by Rose Pearson
Her stomach knotted as she tried to find a way to calm her mind, her anxiety riding higher and higher the more she thought of what had occurred between herself and the Duke. Yes, she cared for him – loved him, even – and what he felt for her was no longer undeniable, but could there truly be anything more for them than that? What about her orphanage? What of the other girls that were there, waiting for to return? She could not be selfish and only consider her own future, for that would not be fair or right to them – but yet she was desperate to be a part of the Duke’s life. And Elouise…..she had grown so close to Elouise. She felt as though they were almost related in some way or another, and to return to the orphanage without her would be a great wrench. She was quite certain that the Duke would not let Elouise return there, not when they had become so dear to one another. Most likely, he was making certain that all of the arrangements were in place so that he might ask Elouise if she would like to stay in Royston manor for good. Her heart squeezed with both happiness and pain in knowing that, whatever was to happen to Elouise, she would, most likely, have to say goodbye to her. She could not simply forget the other girls.
“Oh, Miss Smith!”
The door opened, and she turned to see the Duke step inside, looking both awkward and relieved to see her.
“Your grace – I mean, Royston,” she stammered, a little taken aback to see him clad in only his shirt sleeves and breeches, with neither cravat nor waistcoat. “I do apologize if you intended to come in here for some peace. I can retire, of course.”
He smiled at her and closed the door tightly behind him, leaning against it for a moment. “No, my dear Miss Smith, you shall not go. I know this is very late, but we must consider what…occurred earlier today.”
She blushed furiously as he remained where he was, a lopsided smile on his face and a bright look in his eye. He was more relaxed than she had ever seen him, to the point that she became more flustered than ever before. She did not know what to say or what to do so chose to sit down by the fire, putting her hands neatly into her lap. Her gaze remained fixed on him, however, aware of just how quickly her heart beat when he was near, aware of just how much she longed to be in his arms again. These thoughts brought another flush of color to her face, which the Duke saw given the fact that his smile broadened.
“Royston,” she began, when the silence stretched out between them. “I am not sure what it is I should say. I confess this is a highly unusual situation and one where I am completely uncertain as to what is expected of me.”
Slowly, he pushed himself away from the door and meandered towards her almost lazily, his smile spreading across his face. “I know, Miss Smith. I will be truthful with you and tell you that I too feel the same. Thanks to my dear sister, however, I have been forced to consider my heart and my feelings towards both you and towards Elouise – although they are very different emotions, you understand.”
Her cheeks were not going to lose their rosy sheen any time soon, she realized, as heat washed over her again. “I quite understand, Royston. Might I ask what it is you are intending for Elouise?”
“Ah, Miss Smith,” he murmured, tenderly, finally coming to sit by her. “You are always so good at considering others before yourself, are you not?” Tugging his chair a little closer, the rug rucking up underneath the legs, he took her hand in his and held it tightly. “You are the most generous-hearted young lady I have ever met, Miss Smith.”
“You are very kind to say so,” Laura managed to say, her throat growing tight as he leaned ever closer. “But these girls are my life. They are all I have that is precious. In a way, they have become my family and it is my duty, nay, my desire to ensure that their lives are as happy and as content as possible, given the enormous loss that they have each suffered.”
The Duke reached up and brushed a finger down her cheek, his eyes fixed on her own. She could almost see into his very soul when she looked into his eyes, aware that there was an intensity within them than she had ever seen before.
“I want you to stay here.”
She closed her eyes, feeling as though she was being torn apart.
“I need you, Miss Smith.”
Her very bones ached with longing.
“I want to stay, Royston,” she admitted, softly, “but I cannot only consider my own wants. It would be unfair to the girls that need me.”
He shook his head, still sitting very close to her. “To consider what your heart wants is not selfish, Miss Smith….Laura.”
The way he said her name sent shivers up her spine. There was such passion in it, such tenderness that she could hardly bring herself to refuse him.
“I cannot stay, Royston.” There was no strength to her voice, hearing it hoarse and cracked as it came from her. Her eyes lowered to the floor, hearing her heart cry out in pain but knowing, nevertheless, that she was doing the right thing.
There was no response from him for a moment and then he rose, in one swift movement, and tugged her to him. Before she could say another word, before she could even take a breath, he had caught her lips in a kiss and, within a moment or two, she was lost.
His hands were tight around her waist and she found herself pressed up against him, her arms around his neck, her fingers twining through his hair of their own volition. This was not a moment she was ever likely to forget, trying her best to show him, through her embrace, just how much she loved him.
“Miss Smith?”
She stumbled back, hearing Elouise’s voice. The Duke stepped away at once, keeping his back to the child as she entered the room.
“Elouise,” Laura managed to say, her voice sounding rather higher than normal. “Elouise, what are you doing here? You should be in bed.”
Elouise rubbed her eyes, looking completely exhausted. “I was scared,” she said, simply. “I wanted to find you but you weren’t in your bedchamber. I had a bad dream.”
Laura, feeling her heart pounding madly in her chest, tried to put on an expression of sympathy but, all the while, felt almost exasperated at the child for appearing out of nowhere and interrupting them both. “Well, come along then. Let me take you back to bed.”
She made to step forward to take the child’s hand but, to her surprise, Elouise took a few steps further into the library, her eyes settling on the Duke who was, by now, looking at them both with dark eyes.
“What were you doing?”
The child’s question brought a heat to her face.
“Elouise,” she said firmly. “You ought not to pry into other people’s affairs. Come now, this is not something you need to talk about any further.”
She tried to take Elouise’s hand again but the girl stepped deftly out of reach, planting her hands on her hips. She made an almost comical figure, dressed in her nightgown with her braided hair flipped over one shoulder, her tired eyes a little defiant.
“Miss Smith, I saw you and the Duke. That only happens with…..” She trailed off, looking a little embarrassed, although her jaw clenched angrily. “With my mother and father. That’s what they used to do and they were married. Is that what you’re planning, Miss Smith? Are you going to stay here with the Duke?”
A flush of embarrassment rose in Laura’s face and she kept her eyes fixed on the child, unwilling to look back at the Duke for fear of what she would see in his face.
“Elouise,” she said firmly, with a good deal more strength. “Your questions are entirely inappropriate. None of this involves you, do you understand?”
She realized at once that she has said this rather badly, seeing Elouise’s lip quiver and her eyes fill with tears.
“You need not think, my dear girl, that you are quite unimportant to me. In fact, quite the opposite! However, I will admit that I care for Miss Smith also”
From the look on Elouise’s face, Laura realized that the girl had very little understanding of what the Duke meant. She could see that Elouise was confused and even a little scared and, despite her own embarrassment at being caught in such an
inappropriate embrace with the Duke, wanted to comfort Elouise as best she could.
Finally managing to catch her hand, she smiled and stepped forward, closer to the girl before bending her knees so that she might look into her face.
“What the Duke means is that he cares for you very much, Elouise, as do I. There is nothing to worry about, nothing to be afraid of. We both care about you a great deal. Everything is going to be wonderful, I promise.”
Elouise looked back at her for a few moments, before wrenching her hand out of Laura’s.
“The only person you care about is yourself, Miss Smith!” she exclaimed, stepping backwards towards the door. “You say you care about me but all the time, you’ve just been wanting to stay here with the Duke yourself. What about me? Am I going to be sent back to the orphanage while you stay here?”
“That is quite enough, Elouise.”
The Duke’s voice was loud and firm, his voice bouncing off the walls and echoing around the room. Elouise stopped dead, her eyes wide as she turned her face towards the Duke, tears shimmering in her eyes.
“You are not to speak to Miss Smith in that way,” the Duke said, sternly. “She is only trying to help you and you ought to show her more respect.”
A sob ripped through Elouise’s chest, tearing at Laura’s soul. She stayed exactly where she was, feeling her heart pounding in her chest. She wanted to go to Elouise but didn’t know what to say, aware that the Duke’s voice had only made things worse than before. It was clear that Elouise was confused by what she had witnessed and had let that confusion turn into anger and upset, to the point that she refused to believe that Laura had her best interests at heart.
“You only care about yourselves!” Elouise shouted again, one hand reaching for the door handle.
“No, that is not true!” Laura exclaimed, but it was much too late. Elouise, tears now running down her cheeks, threw open the door and ran out, the sound of her sobs echoing down the corridor.
12
It had been a long and exhausting night. Laura had barely slept a wink, worrying about Elouise and fretting over both what she had seen and what she had said. At the Duke’s insistence, she had left Elouise alone until the morning, allowing her to either sleep or to come to Laura’s door, should she need her. However, as dawn broke and the sun began to stream towards the house, Laura felt her urgency begin to grow.
She was desperate to speak to Elouise, desperate to explain to her that what she had seen meant only that Laura and the Duke cared for one another but that it did not mean they did not care for her. She wanted to tell her that the Duke had only good things planned for her, that she would have a happy future here and that, in the end, it would be Laura who would be returning to the orphanage and leaving them both behind here.
Swallowing her tears, Laura paced up and down her bedchamber, ignoring the breakfast tray that had been brought in only a few minutes before. She didn’t want to leave this place and certainly didn’t want to leave the Duke, but the thought of never returning to the other girls at the orphanage, the ones who she knew would be waiting for her to return, was more than she could bear. She had promised them that she’d come back, had promised them all that they would not be without her for too long. There was simply nothing else she could do, knowing that she both could not and would not turn her back on them now for the sake of her own personal happiness.
The Duke, of course, had not been thrilled to know that this was how Laura was thinking, even though he seemed to understand. That kiss they had shared was one that Laura knew she would never forget, even as tears came to her eyes at the memory of it. It had been the moment when she’d felt the Duke come into her heart completely, knowing that he would never be removed. Whatever happened, Laura knew that she would always love him with everything she had. She would always love him, always have a deep, abiding affection that could never be taken away. No matter what happened and even if she never saw him again in her life, that love would linger on in her heart.
How painful it was to know that she would be separated from him for good – and by her own choice also! If there was a way to be with both the Duke and her girls then, of course, she would accept it readily, but she simply could not see a way forward for such a thing to occur. She was resigned, therefore, to simply doing her best for Elouise and then departing back to London, back to Smithfield Market and back to the orphanage. It was what she had to do.
One hour later and, thinking that Elouise must be sleeping late, Laura knocked quietly on the door, expecting to find the maid within.
The door was locked.
Frowning, she turned the door handle again, not understanding why it should be so. There had always been a key in Elouise’s door but Elouise had been under strict instructions not to lock it and, thus far, had not done so. There had been no need for her to do so, given that Laura herself was just next door and the maid was required to come in and out at any given time. Laura had always trusted Elouise and had found her trust to be well given, since the girl had never done something like this before – but now, Laura realized, in her state of upset, Elouise must have chosen to lock her bedchamber door tight so that Laura could not get in.
Rapping gently, Laura let out a long breath and leaned her forehead against the door. “Elouise?” she called, quietly. “Elouise, please. You must open this door now. Come along.”
There was no response.
“Elouise!” Laura called again, a little more firmly. “None of this nonsense. Open the door. There are some things we must talk about.”
Again, there came no reply other than the quietness that wrapped itself around Laura’s soul. She felt herself quiver with a sudden fear, her heart beating painfully.
“Oh, Miss Smith!”
Laura turned to see Elouise’s assigned maid coming towards her, a slightly pinched expression on her face.
“Do you have the key, Miss Smith?” the maid continued, without waiting for Laura to greet her. “I cannot seem to get in this morning and thought it might be because you needed her to get a bit extra sleep or some such thing.”
Laura shook her head, biting her lip painfully. “No,” she said after a moment. “No, I have not locked this door. I believe Elouise must have done so herself.” She heard the maid’s quick intake of breath and looked at her again, her stomach fluttering. “Does the housekeeper have another key?”
The maid bobbed and turned on her heel without so much as a word, her steps quick as she hurried back along the corridor in search of the housekeeper. Laura, having nothing else to do other than wait, stood quietly outside Elouise’s door, knocking intermittently in the hope that Elouise would eventually decide to come and answer it. She did not know what had become of her charge, wondering if she was deliberately choosing to ignore Laura completely, simply to put fear into her heart, or whether she was somewhere in the room, curled into a tight ball as she sobbed. Either way, Laura simply wanted to get into the room so that she might be able to find Elouise, to hold her tight and say that everything she’d seen, everything she’d heard, had a simple explanation. She wanted to tell her just how much she loved her, in the same way that she loved the other girls at the orphanage, and that the Duke loved her too. She wanted to reassure her, to help her, to give her back the hope she’d lost by stumbling in on Laura and the Duke in the library last night.
Leaning her forehead against the door, Laura let out a long sigh, filled with regret.
“Elouise,” she whispered, one hand pressed flat against the door. “Please just open the door, my dear. There is so much I need to talk to you about.”
Silence met her ears in a deafening roar.
Tears filled Laura’s eyes as she waited, her worry filling her to capacity. The hurried sound of the maid’s footsteps brought her a modicum of relief, even more, the sound of keys jangling in her hand.
“This one, miss,” the maid said breathlessly, holding out the keys. “This one, the housekeeper says. She’s on her way up too, miss,
just as soon as she gets the rest of the maids organized.”
“I’m sure her presence won’t be necessary,” Laura replied, with more belief than she felt. “Elouise is either sleeping heavily – for she was awake in the night – or she has decided to play some silly game of ‘hide and go-seek’ without informing me. She has done that before!” She tried to laugh as she turned the key in the lock but felt it stick in her throat. “Here we are then.”
Handing the keys back to the maid, she opened the door and stepped inside, surprised to find the room still shrouded in darkness. The heavy drapes were still over the windows and there was no fire in the grate.
Laura shivered as the cold air of the room nipped at her.
“I’d best get a fire going,” the maid muttered, hurrying towards it. “The little mistress will be cold once she gets up. The poor mite must be quite exhausted!”
Carefully making her way towards the window, Laura threw back the drapes and turned, with a bright smile on her face towards the bed, preparing to greet Elouise.
The words died in her throat. The bed was empty.
Elouise was gone.
“There we go, miss.”
The maid rose to her feet, wiping her hands on her apron. “A nice warm fire to keep the chill from the room. I know we’re nearing summer but still, the mornings can be very…..” Her words died away as she turned to see Laura staring at the empty bed, her face paling in shock. “But where is Miss Elouise?”
Laura shook her head, finding herself almost completely frozen in place.
“Where might she be?” the maid cried again, hurrying forward now and pulling back the bedsheets as though Elouise might be hiding underneath them. “She must be here somewhere.”
Knowing what the maid did not, Laura closed her eyes for a moment and steadied herself. Elouise was not hiding in the room, she was certain of it. The girl had taken herself off somewhere, in fear and upset, although where that might be, she could not say.
