"You have the same scar as Nox," she finally says. "Did you have it first?"
I nod slowly, not wanting to tell her more. But she doesn't ask. Instead, she comes closer and offers me her hand.
"Hello," she says, holding her little dirty palm up. "My name is Willa. I'm very sad sometimes."
She reverts to a younger role like this. I cock my head to the side and shake her hand. "Hi, Willa. I'm Dove. I'm here to tell you what happened to Nox and that I want to help you while he's away."
She nods thoughtfully. "Why did he have to go away again?"
"Nox did something bad," I admit. "He wanted to make amends."
"Okay," she nods. "Will he be back?"
I swallow the pain in my throat. "I hope so. But neither of us knows when."
"Can we go to your house now?" Willa licks her lips. "I really need to pee."
I call an Uber and we get in without talking, but with Willa's little hand still in mine.
She stares out of the window at her old neighborhood and I don't ask any questions until we arrive home. There, I take her hand again and I walk her to my house.
"I have lots of plants," I smile nervously. "It's kind of my thing."
"I like plants," Willa says as she enters the house.
In front of us, I see a semi-messy home of an eternally single plant mom. I wonder what it looks like through Willa's eyes.
"Do you like it?" I ask nervously. "I have a guest room... you can sleep there, if you'd like. And you can help me plant and water and take care of the plants."
"Stay here with you?" She looks at me with pained eyes. "Why?"
"Because Nox wanted that," I whisper. "And I think I might need you... more than you need me."
"I'll stay," she nods. "I'll help."
I smile at the idea of a seven-year-old helping, but there are tears in my eyes and somehow, I believe her.
Willa's going to help me get through this.
Chapter 44
Nox
Ironically, the first time I get my ass kicked in prison is because of Dove.
There's a man who used to know a man who used to know a man named Sam, and the rest is history. They know all about the prick who ruined Dove's life, and now they've worked it out I killed her brother, too. They don't know the good sides of our story. All they know is the bullshit I've put my woman through.
So I tell myself I deserve this. When one of the inmates spears me with a shiv, I grit my teeth and suffer through it. I don't fight back, but I still get in trouble. That's my first lesson about prison, and I learn it hard and fast.
I don't call Dove. I promised I would, but I know it would cause more trouble than it's worth. She needs to move on. I made her swear to me she'd find Willa, and I hope she's doing that and making sure the little girl is okay.
But it's all just a way to keep Dove on my mind. Dove, with her pale skin that bruises so easily. Dove, with her blue veins, pink nipples, dark heart. She's mine. Will she wait for me? She shouldn't.
Those thoughts get harder and harder to banish as the days slowly trickle by. I've been locked up a week, with no way out for the foreseeable future. When I was in Brentwood's office, the death penalty came up. I found myself rendered speechless. My worst fears were coming to life. But I haven't spoken to Brentwood in a while. I've been assigned a state-appointed attorney who's spent more time looking for his glasses than he has questioning me about my case.
Because I brought the hoodie with me to the precinct and I gave them a confession, I'm going down for manslaughter.
Those first few weeks in prison are the worst because I'm not used to my new reality. Tossing and turning on a metal bunk bed. Taking a piss in front of my cellmate. Getting beaten, threatened, and constantly terrorized by the guards are just a few of the things I have to suffer.
But this is who I am now. A common criminal.
I set up my finances with Hodge before I got in here. All the money I make while I'm in prison is going into a trust fund for Dove, and one for Willa, too. At least I'll know they're taken care of if something happens to me in here. There are no guarantees in here, no way of knowing whether I'll get out alive or not. This is my life now.
I make friends, too. Men who are like me and gave in to the darkness at one point or another, like I did, soon realizing it wasn't for the best. This is a place where you repent. I'm alone with my thoughts for most of the day. My mind has always frightened me, but now there's no way to escape it. So, I think about them all, the people who shaped my life.
First, my father, June's mom. My brother, Kade. Then Dove. Dove's brother, Robin. Sam. Willa.
They all shaped and molded my life. And I let most of them down.
I make a solemn promise to myself to fix shit once – if – I get the fuck out of here. I'm not going to be the bad guy in all their stories. I want to make up for all my wrongdoings. One day, if I get the chance, I'll even make things right between myself, my brother, and his wife.
June hasn't crossed my mind in a long time. It's strange to think that she used to be ever-present on my mind, the object of my affection and obsession. I was blind back then. Fucking blind. Dove was right in front of me and it still took me years to realize she was the woman for me. Back then, I was obsessed with having what others said was off-limits. My father planted a deadly seed when he tried to keep me away from June Wildfox. He only made my obsession worse.
But now I don't even think about Kade or June. All my attention is focused on Dove Canterbury. Just as it should have been from the start. She occupies my mind, owns my heart and soul. In here, I have too much time to think, too many opportunities for my mind to wander back to Dove, wondering what she's doing, whether she's missing me as much as I miss her.
Days turn into weeks turn into months. A letter arrives and it takes my breath away. A single Polaroid photo slips from the envelope and I stare at it in wonder. It's Dove. Shadowed and artfully positioned, with a hand on her growing belly.
Fuck.
It takes me a moment to realize what this means. My woman is having my baby while I'm imprisoned for the murder of her brother. The way life has worked out chokes me up, makes me feel dizzy. A life taken, a new life given – a baby, a son. Because I already know she's going to give me a son.
But there's no way for me to see him, meet him. I don't want him exposed to my current environment, so as much as it fucking hurts, I don't reply to Dove, don't acknowledge what she sent me. But every fucking second I'm rotting in that jail, I'm thinking about them out there.
My family.
Hopefully, they'll still want me back if I ever get the fuck out of here.
Hearings come and go, and then, almost six months later, my trial begins.
It all passes in a bit of a blur, my mind doing its best to protect me from the viciousness of the case and trial. I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, because I deserve this.
Every night, I torture myself by thinking about Robin and what I took away from him.
I plead guilty. I don't hesitate about it for a single second. I did it. I took an innocent's life, and now it's my time to fucking pay for a crime that never should have been committed.
Robin could've had a family too. Perhaps he would've settled down with that Elise woman, or maybe somebody else. He could've had children, little nieces and nephews for Dove. I took that all away from him.
I worry myself sick during the trial. I tell myself if they sentence me to die, I fucking deserve it. I took something I shouldn't have. Ripped a life away from someone who deserved life more than I did. For that alone, I deserve the worst punishment our legal system has to offer.
The verdict is delivered by the jury. Dove isn't in the room – it's closed to the public. The case hasn't garnered much attention and Hodge has done his job, keeping my name out of the papers. If I ever get out of here, my life could go back to normal.
They find me guilty of all charges. I await the sentence with bated breath. When it comes, I'm almost dis
appointed.
They haven't sentenced me to die. The head of the jury tells the judge they see a desire in me to better myself. They're going to be merciful.
The judge rules – fifteen years in prison, with the possibility of parole at five.
It's a long fucking time, but anything is better than the death sentence. I'm led away in handcuffs, my shoulders slumped. I'm going to pay for all my crimes in here. Even though the police only know about Robin, I need to repent for what I did to Hodge's daughter, and to my twin and stepsister, too.
I'm led back to my cell. My cellmates have been changing, but I'm informed I'm being moved soon, to a calmer, less dangerous block. That's a small relief. Ever since I've been attacked, I've been worried how the fuck I was going to survive years of being locked up in this hellhole.
They tell you a lot of things about prison, but nobody tells you anything about the lack of silence.
There are sounds all around me. Screaming, the sound of piss hitting the metal toilets. The guards clank their batons against the bars of our cells, scream, shout at us. There is no peace in here. This is where minds go to die.
But I force myself to nurture my thoughts. I find moments of peace by thinking of my favorite memories starring Dove. Her smile, her taste, her scent, all fill my mind until I'm convinced I'll never forget them. I commit them to memory, every move she makes, every word she said to me when we were together. I fool myself into thinking it helps, and for a while, it does. Except some nights, when I'm lying on my back on the springy mattress, staring at the ceiling. Those nights are the hardest because she feels the furthest away she's ever been.
I no longer believe I deserve to die.
And that belief gets stronger and stronger the more time I spend in jail. I start learning, reading books, taking classes. The prison accepts me as one of their own, the rotten, twisted criminals who are being punished for their crimes in here. I am one of them. I fucking got what I had coming.
But I grit my teeth and take it all. I don't question it, or fight it. I just take the cards life has dealt me and tell myself one day it will all get better. One day, I'll be free again. One day, I'll hold my son in my arms and tell him I love him.
For now, I don't even know his name...
***
I know it's a dream, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying it.
I'm imagining Dove here, with me. A place she should never be – or anyone else for that matter. But it's a dream, so I forgive myself.
My fist is wrapped in her long mane of hair and she's sucking my dick through the bars of my cell. Thick drops of spit fill her mouth and she groans my name with her throat full of cock.
"You like that, little bird?" I ask her. "I'm going to make you pay, too."
She gags and I take the chance to push deeper. Her eyes bulge and I laugh cruelly, enjoying her pathetic struggles. She looks so hot like this, on her knees, out of control. I want to stroke my cock to the sight, so I pull out of Dove's mouth, wiping it on her scarred cheek. She gasps.
"Filthy fucking girl, drooling all over my cock," I hiss, jerking off over her face. Dove sticks her tongue out, eyes begging. "You want to earn my cum, little bird? Offer me your fucking ass."
She pales, shakes her head. It's been a long time since I've been inside her tightest hole. Too long.
"I fucking miss it," I tell Dove. "So, turn around and let me see it."
Reluctantly, she crawls around, lifts her skirt and her ass is exposed to my hungry eyes. And fingers. Without warning, I spit on her ass to lube it, and slip my thumb inside her. She cries out in pain. Fucking adorable. I spit on her hole some more, making sure she's wet enough for me. I put another finger in, stretching her so the next time I spit, it drips right inside.
"Fuck, Nox!" she moans beneath me.
""Shut up," I growl, smacking her ass. "Unless it's begging for my load, I don't want to hear it."
Stubbornly, Dove presses her lips together. She doesn't say another word, her gasps silenced as she puts her palm over her mouth. I don't let that stop me. I pull my fingers out of her and replace them with the head of my cock. Dove isn't silent anymore.
"Please, Nox, please!" She looks up at me from behind. "I want you to fill me, I want you to give me everything..."
"Did you earn it?" I hiss. "Did you fucking earn it, little bird?"
And with that, I wake up to real life.
To handcuffs on my wrists, sometimes even when I sleep. To the cold room, where they put those of us who misbehave. We're treated worse than dogs. But I endure it.
And I fall back asleep with a smile on my face, thinking of Dove.
Thinking of Willa.
Thinking of my son.
I'm doing this for them.
Chapter 45
Dove
3 years later
I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. My eyes remain firmly shut, my fingers fraying the edges of my black dress. I wait until they call out Nox's last name, Miller, then pick myself up and walk robotically up to the reception area.
Before he went in, before I found out they weren't going to kill him, I told myself I'd come see Nox every weekend. But then everything changed.
I got pregnant. I had a beautiful baby boy. Now it's just us and Willa. A family, one I'd never realized I needed, desperately so. But I'm not here to tell Nox that he has a son. I'm here because I need his dirty, depraved touch, and I'm fucking done making excuses about it.
I pin the visitors' badge to my dress, careful not to prick my skin with the needle. Then, I walk inside the room where Nox and I will have complete privacy for an hour.
He's already sitting down. I expected him to have cuffs on, but he doesn't. Nox lifts his head and looks at me. I want to cry at the sight of him. He's bruised, battered, but not broken. If I thought a death sentence would've been bad, seeing him this way knocks the breath right out of me. He's being punished for his crime. He's doing this for me. Yet, as I look into his handsome face, I don't know whether I can forgive myself for putting him in here.
I want to tell him so many things, but I stand frozen to the spot. There's a rickety bed in the corner of the room – a reminder this is a conjugal visit. That's what I requested.
"Little bird," Nox mutters and I smile on instinct, because his voice is still the same, and the butterflies in my stomach are still fluttering. "Come here."
I approach him, my heart threatening to beat straight through my chest.
"I can't believe you're here," he mutters, pulling on my hand to bring me closer. I notice the anklet around his foot then, controlling his every move. "I waited so long."
"Nox, I need you." All those words I'd been getting ready to say disappear. All that matters is me and him, and the fact that we're finally touching again. I become helpless in Nox's presence. He pulls me into his arms and we kiss for the first time in three years.
His lips are just as searing, just as passionate as I remember them. I touch the scar on his cheek to ground myself, unable to believe this is really happening, we're really being reunited.
Nox's hands begin to roam my body, and soon, they're impatiently tugging on my dress.
"Rip it off," I manage weakly.
"How will you get out of here without it?"
"I don't care," I whisper.
With a grunt, he rips my dress down the middle, exposing my lingerie. I wore this especially for him, purple and dark, accentuating my pale complexion.
There are so many things we should talk about, but they're all forgotten in the face of our reunion. I'm getting drunk on Nox's scent. He's nipping at my neck now, stumbling toward the bed with me in his arms.
"Wait," I beg him. "Please, we have to –"
"No," he mutters, too distracted by my body to listen. "Need you first."
"We only have an hour."
"I'll make it count." He nuzzles my neck. "Fuck, I can't get enough of it. To smell you again. To fucking feel you again. Fuck, Dove. Let me fuck you."
"No, please," I manage. "Not yet."
"Now."
His voice is so commanding, dark, twisted. It's everything I remember Nox to be, and I can't say no to him. He's the only man I can't pretend with. I'm so used to playing a role, being someone other people expect me to be. But not with him. Not here. Not now.
I lie on the bed. It's lumpy and I close my eyes, trying to pretend we're somewhere else. But Nox grabs me by the throat, making me gasp.
"You don't want to be here, do you?" he asks calmly.
"I'm here, aren't I?" I hiss in response, my defenses picking up. "I stayed away, Nox. I thought that's what you wanted."
"To find out I had a son through a Polaroid photo?"
"You don't even know if he's a boy." I scratch his arms until he lets go, smirking.
"Of fucking course I do. What's his name, Dove?"
I sigh, shaking my head, then whisper the answer. "Kellan."
He kneels in front of me then. He's different. So much different than the last time I saw him, and broken in too many ways for me to count. But he still loves me, I know it. Just like I love him.
"We don't have much time," I whisper. "Please."
He nods, takes a deep breath and picks himself up. When he's standing again, his eyes are so incredibly dark they look black. He pulls the belt from his waist, an orange one to go with the jumpsuit, and expertly ties it around my neck, connecting it into a knot around my tits and then wrists.
"You're learning some tricks in here?" I tease him, my heart skipping a beat as I realize I may have gone too far.
But Nox's dark humor is still there. He slaps my tits, the right one, then the left one. "Watch that tongue, little bird. Don't make me hurt you. Although, you'd probably love that, wouldn't you?"
"No," I lie through gritted teeth, smirking right back.
"Well, let's see just how big of a liar you are, Dove." He ties my hands with the belt to the head rail. I struggle uselessly. There's no way for me to break free now – I am his prisoner, at his mercy, and it feels so good. So right.
Tyrant Stalker: A Dark Forbidden Romance (Tyrant Dynasty Book 2) Page 28
