, and she soaked in his closeness even as she railed at herself for her stupidity.
After a while, she managed to catch her breath and calm down. Gio pulled back and tipped her chin up. “Why did you leave yesterday?” Gio demanded gruffly.
She took in several shuddering breaths before answering. “I heard you and your Nana talking in the kitchen. You told her about our deal and the contract and all that. You told he
r it was all for show.”
“If you’d stuck around a few minutes longer you’d have heard the rest. She told me I was nuts if I thought you didn’t love me and that we were perfect together. And I told her that I didn’t want to get her hopes up but I was madly in love with you and, if you’d have me, I’d spend the rest of my life with you. I planned to tell you, but you walked out on me before I could.”
The pain doubled in on itself and she wondered if she might be sick.
“I thought you didn’t have feelings like that for me. I knew the sex was good, but I thought that’s all it was for you. I was so heartbroken, I didn’t want you to see it and feel sorry for me. I thought I was doing you a f-f-favor,” she said. “Oh, Gio. I’m so sorry. I hurt you so many times. I know you probably can’t forgive me, but please believe if there was anything in the world I could do to take it back, I would. I love you. I’ve always loved you, and the fact that I caused you pain kills me.”
The silence between them stretched on for what felt like an eternity.
“Say it again.”
She swiped a hand over her eyes again, blinking to bring his face back into focus.
“Which part?” she whispered.
“That part where you said you love me and you always have.”
The muscle in his jaw ticked and she resisted the urge to touch her fingertip against it.
“I love you and I always have,” she said, her voice stronger now.
“I love you too, Rosie. Always have, always will.”
Joy came so hard and so fast, she went dizzy with it.
“But…”
But.
The one word sent a wash of terror over her as she stared at Gio, breath suspended.
“From now on, you have to talk to me,” he said. “You have to come to me with your fears and your hopes and your dreams. If we’re going to be together, I want it all. No fucking hiding from me anymore.”
The tears flowed in rivers down her face as she tried to catch her breath.
Gio ran his thumbs over her cheeks, his expression solemn. “So what’s it going to be? All or nothing, Rosie?”
