Words sprang up on my tongue, and I breathed through them, taking my time to set down the water bottle before I joined her on the couch again.
Was this … was this it?
Her face didn't look dewy or glowy or suddenly transformed with I'm in love with my best friend feelings.
"Date feelings are good," I said carefully. Her eyes were watching my face so intently that I felt sweat break out on the back of my neck. "I've always enjoyed them."
The second she rolled her eyes, I knew I screwed up.
"That's not what I meant," I stammered.
Joss flopped back and stared up at the ceiling. "Of course you enjoy them. All you have to do is breathe, and every single woman under the age of eighty-two in Green Valley looks at you like you just cured cancer."
I breathed out a laugh, spearing a hand through my hair. The irony, the irony, the mind-bending irony of what she just said. Yeah, except for the one single woman who I wanted to look at me like that.
I felt like Joss just tossed me ass first into a minefield. Blindfolded.
One wrong move and kablooey.
In her lap, she was wringing her fingers together, one of her nervous tells. I sighed, leaning forward to lay my hand on hers. Finally, she dropped her chin and looked at me again. She looked miserable.
Okay. Time to be what she needs, I told myself. Not time to be what I want.
I got up from the couch and went to the cupboard next to the fridge. On the middle shelf, I always kept an emergency stash of her favorite snacks. She smiled when I tossed the bag of Twizzlers onto her lap.
Once I was back on the couch, my legs stretched out next to hers so that we were facing each other, I jerked my chin. "Talk to me."
I could do this. Joss pulled out a piece of licorice and chewed on the end, those beautiful eyes unfocused.
I could do this. For her.
"I've never had date feelings before," she said. "Until this week."
"Never?" I asked carefully.
She shook her head.
"And"—I swallowed—"and you are now?"
She nodded, her eyes pinched shut now. "It's complicated, though."
"H-how so?"
Joss opened her eyes, face scrunched up in misery. "It's my new PT."
"Oh shit," I whispered unthinkingly.
She dropped her face into her hands. "I know," she wailed. "It's awful."
Was
it
ever.
As much as I wanted to launch off the couch and pace the room to untangle my tangled, racing thoughts, she needed me more because she was so clearly uncomfortable.
"Sonic."
Her hands still covered her face. I smiled a little, reaching forward to pull them away. Her cheeks were flaming pink.
"Why is it awful?"
"I-I met him before today." My confusion must have been evident on my face because she exhaled heavily. "At the bakery. He came in twice before I had any idea he was my new PT."
"He was stalking you?" I roared.
Her mouth fell open at my reaction. "Whoa, psycho, dial it back about ten notches, okay? He didn't know who I was either."
My shoulders deflated a little bit, but man, my heart was one rough beat away from bursting out of my chest. "Sorry."
I didn't sound sorry. I sounded insane. With Herculean effort, I schooled my expression.
"Remember when you came in at the end of my shift today?" When I nodded, she scrunched up her nose. "Well, you were standing right behind him in line. That was him."
I hadn't paid much attention to who was in front of me. The only thing I could remember was that he was tall, about my height, and he'd left her money for a tip.
Shit. He was a nice guy.
"I remember," I admitted. "Not that I paid much attention to him."
"Can't blame you," she said evenly. "It's not like you'd expect to see someone flirting with me."
I gave her a long look, which she returned with one eyebrow arched up. "That's not what I said, and it's not what I was thinking."
Now it was Joss's turn to deflate. "I know. This is all so, I don't know, foreign."
It was impossible not to shake my head at the thought that no one had ever flirted with Joss. "This doesn't make sense, Sonic. There's no way this has never happened to you before."
"Gimme a break," she said, sounding as tired as she had when she first woke up. "Don't play that game where you act like my chair doesn't matter, or that the world should be blind to its existence. It doesn't work that way, and you know it."
It would be so easy to rise to the bait and argue with her about what I saw when I looked at her; that I did think people were stupid if they looked at her and only saw the cold lump of metal and plastic that happened to help her get around.
"I know it doesn't."
Joss stared down at her lap, then glanced briefly at her chair, locked into place next to the couch.
Foreign was a good word for this whole damn exchange. Maybe I didn't notice her chair anymore. But I was an idiot in a whole different way because, up until this moment, I damn well took for granted that this hadn't come up before.
It was only a matter of time before someone looked at her and saw what I'd seen five years ago. As I sat and watched her, I knew that I'd been a lucky asshole that it took this long. But it wasn't lucky for her. She deserved to have men seeing her, noticing her, being interested in her. I just … wanted her to end up with me outside of all that.
Choosing my next words carefully, I took a deep breath.
"It doesn't make sense because you are an incredibly smart, funny, beautiful woman, Joss, no matter where you sit. It doesn't make sense to me that there are men out there who could possibly not see that."
She didn't want to look at me. Joss kept her eyes trained down at her lap, and she sniffed.
"You know," she said after a long moment, "your mom made me cry today too."
"That bitch."
Joss laughed, finally looking up at me. It had been a long time since I'd seen her cry, and I forgot what it did to the color of her eyes. It deepened the blue and made the black of her lashes darker.
"It's never bothered me that I didn't have date feelings or that I didn't know what it felt like to have someone flirting with me." She swallowed roughly. "But today, in PT, with him acting perfectly professional, I fell twice. Hard. And I hated how embarrassed it made me when I had to pull myself up."
I had to breathe through my almost violent desire to check her body for bruises. To run my hands over her legs to soothe whatever hurt might be left over and pull her in my arms because I knew how much she hated falling in front of people. Even now, she didn't like walking in front of me.
"Date feelings suck, Levi."
"They don't always suck," I said quietly, keeping my eyes on her face.
Joss blew out a slow breath. "I'll get over it."
"It's not always that simple, you know?"
Her teeth flashed white behind her pink lips when she smiled. "Oh, yeah? You seemed to get over what's-her-name from Maryville pretty easily."
I played dumb. I'd only dated one girl from Maryville in the past two years, and I liked that Joss was paying attention. "What's her name?"
She gave me a look. "The crazy one."
"Ahh, yes. Mallory."
Joss rolled her eyes. "She was one step away from stealing a lock of your hair."
"That she was." I grinned at her. "Okay, yes, those date feelings are simple to get over."
With a groan, Joss sat up and pulled the blanket off her legs, lifting them so that she could reach for her chair.
"Heading home?" I asked pointlessly.
"Yeah. My mom is sleeping all day because she has to work tonight, and Nero probably needs to be let out."
I wished I hadn't gone for such a long run so I'd been back earlier. Normally, I didn't get this desperate edge when she left. Maybe it was the topic. Maybe it was the tall, muscular, probably stupidly handsome, generous tipper who was giving my
best friend date feelings that had me jittery to see her leave.
"Want me to go get him? I can bring him back here if you want to hang out longer."
She braced her hands on her chair and slid over, flipping the locks and sending me a quick smile. "No, it's okay. Thanks, though."
I walked her out, following behind her chair as she headed across the driveway.
"I work tomorrow morning," she said as she hopped into the driver's seat. I took the chair and put it in the back hatch of her car.
"Sweet. I'll come by for another pecan roll."
Joss shook her head and smiled at me.
I didn't breathe normally for at least two minutes after she pulled out and drove home. That shit should've just earned me an Oscar nom because inside, my body was freaking the hell out.
I needed to talk to Connor. Now.
Chapter 7
Levi
Connor and Sylvia were definitely not expecting me. When I burst through the door without knocking, she shrieked, burrowing her face in Connor's chest where they were tangled on the couch.
Everyone was dressed, so I ignored the dirty look he gave me.
"You need to fix this door," I said, hooking a thumb over my shoulder. My skin was tight and jittery, my mind racing and my heart thrashing in my chest. "It's why Joss can never come over. Her chair bumps on one side, and it's embarrassing for her."
My brother got up off his fiancée and sighed heavily. "Levi, can we talk about this later?"
"No," I yelled. "Do you ever wonder why she's only hanging out at my place? She can't just go anywhere she wants, Connor."
Sylvia's face was full of sympathy, and though my brother's was tight with annoyance, he grimaced when I finished my little rant.
"We'll replace the door soon, Levi," she said, setting an arm on my brother's back. "As soon as we get home from our honeymoon, okay?"
Jamming my hands in my hair, I paced into their kitchen, then opened the fridge and slammed it shut.
"What's up, little brother?"
The fridge was still empty of whatever the hell I was looking for when I opened the door again. I didn't even know what I was looking for.
"She's got date feelings."
My proclamation, which I spit out like it was coated in vinegar, was met with silence.
Turning toward them, I held my arms out. "She's got date feelings. For the first time ever. And they are definitely not aimed at me."
Sylvia punched a fist in the air. "I freaking knew it. I knew you liked her."
Connor shrugged when my face went blank with shock.
"She didn't know?" I asked incredulously.
He shook his head. "Didn't think it was my place to tell her."
She punched him in general area of his kidneys, and he yelped. "You knew? How long has he liked her?"
The dining room chair behind me made for a good resting place as I sat heavily in it. Connor was still rubbing at his side when understanding dawned in Sylvia's face.
"It's always been her, hasn't it?"
I rubbed at the back of my neck.
She clucked her tongue and crossed her arms over her chest. "And here I thought you escaped the curse. But you just did a good job of hiding it, you little sneak."
"I definitely didn't escape it."
Her eyes narrowed on her fiancée. "You've known the whole time?"
"Not the whole time," he hedged. Sylvia went to punch him again, but he blocked it. "Okay fine, yes, he told us, and we've known for about ninety percent of their friendship."
She gasped. "Seriously? Wait, who's us?"
"My parents," I answered since my kidneys were safe. "Honestly, Syl, I thought you knew because of how often you dropped really not-subtle clues."
"I wasn't trying to be subtle."
"No shit," I muttered.
Connor turned and pointed at her. "That's why I didn't tell you. If you knew he's been in love with her for five years, you would've been relentless, woman."
"Don't you 'woman' me," she warned, eyes turning glacial.
"Okay, we're getting off track," I interjected. "Everyone is caught up, I'm pathetic, and now I'm probably too late because she's having date feelings for her new physical therapist."
"Oh shit," Connor said.
Sylvia grimaced.
"Yeah." I rolled my neck until it popped a few times. "I managed to listen to her tell me about how he flirted with her the first time they met, and then she flirted back, and how she thinks she's awful at this."
"He flirted with a new client?" Sylvia hissed. "That's got to be some breach of ethical conduct. Let's report his ass."
"Calm down," I said. "They met at the bakery first. Neither of them realized she was his new client."
She deflated. "Oh."
Doing my best robot impression, I told them everything Joss told me. And at Sylvia's request, I told her about the moment I knew—how the moment she aimed that smile at me, I was a fucking goner.
Her hands were resting on her chest when I got to the end of my little story when Joss said she'd like to have a friend.
"Oh, Levi," she whispered. "For five years?"
"I know, it's ridiculous." I shook my head. "I'm ridiculous."
"No, you're not," she said. "Because you really do think of her as your best friend, don't you?"
"Of course I do," I answered instantly. "I wouldn't be able to fake a friendship this long."
Connor shifted on the couch and gave his fiancée a quick look. "Don't punch me again, but it's a little ridiculous."
"Thanks," I said.
"How do you figure?" Sylvia asked.
He turned so he was looking at her. "Imagine if, when we met, you had shot me down instead of agreeing to go out with me. I never asked you again. I never even hinted that I felt more for you than the passing interest that someone feels when they ask for a first date without knowing the person at all."
Sylvia pushed her tongue into the side of her cheek but didn't answer. I closed my eyes, not really interested in seeing any more of her nonverbals.
Connor kept going. "So imagine five years go by. Would you ever fathom that I still feel the way I did when we were sixteen?"
Sylvia didn't answer right away, and as much as I didn't want to, I opened my eyes to watch her. But I knew what she'd say.
After giving me an apologetic look, she shook her head. "Probably not."
"Thanks for telling me this now," I said to Connor.
"Would you have listened? Would you have attempted anything with her without the clearest of signals that she was ready for more?"
I looked away, and that was answer enough for him.
"Listen, no one doubts the sincerity of your feelings. We all love her, we all consider her a part of the family, but you need to pull your head out of your ass and start trying."
Sylvia's eyes widened. "Especially if she's got a hot guy who's helping her learn how to walk." She sucked in a quick breath between gritted teeth. "That's some wicked competition right there.”
"She already knows how to walk, Syl. Let's not get dramatic. He's just helping her with some exercises to build up her strength."
Sylvia held up her hands. "Fine. Let's diminish his role if it makes us all feel better."
Connor gave her a chiding look.
"What?" she asked. "He came here for honest advice, right?"
"I did," I agreed. "Because apparently, my big brother has sat back thinking I'm ridiculous and didn't bother to tell me."
"Would you have listened?" he asked again.
"Okay," Sylvia said, holding up a hand to silence him. "Here's the deal. You just need to start courting her."
I gave her a blank look. "Right."
"If she's having 'date feelings,' then do date things with her. Don't just hang out at your place like you always do. Let her know you're thinking of her."
"I'm always thinking of her," I said under my breath.
Her face went all soft and happy. "I can give you ideas
until I'm blue in the face, but Levi, you know her better than anyone. At the end of the day, a woman wants someone who sees her. Who understands her, respects her, and treats her as though she's valued and important and cherished."
I already felt all those things for Joss; they were tightly wound around the core of who I was. Inextricable and inflexible.
Sylvia sat forward and took a deep breath. "Don't get mad at me for asking this, okay?"
I exhaled a laugh. "Hit me."
"We all know you're one of the best advocates she has, outside of herself, but are you holding yourself back because she's in that chair?"
The breath left my lungs in a rush. Connor dropped his head but didn't say anything.
"What the hell, Sylvia?" I asked, standing slowly. "Are you seriously asking if I treat her differently because of what happened to her?"
My voice sounded sharp to my own ears, but to her credit, she never flinched. Sylvia lifted her chin.
"What I'm asking is if you tread more carefully in regard to her emotions because of it, yes. Do you tiptoe around how she feels because of it? If she stood on her feet all day, would you have taken another shot six months later? A year?"
Anger and defensiveness swirled dangerously in my head, and I could feel Connor watching me carefully. He wasn't arguing with her, but he didn't agree with her either.
I paced into the kitchen and braced my hands on their counter, my head dropping down as I took a few deep breaths.
"I can't answer that," I said, words coming up like I'd yanked them from my throat with a rusty hook. "Because you're asking me to imagine a world that doesn't exist."
Sylvia's brow furrowed at my response.
"I'm not mad at you for asking, but Joss has to view the world differently because of where she sits. That's her viewpoint. Her chair, her legs are a part of her reality. Just like I can't look at the world from yours or Connor's viewpoint, I can only look at it from mine. She is not just a small part of my reality, Sylvia; she's the most important part of it." I straightened and met her gaze head-on. "So yes, I took her situation into consideration when I made my decisions, and maybe that makes me ridiculous, but I wouldn’t change anything. I don't regret a single day of the past five years because for those five years, she's been my favorite person in the world to spend time with."
The Love at First Sight Box Set Page 7
