by Ted Allan
SARAH
You’re not going to send me to a hospital?
ROBERT
No.
SARAH
You’re not going to send me to a hospital?
ROBERT
No.
SARAH
Oh my God! You won’t send me to a hospital?
ROBERT
No. But you get on my nerves with your raving and talking and talking and talking.
SARAH
I’ll try to control myself. Do you mean it?
ROBERT
Yes. I hope I can last the whole month.
SARAH
I’ll be fine, you’ll see. Phone them and tell them now.
(Robert goes to phone and dials a number)
ROBERT
(To phone) Dr Williams?…Bob Waller…Hello John, cancel that Holloway bed, will you please? …Well, I think she’s getting better and she is so frightened of going to a hospital…I’ll take a month off…Yes, cancel it…I’m sure…Thanks for everything…I’ll call you if I need you.
SARAH
Maybe this is an hallucination, a dream I’m having. I never have good dreams though, so it can’t be a dream.
ROBERT
I’ll have to go into the office for a few days…get things ready. Will you be all right alone?
SARAH
Of course! I’m cured. I’m better. That’s all it needed. Look. Am I sick anymore?
ROBERT
You do seem better.
SARAH
I am better! I’m going to be all right now, and you are too. It’s going to be beautiful for us.
(She moves to hug him. He doesn’t want to reject her, but he holds her away a little)
ROBERT
All right, baby. Don’t overdo it.
SARAH
I’m so happy I don’t know what to do with myself. Can we go to a concert tonight?
ROBERT
You feel up to something like that? People won’t disturb you?
SARAH
Nothing will ever disturb me again. Ever. Oh God…I don’t think I’m an atheist anymore. I just started to believe in God again.
(Blackout)
Scene 2 The next day
When the lights come on, Sarah is knitting alone, looking well and contented. The phone rings. She answers it.
SARAH
Hello…Sorry, he’s not in, but can I take a message? Mayfair 7600…Professor Johnson… I’ll tell him. This is his sister-secretary, Sarah…No, I don’t believe we’ve met, but Robert’s talked so much about you and all the help you’ve been giving him with his new book…I hope so… Thank you very much. Bye…
(She replaces the receiver, checks the number)
Best goddamned little sister-secretary in the history of the beautiful world.
(She goes to kitchen, returns with a pot which she is tasting and then returns with it to kitchen. She comes back humming and arranging some flowers on the table. She looks into the mirror)
I’m better! I’m all better!
(She sticks her tongue out, but then looks quickly around to make sure nobody’s seen her)
Be careful. When you do something like that they could lock you up.
(She sticks her tongue out again and grins happily hugging herself)
You’re very attractive. You’re attractive. You’re not too bad looking. You’ll do. He’s come through for me. He loves me. He does really love me. Someone really cares about me, and isn’t handing me any crap.
(The doorbell rings O.S. causing her to jump in surprise. It rings again. She is momentarily frightened, but leaves to answer the O.S. door. We hear her opening the door and cannot make out the muffled interchange O.S.
When she returns she is carrying a box of flowers, which she opens and proceeds to place, with loving care, one by one, in two vases which she fills with water.
She places the flowers on the desk and on a table…then rearranges one or two of them. Finally, she removes one flower and places it in a small container by itself. She smiles at the single flower.
Satisfied that the flowers are arranged perfectly to her taste, she studies them lovingly – and listens, as if she can hear them. She approaches the flowers kissing one of them, caressing another, and listening…completely and utterly at peace, in tune with herself and her surroundings at this moment)
ROBERT
(Entering) You look good. You really look good. Your eyes are shining. Your skin’s clear.
SARAH
Your eyes are also shining.
ROBERT
What’s the matter with my skin?
SARAH
Glowing!
ROBERT
It seems to be working. You think it will last?
SARAH
I know it.
ROBERT
The cure was so simple! But it’s never too late!
SARAH
Where there’s life there’s hope!
ROBERT
Better late than never!
SARAH
Never look back!
ROBERT
A stitch in time!
(They laugh)
SARAH
I’ve never been like this…ever…except in our teens. But never as happy as this.
ROBERT
It’s wonderful!
(She hugs him)
SARAH
You did it. You proved the world was a beautiful place.
ROBERT
It’s the first time I really feel I’ve come through for anybody.
SARAH
You have. You have. You have. You’re doing it for me and by doing it for me you’ve done it for yourself.
ROBERT
It feels good. I’ll do a little work until dinner’s ready.
SARAH
Shall I make you a drink?
ROBERT
A great idea. More water than Scotch. I’ll phone Susan before I start. I haven’t spoken to her in two days…I’m surprised she didn’t call. I hope nothing’s wrong.
SARAH
Of course nothing’s wrong. She’s probably been working late.
(She hands him the drink)
You didn’t notice the chair.
ROBERT
(Puzzled) What about the chair?
SARAH
The springs had fallen through!
(She turns the armchair upside down to show the new webbing)
I went out this morning, bought the new webbing, and did it all myself!
(He’s forgotten about calling Susan)
ROBERT
Mmm. It sags here. I’ll have to fix it.
SARAH
(Chuckling) Bet you couldn’t have done it.
ROBERT
I did do it. That’s why the springs sagged! I did those shelves!
SARAH
That’s one thing we can say for Daddy. He taught us something useful.
ROBERT
When he worked, he worked. He just didn’t like working for anybody else but himself, that’s all.
SARAH
I can’t blame him too much. He used to say nobody makes any more. Everybody’s making parts of things. I think mass production drove him into his depressions.
ROBERT
He married the wrong woman.
SARAH
God, they were an ill-suited pair. Imagine us coming from such a combination!
ROBERT
I’ve spent a lifetime brooding over it. But she could be very funny sometimes.
SARAH
I thought of something funny today when I started to dial a telephone number. I started laughing so hard I had to sit down.
ROBERT
The way she was always telephoning her cousin Edna.
SARAH
Yes! But that one time she called…
ROBERT
One time? She was always calling her cousin Edna. Every time Dad took one of his mysterious trips, she’d call cousin Edna. Whenever she cooked anything, she’d call c
ousin Edna. When she had nothing to do she’d call Edna.
SARAH
I mean that time you and I were sitting in the kitchen. Where did he go all those times?
ROBERT
I haven’t a clue. He used to say it was business. He just ran away, to get away from us.
SARAH
From mother.
ROBERT
From all of us. Either a trip or he’d get flu and get into bed for three weeks.
SARAH
He had every kind of flu the world has ever known. Whenever he got depressed he called it flu.
ROBERT
Whenever he was out of work he got depressed.
SARAH
Do you remember you tried to explain capitalism to Mommy?
ROBERT
‘Capitalism creates economic depressions.’
SARAH
‘With Father it’s always economic depressions. He hates work.’ But don’t you remember the time I’m talking about? You were about fifteen or sixteen and you’d come home with a good report card for a change so she wanted to tell somebody. Daddy was either in bed with flu or on a trip and she dialed Edna’s number and said ‘Edna, are ye home?’
ROBERT
(Laughing) Yes. God, that was funny. I waited till she’d finished talking to Edna.
SARAH
That’s right. Do it, do it.
ROBERT
‘Ma, what number do you dial when you dial Edna?’
SARAH
‘I dial Edna’s number naturally, what number do ye think I dial?’
ROBERT
‘If you dial Edna’s number why do you say ‘Edna, are you home?’ Where else would she be?’
SARAH
‘She could be in her shop.’
ROBERT
‘Is her home telephone connected to her shop telephone’?
SARAH
‘No.’
ROBERT
‘Well, where in hell would Edna be when she answers her phone?’
SARAH
(Bursting into laughter) And then she screamed with laughter, remember? ‘That’s very funny, Bobby.’
(Sarah hurries to the telephone and mimes as if she’s dialing, keeping the telephone to her ear but keeping the line closed)
(To phone) ‘Edna, are ye home?…Well where else would you be, Edna, when you answer the phone there?’
(Sarah bangs down the phone in imitation of her mother)
‘She’s such a fool! She didn’t get it.’
(They are both convulsed, remembering)
ROBERT
God, she could be funny sometimes.
SARAH
I’ve got a pain in my side. We haven’t laughed like this together since God knows when.
ROBERT
Since the day Mother telephoned Edna. I’d better telephone Sue.
SARAH
Her prayers. Do you remember her prayers? (Imitating the Irish accent) ‘Holy Mother of God! Is this the way to be our mother in Heaven? First the British and then the H-Bomb? And now you’ve got me husband on his back again! Do us a favour will ye? Leave us alone for a year. You got so much on your mind, what are ye botherin’ with us for? You made a socialist out of my son and a failure outa me husband. Thanks for nothin’. Oh, I feel much better prayin’. It’s good to pray, ye know that?’
ROBERT
(Chuckling) Then there was lightning and thunder, remember? And Uncle Ben almost died of fright.
SARAH
(Looking heavenwards) ‘Hey! What’s the matter? Can’t ye take a joke?’
ROBERT
She believed in Jesus and Holy Mary utterly and completely but I think she thought they were damned fools sometimes. (His eyes heavenwards, as he mimics) ‘Is it a grudge ye have against this family? I missed church maybe seven times in me whole life. Once because I was having a baby, twice because I was sick and four times because! How long do ye hold a grudge?’
SARAH
Her best line was when Dad got hit by a truck and hurt his leg and one of the neighbours asked what was wrong with Dad.
ROBERT
‘My husband is sufferin’ from socialism of the leg. That’s a disease that’s always goin’ to get better…’
TOGETHER
…later! (They laugh)
SARAH
And we believed then, didn’t we, all we had to do was feed the people and there’d be no more problems. I’ve been quite well fed most of my adult life and it hasn’t solved my problems.
ROBERT
That’s oversimplifying it. To those who are still hungry that’s still the first problem. Once that’s solved, we can get to all the other ones. But we were naive then. Everything seemed so simple.
SARAH
Remember the boy I brought home once and Mother was wearing Dad’s trousers that had a big hole in them, and she was washing the kitchen floor. I told the boy she was the maid. She heard me and said, ‘Look here, Miss, I’m quittin’! I haven’t been paid in fifteen years!’ (Laughs) She threw the pail of water on the floor and walked out!
(He joins her laughter. She speaks through her laughter)
That poor boy. When he found out she was my mother he never spoke to me again.
ROBERT
God, she could be hilarious when she wasn’t screaming or being hysterical.
SARAH
We certainly lived in extremes.
ROBERT
I haven’t laughed like this for years. I’ve never told Susan about any of this. We’ve got to tell it to her together.
SARAH
Why don’t you start working and not interrupt your work mood? Dinner will be ready in about half an hour.
ROBERT
I’d work better if I speak to her first. I’ll call from the other room. We’ve got to tell her these stories about mother.
(Robert exits.
Sarah looks worried and returns to the kitchen. She then returns to the living room to stare at the telephone. She reaches slowly for the receiver and raises it to her ear)
SARAH
(Into phone) Liar! You’re a liar! She’s lying! I never said anything like that…lying! Lying! Ohhh!…
(Replaces receiver, frightened, waits.
Robert enters, infuriated)
ROBERT
Well, hello Sarah Nut!
SARAH
She’s lying!
ROBERT
I seduced you when you were sixteen. Father raped you. We’re all insane. We’re sleeping together now!
SARAH
She’s lying. The dirty bitch to tell you that. How can anyone be so cruel? To make up a terrible story like that!
(Runs to her room for suitcase and her clothing which he throws into case)
ROBERT
You don’t want me to devote a month to you, darling. You want me to devote my entire life to you, darling. You want me married to you, darling. You’ve had it, darling! You’re going to the hospital! You want my life! I’m not giving it to you!
