by Tracy Lauren
Valens steers me into the room. It seems so vast; I can hardly imagine what the size of this ship must be. And I’m so in awe, I can’t think of a single thing to say. I just take it all in.
I do grow tense though, when I see a family coming toward us. For a moment I think they’re human. But they aren’t. They’re like the medic, Vesi…whatever that might be. But there is a mother and a father and they hold the small hands of their son, swinging him between them as they walk. The interaction is so familiar…so human…I can’t tell if it brings me peace…or misery. I think of my own parents, so fresh in my mind but long gone in reality.
Valens must notice the change in my demeanor and he turns me down a path leading away from them. It takes me a moment to recover. Blinking, I notice the trees around me. They’re all familiar. Mimosa, crape myrtle, eucalyptus…
“I didn’t expect this,” I admit.
“What did you expect?”
“Something strange and unfamiliar—something alien. Carnivorous plants maybe.” I shrug and force out a small laugh. “I didn’t know what to expect, to be honest.”
“This garden only contains plant life native to your world. I thought it would be best to bring you to a place that was familiar in some way.”
I give Valens a small smile. “That was very thoughtful of you.”
The android looks so pleased with my reaction that it spurs my interest. I’m so curious about him. More curious than I am about anything else that’s occurred in history since my kidnapping. I don’t want to know if there have been any wars. I don’t have any descendants to look up, as I was an only child and never had any kids of my own. What else could possibly matter—beside the fact that Earth and humanity is still going strong. My family is gone. The life I knew is gone with them. The only thing I have is right here. It’s Valens, and his friendship, and it makes me want to know more about who he is. “You said before…that your emotions were burgeoning. What does that mean exactly?” I ask, hoping I’m being tactful in my questioning.
“When I woke I had no emotions, save perhaps curiosity—if you can call that an emotion. It’s all very subjective. It wasn’t until I began to experience life and interact with others that the codes in my neural network for emotions began to activate. I do not know what my creators intended for my emotional range, perhaps I have already reached the extent of it. Perhaps not.”
“Are there many others like you?”
“A little over 4,000.”
“Hmm, I’d expect a more exact answer from an android.”
Valens smiles at my teasing. “Four thousand, one hundred and thirty-seven. Myself included. Oddly enough, I don’t have much interest in my brothers. I find I am more drawn to organic life forms.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“My neural network reacts to organic life, sentient organic life specifically. Many of my brothers who chose to remain separated from society have not developed their abilities as quickly as those of us who have ventured out.”
“You say brothers?”
“My race is exclusively male in design.”
“Oh.” I take that in. So, anatomically correct I assume. “Why do you think there were any who chose to remain separate then?”
“When we were discovered there was some debate about our status as living beings. There still is as a matter of fact. Those who remained behind were…offended. They chose not to get over that offense.”
“And you were able to? Or you didn’t concern yourself with bullshit opinions?”
“While I had a desire to fit in, I realized that not everyone would value me. I am okay with that. You should be too.” Valens’s gaze is intense and penetrating. “It is best to focus on those who do care—the people who enhance your being rather than those who try to take away from it.”
Our walking slows to a stop. Valens motions toward a bench and we sit down beside each other. I take note of his movements as we do. They’re fluid and natural. Nothing at all like a robot. I briefly consider those who believe his kind to be something less than a true life form. Fuck them. I don’t know where I’d be without Valens. But wait—I do. I’d be dead on an uncharted planet of course. But if I were here in the 39th century without him…part of me thinks I’d prefer the uncharted planet outcome.
“I’m glad it was you who found me,” I say on impulse, but for some reason my comment makes me blush. “I mean, I don’t think I’d have felt as comfortable if it had been Gulan instead.”
“Gulan would have never been looking.”
“Why were you looking?”
“I’m still curious.” The way Valens looks at me as he says it…it’s intense. I get goosebumps and I rub my hands over my arms to chase them away. Unable to hold his meaningful gaze, I turn my attention to a nearby flower bed. My attention locks onto a variety of geraniums—my mom’s favorite flower.
Instead of thinking about the red ones lining the front of our house, I think of her eyes on the news broadcast and the fact that she was so sure I was dead. I had only been gone a few weeks at that point, but already she had no hope of ever seeing me again. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.
“Something is bothering you,” Valens notes.
I think of the aliens walking through the garden with their child. And though the thought is macabre, I wonder if my parents ever held a funeral for me. Is there a marker somewhere on Earth with my name on it? One that they used to visit, even though there was no body buried below? Did my mom trim her geraniums and leave them there for me until she grew too old to do so?
“I think I’d like to go back to my room.”
Chapter 15
Andrea
Valens offered to bring me books and to show me how to use this era’s version of a television and computer. But I declined, wanting to be alone with my sorrow.
Oddly enough, it isn’t necessarily the loss of my life back in the 21st century that plagues me. It’s the thought of what my parents went through. They died never knowing what happened to me—all while some rich psychopath drove fast cars in Spain, likely never feeling one ounce of regret over me or the other 63 women he stole.
I try not to think too hard about those others, but it’s impossible. I imagine them crashing into asteroid belts. Or the life support in their pods failing, leaving corpses inside to float endlessly through space. I imagine them waking up inside and looking out the glass window at the stars. They’d have no way of understanding what happened to them and they’d die in there—of thirst or starvation.
I sit on the couch, staring at nothing, allowing my thoughts to go to the darkest places imaginable. I had started to get ready for bed, but I stopped myself halfway through. There’s a fear inside me I just can’t shake. I feel like a child, afraid of her own shadow. It’s like there’s something dark and evil lurking around me at all times. It’s heavy and it bears its weight down on me. I curl in on myself, letting the tears flow. And for the second night in a row, I cry myself to sleep.
Valens
This time I am ready for it. I stand in my room, facing the door, waiting for Andrea to jerk back to awareness. And a few short hours after she falls asleep on the couch, she does just that. I left her lights on a dim setting this time, so she wouldn’t be in complete darkness while I hurry to reach her.
I race to her room, lamenting once again that she was placed so far from my own quarters. All the while her screams of terror blast through my mind. I refuse to muffle the volume in any way. Andrea is my responsibility. I will not ignore or deny any aspect of her experience.
“I am here!” I tell her, pushing into her room before her door can fully glide open. “I am here!” I repeat and she reaches for me in her desperation. When I fold Andrea into my arms I realize she is shaking with a force so violent it frightens me. I assess her temperature and take note of a cold sweat that covers her body. Mentally I raise my own temperature as I cradle her.
“Turn the lights up,” she pleads. “I need to see you.�
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But I don’t have to issue any command. The ship’s AI hears her and the room brightens.
Her hands go to my cheeks and she looks at me, searching my eyes as if she needs to be sure it’s really me. When she’s satisfied she buries her face against my neck and cries for a long while.
All I can think to do is hold her and I slowly stroke her back in the way that seems to bring her comfort. Eventually her tears die away to nothing more than sniffles and I wait for her to break the silence.
“You must think I’m crazy,” she says finally, her head still tucked against my neck.
“I think you are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.”
She makes a small nod. “Will it ever go away?”
“At this point there are too many variables for me to give you an accurate prognosis.”
“Don’t sugar coat it, doc.” Andrea’s laugh is small, but I welcome it and I angle my face so that I might look at hers.
“Can you tell me what was going through your mind upon waking?”
Andrea’s lips press into a tight frown. “It started before I woke up. I was dreaming—or having a nightmare, that is. And when I woke…I don’t know. It was like I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t separate the dream from reality and I went into a panic.”
“How are you feeling now?” I ask, still stroking her back.
There’s a beat of hesitation before she answers. “Awkward.”
Chapter 16
Andrea
I’m wearing nothing but my panties and a tank top as I straddle Valens’s lap. My arms have been wrapped—boa constrictor tight—around his waist for the past hour and all the while he strokes me like I’m his damned cat. It’s an awkward position to say the least. Still, you couldn’t pry me off him with a stick.
“What is there to feel awkward about?”
“This is just a tad bit more vulnerability than I’m used to showing people within the first 48 hours of meeting.”
“We have known one another for 189 hours. Though for much of that time you were recovering in the medbay.”
“While I may stand corrected on the time frame, I still feel a little embarrassed about all this.” I wave one hand at our entwined bodies.
“Would you prefer that I leave?”
I squeeze Valens tighter. “Please don’t.”
“Do you wish for me to continue the physical comfort I am providing?”
“I do.”
“Then I see nothing to feel embarrassed over. This is what you require to be at ease and I am a willing participant.”
“If you want to stop though…will you tell me?”
Valens thinks it over for a moment. “If that comes to be, I will let you know… Though it is unlikely,” he adds, almost as an afterthought.
I swallow hard, curious as to why he sounds so sure of this arrangement, but too embarrassed to question it any further.
“What time is it?” I ask.
“Three o’clock in the morning. Are you tired?”
“I don’t want to sleep.”
“That was not my question.”
“Yeah…I am tired.” Too bad I’m too scared to sleep…
“Rest. I will stay with you.”
I pull away to look into the android’s eyes. There’s so much concern written in them; it moves me. “You’d do that?”
In response, Valens tugs me back down to his chest. Nearing shamelessness at this point, I snuggle against him to my heart’s content. But before I drift off to sleep, I let my hand slide up his body until it touches the exposed skin on his neck and I anchor myself there, needing to feel his skin against mine.
The sleep that comes after that is without nightmares and hours later, when I wake again, I’m not swathed in confusion, but rather, I’m instantly aware of the man beneath me. I arch my back and rub against his chest, pretending to stretch, but what I’m really doing is feeling the hard muscle hidden by his uniform shirt.
When I look up at Valens with a lazy smile, I find him staring at me. He seems wide awake. “I guess androids don’t sleep, huh?’
“While I am capable of it, it is not a requirement. I chose to monitor you instead.”
“Oh yeah? What was your analysis?” I ask, half-joking.
“You seem to like back rubs.”
I snort at his unexpected answer. “How much data did you have to collect to discover that little gem?” Valens opens his mouth to speak, but I stop him before he’s able to. “I could have just told you.”
“Anecdote is not science. Testing was required.” Valens’s lips quirk upward into a smile and I bite my bottom lip in a vain effort to hide my own widening grin.
A sudden beep startles me.
The smile falls from Valens’s face and he touches what looks like a wrist watch. “Valens here.”
“Nope. Valens not here. I’m at your room, buddy, where the hell are you?” It’s a man’s voice that comes through on the device.
“I am with Andrea in her quarters.” I cringe at Valens’s honesty.
“Ohhh, are you now?” the man says, his tone laced with meaning. Now I double cringe. “I’d ask what you were up to at such an ungodly hour, but that’ll have to wait. Some of the grunts bringing specimens up from planetside broke a containment beaker on the transport vessel last night and failed to report the contamination until this morning. I’m going to need your expertise down in the hanger. Unless you’re indisposed of course…”
Valens looks at me in silent consideration before he responds. “I will need an hour, Renzo.”
My eyes go wide when I hear laughter coming from the other end of the line. “Friend, I look forward to your arrival. Renzo out.”
“Valens!” I complain, “Do you even hear yourself?”
The android furrows his brow.
“Your friend, Renzo, he’s going to think we were—” I gesture wildly at our bodies. I’m still straddling the man’s lap, for God’s sake.
“What?” Valens asks.
“Okay…maybe you are naïve. Renzo was insinuating that there was something going on between us and you definitely didn’t say anything to deter him from that line of thinking.”
“I am failing to grasp your meaning… something going on?” Valens cocks his head to the side and I wonder if he’s mentally accessing some data base somewhere.
“Sex, Valens! You guys made it sound like we were having sex!”
The android grows still, but those penetrating eyes of his are locked on me in a way that makes me want to squirm despite my current perch. Okay, who am I kidding? I want to squirm because of my current perch.
“When I see Renzo I will inform him that is not the case.”
“Thank you,” I say, exasperated.
“Before I go I want to feed you and watch you bathe.”
“HUH?” My eyebrows rise so high it’s like they’re attempting to defy gravity.
“I do not trust that you will eat while I am away and yesterday it seemed you were only comfortable in the cleansing unit if I was waiting nearby. Has that changed?”
“Oh. No, no it hasn’t. Thanks. Let’s uh, let’s start with breakfast then,” I say, but I’m awkwardly frozen on Valens’s lap. I don’t know if he takes my hesitation as a request for aid, but he reaches for my hips, gripping them as if he intends to lift me off. The only thing is…he hesitates too. And there’s a few charged seconds where I’m straddling the android’s lap and the way he’s holding me can go one of two ways. All he would need to do is drag me against whatever androids are packing between their legs and all I would need to do is rock my hips. But instead he helps me onto the cushion beside him and I scramble to get to my feet.
Suddenly I’m intensely aware of my attire…or the lack thereof, and I wonder if he can tell I’m not wearing a bra. I hurry to cross my arms over my chest.
“What would you like for breakfast today?”
“Toast.”
“You need more than that.”
&
nbsp; “Okay. Some fruit maybe? I’m just going to grab some pants while you…” I trail off as I hurry to my bedroom.
When I’m hidden on the other side of the wall I rake my hands over my face, wondering what the heck I’m doing. It was like the moment Renzo suggested the relationship between Valens and me was sexual in nature I wanted to jump on the notion and ride it into the sunset. I try to remind myself I’m in a state of extreme emotional stress, that I definitely should not be having sex with anyone, but then again…wouldn’t it be great to lose myself in a little mindless fucking?
I push away mental pictures of Valens and me getting down and dirty and instead try to focus on the obvious fact that our relationship dynamics would forever be changed if we crossed that line. I need him too much right now to mess this up. Besides, I don’t even know if he shares the same lusty emotions. Hell, I don’t even know if he’s capable of them.
I hurry to pull on the pajama pants I never got around to wearing last night and I slip a bra under my tank top as well.
Armored with clothes, I return to Valens, joining him at the table. “I will not leave until I have seen you eat all of your food,” he tells me sternly. I chuckle at that and some of my stress falls away. That is, until I see the banana he has waiting for me. For a moment my eyes go wide, but then I’m nearly choking on my own laughter.
“Oh God. You’re going to watch me eat that?” I pick up the hefty banana. “Couldn’t you have found a bigger one?” I tease.
“I can get you a second one if you wish for more.”
“No, Valens, this is more than enough. Truly.”
Chapter 17
Valens
I watched Andrea shower through the clouded glass again this morning, but this time with greater clarity on my feelings surrounding the situation—and greater bodily reactions too.
