by Emma Easter
“What is it, Zainah?”
“Shhh,” Zainah put her index finger to her lips. “Nobody must know what I am about to tell you.”
Leila’s eyes widened as she stared at Zainah. “Wow! Tell me. What is it?”
Zainah lowered her voice and said, “This afternoon, Faizan and I decided to go for a walk.”
Leila fought the urge to roll her eyes. As much as she hated the envy that settled in her heart every time Zainah talked about her and Faizan’s constant expressions of love, like taking a walk in the backdrop of a sunset, she wished Zainah would stop telling her about it.
She said nothing and Zainah continued. “We started walking away from the camp while we talked. After a while, I told Faizan it was time to turn back so we would not get lost, but he assured me we wouldn’t. He wanted to explore some more.
“At a point, Faizan decided that we needed to go back, but just before we turned around, we spotted a fire some distance away. We went to investigate and you will not believe what we found.”
Leila’s heart began to beat fast as she recalled vividly the day they had rescued Faizan from a plane crash. She wondered if it was another crash. “I heard nothing at the camp,” she said. The day they had found Faizan, they had all heard the loud, awful sound of the plane crashing to the ground. With trepidation, she asked Zainah if it was another crash, praying it wasn’t. The sight she’d seen that day at the crash site was one she prayed she would never see again.
“It wasn’t a crash,” Zainah said. “It was a camp full of men.”
“What?” Leila’s mouth dropped open as she stared at Zainah in astonishment. “Did you say a camp full of men is somewhere near our women’s camp?”
Zainah nodded.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. They were all dressed in white or black tunics and pants. And they are all Christians like us.”
Leila stood up and then began to pace the ground in front of Zainah.
“Sit, Leila!” Zainah said.
Leila sat beside Zainah again. She said, “I can’t believe it. Who would have thought there was a camp near here? Not to talk of a men’s camp!”
“We spoke to one of them… or rather, Faizan did. They just arrived in the desert last week.”
Leila was mystified by it all. She listened as Zainah told her everything the man had said.
“How come there are only men there?”
Zainah answered, “They wanted to escape the many distractions of the world. The man we spoke to said women were the major distractions. He wouldn’t even speak to me directly. He mostly spoke to Faizan. He said he would have invited us into the camp but women were not allowed in. Faizan asked him if he could go back to the camp alone tomorrow and he said yes.”
“So, it’s a little like our own camp.”
“Except theirs seemed stricter.”
Suddenly, for the first time since she broke up with Malik, hope rose in Leila’s heart. And then she blinked and scolded herself. She stuffed the hope back deep into her heart. She said, “I’m glad they don’t let women into their camp and we won’t let them into ours, either. I just wish they were not here. One of the women is bound to discover their camp and tell everyone about it. If that happens, this place will not be the same again.”
Zainah stared at her and said, “I thought you would be a bit more excited than this. When I found out about them, I felt the same way as you. But now that I have thought about it some more, I actually think it would be a good idea if we could mix with them. Maybe we could get them to open up more. Wouldn’t it be lovely if some love matches were made? I mean, it’s time that...”
“Stop it! Stop it, Zainah! This talk about love matches and mixing with the men all needs to stop. Those men are right about the distractions that the opposite sex can bring. The women in this camp need to stay away from those men so we can be totally holy to the Lord.”
“How can you say that, Leila? Not too long ago you were talking about getting married and having children, and now you don’t want any of the women here to even have a chance for that? I know you’re heartbroken because of Malik, but that doesn’t mean you can’t move on and find someone else. I want you and the other women here to have what I and Faizan share.”
“First of all,” Leila said, irritated, “it wasn’t ‘not too long ago.’ It’s almost two years now since Malik broke up with me. Secondly, I and the women in this camp are better off without men and their fickle love.”
“You can’t be serious, Leila. Don’t you want the women here to find love?”
Leila turned away and said, “If the Lord wanted me or any of the women here to be married, He would not have led us to this place.” She turned back to Zainah and said, “Or He would have caused men to drop from the sky for all of us when we arrived here.”
Zainah shook her head.
Leila said, “Did Faizan not literally drop from the sky for you?”
“I guess he did,” Zainah said in a cold voice. “And you won’t let me forget it.”
Zainah sounded really hurt, and Leila sighed ruefully. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just that most people are not as lucky in love as you and Faizan are. Romantic love is mostly a lie. All you can trust is God’s love and we have it here. Why should we look for something else?”
“It’s not true,” Zainah said. “The Bible is full of examples of romantic love. If it wasn’t for us, then why do we have examples of it in the Bible? Besides, my relationship with Faizan shows that there is a place for that here, and I know some of the women here want what Faizan and I have. And I want it for them, too.”
“I think you should let it go,” Leila said. “The camp is okay the way it is.”
“Leila, just because you don’t want love in your life anymore doesn’t mean other women here don’t deserve...”
“No, Zainah. Nobody deserves anything except what the Lord gives. He has given Himself and that is enough.” She opened her mouth to say something more, but the bell signifying dinnertime began to ring.
Zainah stood up slowly with her hand on her belly, and lovingly rubbed it.
A dull ache went through Leila, and resentment rose within her. Her past dreams of carrying her own child one day would never happen. She took a deep breath and let the resentment go. She quietly repeated the words she said constantly to herself these days, “I am satisfied with Christ and I have enough. I have no need of anything or anyone else.”
She left the tent with Zainah and they walked toward the large dinner tent together. Miriam had come up with the idea of everyone having dinner together about a year ago. They had breakfast and lunch separately, but every evening, they all gathered together in the large tent and ate and fellowshipped together. Miriam called it a time to break bread together just like in the Bible, even though they never ate bread in the evenings.
They entered the tent and Leila sighed as Zainah left her side and made a beeline for Faizan, who was already seated in the middle of the tent. As a man, and a handsome one at that, he stuck out clearly in the sea of women.
Leila thought of what Zainah had told her about the men’s camp and the implications of it being discovered by the women here. That could not be allowed to happen. She went and sat on the left side of the dinner tent, in the middle of a long row of women.
She looked around her at all the women here. She personally knew some who had the same dream she’d had in the past of getting married and having children. Maybe Zainah was right. Maybe the women in the camp who really wanted to have husbands and children needed to know about the men’s camp.
She pressed her lips tightly together. No, she was still sure it wasn’t a good idea. She’d had love and then lost it. It was beautiful when you had it, but heart-wrenching when you lost it. She wouldn’t wish it on anyone. She hadn’t known how easy it was to lose what she thought was true love until Malik had broken up with her… just like that. She had known she could not marry him if he did not convert to her faith,
but she had been sure that he loved her enough to do that. Apparently, he had not.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up. It was Miriam smiling down at her. “Pray for the food, Leila,” Miriam said.
Every evening at dinnertime, Miriam chose someone to pray. Apparently, it was her turn today. Leila stood up and went to the front of the tent. The whole place was buzzing as women chatted with each other. When she looked over at everyone in the tent, the noise died down and everyone focused on her.
“Lord,” she began, “thank you for the food we are about to eat. Thank you for providing it for us, but most of all, thank you for providing this place for us. A place where we as women can come apart and be totally dedicated to you. Help us to present our bodies and minds daily as living sacrifices unto you. Keep us holy and keep our minds only on you.”
As she continued to pray, she began to feel as though she was letting some bitterness from her past experiences seep into her prayer. But then she chided herself. She wasn’t letting bitterness seep in. The Lord had taught her lessons from her past experiences so she could know how to pray for others, especially at a time like this. She asked the Lord to draw them close to Him and to keep away everything that would be a distraction.
She finished praying and went back to her seat.
Soon, some of the women entered with pots of steaming food. The delicious aroma immediately hit Leila’s nostrils and her stomach rumbled. She remembered she hadn’t eaten lunch that afternoon, which was why she was so hungry. She couldn’t wait to dig into the food.
As the women whose turn it was to cook dinner began to dish out the food and pass it around the tent, Leila’s eyes traveled to Zainah and Faizan and she held back a groan as a wave of envy hit her again. Faizan and Zainah had already been served their food and Faizan was feeding Zainah as though she could not feed herself. It reminded Leila of the days she had spent in Dogon, eating and laughing with Malik. Sometimes, he had fed her while she gazed into his eyes, her heart brimming with love for him.
She blinked away the painful memory. Looking away from Faizan and Zainah, she thanked the woman who handed her a plate of steaming chicken and wheat porridge.
Leila told herself to stop with the envy. It was constant now. She would have to find a way to move on from these painful memories of Malik and trust the Lord with all her heart. Yes, she would stay single forever, but that wasn’t so bad. Or at least, it didn’t have to be. She had the Lord and she had friends in the camp.
She continued to eat and then moaned inwardly when Malik’s face appeared again in her mind. Would she ever forget him? They broke up two years ago. Why couldn’t she just let go?
She pursed her lips and then forcefully pressed his image from her mind. No matter how long it took, she was determined to forget him completely. Thankfully, she would never again have to go through the pain of being dumped by someone whom she loved dearly. And she would make sure no woman in this camp ever had to go through what she went through. It was imperative that none of them find out about the men’s camp.
*****
Audrey held Ken’s hand as they left Doctor Reed’s office. The doctor was about sixty-five years old. He was their family doctor, and had been since before her parents had died. As usual, he had tested her and Ken, and he had come to the conclusion that there was nothing wrong with either of them, fertility-wise.
Audrey was angry again. He had told her on a previous visit that her eggs were getting old and she needed to start having babies now. He had also told them the same thing he’d said just now—that they needed to stop worrying and in due time they would get pregnant.
But when was that? Was it when her eggs were finally too old and useless, which, according to him, was very soon?
Audrey got into the car and buckled her seatbelt. Ken got into the driver’s seat beside her. “I’m so tired of this, Ken,” she said.
Ken said, “We won’t stop trying. You heard what Doctor Reed said. We need to stop worrying about it and in due time it will happen for us.”
Audrey looked out of the window and bit her lip. Whispering a prayer to the Lord, she said, “Please, Lord, please give us a baby now.” A few people had told her she should be satisfied with Esther. She and Ken loved Esther with their whole hearts, but she wanted a baby. A baby that would grow in her belly, created from the love she and Ken shared. And she wanted a sibling for Esther as well. She had grown up with sisters and she could not imagine her life without them.
She felt Ken’s hand on her shoulder and turned to him. “Stop worrying, Audrey. We won’t give up until we get our baby. And it will be soon. I am sure of it.”
“How are you sure?” she asked, frustration rising up within her.
“I just am.”
She studied him as he drove, his eyes on the road. All his words were meant to reassure her and to comfort her. But she knew him. He was as worried as she was but he probably felt he had to be strong for her. She felt a deep sadness weighing heavily on her and decided to change the subject. “I can’t wait for us to go to that women’s camp to see Faizan and Zainah. It will be a good break for us.”
“I can’t wait, either. So far, though, I’m enjoying our vacation here in Rosefield. Even though I miss Esther, it’s nice getting this time off and getting to spend time with Bryan and Frank. Faizan was a great addition to our clique of brothers when he was in Rosefield. It will be great to have him back in it.”
Audrey laughed. “I am sure it will be. What I am looking forward to the most when we go to that camp is experiencing the daily life there. I am really glad that you’re coming with me though, Ken. I hope they have private rooms for couples.”
Ken chuckled. “I doubt they do. I think I heard Faizan say when he still lived here in Rosefield that they mostly live in tents. So what you should be praying for is for them to have private tents.”
“Okay, private tents,” Audrey said. “We still need to keep trying to have a baby there.”
“That might be a little awkward at first,” Ken replied. “But I am sure they can set up new tents for us.”
Audrey giggled. “It will be such fun.”
They kept talking about their trip to North Africa and specifically the women’s camp until they got home.
“Ken,” Audrey said as they both sat on the couch.
“Yes?”
“Why don’t you call that lady, Miriam, so we can speak to Faizan and ask if they have and can set up extra tents for us couples? It would be a bummer if we arrived there and they didn’t have any. If we tell Faizan now, he can make preparations to set up new tents before we all arrive.”
Ken looked at her. “You know it’s hard to get through to Miriam. A lot of times her phone is off. Getting her on the phone is a matter of luck. And even if I got her, Faizan might not be around. You know the last time I called her so I could speak to Faizan and tell him we were coming, he and Zainah were not at the camp.”
“That’s why we should try calling again. We need to be sure that Faizan has gotten the message that we are coming in less than a week so he can make preparations for us. Imagine if he hasn’t even been told and we arrive there?”
“Well, it wouldn’t be so bad. It would be a pleasant surprise. But you are right. I should call again.” He brought out his phone from his pocket and dialed Miriam’s number. When he put the phone to his ear, Audrey leaned forward so she could see his face clearly. His eyes suddenly lit up and she knew he had gotten through. He put them on speakerphone and said, “Hello, is this Miriam? This is Ken, Faizan’s brother in-law. And his sister, Audrey, is also here.”
“Oh, Ken! I am surprised you called so soon since you just called yesterday. You are lucky. My phone battery is still high since I charged it when I went to town a few days ago. I will go and get Faizan and Zainah for you. I think they are in their tent.”
“That would be great, thank you,” Ken said.
Miriam didn’t speak again and Audrey whispered, “Imagine staying in
a place without electricity for weeks, Ken. It will be so exciting!”
Ken shook his head. “That excites you?”
“Yes, it does! We will be truly off the grid. No internet, no calls, no TV or distractions like that. Just nature, the desert, and interesting people from what Faizan and Zainah told me.”
“Well, I guess that…” Ken stopped talking as Faizan’s voice came on the line.
“Ken!” Faizan said.
“Faizan!” Ken exclaimed. “It is so good to hear from you, bro! Your sister is here with me.”
“Audrey!” Faizan hollered. “I have missed you. How are you?”
“I have missed you too, Faizan. It’s been months since we last talked. I am fine. How is Zainah? Is she there?”
“No. It’s her turn to cook the camp dinner so she is in the kitchen tent preparing the food with the other women.”
“How is her pregnancy coming along?” Audrey asked. She felt a dull ache in her heart as she asked that, considering her own inability to get pregnant. She quickly brushed aside the pain she felt.
“She is as fit as a fiddle,” Faizan answered, “and as beautiful as ever.”
“I am glad to hear that,” Audrey said. Faizan sounded so happy and she was truly pleased for him as well.
“So, I heard the good news,” Faizan said. “You can come here. And you are coming next week?”
“Yes,” Ken answered. “That’s why we called, actually. We wanted to know if there are extra tents there for us couples. You know we need our privacy.”
There was silence on the other end of the line and Audrey’s heart sank. Was the phone battery dead? She called out, “Faizan! Are you still there?”
“I am. I am sorry.”
“What are you sorry for, Faizan?” Audrey asked.
He sighed loudly. “Miriam just told me that it will not be possible for you guys — Ken, Frank and Bryan — to come along. She said only women can stay at the camp, and that means only you, Audrey, and Trisha and Sienna can come here.”
“Oh, no!” Audrey said, shaking her head. “Why?”
