by Ted Allan
(He replaces receiver and proceeds to unpack. The phone rings again)
Hello…No, Sarah Lawson is not in. I expect her back shortly…Jack? Hi. How are you?… She’s here with me, but not in at the moment. I just got back. Just walked in…Probably out sightseeing somewhere…She’s fine…I’ll tell her you called…Working hard on a new book… You?…Sorry about the divorce, but these things happen…Don’t worry about her, I’ll take care of her…What?…She just seemed tired, but otherwise well…Don’t worry about her…Bye…
(He stands – thoughtful.
Sarah enters, carrying groceries.
She’s overjoyed seeing him. She looks well and happy. She gets rid of her parcels and hugs him)
SARAH
You weren’t due for an hour yet! I wanted to have a great dinner all ready! I haven’t cooked for you for over five years! What a beautiful tan. All right. Now tell me. I waited for two weeks.
ROBERT
Tell you what?
SARAH
About love! What its all about!
ROBERT
(He laughs) I have to rewrite the whole section on stress sex. I wasn’t clear.
SARAH
You mean you don’t know?
ROBERT
I do know, but I have to make it clear. The minute I’ve finished the rewrite I’ll tell you …or you can read it.
SARAH
You’re funny. You actually made me believe you knew something special!
ROBERT
I do. But I have to make it clear…It’s not so easy to make clear.
SARAH
No kidding? You are funny. And here I’ve been waiting for the great truth to be revealed to me.
ROBERT
When it’s clear a great truth may be revealed to you.
SARAH
How’s Albie?
ROBERT
This holiday with me was very good for him. He needed it.
SARAH
I want to see him – and I don’t want to see him.
ROBERT
What’s that mean?
SARAH
I hate to admit it, but I’m jealous of him.
ROBERT
You can’t be serious.
SARAH
I am! I’m very childlike that way. He’s someone you have to give love and attention to…so it’s taken away from me.
ROBERT
Silly ass. He’s my child.
SARAH
I feel that I am your child.
ROBERT
You’re not. He is.
SARAH
Do you like it? (Referring to curtains)
ROBERT
Mmmmm
SARAH
I can take them down.
ROBERT
No. Leave them. Makes a pleasant change.
SARAH
I look better now than I did two weeks ago, don’t I?
ROBERT
Less tired.
SARAH
Less battered.
ROBERT
Jack phoned. He said he was worried about you. I said you’d be touched.
SARAH
What did he tell you?
ROBERT
That he was worried about you.
SARAH
Is that all he said?
ROBERT
Yes. Why?
SARAH
I wish he’d stop phoning here. He’s getting on my bloody nerves! He’s phoned at least five times in the past two weeks!
ROBERT
Obviously he still cares.
SARAH
He just can’t let go, that’s all. I wish he’d stop phoning. I told him to stop phoning and pestering me!
ROBERT
Hey! He’s not trying to hurt you. Easy!
SARAH
He is trying to hurt me. He’s interfering with my life. He and I are divorced. We’re finished. I’m here with you now. I don’t want him inflicting himself on us.
ROBERT
He just phoned to ask how you were. Relax.
SARAH
I’m sorry. He upsets me.
ROBERT
You’re more involved than you care to admit.
SARAH
It’s not that. I’ll tell you about it later. Something I haven’t told you.
ROBERT
So tell me.
SARAH
It’ll keep. Now let’s check.
(She hurries to get a notebook)
Did you keep a record?
ROBERT
Yes.
SARAH
At exactly six o’clock on the first Wednesday I sent you the following message: ‘If you really know the answers about love you shouldn’t wait two weeks to tell me.’ Did you get that message?
ROBERT
No. On Thursday I thought I received the following message from you, ‘I can’t figure out English money.’
SARAH
No. Never sent that. I can figure out English money.
ROBERT
I sent you a message on Friday, ‘Please tell my publisher I won’t have the manuscript ready for another three weeks or so.’
SARAH
Hey! I got that message on Saturday!
ROBERT
Seriously!
SARAH
On Saturday five o’clock I got the following message: ‘Tell my publisher I’m very happy…’
ROBERT
That’s a garbled message.
SARAH
Still it’s about your publisher! We’ve done it again! We get each other’s messages!
ROBERT
Not quite!
SARAH
Well, close!
ROBERT
A half a message out of five sent?
SARAH
Wait. We haven’t checked yet. On Saturday I sent you this message: ‘I love being in this flat by the river. I’ll never be unhappy again…’
ROBERT
Never got it.
SARAH
That’s how I feel now. I’ll never be unhappy again.
ROBERT
That’s silly. Of course you will be. We’ll all be.
SARAH
When are you going to finish your rewrite so that it’s clear what love is?
ROBERT
In a few weeks.
SARAH
I’ll cook dinner.
ROBERT
Sare…I have a dinner appointment tonight. I just made it. Before you came. I’m sorry.
SARAH
That’s all right. We’ll have dinner tomorrow. Don’t you find me changed?
ROBERT
In what way?
SARAH
How easily I take things now. Something like this would have upset me a few years ago. Can’t have dinner tonight? Have it tomorrow. Isn’t that a change in me?
ROBERT
I can’t remember if you were that touchy about such things.
SARAH
I was. I was. I’m not now though…That divorce with Jack. I want to tell you about it. I found out he’d been having an affair. I couldn’t take it. I insisted on the divorce. I couldn’t stand the betrayal. It shook me. Flipped me. Then when the divorce went through I had a breakdown. I had to be hospitalized.
ROBERT
When was this?
SARAH
A few months ago. That’s why Jack got full custody of Debbie. It’s been very upsetting.
ROBERT
When did you leave the hospital?
SARAH
There’s something else I have to tell you…I left without permission…I ran away…The doctor said I wasn’t ready but I felt if I saw you I’d be all right. Your going to Corsica right off didn’t help, but I coped. I called some of your friends. I like that pleasant doctor…John Williams? He and his wife were very nice.
ROBERT
They’re my closest friends. John and Jennie.
SARAH
Ask them. I’ve been coping beautifully. True, he’s not a psych
iatrist, but he sounds like a good G.P. We went to a concert together. They’d never have guessed I just had a breakdown and had been hospitalized. Could you?
ROBERT
No. You just seemed strained…tired…
SARAH
That’s why Jack keeps calling. He’s keeping check on me.
ROBERT
He sounded genuinely worried. Don’t start getting paranoid. You certainly don’t act as if you’re in need of a hospital.
SARAH
I’m not. But they wouldn’t believe me. All I needed was to know I’d be in the same city that you were in. They couldn’t understand that. You don’t have to worry about me now. I can see you’re worried. You’ve become very tense.
ROBERT
I have not! I am worried, naturally, but I’m not tense. You seem fine.
SARAH
I am fine. Honest. I’ll stay a couple of more weeks. And I’ll get ever finer. I’ll look for a bedsitter, is that what they call it here? Or a small apartment. I mean flat. Two weeks with you, and I’ll be as good as new. I feel so happy when I’m with you. I wish we’d never separated. That does sound crazy, doesn’t it? Am I talking too much?
ROBERT
No.
SARAH
This breakdown has taught me something. I think some kinds of mental breakdowns are very constructive. I hallucinated a bit, but I was able to let myself feel and think things I usually repress. Am I making you nervous?
ROBERT
Don’t be silly. Please don’t be hurt by this… But I do prefer this room without curtains.
SARAH
(Hurrying to take them down) Of course darling! I just thought I’d put them up – for your approval.
ROBERT
I’ll take them down tomorrow. Leave them.
SARAH
No. Let me take them down now.
ROBERT
Leave it! Please!
SARAH
I’m not hurt at all, silly, I would have been a few years ago, before this breakdown. But not any more. I advocate a mental breakdown for everybody! When I started having it I could tell what people were thinking and feeling. On the street, I didn’t have to talk to them or know them. It became unbearable because so many of them are so sad. They’re so confused and hurt and humiliated. God! If I only had had the courage to go to them and say, ‘Shh, I know how you feel, don’t be hurt. We’re all hurt and we’re all humiliated in one way or another, so don’t feel you’re alone.’ But that would be humiliating to them more because they don’t want anyone to know. Painting’s no good. You can’t put that in a painting. You can put sadness in a painting but no humiliation. Perhaps good painters do. I can’t. I wish I was a good painter. I wish I was a good something.
ROBERT
You could be a good painter – if you worked at it. And if you stopped destroying everything you painted.
SARAH
They weren’t worth saving.
ROBERT
I once saw you working on something…I’ll never forget it…the universe being born, you called it. It was fantastic. And you ripped it to pieces. It might have been a great painting.
SARAH
Hah! Nothing I ever did came out as I wanted it. I’d hate what was on the canvas…it infuriated me. That’s why I stopped painting. It literally drove me crazy being unable to paint as I wanted to.
ROBERT
You might have had a brilliant career.
SARAH
Let’s not exaggerate my so-called talents. I’m quite happy being a secretary – when I have a pleasant boss. I might do something with the river and its funny ducks. I’ll buy some paint and some small canvasses.
ROBERT
I’ll commission you. I’ll pay you five pounds for every painting you do.
SARAH
You can have anything I paint as a gift…Who’re you having dinner with?
ROBERT
Susan Cooper…I didn’t write you about her because I never know how long these things are going to last. But Sue and I have been seeing each other for almost a year now. I hadn’t expected her back from Africa for another few weeks. She’s an anthropologist.
SARAH
When do I get to meet her?
ROBERT
She just got back or I’d have suggested tonight. Tomorrow?
SARAH
How old is she?
ROBERT
About thirty-five.
SARAH
Ever been married?
ROBERT
Once. Like me. But she has no children. You’ll like her. She’s funny.
SARAH
We’re all funny.
ROBERT
What?
SARAH
I said we were all funny.
ROBERT
I meant witty. She’s very witty.
SARAH
That’s nice. I like witty people. I’ll tell you something right now, Roberto! I hate her!
ROBERT
Sarah!
SARAH
She’s ugly and she’s stupid and I hate her!
ROBERT
I’d better go.
SARAH
Goodbye.
ROBERT
What’s come over you?
SARAH
You’ve come over me.
ROBERT
What’s that supposed to mean?
SARAH
I’m being witty and you’re not noticing.
ROBERT
Hilarious. Are you all right?
SARAH
I am not all right! I was all right. But I am no longer all right. That seems obvious. Any further questions? First night you’re back and you’re having dinner with Susan! Thank you!
ROBERT
I wish you’d stop behaving like my girlfriend! You are not my wife and you are not my girlfriend.
SARAH
That is right. I am your sister!
ROBERT
Yes! My sister! And I am your brother. Not your husband, or your boyfriend or your father or your mother! Brother.
SARAH
Oh God. You’re not back half an hour and we’re arguing. It’s my fault. Forgive me.
(She goes to hug him. He stiffens)
ROBERT
I’m sorry. I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t wait up for me. Bye…I’m sorry…
SARAH
(Shouts out after him) Give her my love!
(She looks around, frightened to be alone. She looks at the curtains and pulls them down in a furious gesture. She’s frightened by what she’s done)
Don’t do anything foolish, Sarah. Please don’t do anything foolish. Please…Please.
(Blackout)
Scene 3 Early next morning. It is raining out. There is distant thunder and lightning.
Sarah is in a disturbed state. Robert is trying to calm her.
SARAH
I’m sending messages to you baby. Yes, dear. This is your mother. You’ll be all right, Debbie. Debbie may be burning and needing water.
(Robert leads her to her bed)
This is your mother. You’ll be all right. She’s burning. My God, she’s burning!
ROBERT
She’s not burning. You’re having an hallucination. Lie down…Try to lie down…
(He pushes her to the bed. She sits)
SARAH
I must phone her right away.
ROBERT
You can’t now.
SARAH
I must phone her right away!
ROBERT
You mustn’t. It wouldn’t be good for her to hear you in this state. Take the sleeping pill!
SARAH
She’s burning. My child is burning!
I don’t want to go to sleep! I have to stay awake! My daughter is burning!
(He grabs a newspaper, folds it and hits her with it)
ROBERT
Goddamn you, take the pill!
