Of Different Times

by Agnes Kirkwood

  It was about half-six when we got home, and mum had a big fire going and the table and chairs brought into the living room for us to have our dinner on. We still didn’t have a cooker but mum had made a big pot of stew made with beef potatoes carrots and turnip in, all cooked in a big pan on the fire. She had been busy too it seemed because she had been down to the local shops and stocked up with food. Then got on the bus with the kids to town and done a lot of shopping for things we desperately needed. She ordered a new cooker from the Electric Board and tall kitchen cabinet for food and crockery, which were being delivered that same week. We had a new electric kettle and toaster which helped a lot.

  That night as arranged, I walked down to the public phone box and telephoned Billy who would be waiting for my call outside the public phone box near his home in Kincardine. I never told him how bad the house was because I didn’t want that to put him off coming down at a later date. I told him all about my work and told him how much I missed him at the weekend. Mary my friend was there as well, along with a few others. All sounded as if they were having a good time, I was wishing I was there. Still I chatted with Billy and Mary for about ten minutes until I ran out of shovelling money into the pay box. It cost me a fortune but it was worth it. He asked for the number of the phone box I was using and said he would phone that number on the Friday night at the same time. I walked home on a cloud that night after our ten minute talk. Speaking to Billy was like a tonic to me, just the sound of his voice reassured me that everything was going to be all right after all.

  In just over a week the house had new windows and doors, and had been rewired with new plugs and lighting. It looked more like a home. Another week and all the three bedrooms were scraped, painted, cleaned and freshly wallpapered. Mum said it was just a cheap temporary paper just to make it clean so they could concentrate on the downstairs first. Mum and dad were great decorators. Many times when we were younger we’d go to bed with one paper on the wall and when we came downstairs in the morning the walls had a completely different paper on. So with fresh paper on the walls we were able to get more organised every day. Luckily all mum’s curtains fitted the windows so things were beginning to take shape, at least we all had a room to sleep in and dress in private. We also had a new bathroom in progress made from part of the back bedroom which was still large enough to fit all the bedroom furniture as well as the baby’s cot.

  Catherine and I had the large front bedrooms, and William and Jimmy had the other front room. Mum said the reason we had the largest room was because it would easily fit two double beds because, when my sister and her husband arrived they were having the back room and mum and dad was moving into the front room with my younger sister and me. When I asked where Billy would go when he came, mum just replied that he could go with my two brothers. I was a bit worried about that because Billy didn’t know my brothers and maybe he would feel strange sharing beds with them, but mum said there was plenty of time for that, first priority was to give Wilma and Gearge a chance to find a house of their own.

  We had only been there for about five or six weeks when mum got word that my Gran was seriously ill. Gran was eighty-one years old and sadly not expected to reach eighty-two which was only one month off. Mum felt guilty and blamed herself for Gran being ill. She got it into her head that Gran was dying of a broken heart because she had moved hundreds of miles away. Gran had ten children altogether, but had lost two sons. One died when he was only two years old, the other was killed down the pit with an explosion leaving a wife and baby son who was born blind. The remaining four sons and four daughters all lived within five miles of her, four of whom lived in the same village. Gran was used to all her children around her, and would tell them off if they missed their usual two nightly visits off the ones who had to travel. Ever since I can remember mum visited her two nights a week going on the seven o’clock bus and coming back on the nine o’clock, we all had turns to go with her at certain times. It was a regular routine that I grew up with.

  Arrangements were made for mum to return to Scotland, my dad asked Stan who was the lone bike rider who became a friend of William, he come to our house regular, in fact nearly every night, so mum got to know him well. He never had a car but he had a licence and agreed to drive my mum to the train station in Wigan in a car loaned to dad from the old retired manager, who stayed friendly with dad. Mum, Catherine Jimmy, and the baby sat in the back whilst William Stan and I sat in the front of the car. We helped her on the train to Edinburgh and from there she had to catch the Aberdeen train and get out at Stirling station where my cousin was waiting to pick them up. It was sad to see her go, I think it was the very first time I felt really sorry for her as she would have to struggle off the train in Edinburgh and on the Aberdeen train with three kids and a big case in a heart breaking mood.

  That night Dad and me spent the night in the house on our own because my brother was out gallivanting as usual. At the weekend the new bathroom was finally fitted with a bath, toilet and basin, it felt great to finally have a bath in your own house instead of having to go to the local baths just for the sake of having a shower. Dad and I went to town and bought wallpaper for the lounge, living room kitchen and of course the new bathroom. We missed mum having our dinner ready. I think we lived on fish chips and pies. My brother was no help he couldn’t wait to get out at night, but Dad and I got stuck into decorating after we’d had something to eat. Then while I pasted the wallpaper Dad hung it. Within two weeks we had the downstairs rooms papered and painted and it looked more like a home. We were so proud of all the work we done, but of course Dad did mention that mum will be pleased with us and say she loves it, but he knew mum more than she knew herself and would probably redecorate within the next year to her own taste. Dad showed me how to decorate then and before the two weeks were up I was pretty good at it, I really owe a lot to them weeks and can honestly say I carried that expertise throughout my life and so has all my offspring.

  It was nothing unusual for dad and me to be on our own at night, many a night dad had accounts or some kind of paperwork to do, and that was when I felt so lonely. I got used to William not being there. I looked out the lounge window one night and saw him chatting up a girl that lived about four doors away and thought to myself nothing changes not like me who seemed to have my world turned upside-down. When I went to bed at night I couldn’t sleep for feeling sorry for myself, especially the nights I talked to Billy on the phone. I missed my old life and everything about it, I missed the weekends with Billy and friends, I missed going to work with people I could understand, and most important they could understand me, I didn’t have to talk slow and try to talk English so they could understand me, I got fed up repeating everything. The Lancashire twang was a language of its own, and I was always asking them to repeat what they said to the extent I just spoke when they did. At night unless dad and I had something constructive to do I used to get bored and just watched all the rubbish that was on the telly. I wasn’t a telly fan then because I hardly ever watched it unless it was something to do with pop or rock and roll music shows like, The Six Five Special or Top of the Pops.

  I hated working on my own in that little shed, the only person to talk to was Stan when he came down for wires for the bales of peat, we’d talk about the music charts and the type of records we liked. Elvis was my heartthrob at the time and he used to torment me about Cliff Richard whom then I hated because to me he was just imitating Elvis. I just happened to mention that I wished I had a radio in the shed to listen to, at least it would pass the time away while I was working. The next day he brought me a little grey transistor radio that he had got for his twenty-first birthday a few months before. It made a big difference having music to listen to rather than day dreaming all the time about Billy. At break time our William, Stan and me would have our break together where William would amuse us in his usual jokey self. I think it was because we were the only young ones who worked there and we seemed to stick together.

  William
became friendly with the girl down the road, and asked me if I wanted to meet her, he said she was only sixteen just a year younger than me and she wanted to meet me. I told him if I want friends I would pick them myself. That same night a knock came to the door and I answered it, it was the girl from down the street. She asked for William who at the time was in the bath. I shouted upstairs and told him she was there, he told me to invite her in because he wouldn’t be long. My dad was down the village to phone up mum. Straight away it all clicked in place, she must have waited for dad going out then made her move. Nevertheless I invited her in and told her to have a seat. We got talking and I asked her if she wanted a cuppa while she waited because knowing my brother he would be another hour; he was worse than a woman, she laughed and told me she had a brother who was just the same; thought he owned the bath and was there for ages. She noticed my engagement ring and asked me how long I had been engaged I told her all about Billy and how he was coming to live with us because one day we were going to get married and live here. The more I talked to her the more I liked her, she was very nice and seemed to like all the things I liked as far as music and jiving was concerned. We became good friends, she loved the rock and roll music just like me but she jived different, so I taught her how we did it in Scotland. I also showed her how we bop. One night my brother was out at a big dance in Liverpool and Winnie’s mother wouldn’t let her go and neither would my dad let me so we decided to go to a dance that was held in the village hall that night. The music was great but everyone danced different and when Winnie and me jived I felt out of place at first but then the music got to me and we let rip, I noticed people standing around looking at us then gradually everyone in the hall crowded around us clapping. I felt like a celebrity, what a great night, I don’t think I will ever forget that night, and although I would have loved to go back, I told Winnie I wouldn’t, because I felt if I did people might think I was a right show off.

  Winnie walked with me down to the village when I phoned Billy. I let her talk to him and some of my friends. I had to laugh when she told me she couldn’t understand what they were talking about. I was glad because it let her know exactly how I feel when I talk to people here.

  We did a lot of jiving in our lounge and sometimes at her gran’s house who lived at the bottom of the street on the main road. We loved going there, and her gran loved to see us she would make us tea and feed us cakes and biscuits. Yes I liked Winnie she was just like a clone of me, we got on really well.

  I seemed to settle down and got used to living in England. I would go to work then come home and make something for us to eat then Winnie would come round and we would either go to her grans or walk down the village to the park and just hang about, then if it was the night Billy phoned we’d hang about the phone box until he rang. Although Winnie was going out with my brother they only went places at the weekend, so through the week she looked forward to our little escapades, which left William happy because you can’t cage a hot blooded strong headed Romeo, so I knew then why he wanted me to get to know her, it gave him the scope to carry on gallivanting.

  Gran died and two days after her funeral, mum made arrangements to come back home. Dad and I erected my sister’s bed in the back room and moved mum and dad’s bed into the front room along with me and Catherine. We cleaned all the house spick-and-span and everything was ready. We never went to the station to meet them because mum told dad on the phone Wilma and George was coming with them. I remember waiting at the front gate with my dad and William, and Winnie was also waiting at her gate, she hadn’t met them and didn’t want to intrude. We seemed to be standing there for ages until we saw the little Ford Popular car turn up the street. We knew it was them because hardly any cars came down that street in them days. When the car stopped we rushed over and opened the door. The first to greet me was my little niece who held out her hands the moment she saw me, so I grabbed her and cuddled her swinging her around, and the little giggles she gave off really made my day. I think mum was glad to be home and when she walked in and saw the changes dad and me had made she was delighted, her face was that of a happy woman; but dad was right she did redecorate within a year. When I looked at Wilmas face I could tell she wasn’t very excited about the house, and I remember thinking to myself if only she’d seen it when we first moved in it would have gave her something to really turn her nose up at. The biggest surprise I got that day was when I put my niece down and she just ran about. It was funny to see her walking; she wasn’t quite at the walking stage when she left. The next couple of days everything seemed to go back to the family life I was familiar with. Then my whole life was in turmoil.

  It started one morning when I got up to get ready for work. I had just finished my cup of tea and slice of toast, and just about to leave the house for work when I felt my stomach turning. I knew I was about to be sick so I rushed upstairs to the toilet and was sick as a dog. When I came back downstairs I must have looked awful because dad looked at me and asked me if I was all right. I told him I felt awful and my back was killing me. Now, my dad was never one to let you have days off. At school I had to attend even if I felt like dying, so I was shocked when he told me to get back to bed. Then he and William left for work. As soon as they left I was back in the toilet being sick, that was when my mother came to me and asked if I was all right. I told her it was probably something I had eaten and she sent me back to bed. I slept all day, which was nothing unusual for me when I was a teenager, I would have done it more often if being allowed. When I woke up it was pitch black outside and my little sister was tucked up in my bed. I crept out not to disturb her and made my way downstairs. It was from then on that night that I will never forget. The place was very quiet, now that was very unusual for our house. Mum was in the kitchen washing through my little sister’s socks for school the next day. When I asked where everyone was she told me my sister and brother-in-law had gone out for the night to the pictures, the younger kids were in bed, and my brother had gone out for a pint with dad and one of the men that helped us move from Scotland. Mum didn’t beat about the bush. She made me a cup of tea then asked how I felt. I told her I felt a lot better. Then she just came straight out and asked me when my last period was. I was absolutely stunned, because I just couldn’t remember having one all the time we lived in England. How stupid and naive could I have been; I was so engrossed in helping dad, and settling in it never occurred to me that I had missed a period by over a month. I never gave it one thought in all the six weeks we had been here. Mum never shouted or seemed angry at first she just told me I was stupid and had I not learned a lesson from my sister’s mistake. She couldn’t believe she had to go through all that again. But she was very sympathetic, and said what was done was done. It seemed like hours of continuing lectures. All she was saying I could hear, but it was as if her voice was in the distance. She was telling me I was far too young to have a baby because it isn’t as easy as it seems, for a start it was a very expensive upkeep starting off life with a baby. Mum says she would get some gin and castor oil for me to take and hopefully everything would be all right, because she had known some women take that, and sometimes it would do the trick. I was stunned. Although all mum’s words were reaching me in the distance, they took over my own thoughts. Everything was just running through my mind as if I was living in a dream. Realising I had missed a period and never even noticed was unbelievable, if someone told me that happened to them, I’d have said they were lying. How stupid was I, how could I possibly not notice. Not even when I was sick did it ever dawn on me. I thought it was something I had eaten. When it finally sunk in I told her, if I was really having a baby, Billy would come here and we would get married, after all that was what was arranged in the first place. I wanted to get married when I was twenty but it only meant that we would have to get married a lot sooner. Mum wasn’t very pleased with that, I could see it in her face. It was then I really knew for sure that she thought once she got me down in England, I would forget about Billy, but no
w it had backfired. At that moment, I felt at least it would speed things up for me and Billy to be together. After all if it hadn’t happened to my sister then, she would probably still be single, and my little niece would never exist. When I mentioned that was exactly what happened to my sister, all hell let loose. She angrily stated to me that my sister was twenty-two and I was only seventeen and her relationship was different from mine, at least she had a decent man behind her with a decent trade and could easily afford family life. She pleaded with me and warned me I was wasting my life. After hearing that I hit the roof and for the first time in my life I stood my ground and told her she had no intention of letting Billy come here. To that she agreed and told me that she thought I would forget him once we moved here and I made new friends, she told me he was not for me, and that if I ever married him I’d regret it for the rest of my life, because it would never last. I shouted back at her that it was my life and it was up to me who I married, and instead of Billy coming here I would go back to Scotland and live there. I ran up the stairs and put some clothes in a case. As I sat on the bed looking around for the last time, I laid my hand on my stomach and couldn’t believe that, me, of all people were having a baby. I came down with my case packed and ready to get the bus to the train station. My mum just looked at me and pleaded for me to think what I was doing, but I told her I knew exactly what I was doing and demanded my wages which I had just given her two days previous, and all I had was the ten shilling pocket money she gave me; that wouldn’t go far. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me I would have to get it from my dad when he got in. I sat in silence at the dining room table with my packed case at my feet; mum sat on the armchair by the fire staring into the flames. I didn’t realise that clocks ticked so loud until that night.