by E. L. Todd
“Because…you’re the love of my life. I want to get married and live in a beautiful house outside the city. I want to have children with you, sons that look just like you. I want everyone to call me Mrs. Preston. I want to sleep with you every night and make you breakfast in the morning. I want that love we had, that beautiful and passionate relationship that made everyone else jealous. Now that I’ve lost it I realize I can’t live without it.” She sniffed loudly and blinked her eyes to dispel the moisture. “I’ll do anything…anything at all to get you back.”
The image of me coming home to her flashed across my eyes. She wore a pink apron and the smell of a blueberry pie was in the air. Two little boys ran around the house in their superhero uniforms. My heart ached at the dream that never became a reality. “You have no idea what you put me through…”
“Then tell me.”
We were standing outside the building, and people zoomed by on the sidewalk. My dad and uncle would leave the office anytime and walk by on their way to the garage. Actually, they probably already had. The world was alive around me but I hardly noticed it. “I had a mental breakdown because I couldn’t handle the way you hurt me…”
Her eyes continued to water.
“I took off and went to Italy, where I had a threesome every night for nearly a month.”
Lexie averted her gaze at my words.
“I fucked, drank, and partied like I was twenty-one again. I only came back to America when my father dragged me by the neck. When I was in the city, it only got worse. I bought a penthouse and had countless parties. I fucked women I picked up in bars and clubs. I even had an affair with a married woman. That’s how bad things got. And I hurt all my friends because I pushed them away when they only tried to help. I really hit rock-bottom.”
Her breathing increased and she tried not to cry.
“And then I had another breakdown. I finally acknowledged my feelings and that somehow felt worse. I got a dog to keep me company and I spent every day moping around. Then I ran into Carrie at the park. She’s a widow looking for a relationship without love. She wants a marriage and kids, but not that passionate and all-consuming romance you and I had. So, she and I decided to be together. It was nice. It was like having a friend that I also slept with.”
Lexie hung onto every word. “You’re speaking in past-tense…”
“Because she and I aren’t together anymore.”
Hope shined deep in her eyes, and her sadness at my story began to evaporate. “You left her…”
“No, she left me.”
“Why?”
I didn’t know if I should tell her. It could make her work harder to be with me again. “It just didn’t work out.”
Lexie watched me with intelligent eyes, and she knew I was hiding something even though she didn’t press me on it. “I’m sorry about everything…I wish you’d never gone through that.”
“But I did,” I said coldly. “And now I’m a different person because of that experience.”
“I can fix you,” she whispered. “Let me make it up to you.”
“You don’t get it,” I whispered. “You can’t fix it. I don’t trust you, Lexie. You said you loved me but how can I ever believe that after what you did to me? How can I ever believe you after you walked away from me?”
“I did, Conrad. I still do.”
“What we had was pretty amazing. No amount of pain could ever change that. But it’s gone. It’s gone, Lexie.”
“No, it’s not. We can come back from this.”
“No, we can’t.” I used to look at Lexie like she would never hurt me. And now I constantly felt a warning in my heart when she was near. How could I ever hand over my soul when it was already so fragile? And how could I do it when her hand was so shaky? “Lexie, I’ve listened to everything you’d have to say—several times. Now you need to leave me alone.”
The tears spilled over her eyes. “I can’t do that…”
“If you have any love for me, you’ll leave me alone.”
She started to sob. “I love you…I don’t want to live without you. I made a mistake. I got scared and I made a mistake…please give me another chance.”
“Lexie, stop.”
“I’m not going to give up on you.” She moved into my chest, and the second I felt her against me I grew weak. The touch was what I craved. It’s what I’d been missing all these months. She was the ying to my yang. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to mine.
And I felt it. That passionate, fiery, unstoppable burst of heat. My body immediately reacted the way it always had. I found comfort in the embrace, something I’d been looking for endlessly. I’d kissed and fucked a lot of women, but no touch ever felt like this.
“I love you,” she whispered into my mouth as she kissed me.
If I didn’t move away I would never get out of this. I would get sucked into this hell all over again. My heart was too vulnerable. Somehow, I pulled away from her. “Don’t. Touch. Me.” I had to force the anger when I didn’t really feel it.
She stepped back, hurt by the rejection.
“Leave me alone, Lexie. I mean it.” This time I turned around without the intention of returning. She could say my name a million times but I wouldn’t come to her. I had to get away from her. This woman ruined me, and I couldn’t let her have me again. I was too weak and fragile. I couldn’t afford another chip in my side.
Because one missing piece would make me tumble down completely.
Check out MONDAY, the free book found at the end of this story!
I don’t believe in destiny.
In fate.
Or in soul mates.
But I believe in Hawke.
My life has never been whole since my parents left forever. I have my brother, someone I can barely tolerate most of the time, and I have my best friend, Marie.
And I have myself.
But when Hawke walks into my life, there’s an immediate connection. Our eyes lock and an unspoken conversation is exchanged. For the first time in my life, I actually feel something.
But he doesn’t.
He keeps me at arm’s length and pretends there’s nothing between us when there clearly is. I’m not the kind of girl to wait around for any guy, so I don’t.
But that doesn’t mean he isn’t in the back of my mind.
Our paths cross again in a way neither one of us expect and it changes everything. Was it destiny that made it happen? Was it fate?
Or was it something else?
To Love Again
Book Forty-Three of The Forever and Ever Series
Click to purchase on amazon
Dear Reader,
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading Skye and Cayson’s story as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you could leave a short review, it would help me so much! Those reviews are the best kind of support you can give an author. Thank you!
Wishing you love,
E. L. Todd
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Another Day At The Office
Francesca
On my first day working at The Grind, a coffee shop in Myrtle Beach, the constant sound of the running blender gave me a headache. Just when it would stop spinning for a damn second, it started up again. Taking orders from customers was a hassle because I couldn’t hear a word they said. And just when I raised my voice so they could understand me, the blender shut off and I looked like a screaming lunatic.
But now that blender reminded me of home.
I’d been working at The Grind for nearly three years. It was a great college gig. It was flexible with my class schedule, and when I wanted to blow off work for a party, it was easy to change shifts with another worker.
It wasn’t my dream job, but it was okay for now.
The shop was dead that afternoon, so I opened my jar of homemade batter and beat it with a spoon until it was fluffy again. Then I poured it into a pan and shoved it into the oven.
“What are you baking now?” Marie, my roommate and best friend, grabbed her apron and tied it around her waist. She reeked of smoke, so I knew she lit one up in the back alley. I tried getting her to quit a few times, but that just made her addiction worse.
“Apple cherry muffins.”
“Hmm…sounds good.”
I was notorious for my love of baking. We had an oven at our house, but it wasn’t as nice as the one at The Grind. I took advantage of it whenever I could. “They’re not super sweet so at least they won’t give you diabetes.”
Marie popped a few breath mints into her mouth to cover up the stench of smoke. “I’m not worried about diabetes.”
“Just lung cancer?” It was a mean jab but I didn’t care.
Marie rolled her eyes. “I smoke twice a day…sometimes only once.”
“If it’s so seldom, why do it at all?” I put my hand on my hip and narrowed my eyes on her face. I wasn’t a judgmental person, but I wanted my best friend to be around as long as possible.
“Shut up and keep baking.” She walked around me and headed to the front of the café.
I rolled my eyes even though no one was around to witness it. Then I set the timer on the oven.
***
“Damn, these are good.” Marie picked at the muffin right at the counter. A few customers were sitting at tables in the lobby, but no one was in line. Fortunately, our manager was pretty lenient with all the crazy things we did. One time, a customer complained that Marie was on her phone, but our manager didn’t seem to care.
“Thanks.”
“Are they made with real apples and cherries?” She spoke with her mouth full.
“Yep. Natural is the only way to go.” I tried not to eat everything I made otherwise I really would get diabetes.
“We could probably sell these for two bucks a pop.” She finished the muffin then sucked the crumbs off her fingers.
“Two bucks?” I asked. “Maybe ninety nine cents.”
“Are you kidding me?” she asked. “Our chocolate croissant is $3.50.”
“Still sounds like a rip off to me.” I noticed the crumbs around her mouth but I didn’t say anything because I knew she would get there eventually. Right now, she was focused on her fingers.
The bell over the door rang as someone walked inside. That bell was a lifesaver when we were doing things we shouldn’t be—like right now. I set the tray of muffins on the counter then smoothed out my apron without checking who the customer was.
“Oh my god.” Marie lowered her voice so only I could hear her. “That’s him.”
“That’s who?”
“That super hot guy that comes in here all the time. He works on homework or something. But he looks too old to be in college…” She immediately straightened her hair then checked her breath.
I peeked over the counter and saw the guy she was talking about. She wasn’t exaggerating about his looks. He really was hot. He had dark brown hair that was a little messy, but he obviously did it on purpose. It was full and thick, and it was clear he ran his fingers through it when he was deep in thought. He wore slacks and a collared shirt with a dark blue tie down his chest. He had to be over six feet, and he filled out his clothes well. Even in a sleeved shirt, the muscles of his arms were obvious. His chest was wide and his stomach was tight. He stood at the end of the line and stared up at the menu as he tried to decide what he wanted.
He was definitely a looker.
“Ask him out,” I whispered to her.
“Are you crazy?” she snapped. “I’m not doing that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s lame,” she said quickly. “Girls don’t ask out guys.”
“Says who?” I demanded. “If he says no, whatever. Move on. But if he says yes…take him out for a drink.”
“I’m not doing that.” She raised her hand to shut me up. Whenever she did that, I knew she really wanted me to drop the subject.
“Don’t you think a guy finds that sexy?”
“What?” she asked.
“When a really hot girl asks him out?”
“I’ll just flirt a little and see where it goes.”
The guy approached the counter like he was about to order.
“Marie, wait.” I grabbed her arm and a napkin.
“What?” she asked in irritation.
“You got muffin all over your face.” I handed her the napkin.
“Oh my god.” She quickly wiped her mouth. “Did I get it?”
“No.” I grabbed the napkin. “Let me do it.”
Her eyes darted to the counter. “Shit, he’s here.” Without another word, she fled into the back.
I tossed the napkin into the garbage then felt my heart rate pick up. Marie was missing her chance with Mr. Handsome, but I couldn’t let her face him when she had shit all over her lips.
I approached the counter and pretended nothing just happened. Like we didn’t just talk about how hot he was. “Hi. What can I get for you?” I looked him directly in the eye.
His blue eyes were a little startling at first. I’d seen blue eyes before and on lots of people. Some were brighter than others. Some had a mixture of green or gray. His were unusually dark and sharp. They were so pretty they almost didn’t look real. They contrasted well against his fair skin. Every individual feature of his face was perfect, but combined together, the effect was deadly. I couldn’t detect a single flaw anywhere.
“Hi. How are you?” He held my gaze as he spoke. Normally, people stared at the board or through the bakery window when they talked to me. They didn’t give me any of their attention. I was just the chick who handed them their coffee.
“Great,” I said as I stood in front of the register. “What about you?”
“A little tired.” He rested one hand on the counter, and a shiny watch was on his wrist. “Hence, why I’m in here.” He had a laid-back nature to him, not snooty like I thought he might be.
“You need more gas for your engine?” I gave him a friendly smile.
“So to speak.” His eyes never left my face.
“Then let’s get you some coffee. What would you like?”
“I usually drink it black. Unless you have a recommendation.”
I wasn’t prepared to be put on the spot but I kept my cool. “We can always add a shot of espresso—maybe two. You look like you need it.” I smiled so he knew I was joking.
A ghost of a smile stretched his lips. Instead of raising the corners of his mouth, his eyes lightened in color. They seemed to be the gateway to his thoughts. “I trust your judgment.”
“Two shots of espresso it is.” I made the mental note. “Anything else?”
His eyes left my face for the first time and moved to the counter. “I’ll take one
of those.”
I glanced behind my shoulder and saw the apple cherry muffins I made. “Those?” I couldn’t keep the surprise out of my voice.
“Yeah. They’re for sale, right?”
“Actually, I made those…for fun.”
That smile was there again. “Then I definitely have to have one. I’ll even pay you for it.”
Accept money? That would be weird. “It’s on the house. You look like you’ve had a bad day.” I grabbed a tray and set the muffin on top.
“Wow. I’ve never gotten such good service here.”
Unsure what to say, I gave him a quick smile then prepared his coffee. Once it was ready, I set it on the tray and rang him up.
He handed over the cash. “I’ve never seen you here before.”
“I’ve been working here for a while.” I handed him his change, and just touching his hand electrified me. His skin was slightly coarse like he used his hands all the time.
“I guess I’ll see you next time then.”
“And I hope when that happens you won’t be so tired.”
This time he gave me a real smile. “That makes two of us.” He grabbed his tray then sat in a booth near the window. He pulled his laptop out of his satchel and set it on the counter.
“You’re such a lucky bitch.”
I turned around and spotted Marie. Her face was free of crumbs. “What?”
“He was totally flirting with you.”
“Was not,” I argued.
“He never spoke to me like that.” She crossed her arms over her chest and eyed him in the lobby. She released a quiet whistle under her breath. “That is one fine man.”
“He really is something…” My gaze moved to his large hands. I wondered what he could do with them.
“Ask him out.”
I turned back to Marie so quickly my neck hurt. “What?”
“What happened to asking a guy out?”
“Well, he’s your guy.” That was an unspoken rule between us.
