I can't think clearly. I take deep breaths of the cool night air, trying to fill my lungs and my head with anything other than panic. But it seems to do the opposite. I gasp for air as I make my way to an alley by Raphael's building. I should keep running. Then again, why? Eventually, he's going to catch up with me and I'll be forced to come back with him, humiliated.
Fuck, I can't believe he did that. I can't believe he asked Elise of all people.
He's a fucking jerk. Not as big of a jerk as Nox, but close fucking enough. And I'm cutting him out of my life. I'm done with abusers treating me like shit.
Tears spring to my eyes and I wipe them off angrily. I don't want to cry right now, I want to be strong. But the memory of Nox, ever-present in my mind, hangs above me like it always does.
It only serves to remind me of everything I've lost already, and my guilty conscience whispers dirty, cruel things to me to make me feel worse.
You already lost Sam and Robin.
You could have at least kept Nox.
You could've been happy.
I shake my head to get the thoughts out.
Nox is a monster, and I need to stay away from him at all cost. All he wants is to destroy me, and I'm not going to let him.
I haven't changed my mind all this time, and I never will.
I take a shaky breath, convincing myself I believe those words even though I know it's all a lie.
Chapter 39
Nox
I drop by Willa’s place first, but she’s nowhere to be seen, and when I question the neighbors, they don’t give up much information. But her place is abandoned – emptied. And my stomach rolls with worry.
I shouldn't have followed Dove tonight. It's given me the perfect opening, and I'm not ready for that yet. But it seems like I'm not getting a choice.
As I watch her rush out of the building, my eyes narrow and I curse the prick who's done this to her. I should've gotten rid of Raphael Santino instead of Robin Canterbury. At least Dove wouldn't have any right to be pissed at me then.
Raphael follows her soon after, and I decide to trail him first. He searches for my little bird, and it takes everything in me not to fucking hurt him when he finally finds her, because the first thing she does is scream.
I don't know what the fuck the piece of shit has done to my woman, but I'm going to make him pay.
Dove resists Raphael and he holds out his hands to show her he's not going to hurt her. I can't see everything from my vantage point, but I can see enough to know I may have to intervene. Even from this distance I can see the vein on Raphael's forehead, pulsating with anger. It reminds me of my father. I know if he strikes, he's going to hit fast and hard. Just like my dad used to.
I can tell they're arguing. Their voices are raised, still not loud enough for me to hear what they're saying, though. I can see his temper getting the best of him.
"Don't do it," I mutter to myself. "Don't you dare fucking try."
But I know he's going to. Some men just can't help themselves. And I know my little bird brings out this in them.
I start walking over there as he starts yelling and hits the wall. I hear him curse, holding his injured hand, but that's nothing compared to the broken nose I'm about to give him.
Dove doesn't see me because her back is turned to me, but her date does.
"Hey man, what the fuck are you –"
He doesn't get to finish his sentence because I've already slammed my fist into his face. The bastard curses out loud and stumbles, but all I'm focused on is Dove. She looks at me, and it takes a split second for the realization to sink in.
"Nox," she whispers. My name on her lips feels like a balm to my wounded soul. I want her to keep saying it, never stop. I'm somehow already turned on, just from standing so close to her, inhaling her rosy scent.
Raphael picks himself up, holding his nose that's spurting blood as he turns his bloodthirsty eyes to me. "Are you fucking insane, you piece of shit?"
"Probably," I mutter. "Now get the fuck away before I rearrange the rest of your face."
"You're a fucking madman." He looks like he's about to swing until Dove steps between us, stopping him from hurting me. "Dove, you can't be serious."
"You've done enough today," she tells him shakily. "I think it's time you went back home, Raphael."
"I'm not leaving you alone with him," her date hisses.
"That's none of your concern," Dove says, her tone softening. "Please, Raphael. Go."
The guy looks at her with pure despair in his eyes. In that moment, I can see the Dove bug has bit him too. He's head over heels for her, he wants her. Maybe not as badly as I do, but he does. Too bad for him, because I'm not letting it happen. Ever.
"Fine," Raphael mutters, admitting his defeat. "You get yourself out of this one, Dove."
He leaves us there, and the silence that falls on the alley is deafening.
"What the fuck happened?" I ask Dove. "Why was he so upset?"
"It doesn't matter." She runs a trembling hand through her long dark locks. "It's okay now."
"I'm sorry I stepped in, but him hitting the wall... it looked dangerous for you."
"I can defend myself, Nox."
The moment she says my name, she exhales shakily. I can tell seeing me is fucking her up, and I hate that I'm doing this to her.
"I'm sorry, Dove," I say again. "I... I shouldn't have intervened."
"No." She shakes her head, still avoiding meeting my gaze. "It's good that you did. He was really angry, and I was scared."
I nod, not knowing what else to say. "I'll be on my way, then."
"Wait." The word means everything to me and I stop in my tracks. Our eyes finally connect and I see it all laid bare for me in her beautiful gaze. The pain, the expectations, the love. It's all there, and it all exists only for me. "What are you doing back in LA?"
"How did you know I wasn't here the whole time?" I ask, unable to resist my smirk.
"I... I didn't feel like I was being followed anymore."
"You told me not to," I remind her.
"I didn't think you'd actually listen."
I smile. She knows me so fucking well. "I... I left for work. I've done some shows around the globe. Life's been good."
I half-expect her to attack me. I know she thinks I don't deserve this. Robin is the one who should have had all these experiences, all this life ahead of him. But I ripped all that away from both him and Dove. But it's okay. I'm going to make it fucking right.
"I'm glad," she whispers.
"We should get out of this alley," I mutter. "Can I grab you a ride home?"
She nods, but I can tell she's hesitating. I don't mean to tangle her up in my business again, but I can't stop the question leaving my lips.
"Do you want to come back to my hotel? I promise it's not as shitty as last time."
"Why?" Dove stares me down.
"I have something to tell you," I go on. "And I have a favor to ask, too."
"A favor?" Her eyes darken.
"Yeah. Come with me. I want to tell you everything."
I can see the battle going on inside her pretty little head, but I don't want to pressure her any more. Regardless of her answer, I'm going to do what I came to LA to do.
"Okay," she finally whispers. "You still got your bike?"
I laugh out loud. "No, not anymore. I'll call us an Uber."
We wait in charged silence until the car pulls up. We get in the back and I tell the driver the address for my hotel. As the car pulls away, Dove's hand comes to rest between us on the seats. Slowly, I lay my fingers over hers, and she easily intertwines her hand with mine. I'm afraid to even breathe. I didn't expect this. I thought she'd be as angry as she was when we first went our separate ways. But Dove seems gentler, sweeter. It's surprising, but it doesn't change what I have to do to earn her forgiveness. Being with her tonight has only strengthened this belief. It was an idea first, but tonight, it has morphed into a plan.
We pull up
in front of my glitzy hotel. If Dove's surprised, she doesn't show it. A doorman opens the car door for her and helps her out. We walk inside where I'm greeted by last name, which seems to surprise her.
"Going by Miller again?" she asks me softly.
"Why not," I grin. "I'm done running from my past."
We take the elevator directly into my suite. It's beautiful here, with gorgeous night views of the city. Dove carefully sits down on the white leather sofa while I pour us both drinks. Something strong, to get the nerves out of the way.
I hand her the glass and we both down our drinks in one go, sharing a nervous smile.
"So," she says. "Why are you really back here, Nox?"
"First, I want to tell you about somebody who's very important to me," I tell her with a smile.
"Oh?" Her eyebrows crease. Is that a hint of jealousy I'm seeing? It pleases me.
"Her name is Willa."
I watch Dove's face fall. She is jealous. It turns me the fuck on.
"Who is she?" she asks.
"She's a girl I met while I was... looking out for you. I think she's about seven, eight years old."
"Oh." Her face softens. "A little girl?"
I nod.
"She has a problematic situation at home. Here." I pass her a file in an envelope. "Everything you need is in there. Name, address, info on her parents. I'm hoping you can use this to help her."
"Why can't you help her? Do you have to leave again?"
"Yes," I nod. "Soon, I'll have to go. I only have tonight."
"Tonight?" Her eyes widen. "So tonight's the only night I'm going to see you?"
"For a while," I nod, feeling the pang of pain as I say the words. "Unfortunately, it can't be helped. But I think you'll like Willa. I think you need her as much as she needs you."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Find her," I mutter. "I've been by her house and it's been emptied. I don't know where she is, but her parents are gone, too. I need you to promise me you'll help her, Dove."
"Okay," she says. "I can do that. I'll find her."
"Good," I nod. "I've also arranged for money to be wired over to you."
"Money?"
"To take care of Willa while I'm gone."
"I have my own money, Nox," Dove tells me resolutely.
"Yes, but this is a favor I'm asking you for, and I want to help. Okay?"
"Fine," she sighs. "But why can't you take care of her? Why can't we do this together?"
The fact that she's even considering that fucking hurts. There's a part of me that wants to forgo my plan, tell her to forget it, I'm staying, all this was just a stupid fucking idea to please her. But it's more than that. It's a goodbye to my past self and I need to go through with it before I can start my new life.
"I'm going to explain everything," I promise Dove. "I will. It's just... I don't know how you're going to react."
Her eyes widen even more, burning me with their intensity. Dove doesn't say a word, just silently waits for me to go on.
"I'm going to the police tomorrow," I tell her resolutely. "And I'm going to turn myself in for Robin's murder."
"W-What?" Dove whispers.
"You wanted me to do that and I didn't understand why," I go on. "But now I do. I ripped something away from you, someone you cared deeply about, purely because I was a selfish fuck. I know and understand I can never make that right again. But I want to at least try and show you how remorseful I truly am. I want to pay for what I did. I want to show you I'm capable of redemption."
"But, Nox..." She swallows thickly and I can tell she's trying to find the right words. "What about the little girl? What about Willa?"
"That's why I need your help. I've been losing my mind trying to find her again, but I have a meeting with the chief of police tomorrow morning. I need you to find and take care of Willa."
"But I don't even know her," she whispers. "You can't... you can't leave."
"I have to." I cover her hand with mine. I can feel her fingers trembling. I anticipated a different kind of reaction from Dove, certainly not what I'm getting now. I thought this was what she wanted. But even if she doesn't anymore, I know it's something I have to do.
"Why?" Dove asks, her voice breaking over the single word. "Why do you have to do this now?"
I smile and squeeze her hand gently. "Because of Robin. Because he deserves this, Dove."
Chapter 40
Dove
My heart is pounding from everything Nox just told me. I'm trying to piece all the information together, but there's one thing that's sticking out, reminding me that my life is about to change for ever.
Nox wants to come forward as Robin's murderer. He's volunteered to tell the truth, without any pressure from me. And he seems determined to go through with it, too.
It hurts. It hurts because I know nothing he does now will bring my brother back. And yet there's a sick kind of satisfaction deep within me. Something inside me wants him to pay. I want justice to be served for Robin. I want Nox to realize how impactful his selfish decisions are. I want him to understand what he took away from me, ripped from me without giving me any choice in the matter. I want him to fucking pay.
"But..." My voice is weak, shaky. "How am I going to see you?"
"You won't," he says roughly. "I don't want you to visit me in jail."
"Why not?"
"Because that's not a place for a woman like you," he gets out through gritted teeth. "Besides, this is my punishment. Why should you have to pay for my mistakes?"
I can't say anything. I'm fucking dumbfounded, chewing my bottom lip nervously as I try to come up with an answer. Nox reaches for my other hand and we sit like that, with the weight of the world between us, so many things left unspoken.
"What if I don't want you to do this anymore?" I whisper.
"It doesn't matter," he says firmly. "I have to do it for myself, and for Robin. He deserves this. You still got that hoodie?"
I shut my eyes, nodding. I stashed it in the back of my closet, trying to force myself to forget it was there.
"Good. I'll need that for my confession."
"Nox." Panicked, I grab his hand when he tries to stand up. "Don't do it. Don't leave me. Don't."
"I have to." His words are final and they cut so incredibly deep it feels like somebody's ripping my heart out of my chest. This is the last thing I expected to happen. I never thought Nox would grow a conscience. But he seems determined, and something tells me I won't be able to change his mind now.
"But how am I going to..." I swallow thickly, embarrassed of the words that are about to leave my lips. "How am I supposed to survive without you?"
"You've been fine this whole time, Dove," he says, his gentleness surprising me. This is not the Nox I know. "What makes you think you can't handle more time away from me?"
"I haven't been fine," I whisper shakily. "I missed you... I need you..."
"Fuck." His hand slips from mine and he gets up, pacing his luxurious hotel suite. All of this is so different than what I anticipated. Nox is a different man now, one that wants to fix his past wrongdoings. And here I am, begging him to change his mind, because I'm so fucking weak. "I can't stay, Dove. And you need to find Willa."
"Let me have tonight." I drop to my knees. I crawl closer as he watches me with furrowed brows. "Please. You said you have to turn yourself in tomorrow. Just... let me have tonight to say goodbye to you."
"You want to stay here with me?" I nod, but he shakes his head, groaning. "We can't do that, Dove. It'll be too fucking difficult to leave you."
"Please, Nox." I know I'm begging but I'm not even embarrassed anymore. I need this, need him to make it right. "Don't make me leave. Let me spend the night. Let me be with you one last night."
"Dove..." My name on his lips sounds like a prayer. He wants me to stay, I can tell. He's just fighting his own conscience right now, battling his demons that are telling him to stay the fuck away from me before more bad shit happens. "What
about Raphael?"
"What about him?" My face creases. "He ended his chances with me tonight. It's over."
"Did you ever..." He groans, running his hands through his dark hair. "No, I don't want to know."
I look up at him from the floor, softly saying, "No, we never did, Nox. How could I, after you?"
He growls my name and joins me on the floor. We're both on our knees, too afraid to touch, too lost in each other to comprehend this is all going to change in a matter of hours. I'm going to lose him. And this time, it might be for ever.
"Kiss me." I can't believe I've said it. That my innermost desires are coming out like this. But I'm so fucking desperate for his attention, for Nox to make me feel whole like only he can do. "Please, I want to feel your lips on mine, Nox, I can't say goodbye to you without that."
"No," he shakes his head vehemently. "That's a bad idea. The moment we cross that line, I'm going to want more and more."
"So?" I'm shocked by my own bravery. "Maybe I want it, too. Maybe I don't want to resist, either."
"Dove..." He grunts a curse word before scooting closer. He lifts a hand to my cheek, gently caressing the scar he gave me. "I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"Maybe that's what I want," I whisper, cupping his hand with mine. "Maybe I need the pain. Maybe that's what I've been missing all this time. Instead of fighting it all along, I should've been giving in..."
"I want to kiss you," he growls, and my lips part at the thought of his mouth on mine, making me submit to his wicked desires. I want to be his again. I want to be his good girl, opening myself to his abuse, giving us both everything we've ever dreamed of. "Is that okay, Dove?"
I nod wordlessly, already anticipating the touch before it comes. And then he leans in, capturing my mouth in a kiss that changes my world. Nox doesn't kiss like he used to. There's more pain in the way he steals from my lips now. Pain, sorrow, regret, all those things mixing into one as he swallows my cry and deepens our connection by pulling me into the dark abyss of our relationship.
"I can't resist you," he mutters darkly against my lips. "I can't stay away... I need you... I can't be without you. I'm nothing without you, Dove."
Tyrant Stalker: A Dark Forbidden Romance (Tyrant Dynasty Book 2) Page 25
