It had been about eight that morning when she woke up on her own and murmured, “Mercer…”
He was immediately out of his chair and to her bedside.
“Yeah, baby?”
“You’re here…” She mumbled, tears now streaming down her bruised face. “I didn’t think you’d come for me.”
She had been repeating that for almost the whole night. Mercer shuttered at the thought that she had given up hope that he would come for her. He might not deserve her, but he would risk his life for her.
“Ashlen…” Her name caught on his throat.
His hand brushed gently across her face. He didn’t know what to say to her. Should he tell her how much he fucking loved her? Should he tell her how desperate he had been to get her back?
No, he told himself firmly. If he started all that shit now, it would be harder when he finally left her.
“Mercer, do you know that I love you?”
The words burned right through his ears. Mercer began breathing hard. This couldn’t be right. This was Ashlen’s concussion doing the talking. She wouldn’t be able to remember this whole conversation in another hour or so. At least, that had been how most of the night had gone.
“Ashlen, baby, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” he murmured. “You’ve only known me for a few short days. I’m not the man you think I am.”
“But you came for me,” she told him, her eyes wide.
“Ashlen, baby…I can’t…” Mercer drifted off.
What was he supposed to say to her? That she was the only woman that he had ever truly loved yet was going to abandon because he didn’t feel worthy of being her man?
“Mercer?” Her voice had turned to nothing more than a whisper.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Can you please call me ‘Ash’? Everyone close to me does.”
Emotion choked his voice, as he replied, “Yeah, of course…Ash…”
The abbreviation of her name sounded odd against his lips at first, but he thought he could get used to it very quickly.
She smiled and shut her eyes. He brushed hair that had fallen into her eyes away from her face. He wanted to kiss her but didn’t think it was appropriate. Instead, he sat at the edge of her hospital bed and watched her as she slept, wishing that he was someone else.
✽ ✽ ✽
Ashlen had been staring out the window of her hotel room. She hadn’t been able to muster much effort into doing anything since she had been released from the hospital two days earlier. She had been prescribed bed rest by the doctors at the hospital after she had been coherent enough to leave. However, she didn’t feel like resting. She felt like she had slept enough already.
All she felt was anxiety. The FBI had put her up in the hotel as a precaution. Since Marino was out of the picture, Gray Tower’s job was done. Ashlen was safe now. There was no need for a bodyguard, especially if the FBI was willing to watch her for a while.
She had been told that Gray Tower had persuaded Marino and Shepherd to plead guilty. She wasn’t sure how they got Marino to that point. He felt like the type to lawyer up. However, Shepherd was glad to have the notoriety and was eating up the media attention to further his cause.
Ashlen was glad that there would be no trial. She wouldn’t have to relive the horrors that she had gone through by testifying.
However, the FBI wasn’t taking any chances until the heat blew over, so her hotel suite was under surveillance, and she had a live-in agent in her room just in case there was any backlash from her rescue. There was no surprise when that agent ended up being Paul. He was staying in the other bedroom of her suite and had given her enough space that she felt comfortable staying around him. Frankly, though, she had been a bit pissed at him for not visiting her in the hospital. She understood that he had a lot to work around with his job but still.
Ashlen was disappointed that she wouldn’t see or hear from her uncle ever again. Gray Tower had communicated with her that he was being put in their version of witness protection and would be given a new identity with the promise that he would never get in trouble again.
Sadly, she hadn’t seen him in the last four years and had barely spoken to him in that time. He was the only family that she had left, and now he was gone. Who would she turn to now?
Then, there was the issue with the reporters. After she had been reported missing and it had hit the national news (something she had no idea was going on until she had left the hospital), there had been an absolute frenzy to interview the woman who millionaire Bruce Marino had kidnapped. Paul had immediately nixed any interviews, press conferences, or anything that would stress Ashlen’s post-concussion state.
Even though she was surrounded by people at all times checking on her and making sure she was okay, she had never felt so alone. Her problem was Mercer. Ashlen desperately wanted to see him. There was a lot that she couldn’t remember when she had been kidnapped. She had remembered shooting and killing the man who had tried to rape her, which she had been completely freaked out about. Paul, in turn, had reassured that no one was going to prosecute her for obvious self-defense, but she wasn’t so sure.
She also remembered Mercer rescuing her. He had been so incredibly soft and gentle when he had found her. It made her smile at how tender he could be. She also remembered bits and pieces of being in the hospital, though a lot of it was blurry. The one thing she could remember vividly was when she had told Mercer that she loved him. The reaction she had gotten from him was reserved. He had been tender with her, but he hadn’t said that he loved her back. Some part of her expected that, which was why she wasn’t completely devastated.
And so, she had secluded herself to her hotel bedroom. Paul had come in to check on her, but she had wanted to be alone. Part of that feeling had been with the way she looked after surviving such abuse from Marino’s men. Looking in the mirror that adjoined the dresser in her bedroom, she stared at her bruised face. She couldn’t believe how hideous she looked with the black, blue, and now yellowing colors that spread across her face. With the way she looked, all she wanted to do was hide until her face healed.
There was a slight knock at her door, and Ashlen spun around to address her visitor. Paul entered, wearing one of his now-signature suits. His face was as handsome as always, but he looked a bit frazzled. He had been getting a lot of limelight with the discovery of a home-grown terrorist plot, though she knew he wasn’t exactly enjoying the attention.
“There’s someone here to see you,” he told her, his voice sounding a bit off. His face looked angry and bitter.
With the way he sounded, she knew immediately who it was. Only Mercer Cade could make Paul cringe like that. Ashlen knew it was jealousy. The two men had worked on the operation that had saved her life. Of course, they had talked about her.
“Yeah, I’ll be out in a moment,” she told him.
Looking back in the mirror, she tried to play with her hair so that it fell over her face and hid her bruises. When that failed, she sighed and looked down at the rest of her. Jeans and a soft cotton t-shirt weren’t really at turn-on, and on top of that, she had lost weight during the last week. Her frame seemed almost skeletal.
Giving up with looking half-ways decent, she made her way out of her bedroom into the common room that separated her bedroom from Paul’s.
She stared up at the man who was standing in the doorway. He hadn’t bothered to enter the room, and she was terrified with what that meant: He wasn’t here to stay.
Mercer Cade stood in her doorway, scars and all, wearing all black. He towered over her and looked more handsome than ever, and she ached for him to come in the doorway and kiss her right then and there. He didn’t, though. He never entered the hotel suite. He just stood in the open doorway, staring at her intensely.
“Mercer,” she breathed.
For a moment, she forgot how ugly she looked. She forgot about everything that had happened to her. All she wanted was for him to hold her.
�
��Hey,” he said, his voice noticeably tense.
When he didn’t say anything after that, she fidgeted nervously in the doorway. She was very aware of Paul eying her from the common room in the suite as she stood in front of Mercer. Of course, he had to make this more difficult.
“What are you doing here?” Ashlen asked quietly, trying not to look directly at him.
She figured that if she didn’t look at him in the eye, he wouldn’t be able to tell how horrible she looked with the yellowing bruises on her face.
There was a long pause before Mercer said, “Honestly, Ashlen, I’m here to say goodbye.”
The way he said “Ashlen” made her cringe. She knew that she had told him to call her by her nickname at the hospital. It had been one of the few things that she had remembered.
“What?” She murmured, her knees suddenly feeling weak.
“Look, I just wanted to see you off before I left,” he told her. His brown eyes pierced down at hers. “I’m glad you’re doing better, but my job is done. Marino is in jail, and all the Children of the Earth have pled guilty. There won’t be any trial. So, this will be the last time that we meet.”
Of course, she realized, this had all been a job to him—even the point where he had fucked her.
Tears filling her eyes, she pleaded, “I thought that…that…you cared about me…”
“I do care about you,” he told her, his voice firm. “But it just isn’t going to work with us. I’m not the type of man that you want. Trust me. Find someone else who will make you happy. I’m just going to bring you down.” He paused, and his eyes flicked toward Paul who was intensely watching them. “Besides, it looks like you don’t need me after all.”
“No, Mercer. It’s not like that…” Her voice was barely a whisper.
She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Was this about male jealousy? She had to let him know that there was nothing between her and Paul anymore. His chance with her had long since passed when he had taken another woman to his bed.
“It doesn’t matter,” he told her, his voice now getting a bit louder. He looked angry. “Look, don’t make this harder than it has to be. I told you upfront what to expect with me.”
He was right, of course. He had given her a fair share of warnings about himself. Why had she ever thought that things would be different between them? Because he had saved her life? Hadn’t that just been his job?
Finding strength that she never thought she could find, she choked down a, “Yeah, sure.”
Her legs were shaking so badly that she thought that she would collapse right in front of him.
“Goodbye, Ashlen,” he mumbled and turned away from the door. There was no emotion from him, just words.
Ashlen watched as he walked away from the door and out of her life.
She found enough strength not to cry before she could shut the door. Once the door was closed, however, the waterworks started. Slumping against the door, she began sobbing violently. Everything that she had feared about Mercer had come true: He was just in it for the sex. Yeah, she had promised herself when they had first had sex that it had just been physical, but when he had gone and rescued her from Marino and then stayed with her at the hospital to make sure she was okay, she figured that maybe things would be different.
Ashlen suddenly found Paul’s arms around her, comforting her. She heaved heavy sobs against his body. Why did she always end up getting her heart bashed to pieces when she gave it to someone she cared about, even loved?
“Ash, that guy is bad news,” he murmured into her hair. “You’re better off without him.”
Before she could reply, she felt his lips come crashing down on hers. In shock, she allowed for a moment the familiar movement of Paul’s lips on hers. There was comfort in his kiss—she knew it well.
His lips were soft on her own. His tongue found its way into her mouth, and she sighed. This felt good. She needed this. She had never stopped loving Paul. It was never about that. It had always been about trust.
Did she trust him now? He had been a part of the team to save her life, and he had shown how much he had cared for her by tracking her down to North Carolina.
Then again, was this just her feeling hurt and jumping into the arms of another guy?
Pushing his body away from hers, she firmly told him, “No.”
She could tell that he knew he had screwed up with that kiss. It had been too soon, and she wasn’t ready to go diving into a relationship with another man after she had just gotten burned.
“Ash, I’m sorry,” he told her, his face full of concern. “I just wanted you to forget about everything at least for a little bit.”
“I just…can’t right now. I’m sorry,” she told him.
There was a definite look of disappointment in his face.
“Is this something you could see…in the future?” He asked hesitantly.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I’m so confused right now. It’s just too soon.”
Could she trust him after everything that they had been through? Would she just get herself hurt again? Would she be able to survive another heartache again?
“I understand,” he told her. “Just promise me to stay in touch after we’re back in Ohio. Maybe we can start fresh?”
That can’t happen. Can it?
“Okay,” she said against her better judgment. “I think I need to lie down for a while.”
When she tried to move away from him, she stumbled a little bit. He caught her by the arm to steady her. She felt so emotionally drained that she could barely walk. Or maybe it was just the concussion? Her head still felt like it was going to explode.
“Here, let me help you,” he offered.
She didn’t refuse.
He helped her walk back into her bedroom where she immediately collapsed on her bed. She didn’t even bother with the covers. It was just too much, she realized. Being kidnapped and beaten had been bad enough, but for Mercer to leave her so abruptly was emotionally shattering.
She was lying on the bed, turned away from Paul, but she could feel him leaving the room. Before he moved out of the room, she asked in a whispered voice, “Do you still love me?”
Ashlen could feel his body paused at the door, and there was a long pause before he spoke.
“Ash, why would you ask that? You already know the answer.”
“I need you to say it out loud,” she told him, her voice more insistent. “You want to pick things back up with me, but I just can’t have my heart broken again. So, do you still love me?
“Ash, babe, you know that I love you even after all of these years that we’ve been apart. Nothing else matters except that.”
“Okay,” she breathed.
“Ash, I love you. That’s all you need to know.”
Was that enough to build back the trust that had shattered? Then, thoughts of Mercer came flooding back into her mind. She couldn’t just shut off her feelings for him no matter how hard she tried.
“What if I’m in love with someone else?” She murmured.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Paul grumbled, his voice cold. “You’re going to seriously give up on us for a guy that doesn’t even love you? Someone who could care less about you?”
He walked around the room so that he was facing where she was lying. He looked furious. Ashlen watched from the bed as Paul raked his fingers through his hair. She could tell that he was frustrated.
“Listen, I think you need some time to process all of this,” he told her. “You’ve been through hell, and it was idiotic of me to press the issue. Take some time and get back to me on it. Okay?”
“Yes,” was her automatic reply.
Honestly, she wasn’t sure what she wanted, but she couldn’t bear any more heartache at this point.
“Good,” he said, his voice full of relief.
He quietly walked out of the room, leaving her head spinning with an uncertainty of the future—one without Mercer Cade.
Chapter 27
<
br /> One Month Later
Mercer strolled into Jack Hunter’s office full of irritation and discontent. The past month had been hell for him, and the only one he had to blame was himself. He was miserable without Ashlen, and there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it. Even if he came crawling back to her, she probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him—not after how he had treated her. He had dug his hole, and he’d have to live in it.
Mercer, do you know that I love you?
Her words came echoing back to him. They haunted his dreams. The look on her face when he had left her at the hotel made him realize that she had indeed meant them. It hadn’t been the concussion after all. Sadly, he knew that he loved her too, but he was still convinced that he wasn’t good enough for her. She didn’t deserve a busted up old Marine with more emotional scarring than physical ones and a job that demanded all his attention.
No, he had made the right choice. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t sulk about it though.
Jack was sitting at his desk, his feet up on a filing cabinet next to it. He was studying a tablet when Mercer interrupted him.
“You wanted to see me?”
“Yeah. Close the door.”
Uh-oh.
Sure, Mercer and Jack were friends, but Jack was also Mercer’s boss and that was the last thing he wanted to hear from a superior.
When the door latched shut, Mercer asked, “What’s this about?”
“Take a seat,” Jack said nonchalantly and gestured to a small, uncomfortable chair in front of his desk.
Mercer immediately started playing back through the last few weeks of Gray Tower missions to think if he did anything wrong. Unlike Ashlen’s mission, everything else since then had gone smoothly. He wondered what the hell was up.
Perilous Games (Gray Tower Book 3) Page 21
