by Jemma Thorne
* * *
I followed my aunt and uncle outside, casting a wistful glance over my shoulder. Well. Maybe someday I would return and see more of the house. I doubted it, however. Seeing it may just leave a bad taste in my mouth, reminding me of everything I’d given up in my careless response to Darcy’s proposal.
Outside, the clouds that had gathered so rapidly had gone just as fast. The Gardiners stopped to appreciate the view of idyllic country beauty. The vista probably hadn’t changed much in the last two hundred years, all sign of modern man kept clean away. The little river chuckled in friendly banter with the rocks as it moved, and Mr. Gardiner shouted at the sight of two trout leaping.
I couldn’t help but picture the spirit I’d just met as a new bride to Pemberley. I wondered if she had been in love with her husband. It was a fanciful thought – love wasn’t necessary to make a marriage. The more one had the less likely love had to do with one’s match. In my mind’s eye I saw the child Darcy running by, imagined what it would be to raise a child here.
I shouldn’t dwell on such thoughts. I had turned Darcy down without even considering his proposal. To covet Pemberley now was distasteful at best.
“Lizzy, are you all right? You still look pale. You’re not going to faint on us again are you? Maybe we should—” Mrs. Gardiner trailed off, her eyes on something beyond my shoulder.
I turned to see a figure at the end of the passageway that led to the stables. A fine, tall figure dressed for riding.
Darcy.
He had paused there, but was obviously looking in our direction. What was he doing here? He wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow. Oh no, oh no.
A clamor arose in my ears as Clarice tried to break into my afternoon, now of all times. She must’ve felt this unrest and thought it was a good time to take a chance. I drew a deep breath and then another, my hands clutched over my stomach. No, no, no! You will not witness this!
The clamor died back and I saw that Darcy had started toward us. I had just a few moments to put on a serene face, having no idea at all what I would say to him, what he would say to me, how our relationship stood—
And there he was.
“Miss Elizabeth,” his face was an open wound. He hadn’t had time to compose himself either. What was that in his eyes? Did he hate me?
“Hello, Mr. Darcy. I had not thought to see you here today. I had heard you would not return until tomorrow.” I was ashamed at how my voice squeaked. I was ashamed to be caught here in his home, having a look about the place. It was unseemly.
He spared no glance for the Gardiners; his eyes were on my face. “It is good to see you. How are the Bennets bearing the summer?”
I forced myself to draw breath and answer. “We are all well, thank you.” How kind of him to ask after my family.
“And Mr. and Mrs. Bennet? How are your parents?”
It must be because he had no other idea what to say. His upbringing was showing. But I felt it was very kind of him, to receive me with such grace after our last exchange. “They, too, are well. And you? You have returned so quickly.”
“Yes. Business brought me back a day earlier than expected. I must leave again for London in just a few short days. Georgiana will arrive tomorrow.”
His eyes were searching. He looked down at himself. “I am in no fit state. Please, do enjoy your visit. There is a lovely walk along the river.” With that, he turned and walked away.
I would have rather darted swiftly to the carriage and my escape, but the Gardiners had heard Darcy’s words about the walk and Mr. Gardiner was taken with the jumping fish. A walk was decided on, and I followed, my belly knotting with nerves at every step.
Chapter 5
“Well, that seemed as if you knew each other quite well, Lizzy,” Mrs. Gardiner noted. “Why didn’t you think to tell us the two of you were so friendly?”
“He was just being courteous.” That had to be it. He probably wondered what I thought and felt about him after our last exchange. Of course he did. That was the reason for the awkwardness I felt underlying his generous greeting.
What a fool I was to come here.
I said, “Now I feel we are infringing on his hospitality, and—”
“Nonsense. He said to enjoy a walk by the river and he seemed quite glad to see you. Let my husband observe the trout. We shall take in the fine breeze and the lovely flowers along the path. Don’t fret.”
A quarter of an hour later, I caught sight of Darcy upriver, walking toward us. He couldn’t be…
And in fact his disappearance as we rounded a bend in the trail led me to believe that he had taken a different route and wasn’t coming to greet us again at all. Some business must have taken him close to our path… But then there he was just ahead on the trail.
My heart fluttered and I tried to keep my breath and my pace even. We had exchanged words already, what more could we say?
Darcy had his greeting prepared this time. “I neglected to introduce myself. I’m Fitzwilliam Darcy, Master of Pemberley,” he addressed the Gardiners.
“I’m afraid we already knew who you were,” Mrs. Gardiner admitted. “We just saw your portrait inside.” The Gardiners greeted him in return and as he and Mr. Gardiner spoke of the stream and its stock of fish, Mrs. Gardiner raised her eyebrows with a questioning look in my direction. How was I going to explain this later? I couldn’t explain it to myself now!
We had already turned and were weaving our way along the riverbank back toward the carriage when Mrs. Gardiner pleaded need of her husband’s arm, and dropped back to walk beside him. Suddenly Darcy was walking at my elbow.
Up ahead, a figure flickered into view. Lady Anne again, watching us. Her expression grew more and more frustrated as we approached. She peered with eyes narrowed, grimacing.
I shook my head, trying to understand if there was a message for me in the spirit’s expression.
“It is a pleasure to see you again, Elizabeth. This is the last place I would’ve expected such a meeting to take place.” I heard no reproach in his tone, but I was still reproaching myself.
“My aunt and uncle desired the visit. She stayed in Lambton for a time in her youth and has been catching up with old friends there.”
“Your aunt and uncle…” He trailed off.
I gave him a sideways glance and saw his discomfort in his expression. I hoped he was regretting his treatment of my family in our earlier discourse. He’d obviously thought the Gardiners a fashionable enough pair and I thought it might just be so.
We’d come very close to the spot where I had seen Lady Anne’s spirit a minute ago. Suddenly I felt an icy draft at my right hand, completely out of place on this warm summer day. The spirit brushed my hand again, and I shook my fingers to try and warm them. What did Lady Anne want? I could not ask her now. Not with Darcy so close by my side, not in the broad light of day with other eyes all around to see.
“Miss Elizabeth, when my sister returns I would like to bring her to Lambton to meet you.”
I turned to him with wide eyes, stunned. I was amazed that my tone could be so cordial with the way my heart was thumping erratically within my chest. “That sounds lovely. I would enjoy meeting Georgiana. I have heard so much about her from you and from the Bingleys.”
Darcy nodded and that settled it. His arm brushed mine for a moment as we walked and he cleared his throat. We had come near to the carriage and Darcy stopped. I followed suit.
Lady Anne’s spirit stood just behind Darcy, her hand outstretched. But Darcy gave no sign that he felt his mother’s attempt to touch him. My heart ached for the spirit; I could feel her pain.
“Until then, Miss Elizabeth.” Darcy nodded to me, exchanged farewells with the Gardiners and removed himself to the house.
Lady Anne’s spirit stood a few feet off, watching her son as he walked away. Oh how I wish… the spirit’s voice sounded in my ears. Oh how I wish he knew how I loved him…
I joined the Gardiners in the carriage an
d attempted to join in the conversation with my usual humor. It would not do for the Gardiners to understand just how upset I was by today’s events. A quiet visit to a grand old estate indeed.
* * *
I had been fighting with Clarice all evening and woke to the spirit standing over my bed in the Lambton Inn. “Do not attempt to restrict me again as you did yesterday,” Clarice hissed. “I am your great-grandmother and yet you respect me so little.”
“I will do as I need to preserve my sanity, Clarice. You may have been my great-grandmother, but you’ve been dead for many a year. I have my life to live.”
Clarice growled something incomprehensible and began to pace along one side of my room as I prepared for the day. I did my best to ignore the sulking spirit.
Mrs. Gardiner had made our plans for this morning. Darcy would likely bring Georgiana tomorrow. At some point today I had to determine how I would tell my aunt and uncle of his impending visit. I worried they would think it spoke of some intimate connection between us.
I knew that it could not. Darcy had proposed once and I had declined his proposal. He would not propose again. I had no expectations.
Even if he were to ask again, was it possible that my feelings had changed enough toward him? The revelations after his proposal had gone a fair way toward changing my regard. Yet my own remorse over my treatment of him, my prejudice against him, had stymied any feelings other than shame and guilt. What did I feel after yesterday? It was too soon to tell.
In between our morning visits and dinner, my aunt and I retreated to dress. We heard a carriage in the drive and my heart skipped a beat entirely. No, it couldn’t be…
It was. Darcy and a young woman were disembarking in the drive. I ducked back from the window. No time like the present. I cleared my throat. “Aunt, Mr. Darcy said he would bring Miss Georgiana Darcy to meet me. I did not think they would arrive today. She has only just returned to Pemberley this morning.”
Mrs. Gardiner drew her mouth into a perfectly straight line, an expression so comical that I would’ve burst out laughing on any other occasion. She was quite obviously mystified. “Lizzy… Such attention, it can only mean—”
I waved a hand frantically at her. “Please don’t assign it a meaning at this moment. First we must get through this meeting.”
Mrs. Gardiner frowned. “I’m afraid I have no advice. Quite an odd feeling, I must say.”
I started to laugh but at that moment my vision blurred alarmingly and I shook my head to rid myself of the feeling.
“I have advice,” Clarice said sternly, her appearance sudden and startling. Mrs. Gardiner could not see her, and I tried to hide my flinch under the guise of nerves at the coming meeting. “Ignore the damnable man as you had determined before. We do not need him.”
We?
I reached for the pendant hidden under my dress and it was Clarice’s turn to flinch.
“No. Please.” Clarice stood next to Mrs. Gardiner, her eyes wide with fear and fury. “Don’t lock me away. I want to see.”
I shook my head slightly, but I dropped the pendant. If Clarice stepped a foot out of line, I would use the weapon Lady Leticia had provided. “Come, Aunt. We must dress.”
When we arrived below, Mr. Gardiner had already greeted the Master of Pemberley and his young sister.
I said my hellos, for the first time wondering if what I’d heard in town about proud young Miss Darcy was true. But after a few minutes of observation, I decided Georgiana was just extremely shy.
Darcy obviously cared a great deal for her, and gave me a look of relief when I gently encouraged a response from his sister. Before our encounter ended, I had even received a smile.
“He introduces you to his sister so that you will feel some attachment to him. But to have him, Lizzy, you must change.” Clarice’s words angered me, but I couldn’t let on that I heard them. “You cannot have a high-born husband and live in that great house while chasing ghosts.”
Did Clarice think she was saying anything that I hadn’t thought about a hundred times? I was no longer as certain as I’d been a year ago that I never wanted to marry. Clarice already knew that – how could she not when she lived in my head? And after Clarice, the idea of spirits held so little mystery that giving up using my gift sounded more like a respite than a restriction.
Bingley joined us, rather late and his hair windblown, as if he’d ridden here on a whim at the last possible second. He greeted us warmly, relaying greetings from his sisters in what I could only characterize as gentle dishonesty. He asked about my family, and most excruciatingly, he asked for news of Jane. He noted to the day the time he’d last seen her – at the Netherfield ball – and begged me to send her his regards in my next letter. It was all quite intriguing. Apparently he had not forgotten my sister at all.
When the Pemberley party departed, with a decision among the men for a fishing trip the next day, Mrs. Gardiner said, “Miss Darcy is quite pleasant. We should return her kindness by calling on her tomorrow.”
My skin flushed in an instant nervous response to this suggestion.
“You do not even know what you want,” Clarice said, her words decidedly even. “This is what happens, you know. A person gets dragged along by events. No decision is as good as a decision. You would let your aunt choose for you?”
I shook the ghost’s words out of my ears. “Yes, a visit to Pemberley tomorrow is precisely the thing to do.”
Mrs. Gardiner pursed her lips, evidently holding back the many questions filling her mind. I was thankful, for I had no answers that would please my aunt.
Chapter 6
The next morning my belly was aflutter with nerves. I told myself that another visit to Pemberley didn’t mean that much. My uncle was going to fish with the men; we would wait on Georgiana and then return to Lambton and an early dinner.
The whole adventure was likely to take all of three hours, yet it had dominated my attention since Mrs. Gardiner inspired the idea yesterday. It had kept me awake tossing and turning last night. My nerves seemed out of proportion with the day and after being so out of sorts when we visited Pemberley two days ago, I didn’t dare let on to my aunt that I was anything other than my normal merry self.
Before leaving, I took care to meditate with the petrified wood talisman and lock Clarice firmly away. The practice was taking less of my time and less of my energy. Still, I couldn’t imagine having to live this way for years on end.
Uncle had gone hours ahead of us and I managed to keep up a lively conversation with my aunt on the way to Pemberley. We both admired the woods and called out sightings of a variety of birds and small wildlife. It was a captivating place.
In contrast with the sunny day we’d enjoyed on our last visit, this morning was cloudy and gray. A sharper wind whistled through the trees as we began our descent through the hillside woods toward the grand house. The skin on the back of my neck prickled. Something, someone, watched us come. Was it Lady Anne?
My feelings at present were so muddled that I could not make heads or tails of them. But this was a simple visit with the shy sister of an acquaintance. I would have much to write to Jane when I returned to Lambton this afternoon.
We didn’t spot the fishing party as we wound our way to the house. I wondered if Darcy had truly joined my uncle for the sport. Inside the house we were greeted by Mrs. Reynolds and taken to the saloon where the ladies were visiting after breakfast.
As distracted as I had been at the thought of seeing Georgiana and the house again, as well as the distinct possibility of another meeting with Darcy, I had put no thought at all into the Bingley sisters. I had known they were here, yet I had not prepared myself for the meeting.
Caroline, as ever, looked down her nose and said nothing to us beyond the barest greeting. She whispered aside to her sister as Mrs. Gardiner and I sat with Georgiana and the woman she lived with in London. Mrs. Annesley was a fine conversationalist and carried the group handily. She must have considerable skill a
t this, with Georgiana being so slow to warm to idle chatter. That wasn’t surprising, I guessed. Her brother was not much for unneeded words either.
We barely sat two minutes before an apparition appeared behind Georgiana’s chair. Lady Anne stood there, her hand where it should’ve been able to touch her daughter’s hair. If only I could see them. From beyond it is so vague. This one…this one I have not made out truly since she was a babe.
My brow furrowed. Was this all that Lady Anne needed? Was this the reason she clung to her earthly home?
Mrs. Gardiner and Mrs. Annesley went on speaking about whom they had seen in the spring and sorting out the overlap in their acquaintances. For a moment, I focused on the ghost of Georgiana’s mother. Lady Anne, I think I can help you. If it will mean you can move on, I will try to help you see Georgiana once again.
Yes, Lady Anne breathed. Please, help me see her again.
My nerves sang with electric contact with the beyond. It was exhilarating, terrifying. While a few short months ago I had thought it romantic, I realized now that I would easily accept never needing to experience this feeling again. Suddenly, I understood Jane’s choice not to pursue her gift. I saw with remarkable clarity what I had thought to give up, for this.
But today’s effort was a positive one. Strange as it was, I felt a certain affection for Lady Anne. I could help her in this way.
I opened my heart wide, and with it my mind, as Lady Anne approached. The spirit reached out a hand. When Lady Anne touched the center of my forehead, her form dissolved, absorbed, and I felt a frightening weight settle into my limbs.
“… The woods are about the most charming place we’ve ever seen, aren’t they Lizzy?” Mrs. Gardiner was saying.
I gathered myself and nodded with great difficulty. I focused on my breath.
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.
The odd feeling of heaviness subsided over the next couple of minutes and I felt more myself. I could also feel Lady Anne’s confusion at so readily inhabiting my willing form.
