by Gigi Thomas
"We should talk," Caden said, regrouping.
"Follow me." Kenya said softly, leading him away from the store.
They walked down Fulham Road, turned left to stay on that street, and walked past the Pensioner. The pub was bursting with the noise of its drunken patrons, but the pair walked past it in silence.
Caden looked around uncomfortably, as they began to approach Brompton Cemetery. His mind was racing out of control. All he could think about was how good Kenya’s life had been without him, what she had accomplished since he’d been gone, what she could accomplish if she wasn’t with him. Most of all, he thought about how happy she was.
This isn’t what she needed right now. He isn’t what she needs right now. How could he be such a selfish prick? Forcing himself, his feelings on her would just screw up the life she was making for herself, the life he wanted her to have. There were too many emotions flowing through him. Added to that, Caden felt sick to his stomach. It was too much.
"I’m sorry," Caden said, unable to take another step.
"What?" Kenya said.
"I-I...we can't do this. We never should have... It was a mistake. I should go."
Without giving Kenya a chance to respond, Caden turned and left.
Like a coward.
~
Kenya just stood, staring at Caden's back as he ran away once again. She was stunned. She’d had her speech all prepared for when she saw him. She was just working up the courage to actually see him. Kenya knew sleeping with Caden at Christmas was a mistake. No, it was a brain break, because there was no way her gray matter was intact if it was able to come up with that as a reasonable decision.
Her speech was supposed to consist of saying that they were not kids anymore; they couldn’t just fall into bed like a pair of horny teenagers who think there are no consequences for their actions; they had a daughter to think about—proof that there were consequences to the whole falling in bed, no condom thing! They needed to think about Caydee. She should be their top priority, not their libidos. They were finally getting the hang of the whole co-parenting thing, and they seemed to both decide that the past should stay where it was: in the past. The last thing they needed was to muddle this up with childish antics and resurrecting old demons.
These were all the kinds of things that Kenya was going to say. But, Caden never gave her the chance. And, Kenya was pissed. After he said that sleeping with her was a mistake, of all things, he just took off and cut through the cemetery. Seriously?! She was so repellent to him that a leisurely stroll in the company of the dearly departed was more appealing than another moment in her presence? Kenya didn’t know why she was so angry at Caden’s rejection, especially considering she’d planned on doing the same thing.
Her anger wasn’t because she still cared about Caden. It wasn’t because she secretly hoped that he would profess his feelings and try to convince her to change her mind. It wasn’t because she’d imagined him confessing that he’d been miserable ever since he left and he was willing to do anything to prove his love, because he couldn’t live another moment without her in his life. It certainly wasn’t because she was hurt. Not again. She was not going to allow Caden to hurt her the way he did before.
Kenya had made that promise to herself when she realized her heart jumped when she first saw him in the garden, looking painfully handsome, holding a white tulip out to her as if proffering a token of his surrender. She promised herself again, seeing how bright his eyes were and how big his smile was when he introduced them to his family, as if it was some long anticipated event finally being realized. And again after his drunken kiss in her apartment, with its depth of emotion that upended her; his tongue tasting of scotch threatened to intoxicate her as well, and she was melting in his arms. Fortunately, she managed to regain her resolve.
Unfortunately, with every promise Kenya made to herself, Caden seemed determined to make her break it. Every time she constructed a defensive wall, he crashed through it like a wrecking-ball leaving debris and crumbled pieces scattered around her. And dust. Dust thick as smoke that clogged her lungs and obscured her vision. So much so that she found herself gyrating on his lap in backseats of luxury cars and having unprotected sex on Yuletide evenings. What the hell was wrong with her? How could she be so careless? So foolish? What one accidental pregnancy with him wasn’t enough?
Never again. No more. She was not going to allow Caden to mess with her head like this. Or her heart. She was moving on. No matter what it took.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Mêlée
Caden arrived at the Shelton's for the baby's christening party with his—for lack of a better word—date. The party was quite the turn out and when he saw all the couples, he was glad he did not come alone. Before he had a chance to settle in, he was quickly pulled away, albeit not reluctantly, leaving his date with a few of her old friends.
Copper grabbed Caden's arm and dragged him into the dining room. "What the hell are you doing?"
"Could we hold off on the abuse please?"
"What about Kenya?"
The table was laid out with food, and Caden casually took a shot of an oyster from the tray before him.
“What about Kenya?" Seeing the shock on Copper's face, he gave in. "We've barely talked in weeks."
Caden thought he might have to work hard to avoid Kenya, but she was making it very easy by avoiding him instead. He drank down another oyster, trying to do anything but think about the situation at hand.
"And you think the best way to rectify that is by coming here with All-About-Me Barbie?"
"Well, Kenya's coming with a date."
"What?"
Caden downed another oyster. "Remember when Lottie stopped by the office this week? She told me." Actually she seemed quite determined to tell me, Caden recalled.
"Oh."
"Yes. Oh. So I couldn't show up by myself, could I? Besides, it's Harlow. We’re old mates...or something. Either way, I've known her for years. I just needed someone who would look good on my arm. She fit the requirements." Caden absently picked up another oyster, desperate to do something that made him look less nervous than he was.
"I think you are well past the requirements." Copper said.
Charlotte burst into the room almost crashing into them. "What are you guys doing in here?"
"Hey Lottie," Caden said.
"Did you see Kenya yet?" Charlotte asked, getting straight to the point.
"What?! She's here already?" Immediately, Caden began adjusting his clothes. His hands unconsciously went up to his hair, which he’d started growing out again; Kenya always loved his blond curls. He soon composed herself after seeing the self-satisfied look on his sister's face. "No, I haven't."
"Well, let's go out and see her then," Charlotte said.
"Right, let's go." Caden plastered on a smile, refusing to let Charlotte get the best of him. He would just go up to Kenya and the nice business nerd she brought to the party and be friendly. After all that's what they were. Friends. He stepped out of the dining room and froze. "Who in the bloody hell is that?"
"Kenya's date," Charlotte answered with a defiant smile.
"He. Is. Gorgeous," Copper whispered.
"If only he wasn't so pleased by it," Charlotte said. "That is Lance Matthew."
"Matthew. Doesn’t he play for Chelsea now?" Caden asked, recognizing him.
"Yup,” Charlotte affirmed.
"I don't care what he does, but he can do it to me anytime," Copper said, before Caden narrowed his eyes at him. “Sorry.”
“He’s a notorious playboy, as I’m sure you’ve heard. Ever since Kenya started working with them, he’s been chasing after her. I'm actually surprised Kenya came with him. I thought she couldn't stand him. Then again, they say he can charm the panties off a nun, so..."
Caden did not miss Charlotte's pointed remarks. Kenya had looked up and spotted him, so he couldn't even make a run for it. He took a deep breath and started walking to them, ignoring that f
eeling in his stomach at the mere sight of her.
Kenya watched Caden approach with a grim look on his face. He looked as though he was walking to a firing squad. Wow, he really does not want to be around me, does he?—she thought. Kenya knew she had to suck it up and pretend to be happily enjoying her—for lack of a better word—date's company. Even though she was sure she'd have a headache by the end of the night, she was sure it was better that Lance was here. It wasn't at all for his company as much for the distraction. It was the only reason she finally called him.
At least with his incessant talking, she wouldn’t be able to pay attention to anyone else, namely Caden. Lance would not allow it. He was too arrogant to allow someone he was with to notice anyone who wasn’t him. Luckily, he was also too self-involved to notice if there was anything wrong with her. And, since he liked talking much more than listening, Kenya didn't even have to be entertaining.
Besides, Kenya remembered, when she had lunch with Charlotte this week, she told her that Caden was bringing a date. Kenya knew she couldn't show up alone and let Caden think that she was still thinking about him. If he was over her and dating other people, she had at least to pretend to be over him. She couldn't let him see how pathetic she was. She couldn't let him know that she still thought about him every day, and every night. She just needed someone handsome on her arm. Lance fit the requirements.
"Hey, Kenya. Look who I found," Charlotte said with an exaggerated smile.
"Hello, Kenya." Caden’s eyes unconsciously ran over Kenya’s body in her short dress. It was a startling shade of yellow that on someone else would look silly, but it looked exquisite against her dark skin. It hugged her body revealing her perfect curves and the soft flair of the skirt fluttered around her thighs and featured her shapely legs. Damn, she looked amazing, Caden thought. He soon realized he was not the only one who thought so.
Caden was unnerved by the tall broad shouldered man beside Kenya. He looked like a bronze statue, and then to see him put his arm around her waist filled Caden with a fresh hatred. Isn’t this what you wanted?—he reminded himself—for Kenya to move on. Still, he didn’t have to be happy about it.
“So, who’s your mate?” Caden demanded rather than asked, nodding in Lance’s general direction.
"This is Lance Matthew. He plays soccer for Chelsea," she said with a smile.
“Football, luv,” Lance corrected, patting her behind. “Only you Yanks call it soccer.”
Kenya shifted uncomfortably at his intimate action, and Caden was fighting against the overwhelming desire to break Lance’s hand. Caden’s own hand involuntarily balled into a fist, and he stepped closer. Somehow seeing Kenya with other men caused an increase in his violent tendencies.
"There you are," Lady Harlow sang throwing her arms around Caden’s neck, as she cut between him and Kenya. "I thought I'd lost you."
"No, just right here." He laughed nervously, trying to mask his discomfort and attempt to disentangle himself from her.
"It's a fair house, I suppose." Lady Harlow haughtily surveyed the place. "But, not much for luxury are they?"
"Some people prefer more simple tastes, Harlow." Charlotte commented visibly annoyed.
"Oh, Lottie! I didn't see you there," Harlow said in a tone that expressed that she certainly did. Even if Charlotte's near platinum curls were possible to miss, Harlow made sure to look directly at her before she began speaking. She ignored Copper completely. "Nice house. I see you've moved up, Lady Shelton." She flashed her a smile and gave her a quick wink causing Charlotte to roll her eyes in disgust.
Caden felt the same way. Oh, she was such a spoiled self-important piece of work. Why did he ever think asking her to be his date tonight was a good idea?
“Who’s your friend?” Kenya asked.
Caden saw the look of contempt flash across Kenya's face. Oh, yes that's why, he thought answering his own question. Harlow was good for something after all. He smiled serenely.
"Kenya, this is Lady Harlow Knightley.
"Harlow?"
"Lady Harlow, luv," she corrected extending her small, thin hand as if expecting Kenya to kiss it rather than shake it.
Kenya did neither.
"So, Kenya, how have you been?" Caden asked quickly, seeing Kenya's expression.
"Oh, you know me," Kenya said, shrugging her shoulders.
"I did," he said softly.
"That's not fair," she said, her eyes finally meeting his.
Perhaps it wasn't fair, but Caden couldn't help but feel resentful they no longer saw each other as often. It wasn't all his fault. Kenya barely spent time in the country now. Instead, she brought Caydee to London for the weekend and even some weekdays.
He never told Kenya that he didn't want to see her anymore. He never told her to stop spending the night at Hargrove Castle. No, said the voice in his head, you just shagged her, avoided her, told her it was all a mistake, and then ran away. Again. Why wouldn't she want to be around you after supplying all those lovely memories?
"So," Lady Harlow began, taking Caden's arm. "You and Denny are old chaps then?"
Kenya and Caden snapped into consciousness, as if only now realizing that they were in company.
“Denny?” Kenya said.
“Oh, it’s just a pet name that some close chums have for Caden,” Lady Harlow explained. “Of course, you are not one of us, are you? I shouldn’t expect you to have intimate knowledge of our set, should I? How silly of me.”
Now, it was Kenya’s hand’s turn to clench into a fist. “You’re right. We’re not chums at all. Are we... Denny?”
Caden shifted uneasily under the weight of Kenya's glare, and Harlow clung to him tighter. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea after all.
"Daddyyyy!" yelled a very excited little voice.
"There’s my princess," he said scooping her up in his arms and silently thanking her for the interruption.
"Daddy, where have you been?" Caydee demanded her lips scrunched in a pout. "We haven't seen you in ages."
Caden looked at the sad eyes staring at him and could not respond. His heart was breaking. "I'm sorry sweetie, but daddy has been really busy with work.” He saw the unconvinced look in his girl’s face. "I promise I'll make it up to you."
"Well, aren't you just…" Harlow moved closer, taking Caden’s arm once again. “I suppose you’ll be going back home to America soon, now won’t you?”
"Who are you?" Caydee asked with a raised eyebrow and indignant look that mimicked her mother's expression. Caden looked at her, smiling despite himself, amazed at how much she looked like Kenya there.
“I’m a very dear friend of your daddy’s.”
“No.” Caydee pushed Harlow’s hand away from where it clung to Caden’s arm. She pulled closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, possessively.
Both Copper and Charlotte began coughing to cover their laugher, and Caden’s face twitched as he tried to hold back his smile.
"Charming," Lady Harlow said with a saccharine smile. "And how old is this little...darling?"
"Four," Cadence answered holding up four fingers. "How old are you?"
Lady Harlow flipped her hair over her shoulder with a flustered look on her face. "That’s not really a question I can answer, is it?"
“Why? You can’t count that high?" Caydee asked. "It’s okay. Mummy can help you. She’s really smart. She can count all the way to an hundred, and she—"
"Alright, Caydee," Kenya interrupted before it got out of hand. Caden could look at neither Charlotte nor Copper, as they were barely containing their laughter.
Caydee was unwilling to let Caden out of her sight. She hadn't seen him in so long that she wanted to take advantage and spent the next few hours by his side. When it was time to leave, however, the full impact of Caden's absence became apparent.
Kenya was putting on her jacket while Caden helped Caydee into hers. Lance waited holding his own jacket in his arm.
"Daddy, where's your jacket?" Caydee asked.
/>
"It's in the closet love." He responded as he buttoned her up.
"But, you can't leave without your jacket."
Caden and Kenya glanced at each other uncomfortably, quickly understanding what the Caydee meant.
"Well, I'm not leaving yet, sweetie," Caden answered.
"But, mummy says it's time to go," she informed him.
"Honey, your dad is staying here. He's not coming home with us," Kenya informed.
"But, why?" she asked.
"Becau-"
"Why don't you come home anymore?" Caydee asked him. "You haven't been home in ever."
"It—I know honey it's-it's complicated," he answered.
"Then make it non...com...pa...caded," she said.
"I-" Caden’s eyes met Kenya’s with a defeated expression on his face. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to respond to that? How was he not supposed to feel like a villain watching the pained, confused expression on his girl’s face?
Kenya looked around uncomfortably at the other guests. The scene with Caydee was beginning to command more attention that she wanted.
"Can we do this somewhere else?" She whispered to Caden.
"Come with me," he said leaning in close to her.
Bloody hell. She still smelled the same, Caden thought, closing his eyes for just a moment. Kenya’s hair tickled his neck; and, as his hand rested on the small of her back, Caden felt a tremor in his stomach. It was the first time they had touched in months. The last time they were this close...But that didn’t matter.
Caden led Kenya and Caydee into one of the empty rooms, as the family scene required privacy. This was upsetting enough without an audience.
"Now, Caydee, I know this may be hard for you to understand but mommy can explain it all to you tomorrow," Kenya began, hoping to buy some time. She had no idea what she was going to say tomorrow, but at least she would have all night to prepare it. "So, how about we go home and—"
"No!" Caydee crossed her arms defiantly. "I want daddy to come home."
“Daddy has to go to his home,” Kenya explained.
“Then let’s go there. Or I want to go back to Nan’s,” Caydee said. "I don't want to go anywhere without daddy."
