I miss Bailey. It wasn’t fair, what happened to him, and I used to feel guilty, even though it wasn’t my fault. I miss Linda and Chuy; I hoped they would take the treatment when they saw how it worked for me, but Linda didn’t until after I finished my doctorate last year. She is still in rehab. Chuy never did. The last time I saw him, he said he was still happy the way he was. I miss Tom and Lucia and Marjory and my other friends from fencing, who helped me so much in the early years of recovery. I know Lou-before loved Marjory, but nothing happened inside when I looked at her afterward. I had to choose, and—like Lou-before—I chose to go on, to risk success, to find new friends, to be who I am now.
Out there is the dark: the dark we don’t know about yet. It is always there waiting; it is, in that sense, always ahead of the light. It bothered Lou-before that the speed of dark was greater than the speed of light. Now I am glad of it, because it means I will never come to the end, chasing the light.
Now I get to ask the questions.
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The Speed of Dark Page 38
