“Ford, say whatever the fuck you have to say. I have a bike waiting to paint, and then I have a date with my woman.” Creed growled from the seat beside me. Memphis was pregnant again, and even though she was only in the first trimester, Creed wanted her to have just as good a time as she did when she carried Zander. My road captain was completely devoted to his wife, and with her being blind, the man made sure her every need was catered to. Date night to him was high on that list.
I gave him a chin lift and cleared my throat. Righto, here we go.
“The other day, I took Shiloh and Bastian to the park. You know the one with all the sand? Fucking hate it, but when Shiloh looked at me with those eyes of hers, and she pouted her bottom lip, I couldn’t say no to her—”
“Ford!” Deck shouted, stopping my babbling. His fists thumped down on the wood table, causing all the glasses and bottles to rattle.
“Right, sorry. Okay, so she said something that got me worried.”
“What did she say?” Booth asked quietly. My pres was a smart man and knew his men, our characteristics and tells, so even though my hand was on my lap, he could tell I was working my lighter. Flicking it on and off served two purposes for me—sometimes it calmed me, and other times, I did it when I was nervous. Today, the later was the reason for it.
“She mentioned that Darth talks to her. Has conversations with her. When I questioned her further about this, thinking she meant that she talks to him in her mind, she said he… he talks back to her. Watches Tour of Duty with her and sits on her bed after you and Charlotte put her to bed.” I looked right at Deck when I mentioned her bedtime.
“She what?” Steel whispered, shocked. The bottle of beer in his hand paused midway to his mouth.
“She also said that his ouch is all gone, that there was no blood on his shirt anymore, no gunshot wound.” I finished with the most disturbing part of the story. Shiloh had seen that wound, had seen it actually happen. Her clothes were covered in Darth’s blood when she flung her little body on him at the dance school that day. I wasn’t there, but I had seen her when Deck took her to the hospital to have her looked over before he rushed her and Charlotte to his parents’ place. That day, Deck was consumed with fear. He’d wanted them away from the danger, and it killed him to send them there, but Rogue proved no one was safe. Deck couldn’t risk another thing happening to them. Thankfully, Booth took care of our threat, but had it all been too little too late?
“Also—”
“There’s fucking more?” Mannix asked, incredulity accompanying his question. The shocked look on his face mirrored the one on Booth, Steel, and Creed’s faces. Deck had a look of desolation. My SAA was gutted, shattered from what he was hearing for the first time. His daughter was talking to a ghost, and he had been totally clueless.
“Yeah, um, late last night, Bryce and I heard Shiloh screaming. We were in the hallway just down from your door when we heard her.” As I explained, I noticed Bryce tense in his seat. To anyone else, they would think he was reacting to the fact that Shiloh screamed, but I knew better. Bryce was worried I was going to out us. What the fucking fuck? Was he still ashamed of us, of me? Had I read it all wrong? The kiss, the passion, the declaration that he cared about me? My heart started to ache with a familiar pain.
“And what happened, Ford—Bryce?” Deck asked anxiously, looking wildly between Bryce and me.
I was speechless, my brain couldn’t get the words to my mouth, so all I could do was look dumbfounded at the man across from me. The man who refused to look in my direction, guilt written all over his handsome face.
Bryce cleared his throat, making sure he kept his gaze on anyone but me, which made my heart sink even further.
“We ran into the room and found Shiloh cowering in the wardrobe. Once we coaxed her out, she admitted that she had nightmares, about the bad man and the car accident. She then did something that made my hairs stand on end. Ford’s, too.” Without waiting to be told to go on, Bryce dropped the biggest bombshell of all. “She spoke to Darth right in front of us, answered him, asked him a question, and even giggled at something he said,” Bryce said, then closed his eyes. His lips thinned into a grim line, obviously not intending to mention the part about Darth being happy for him and me making out but suggesting we didn’t do it in the hall.
“What did she laugh at?” Deck questioned.
“Nothing. It wasn’t important,” Bryce answered quickly, too quickly.
My heart dropped to the ground with a sickening thud. There it was then—I was nothing important. Not worth mentioning, not worth fighting for. Nothing. I narrowed my eyes, pissed off with the man who owned my heart and who now had just shattered it.
“Nothing at all, right, Bryce? Just bullshit, right?” I said with gritted teeth. Say something, you coward. Tell them you had your hands all over me, kissed me senseless, and told me I was the only one who got your cock hard, I taunted him in my head. It didn’t happen. He just sat there looking like a stunned mullet, not meeting my stare.
Deck, completely oblivious to the silent war raging between Bryce and me, got up from his seat.
“How the fuck did I not know about this? How have I missed the fact my baby girl is struggling? What kind of father am I?” I could feel the despair, the self-loathing Deck dumped on his own shoulders. For a minute, I forgot about my pain and focused on Deck.
“Mate, you can’t blame yourself for this. Shiloh is experiencing the same kind of PTSD anyone can when dealing with death and violence. She needs to talk to someone, a proper child therapist educated specifically in dealing with young kids,” I told him gently. No way in the fuck was Deck blaming himself for this. We had all thought that after Rogue was dealt with, all would return to normal. Absolutely no one could have predicted this.
“Ford is right, brother. This could not have been predicted. All you can do now is go talk to Charlotte about what you have learned and get her input. She has experience with kids as a teacher, so maybe she has a solution. No need to lay blame or to punish yourself, mate. Shiloh needs our help, and the club as a family will see that Squirt gets all the help she needs,” Booth said.
Deck nodded his head and left the room without another word. No doubt in a hurry to find his wife and daughter.
“Okay, this meeting is over for now. Let Deck get a handle on his emotions and talk to Teach. She will get his head back where it needs to be. Until then, let’s all keep an eye on Shiloh. If anyone sees her talking to herself, I don’t want anyone calling her attention to it. She is not to think what she is doing is wrong. If this is the way she is coping with Darth’s death, then so be it. So, until a professional, educated in the field of PTSD, tells us otherwise, she is to be left alone. Understood?” Booth commanded.
Everyone nodded in the affirmative. I agreed it would just be detrimental to Shiloh if any of us pulled her up for her behaviour.
“Ford, stay where you are. I need to talk to you alone, mate,” Booth said, stopping me as I started to get up from my seat and follow my brothers out of the war room.
I dropped my head to my chest and let out a long sigh. Deck and the others might have missed the tension between Bryce and me but not Booth. Fuck it.
***
“What’s up, Pres?” Stalling tactic? I considered it more self-preservation. The last place I wanted to be was under Booth’s microscope, not after the last ten minutes. Bryce had completely ignored me. The first test he faced being honest about us, and he practically turned and ran straight back to the closet. I thought of myself as a normal functioning member of this club. I rode a bike just like all the other members. I could do anything with a computer and kept the financial wheels turning for all the businesses. Hell, I was the number one go-to babysitter for Shiloh and all the babies. The fact I liked dick didn’t define me as different, not in my book. Bryce obviously had a different outlook.
“You tell me, brother. There was something unspoken during the meeting. The question being is it important in regard
to Shiloh. Or does it have something to do with the panicked look on Bryce’s face when you mentioned the hallway, then Bryce telling us about Shiloh giggling at something Darth said to her.”
See! He saw everything! I was trapped by the all-seeing grey eyes of Vincent Booth.
I didn’t see any way out of the interrogation except the truth.
“Both,” I answered with a grunt.
“Both?”
I nodded my head. “Yeah. After our spar, Bryce chased me down. He said—well, it doesn’t matter what he said.” I sliced my hand through the air. “The point is we kissed, okay? Pawed at each other and really went to town. He does this thing with his tongue—”
“Ford! I would rather not know about Lucky’s tongue or how he uses it. Just stick to the pertaining facts.” The smirk on Booth’s face made me grin. Yeah, word vomit didn’t just affect the ladies of the club.
“Right, so we heard Shiloh scream. You heard how we found her, but what we didn’t tell you was that Darth, according to Shiloh, touched my head, then he told her to tell us that the hallway wasn’t the place for such activities, but he was really happy for us.” I let my voice trail off to a near whisper at the end. Booth wasn’t an idiot. He knew how I felt about Bryce, and during our deployments, he was aware that Bryce and I would sneak off for some alone time on the FOB. My sexuality wasn’t a problem for Booth or any of the others, but I still kept it under the radar. My business was exactly that—mine. Bryce, damn, fuck if I knew what was going through his head right now.
Booth stayed quiet while I spoke, not a hint on his face giving away what he was thinking. His eyes were glued to the small monitor in front of him. I knew without even looking that he had located his wife. Booth’s obsession with Stella’s safety had reached legendary status since she gave birth to little Gabe. She had come close to dying that day—again. He traced his finger over the screen for a brief second, then dragged his eyes from the screen. A haunted look was in them, which used to be there all the time before Stella. I was about to ask him what was wrong, but he beat me to it.
“When they kicked me out of the OR, Stella was on the brink of dying. She haemorrhaged, badly, and both she and my son were going to die. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to lose my wife forever.” Booth sucked in a shallow breath, his eyes returning to the screen once again. A smile of sheer happiness chased away the dark cloud, almost like magic. I deduced that Stella and baby Gabe were behind the transformation.
“I dropped to my knees and prayed harder than I have ever prayed. I asked Darth to help them, begged him to send her back to me, not to let my son die. I heard him, Ford. The lights above me flickered on and off, and then I heard Darth promise that everything was going to be okay. He was looking after them, and they would be all right.”
I sucked in a breath, not trusting my voice. The hairs on my arms stood up, and for the second time since the night before, I felt a cold shiver run through me.
“You heard his voice?”
“Yep, right there in the hospital hallway on my knees. Darth spoke to me just as you are now. So I believe Shiloh is seeing and talking to our fallen brother. I believe Darth is keeping his promise to the little girl who meant more to him than any other person—well, there was one more.”
I nodded, knowing he meant Vegas. The club had dealt with so much loss and death it was a wonder any of us functioned normally, let alone a four, nearly five-year-old.
“Darth saved my family, which saved me. If he is talking to Shiloh, letting her see him, I have to believe he is doing it for a reason. We dealt with unspeakable atrocities in the military, Ford, things no human should ever see or do. A little girl, who witnessed the most important man in her life apart from her father get shot talking to his ghost isn’t that bad in the grand scheme of things.” Booth’s words hit me dead centre. He was right. Shiloh was happy, and her life was filled with people who adored and doted on her. If Darth was letting himself be seen and heard by her, he had his reasons. And I had to trust that Shiloh understood them, too.
I looked at my watch and mumbled a curse. I had a full day of computer work ahead of me, and then I was babysitting Zander while Creed and Memphis went out on their date night. Keeping myself busy was the best way to keep my mind off my problems with Bryce—if I even had any problems with Bryce. Maybe he was the one with the problem. Whichever case it was, I didn’t want to think about it any longer. For today, I was going to concentrate on the financial reports that were awaiting my attention, then some bro time with big man Zander.
“Gotta get moving, Booth. We good here?”
“Yeah, I better get going myself. I have to take Stella into town. Apparently, my boy is growing too fast and needs pants and something called a doorway jumper,” Booth grumbled good-naturedly. He didn’t fool me, though. The man would give them anything Stells asked for.
I laughed as we made our way towards the door.
“It’s a swing that attaches to the top of a door. The kid bounces in it, and it keeps them entertained and confined so they can’t get into mischief. It also helps strengthens their leg muscles,” I answered easily.
“How the fuck do you know that?”
“Who do you think the women come to for babysitting,” I said drolly and rolled my eyes. I pretended it annoyed me, but really, I loved looking after the kids. My time with them meant the world to me. I was probably not going to ever have kids of my own, and I was okay with that. There was plenty of opportunities for me to get in some baby time, plus Shiloh was always with me when not with her parents.
“Ford.”
I stopped and turned to look at Booth. “Yeah, brother?”
“I know you have things worked out for the most part with who you are and how you want to live your life. Bryce is having trouble figuring out his path. Slow down, and let him catch up, mate. Knowing who you are is one thing, but how to live it is a whole other story.” With a hard thump to my back, Booth moved past me and out the door.
My mouth gaped opened after hearing the words Booth just said. Jesus, fuck me. Suddenly, my attention and mind were firmly back on the man I loved. So much for my resolve only minutes before to stop thinking about Bryce.
Fucking Booth.
Chapter 8
LUCKY
“Thanks for helping out here tonight, mate. You are a natural bartender,” Steel said with a slap to my back. Helping at the Bar and Grill had been a great idea, and I found I really enjoyed the work. It was a lot different than the bike shop, more people to interact with for one. Creed was a great boss, and I was learning a lot from him. He was a master at his craft, a fucking genius with a spray gun, just not a big talker.
“Thanks for thinking of me, VP. I feel a lot better now that I am earning my money from the club. Being overseas and still getting a monthly deposit didn’t sit well with me,” I told Steel honestly. “This way suits me more.”
“Lucky, you are part of this club, and as a member, you get what we all get. When Deck, Booth, Mannix, Darth, Ford, and I got out, we were ready to leave. More than fucking ready,” Steel said as he gave his leg a rueful glance. “You weren’t ready, so you stayed and paid your dues, served your country, and made us fucking proud. You got fucking shot, for Christ’s sake, Luck, not for your country but because of a lunatic with a grudge against the club. Trust me, you earned it,” Steel said just before he moved off to help one of the waitresses with the closing up routine.
I stood there shocked for a minute. What Steel said about the club being proud of me was the most awesome feeling. Those men, my brothers, meant more to me than anyone in my blood family. They didn’t judge me or look down on me for the choices I made in my life. A niggle of guilt fell over me. There was one decision they had no idea about, the one they should know about, the one I was still keeping secret.
Today, at the meeting in the war room, I screwed everything up. I panicked when Ford started talking about the hallway, and then when I started to remember his hands and li
ps all over me, my dick got so hard, I couldn’t even look at him without giving away my true feelings. So I did the worst thing I could have done and ignored him. I knew Ford was expecting me to stand up and claim him as mine. Hell, that was what I wanted to do, but I had to sort my life out first. I knew the direction to head involved Ford because he was the one. My man. Being honest with him about my fears was the first step. He had always been openly gay, but me, not so much. I hid it behind closed doors, hid my real self to appease my family. It was time to take control of my life.
My train of thought was interrupted by my phone playing the song “Back in Black.” I changed my ringtone on a regular basis, and this week, I was on an AC/DC kick.
“Yeah?”
“Bryce?” the snooty voice on the other end shrieked. “Please don’t answer the phone in such a manner.”
I hung my head and counted to ten. For a minute, I thought about hanging up. Ava was not the person I wanted to deal with just yet, but if I was going to move forward with Ford, ending things with Ava once and for all should be my first step.
“Ava, we need to talk. Can we meet someplace—”
“Bryce, I’m going to Spain with Mother and Father tomorrow, and I won’t be back until the day before the benefit.”
I sighed loudly. I had forgotten all about the bloody political benefit my parents were hosting for Ava’s father. I was expected to attend, of course, with Ava on my arm looking like the perfect power couple. I couldn’t—wouldn’t do it. My days of pretending were over now, not in two weeks.
“Ava, I’m sorry, but this can’t wait. I don’t want to marry you, I don’t want to be involved in my family’s business, and I don’t want to help your dad make it to the House of Representatives. I want to stay here with the club, become a custom bike painter, and love the person I was meant to love,” I said in a rush, not letting Ava stop me. No way was she going to talk me around with her fake tears and bullshit begging that I was the one for her. She had played that card one time too many, and this time, I was not letting her start.
His Man : A Wounded Souls Novella (The Wounded Souls Book 6) Page 5
