by Jessica Ames
Rav rolls the bottle between his hands. “I don’t like the unknown,” he says, and I get the feeling we’re no longer talking about prospects. I take a pull of my drink, letting the malty taste sit on my tongue for a second before I swallow it down.
“Me neither.”
“Lucy’s situation is an unknown, Nox. I don’t have a fucking clue what’s going on there and it’s pissing me the hell off.”
I get his frustration. I feel it too. I peer over at the two girls sitting together, their heads so close to each other, they’re nearly touching foreheads. It’s the first time I’ve seen Lucy smile in days, although I can still see the strain in her face.
“Not even a speck of dirt is coming up on her boss,” he says before he takes a sip of his drink. “It ain’t possible. You don’t get shot in the fucking head and not have a heap of shit in your life.”
My eyes stray to Lucy and the gauze that still covers her head wound. Hot oil pools in my veins as I take it in. Someone is going to pay for inflicting that hurt on her, for nearly taking her from me.
Daimon joins us after a little while, talking money at Rav while my attention stays locked on Lucy. She looks beautiful today, her pale blonde hair piled into a topknot, her eyes soft as she talks to Sasha. I want to capture her mouth, take her right here. Instead, I shift my legs to give my straining cock a little more room in my jeans.
Sasha suddenly stands and hugs Lucy, then the pair of them move over to the bar.
Rav watches Sasha approach like a lion stalking a gazelle, his eyes never leaving her face and as she gets close, he twists on his stool, so he’s facing away from the bar, and pulls his old lady between his legs.
“You shouldn’t be here,” he growls at her even as her hands go to either side of her hips. “Lily-May—”
“Is perfectly safe at home. Quit worrying.”
“It’s my fucking job.”
Sasha runs her fingers through the hair at the side of his head. “I needed to see Luce. Now I have, I can sleep easier.”
His expression softens at her words, his rage dying down. “I’ll take you home.”
Sasha turns and pulls Lucy into her arms. When they break apart, she says to me, “You better take care of her.”
I meet Lucy’s eyes with a smouldering look. “I will.”
Her throat works as she takes this in and God, I want to kiss her.
Rav wraps his arms around Sasha’s shoulders and leads her out. Lucy hovers awkwardly by the stools, her gaze shifting to Daimon, who is sitting a few feet from where we’re standing. He’s facing the bar, the bottle he’s drinking from rolling between his hands.
“I need…” she breaks off, licking her lips and I can see the tension in her face as she does.
“What? Tell me,” I order.
Her eyes come to mine, those blue orbs drawing me in. “I need to go to my place. I need clothes and other things.”
“It’s too dangerous. Sasha brought you some stuff.”
She scowls at me. “It’s been days. No one has come for me yet. I don’t think they’re going to.”
I snort at this assumption. “That’s a good way to end up dead, Lucy.”
“Please.”
It’s her plea that breaks through my sense. I can’t deny her anything when she asks like that. I dip my head, my hands coming to rest on her cheeks.
“Okay, but you stay here.”
She shakes her head. “It’ll be quicker if I come. I know what I need and where to find everything.”
She’s right, but I don’t like it. She rolls to her toes and presses her mouth to mine and my mind empties of everything but her.
“I know you’ll keep me safe, Nox,” she says, and her words hit at my pride. Of course I can fucking keep her safe.
“Okay,” I agree. “We’ll go in the morning.”
Her smile is radiant and goes straight to my dick. “Thank you.”
I mirror the gesture, but my mind wonders if I’ve made a stupid decision here, and if this is exactly what her assassins are waiting for.
11
Lucy
Somehow, I got Nox to agree to take me back to the flat I shared with Sasha and Lily-May the next morning. I haven’t been back there since I crashed through the clubhouse’s gates. It hasn’t been safe to. Sasha and Lily-May moved out the same day as well. It’s a few boroughs over from Kessington, so Nox had muttered something about getting permission to pass through another gang’s territory. That I understand because Isaac often had to do the same.
After Nox went to find Titch, I quickly changed into the jeans, ankle boots and tee that Sasha bought for me. There was clean underwear too, which beat the hell out of having to wash my knickers and bra every night in the washing machine in a small room near to the kitchen. I love Sash for thinking about this stuff.
Once I was dressed, I waited in the common room for Nox to return, impatiently biting my nails to the bed. When he finally steps back into the room, he’s smiling, and God, if that smile doesn’t do funny things to my belly. He makes my world stop, makes all the noise, all the static fade until all I can see is him. His body, his kindness, it’s more than I deserve, but I can’t stop from latching onto it with needy fingers.
I shake myself. I need to nip this thing with Nox in the bud. He and I can’t happen. Ever. Even if we kind of already are. Sense seems to disappear any time he’s around and the selfish part of my brain wants what I shouldn’t have. Him. It’s been a long time since I had a man care about me, although that will disappear the moment he finds out the truth of my situation. Nox doesn’t strike me as someone willing to dip his nib in another man’s ink, even if things between me and Isaac are volatile and definitely over—at least they are for me. Isaac is another matter.
“We can go now,” Nox says. “Day and Titch are coming with us, just in case there’s trouble.”
Daimon and Titch I can handle. The big guy who saved Lily-May’s life—Fury—scares the shit out of me. I’m glad he’s not coming. There’s darkness in him that is worse than any darkness I’ve ever seen in Isaac, except when it comes to that little girl. Every time I’ve seen him with Lily-May over the past two months since the transplant, he’s been nothing but sweet.
I push up from the table and he holds his hand out to me. I shouldn’t take it, but I slip my palm into his before I consider the ramifications. He feels warm, safe, and when his fingers squeeze mine, I can’t stop from smiling, even though this is all kinds of wrong. Everything with Nox just feels right.
We walk out of the clubhouse to where the bikes are parked. When he leads me towards his motorcycle, I stop walking, which pulls him up short.
“Lucy?”
My eyes dart at the shiny chrome bikes, my heart starting to pound.
“Are we going on your bike?”
His lips tug into a sexy as fuck grin that makes the butterflies in my belly beat their wings more frantically.
“You want to ride?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never done it before.”
His grin grows bigger. “I’m happy to take your bike virginity.”
Heat rises in my cheeks at the insinuation in his words, which makes him smirk wider.
“Nox, seriously. I’ve never done this before.”
“Relax. It’s easy. All you have to do is move with me and hold on. I’ll do the rest.”
He moves over to his bike, freeing the half-helmet from the lock at the back and he hands it to me.
“Put this on.”
I fumble with the straps and his fingers move to help me, his eyes meeting mine as his touch scrapes over my jaw. I hold my breath, my stomach flip-flopping at the look he’s giving me. Sometimes, I feel like he sees me, the real me. Not Lucy Franklin. Not Natasha Blackwood, but me. Who I would have been if I hadn’t met Isaac. That girl will never exist again, but Nox brings out snippets of her. I like that he does. It makes me feel less broken, more in control.
Natasha would never have got on the back o
f a motorcycle while she was Isaac’s little captive bird. She was too afraid to be anything but what he demanded. Lucy is more forthcoming, but she’s not the real me either. Before I met Isaac, I was a lot like Sasha. He scraped away every piece of who I was and created this person I am now. A person I don’t recognise or like much. I see Lucy as a weak scared little girl, and that’s not who I am.
The helmet on, I peer up into Nox’s eyes and he dips his head, pressing his mouth to mine. My knees tremble as I grip his biceps. Kissing him isn’t something I should do, but I can’t stop from taking everything he offers me. I want him, I need him. He makes me feel. For the first time in years, he makes me want to be free, to peel away all the hurt I have and live my life for me, not just to survive.
Wanting things is dangerous, though. It leads me down a path I can’t step off of and that scares me. He will be the death of me in a different way than Isaac. Nox will kill me with love, with need, with desire. Isaac killed me with control.
I pull back and when his hand cups the side of my neck, I feel warmth spread from beneath his fingers. This man wants me. He wants me. Lying to him doesn’t feel good. My words are ash and my lies are poison that will eventually destroy us both.
He steps back, still smiling, and hands me the jacket that is draped over the back of the bike.
“You ain’t really dressed for riding, but it’ll have to do.”
“I’m not?”
“I’d rather you were wearing proper gear—riding jeans, long sleeves, boots with better supports. You come off the bike this shit ain’t going to protect you.”
I glance at the jacket before I take it.
“This will at least keep your arms and chest safe, and it’ll keep you warm,” he tells me and I slip into the garment. It’s thick, heavy and it falls off my shoulders. He’s broader than I am. I zip it up and feel the warmth infuse me.
He peers at me, his heated eyes taking me in. “You’ll do.”
Nox cocks his leg over the back of the bike. When he glances over his shoulder at me, I feel wetness between my thighs at the look he gives me. It’s possessive and while Isaac wanted to possess me, he did it to own me. I get the feeling I own Nox in this situation.
“Climb on,” he orders.
I run my tongue over my bottom lip as I stare at the bike like it’s a dangerous weapon. I don’t know much about bikers and their lives, but I feel like this is a crossroads for us, like if I get on the back of his motorcycle something will change between us.
I want it to change. I want to embrace this—whatever this is. Even if it’s short lived. I need to feel something, anything. I need to feel wanted, needed, desired.
I pause for only a second before I move over to the bike.
“Stick your foot on the pillion,” he tells me, pointing to a metal foot rest coming out of the back of the bike, “and—”
Before he finishes, I put my foot on it, and sling my leg over the back of the bike, using his shoulders to keep me steady. I sit down on the back, finding the other pillion on the opposite side and putting my foot on it.
He stares at me over his shoulder.
I grin. “I’m a bad girl at heart, Nox.”
He matches my expression, before he shakes his head and mutters a “Fuck me.”
I like that I can keep him on his toes. I wish I could do it more.
Daimon and Titch step out of the side entrance and give Nox a lift of their chins. I watch as they pull their helmets on and climb onto the back of their bikes. I like both men—what I know of them anyway. They’ve definitely been the friendliest of the brothers.
Grabbing my hands, Nox pulls them around to rest on his stomach and says, “Whatever happens hold on tight.”
“I will,” I promise.
He faces forwards and revs the engine. Then we take off. I resist the urge to shriek as the bike moves and I cling tighter to him, feeling his abdominal muscles bunching under my hands. Behind us, I can hear the rumble of Daimon and Titch’s bikes, but I don’t dare turn to look in case I fall off or unseat Nox somehow. Instead, I cling to him, my face burrowing into his back as the wind attacks. On the back of his bike is the freest I’ve ever felt. I close my eyes and let the sensations overtake me. For too long I was an ornament, only brought out on special occasions. Nox lets me be who I need to be. Free.
I’m falling for him, I realise. I want him, I want us. I want this taste of paradise he’s offering. I want to feel, I want to breathe freely again.
And that terrifies me.
12
Nox
Having Lucy at my back feels like heaven. She’s soft, warm and the way her hands keep moving over my abs has my dick twitching. This feels good, right. Perfect.
Everything about her excites me, and I don’t know what to do with that. I’ve never felt this way about a woman before. I’ve never felt anything for anyone I’ve been with, but Lucy has my mind in knots.
As we ride, I try to keep my focus off the woman behind me and on my surroundings. Bringing her out of the safety of the clubhouse could be a mistake, one I might regret, but if she’s going to be there for a while, she needs her own shit around her.
We’d have to do this trip at some point. Better to do it with her here, so we can get in and out fast.
As we move through different territories, I keep my guard up. Titch cleared the route for us, but you still never know what can happen when going through someone else’s patch. It pays to be cautious, aware. We should have come in a cage, but selfishly, stupidly, I wanted her on the back of my bike. I wonder if Lucy knows how big a deal it is to have her sitting behind me. In our world, that means something. It means she’s mine. I don’t think she’s ready to hear those words yet, but I would claim her in a heartbeat. I’ve fallen hard and fast. I always said snatch couldn’t sway me, but Lucy is different. She’s everything I’d want in an old lady and more. I can’t stop from wanting her. There’s a connection, chemistry that can’t be faked.
As we get closer to where she lives, my jaw starts to clench tightly. The area is rundown, deprived, not somewhere I’d want either Lucy or Sasha living, but this is home to them. I try not to judge, but I can’t help from seeing this place through a lens. It’s a shithole.
We’re surrounded by a ring of high-rises, graffiti on every wall I can see. The buildings are rundown, old, decrepit. I swallow bile as we pull up outside a two-storey building and cut my engine. I hear my brothers’ bikes rumbling behind me before they fall silent too.
Fuck me, no matter what happens, she ain’t coming back here to live. I’ll buy her a place before I let her step foot back here.
My eyes slide to the group of kids hanging around the corner of the street, their eyes locked on us, fascinated by the bikes probably. Some of them look young, too young to be out on their own.
I pull my attention back to Lucy and pat her leg.
“Hop off, baby.”
She peels herself from my back and I feel the loss of her warmth, cold licking up my spine, and it’s not just because she’s no longer touching me. This place is giving me fucking chills. Her hands come to my shoulders as she climbs off and gets back onto solid ground. The grin that’s covering her face doesn’t go unnoticed. Lucy enjoyed that ride, and that makes my own smile spread.
“That was… phenomenal,” she says a little breathlessly.
“Ain’t nothing quite like being on the back of a bike.”
“This is yours and Sash’s place?” Daimon asks, peering up at the building. I don’t miss the wrinkle of his nose. Sash moved in with Rav the same day Lucy turned up at the clubhouse bleeding. He, Kyle and Levi had gone to move her shit while I’d stayed with Lucy and handled security back at the clubhouse with Fury. If I’d seen this, I would have packed Lucy up too. How the fuck did Rav not tell me how bad this is?
It’s old, brick, the mortar crumbling in places, huge paint tags covering most of it. I wouldn’t let a dog live here, let alone Lucy and Sasha.
Colour s
tains her cheeks as she nods. “Yep, home sweet home. It was all me and Sash could afford.”
“You don’t have to explain,” I tell her.
“Ain’t judging,” Daimon is quick to add.
She gives us both a thin smile. “I know it’s not perfect, but this place saved us both.” She glances up at the building and I don’t like the look that crosses her face. Shame maybe, guilt even—I’m not sure which.
“Come on,” I reach out for her hand and thank fuck she takes it. The last thing I want her to think is I’m looking down on her choices. I know she and Sash did the best they could.
Daimon and Titch stay with the bikes while she leads me over to the stairwell and we climb up the steps that wind around the outside of the building. There are two other flats on the first floor, but she moves past both and leads me to the end door.
As we approach, Lucy pulls her keys from her pocket, the metal jangling as she tries to find the right one.
Her hands are shaking slightly, and I cover her fingers with my own. She peers at our joined hands before raising her gaze to meet my eyes. Then she takes a deep breath. Without a word, I take the keys from her and put them in the lock. It turns easily and I push the door open.
As I step into the darkened hallway, I take a moment to adjust to the change of lighting before Lucy flips the switches behind me. Light floods the small corridor, which has two doors off it. I tell her to wait where she is and pull the gun from the holster under my kutte. Then I move through the space. It’s clean, well decorated. Poles apart from the outside. It looks like Lucy and Sasha tried to make this home, tried to give Lily-May something nice, something good. There’s shit missing from the bookcases and indentations on the carpet where furniture would have previously been. Sasha cleared out everything of hers to move in with Rav. It makes the place feel a little bare, barren even.
I move from room to room and when I step into the back bedroom, I realise I’m in what must be Lucy’s room. It’s decorated in different shades of blues and greens, feminine, but not overly fussy. There’s a wardrobe, a double bed, some bedside tables—the usual shit you’d find in a bedroom. I catch a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror on the wall and I can’t help but think what kind of man wants to destroy all that purity, all that innocence. Lucy doesn’t deserve the tattooed thug, wearing a kutte, brandishing a gun. She deserves better, but I want her to want me, as selfish as that is.
