by E. L. Todd
I stared at the tile beneath our feet. “I was so hurt by what you did…so angry.”
“You had every right to be.”
“When I needed you most you weren’t there.”
“I know…” He bowed his head.
“Everyone turned against me but Slade. He was the only person who had my back.”
“And it should have been me,” he said quietly.
“How do you expect me to just let that go?”
“In time,” he said. “Not immediately. Give me a chance to rebuild our relationship. Give me a chance to regain your trust.”
“I don’t know…”
“Cayson.” He put his hand on top of mine. He was never affectionate with me like this, only Skye and Roland. “I know I’m a grown man and should be wiser beyond my years. But the truth is, I still make mistakes. Despite what everyone thinks, I’m not perfect. Skye and I butted heads a lot in the past few years. You know what I’m talking about. It took me a long time to finally learn what she needed. And Cayson, you’ll make mistakes too, things you wish you could take back. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I do love you like my own. I care about you very much. And I’m truly remorseful.”
I stared at his hand on mine.
“Please give me another chance.”
I felt his pulse against my skin. It was beating frantically.
“Cayson?”
I cleared my throat. “I feel differently toward you. Sometimes I wonder what you truly think of me…”
“If I gave you my daughter then I think the world of you. You know how I am with my kids. If I trusted you enough to take care of my little girl, then I hold you in the highest regard. The fact you’ve given Skye another chance after everything that happened tells me how much you love her. You’ve eliminated the stress on my body and helped me sleep every night like a baby. Cayson, I think you’re one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. And that’s the truth.”
My anger was waning and I was becoming vulnerable. I was trapped in this room with him so I couldn’t run. Now I was forced to listen to everything he had to say. Emotion welled in my heart, and the sensation surprised me. I knew he hurt me so deeply because I cared so much about him. I looked up to him like my own father. His opinion meant a lot to me, and when he threw me out on the gutter it was like having my own father turn away from me. Now hearing him praise me and shower me with fatherly affection strained my resolve. It was difficult to remain mad when he seemed so contrite. “I forgive you.”
Sean immediately squeezed my hand and his eyes watered. “Thank you…”
“I’m sorry I was so harsh with you.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said. “I deserved it—every word.” He released my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “I don’t expect things to be what they were, but I will work hard to make sure we get there someday.”
“Yeah…maybe.”
“I love you, Son.” He stared at me with affection in his eyes, like he truly meant what he said.
“I love you too, Dad.”
***
When the lockdown was over we immediately went to my dad. I had to make sure he was okay. Sean said he barricaded himself in the lockdown room, but I needed to see him myself.
When we reached his office, Dad was there. He was on the phone, probably with my mom. “Baby, I’ve got to go. Love you too.” Then he hung up. “Cayson, what are you doing here?”
“I came to get lunch with Conrad but then the alarm went off,” I explained.
Dad breathed a sigh of relief when he realized I was unharmed. He pulled me into his arms and hugged me like that would make him feel better. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“He came into my pod,” Sean explained.
Dad kept his arm around my shoulder as he looked at Sean, his guard still up. “Do you know anything?”
“Security said it was a false alarm.”
Dad sighed again. “At least no harm was done.”
“Yeah,” Sean said with a nod. “Well, I’ll let you guys get back to what you were doing.” He turned to the door.
“Sean?” I asked.
He turned around. “What’s up?”
I turned to Dad. “Sean and I worked out our differences. I forgive him, and I want you to forgive him too.”
Sean took a deep breath like that meant the world to him.
“You’re sure, Son?” Dad asked. “Because I stand by you no matter what.”
I shook my head. “I’m sure. I know he’s sorry.”
Dad gave me another hug before he approached Sean.
They stared at each other without speaking.
I watched them and wondered what was going on.
Sean held his gaze without blinking. “So…are we friends again?”
Dad nodded. “I think so.”
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
I’d never heard my father speak to anyone besides my mother like that.
Sean opened his arms like he was asking for an embrace.
Dad moved in and hugged him.
“Want to get Mega Shake for dinner?” Sean asked.
“Sounds like a plan.” Dad clapped him on the shoulder before he pulled away.
Wow, they were just like Slade and I.
“I’ll see you then.” Sean finally looked like the man he used to be, tall and strong. The depression faded from his eyes when he got his friend back. I already knew Sean was remorseful, but now I understood just how broken he was.
***
“I’m so glad you’re home.” Skye immediately ran into my chest and hugged me tightly. “You’re okay?”
“It was just a false alarm.”
“Yeah, I heard.” She kissed my cheeks and my lips. “I’m still glad you’re okay.”
I kept my arms around her large stomach. “Sean really has that place bulletproof now.”
“Yeah, he does.”
“That makes me more comfortable.”
She pressed her face into my chest. “My father is okay?”
“Yep.”
“Good.”
I decided to tell her what happened. It would make her happy, and that made me happy. “Your father and I worked out our differences.”
She pulled away and looked up at me with wide eyes. “You did?”
“Yeah. We talked about it for a while and…I know he’s sorry.”
Skye smiled wide. “That’s absolutely wonderful.”
“And he made up with my dad. So, they’re friends again.”
“Good.”
I kissed her forehead. “I’m going to have to deal with him for the rest of my life so I may as well try to make it work.”
“And you should make it work because my father loves you, Cayson.”
“Yeah…I see that now.”
“I’m so happy.” She buried her face in my chest again. “I didn’t think you guys would ever see eye-to-eye.”
“I’m glad you were wrong.”
“Is there something I can do for you?” she asked. “Cook you something? Give you a massage? You’ve had such a long day.”
There was only one thing on my mind. “Yeah, there is something you can do.” I rubbed my nose against hers then guided her to the stairs.
Her eyes lit up in excitement. “Is that all you ever think about?”
I wasn’t ashamed of my answer. “Yes.”
Chapter Six
Conrad
We sat together in the restaurant and continued to enjoy our wine while our empty plates sat in front of us. Carrie wore a tight black dress that highlighted every curve she possessed. Her hair was pulled back, and pearl earrings hung from her lobes. She had a classic look to her, like an old-fashioned movie star.
I wish I could fall for her.
How easy would my life be if I did? But it just wasn’t possible. She would always be Carrie…my girlfriend that I cared a great deal about. But never anything more. What if I never stopped loving Lexie? What if I n
ever forgot about her? What if I spent the rest of my life like this?
“Conrad?”
I looked up and realized Carrie was staring at me. “Sorry. I drifted.”
“Where did you drift to?” she asked before she sipped her wine.
I talked about my emotional heartache too much. It was a damper on our relationship even though she was perfectly aware of my situation. But that didn’t mean she wanted to be constantly reminded. “Work.”
“You never think about work.”
“It happens,” I said with a shrug.
“What do you think our dogs are doing?”
Sassy and Apollo were at my place. “I’m sure Sassy convinced Apollo to lay on the couch…because she’s a bad influence on him.” I gave her a smile so she knew I was joking.
“More like the other way around…”
“Sassy can be a brat and you know it.” Sometimes I felt like they were our kids. We were always competing over whose was better. Most of the time we were just joking, but it got serious from time-to-time.
“Apollo is boring and you know it.”
I felt my skin prickle with unease. “Is not.”
She smiled when she realized this conversation was becoming too serious. “Time to change the subject…”
I took a long drink of my wine.
“Let me pay for dinner this time.”
“No.” I wouldn’t justify my response with a reason.
“Why not?”
“Because.”
“Stop talking like a cave man.”
A slight smile upturned my lips.
“You never had a girlfriend pay for a meal?”
Lexie came into my mind, but then again she was always there so she never truly showed up. “No.” I didn’t let Beatrice pay for anything either.
“Why?”
“I just don’t. I’m old-fashioned in that regard.”
“Or annoying in that regard.” She shot me a playful smile.
“My women always feel protected, safe, and taken care of. That’s what my father taught me, and that’s the true meaning of being a man.”
She rolled her eyes dramatically.
“You want me to spank your ass?” I threatened.
“Maybe…” She smiled as she took a drink.
I realized she was playing with me. “You’re a brat.”
“Sometimes,” she said. “But you’re stubborn so it’s okay.”
She was right. I was very stubborn.
“Who was the last woman you were with before me?”
Her question caught me off guard, so I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “What does it matter?”
“I’m trying to change the subject.”
“And you couldn’t think of anything else?”
“I’m just curious,” she said. “This isn’t a trial, Conrad. I’m not asking out of jealousy.”
She wouldn’t lie to me so I knew she was telling the truth. “Georgia Price.”
She almost spit out her wine. “The model?”
“Yeah.” I didn’t gloat or feel proud.
“Like, the supermodel?” she asked again.
“Yep. The same one.”
“Wait…isn’t she married?”
I bowed my head in shame.
“Shit, you really did hit rock-bottom.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t deny it. “After her husband and his cronies beat the shit out of me I realized how far I fell. I’d become a monster without a single moral. It was…depressing.”
She didn’t judge me or make a criticism. “Sometimes we have to fall down before we can get back up.”
“I guess…” I just wish I didn’t have to fall so far. “I was a dick to everyone who cared about me.”
“We all lash out. It’s what we do when our defenses are up.”
Every defense at my disposal was up.
“She must have been an incredible woman to do this to you.”
I didn’t like talking about Lexie, not with Carrie. She was my girlfriend, and that was shady of me to discuss another woman. So, I turned toward the window and didn’t say anything.
“Conrad, you don’t have to hide your feelings around me. You know how I feel about my husband.”
If she was okay with it, then I didn’t see the harm. “She wasn’t that incredible. And she wasn’t that special. I just…fell head-over-heels for her. She’s not that different from another girl I can find in the city, but somehow she’s distinct, unique, and special…” Words were falling out of my mouth quicker than I could stop them. “I just pictured forever with her and realized how much I wanted that dream to come true. I fell in love with her when she didn’t love me back…”
Her eyes squinted in sadness.
“I just wish I saw it coming. I wish I’d never gotten in so deep. I wish…I don’t know.”
“That it never happened?”
I nodded.
“You don’t wish that, Conrad. At least one day you won’t.”
I couldn’t picture myself ever being in a good place. “Dad says all I need is time, and I’ll look back on this moment without a single emotion. But I didn’t believe that. I would always be wounded, licking my cuts deep in my cave. I would never be whole again…because she made me whole.
Carrie rested her hand on mine. “You’ll get through it, Conrad. I know you don’t believe me right now, but you will. Trust me.”
If she could lose her husband and move on, then surely I could get through this. But did she have a love like Lexie and I? Was it weaker? More insignificant? There was no way to compare so I dropped it. “Hopefully.”
She poured another glass of wine then refilled mine. “We can get drunk and have good sex. Maybe that will help.”
She knew the right thing to say to put me in a good mood. “I’ll drink to that.” I clanked my glass against hers and took a drink. The tab arrived and I slipped the cash inside. I didn’t usually pay with a card because I hated waiting around for the receipt. But tonight, I wasn’t in a hurry to get home. The night would be just like any other, with Carrie and our two dogs.
An inexplicable heat seared my skin, and I felt the warmth flush through my cheek. A target had landed on my face, and eyes were probing deep into my flesh. It was an odd moment, when you felt someone staring at you so hard the temperature in the room increased slightly. That was how I felt, like someone was watching me without blinking. Instead of turning my head to face my admirer I stared at the table. But it didn’t go away. I continue to feel the burn, the heat.
“Here’s your table,” the waiter said. “Have a good evening.”
In my peripheral, I saw two figures next to me. One was a petite woman, and the other was a man. When they didn’t sit down, I knew something was off. And I knew one of them was the culprit of the rude staring.
I turned my gaze and met the look of someone I constantly dreamed of. Her blonde hair was exactly the same as I remembered it, slightly wavy with a curl to the ends. It was longer now, reaching past her chest. The dress she wore was skin-tight and highlighted her endless curves.
My mind had played tricks on me countless times. I caught glimpses of this woman in a crowd on the sidewalk. But when I got closer I realized it wasn’t her at all. Sometimes I heard her voice in a loud place, and sometimes I thought I smelled her when I was in a closed off room. So I assumed this was a mirage, an oasis I could never reached.
I blinked.
But she was still there, staring at me with hypnotic green eyes that would make any treasure hunter mistake them for emerald gems. She was stiller than a statue, her face poised and unreadable.
Was this really happening?
Instead of reacting noticeably, I remained absolutely still. Only my eyes moved, sometimes blinking when I absolutely had to. But my heart was pounding harder than it ever had. My legs felt the need to sprint faster than any Olympic runner. My mouth suddenly went dry and felt fuzzy. Everything in my body became amplified, the adrenaline being produced in cop
ious amounts.
It was really her.
She held her silver clutch under her arm and didn’t take a seat at her table. She was too frozen to do anything but stare at me, as if she was just as surprised to see me as I was to see her.
Her date came across the table and pulled the chair out for her.
I didn’t look at him. It didn’t matter what he looked like or how nice he was. I wanted to slit his throat and let him bleed to death for touching her, for loving her, for having the privilege of spending the evening with her.
Carrie noticed something was wrong because she discreetly glanced between us, trying to determine where the random bout of hostility came from. The heat burned the air, and I thought I saw a wisp of smoke float into the air.
This woman ruined me. I wasn’t the same man I used to because she ripped out my heart, the organ I needed most. When she walked away from me, that was the last time I ever stood up straight. Ever since then, I constantly slouched like I was in pain. My life had been turned upside down, and I didn’t know who I was anymore. When she left, she took my soul with her. And I knew she would never give it back.
How I managed to keep my cool was beyond my understanding. “Are you ready to go, baby?” I hardly ever called Carrie that but I wanted to use that intimate nickname to stab Lexie right in the heart. If she had any emotion toward me, it should hurt.
And I wanted it to hurt.
But then I remembered she was the one who left me—coldly. She didn’t give a damn.
Carrie didn’t say a word as she grabbed her purse and stood up. The fact she didn’t say a single word told me she deduced what was going on. When she came to my side I wrapped my arm around her waist and walked out with her, keeping my shoulders back and my head held high. I refused to let Lexie see the ghost of me, the only thing that survived the destruction she wreaked on my heart.
***
We didn’t say a word to each other on the way home. When we entered my apartment, I immediately went to the kitchen and made a tall glass of scotch. I skipped the beer and immediately went to the hard stuff. I leaned against the counter as I drank my glass, replaying exactly what happened a million times over.
Why did I have to see her?
I suspected we would run into each other one day, but I hadn’t prepared for that moment. I always imagined I would direct a smartass comment toward her. I always assumed I would be a dick and make her feel like shit. But when the moment arrived, I only felt numb. I didn’t have the balls to say anything because I knew it didn’t matter anyway. She wouldn’t have dumped me if she cared about me.
