by E. L. Todd
When I knew he was really gone, I released the air from my lungs. It took all my strength not to look, and now I regretted not taking a peek. Maybe I would run into him on accident sometime and get a glimpse then.
Actually, I shouldn’t be thinking about seeing him naked at all.
Hawke came back into the room a moment later. “I’m back—fully clothed.”
“Thank you.”
“Since you’re going to be living here for a while, I feel like I should tell you about Naked Wednesdays.”
I tried not to laugh. “Oh yeah?”
“Yep. All day is naked time.”
I finished preparing dinner and placed it on a platter. “Well, I’ll make sure I work a double on Wednesday.”
He sat down at the kitchen table. “Man, having a girl roommate is so boring.”
I set the table then sat across from him. “What were you expecting? Girls Gone Wild?”
He shrugged. “It wouldn’t have hurt.” He grabbed his fork and took a bite. His expression changed into one of satisfaction. “Damn, this is good, Muffin.”
“Thank you.”
He kept eating. “It’s so tender. Whenever I make stuff, I just burn it.”
“You don’t say.”
He ate everything on his plate then scarfed down the wine like water. “That’s the best dinner I’ve ever had.”
“Your mom didn’t cook for you?”
The mention of his family made him noticeably stiffen. “Not as well as you.” He rose from the table and gathered the plates and immediately began washing them in the sink.
“What are you doing?”
“The dishes. What does it look like I’m doing?”
I’d never seen a guy voluntarily help around the house. Yaya had to threaten to spank Axel to get him to do anything. “At least your mom taught you to clean up after yourself.”
He stacked everything in the dishwasher then turned it on. “Thank you for dinner.”
“You’re welcome.” He joked around sometimes, but underneath that persona, he was very sweet.
“When are you going to do my laundry?” The smile in his eyes told me he was kidding.
“I’d throw your clothes out the window before I would resort to that.”
“I guess I’ll hide my clothes then…”
I left the table and joined him in the kitchen. “So…do you need to work?” He usually went to the coffee shop and worked on his stuff there but he was home today.
“I’ll do it later.”
“You don’t have to baby me. I understand you have things to do.”
“Baby you?” He released a faint chuckle. “You aren’t the kind of girl that needs to be babied.”
I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Want to watch TV? The Yankees are playing.”
I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Hey, they’re a good team.”
“Full of traitors.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m sick of hearing this…I’m watching it. You can either watch it with me or go bake something.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
He shrugged. “It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”
***
After I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and changed into my pajamas, I walked into his bedroom. The bed was made like it was done by a professional, and a clean towel had been placed on the dresser.
“The door locks.” Hawke came up behind me and showed me the door handle. “If that helps you sleep better.”
“Why would that help me sleep better?” It was an odd thing to say.
He held my gaze and his eyes changed noticeably. A million thoughts went through his mind but all I saw was a blur. “Some people are just like that.” He turned away like he didn’t want me to see his face. “Good night.”
“Wait.”
Hawke turned back around. “Yeah?”
“You should get the bed. You’re the one who lives here.”
His eyebrows scrunched up in protest. “No. You’re my guest.”
“I’m not going to put you on the couch for a week. I’m the one crashing here.” That didn’t sound fair to me. “Honestly, I don’t mind.”
“Well, I do.” He challenged me with his look. “Now shut up and go to sleep.”
“Shut up?” I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a fiery look. “I’m not going to do something just because you tell me to. So, you shut up.”
Instead of being irritated, there was a smile in his eyes. He seemed amused more than anything else. “The only way I’m sleeping in that bed is if you sleep in it with me.”
“Look how that turned out…”
Mischief was written all over his face. “It’s a king so we can both fit easily. I’m not compromising on this. I either take the couch or we both take the bed. The ball is in your court, Muffin.”
“Fine.” I turned to the bed. “You won’t even notice I’m there. I sleep on one side and never move.”
“You’re acting like I’ve never slept with you before.”
“But that was only for a few hours.” I pulled the sheets back and examined them closely. “They’re clean, right?”
“Brand new, actually.” He moved to his dresser and pulled his shirt off. “You mind if I sleep in my boxers?”
“Uh…”
He removed his shorts then stood in the center of the room. He was the perfect specimen of a man. He was all muscle and all power. And he had a beautiful face to top it off. But right now, he was smiling like he knew he had something to smile about. “Great.” He moved between the sheets and took the right side.
Still dumbfounded, I lay down and pulled the covers over me. The second my back hit the mattress, I released a moan. “Man, this is comfortable.”
“A good night’s sleep is important to me.”
“How do you get out of bed in the morning?” I turned over and sighed happily.
“Sometimes I don’t.” He stared up at the ceiling with a distant look in his eyes.
I turned his way and watched his face. “Thanks for letting me stay with you.”
That ghostly smile spread across his lips. “You’re doing me more favors. I haven’t had a home-cooked dinner like that…in a long time.”
“You could just learn to cook yourself.”
“Nah. It’s a woman’s job.”
“Whoa…” I propped myself up on my elbow. “Excuse me?”
He grinned without looking at me. “It’s so easy to get you fired up. It’s fun.”
I grabbed my pillow and smacked him with it.
He held up his arm like it didn’t bother him in the least. “You’re so proud. It’s cute.”
“Cute?” I lowered the pillow.
“Yeah. Cute like a muffin.” He turned his eyes on me, and the sincerity shined in his gaze. “You hold on to what you believe, whereas everyone else instantly changes their beliefs once they meet someone with a different opinion. Instead of waiting for a man to take care of you, you take care of yourself. It’s nice to be around an independent woman for once. You don’t take shit from anybody, and you have more goals in life than just to settle down and get married.”
I hadn’t realized just how well he understood me until then. He understood all my qualities as well as my flaws. Most men were intimidated by my no-bullshit attitude. But Hawke was man enough not to care. “There are a lot of girls like me out there. You just need to look harder.”
“Where?” he asked. “Are they hiding under rocks? You don’t understand just how special you are.” He turned his gaze back to the ceiling.
I lay down and looked into the darkness of his room. “Well…thanks. I thought I annoyed you most of the time.”
A deep laugh emerged from the back of his throat. “I wouldn’t share this bed with you if you annoyed me. I’m a huge dick, so if you’re being annoying, I’ll tell you how it is.”
“You aren’t a dick,” I said automatically. “When hav
e you ever been a dick?”
“I’m a dick in ways you don’t know about.” His meaning hung in the air.
I turned on my side and placed both of my hands under my cheek. The window was behind him, and some moonlight filtered through. I could distinguish some of his features. He had nice cheekbones and a strong jaw. His chest rose and fell at a regular pace. His eyes were open but he wasn’t looking at anything in particular.
Staying on my side of the bed was becoming more difficult with every passing minute. I didn’t want to be separated by a few feet of space. I wanted him, but in a way I couldn’t explain. I detected pain emanating from every part of his body. It was like a high-pitched song only I could hear.
Finally, I pulled myself across the bed and into his side. Like he’d been thinking the same thing, he opened his arms and pulled me tight against his chest. He held me like he’d wanted to do it for a long time. His body pivoted toward mine, and he pulled my leg over his waist. We were hooked around each other like lovers after a passionate evening.
Hawke stared into my eyes like he was searching for something. He understood exactly what my affection meant. There was never a moment of misunderstanding. And it seemed like it was all he wanted too—nothing more. There was a definite connection between us but I couldn’t explain what it was. It wasn’t just physical, and it wasn’t just romantic. There was so much more there, but I couldn’t verbalize it.
Hawke eventually closed his eyes and released a quiet sigh like he was immediately falling asleep. He seemed more at peace than he had all day. If anything, it seemed like this was exactly what he needed but was too afraid to ask for.
Darkness
Hawke
I loved having Francesca around.
She cooked dinner for me every night, and it was nice to have something besides Top Ramen. She told me about her day, and I didn’t just watch her lips move. I hung on to every word she said. Most of the time, I couldn’t remember anything a girl said besides, “Fuck me.”
And she listened to everything I had to say. When she asked me about my day, it seemed like she really wanted to know. The second she walked through the door, she had a smile on her face like she was happy to see me. And when we slept together, we never stayed on our sides of the bed. Our bodies wrapped around each other like we never wanted to let go.
Our relationship was unusual, and if I told anyone about it, they wouldn’t understand. She was just my friend, but she was so much more than that. But she wasn’t my girlfriend either. My heart seemed to beat in tune to hers. She understood me at a level no one else ever had. And the weirdest part was…I didn’t even need to tell her about myself.
She just knew.
I wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. All I knew was I liked having her around and I never wanted it to end. If I just kept things the way they were, I could always have her. When she told me she went on dates, it bothered me. But I couldn’t think that way. I went out and did my own thing so I didn’t have any right to be hurt.
I knew I cared about her—and I didn’t just want to fuck her.
Sure, that would be nice. But other things stole my focus, like talking over dinner and screaming at the TV during a baseball game. It somehow healed me…fixed me.
When I came home from work, she was already in the kitchen. “What are you making now?” I set my bag by the door and loosened my tie.
“Lasagna.”
“Ooh…sounds good.” I felt like we were a married couple in the fifties. I wanted to walk over to her and give her a kiss. But I wasn’t stupid enough to do that. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“It’ll be out by the time you’re finished.”
After I showered and dried my hair with a towel, I changed into shorts and a t-shirt and entered the kitchen.
She was seated at the table, texting on her phone.
“I’m not naked this time.”
She grinned before she looked up at me. “Thank you. I didn’t want to throw up my dinner.”
“Like you would have thrown up.” I sat across from her. “You would have grabbed your phone and taken a picture.”
She pressed her lips tightly together like she was trying not to laugh. “You must be pretty well-endowed down there to talk like that…”
“Very.” I held her gaze as I said it. Most girls wanted to screw me for that reason alone. “Would you like to see for yourself?”
“Maybe some other time.” She dug into her food and her phone lit up. She checked it before she quickly set it down.
I took a bite and immediately loved it. “This is awesome.”
“Thanks.” She smiled every time I gave her a compliment like she really appreciated it. Her phone went off again and she checked it. This time, she turned it off.
That caught my attention. “Someone bothering you?”
“No…it’s a long story.” She kept her gaze glued to her plate.
“Well, I have all night.” The protective side of me came out, my head low and ready for a charge.
“You remember that guy I told you about?”
There were several. “The most recent one?” I never bothered to remember their names. They were insignificant.
“Yeah.”
“What about him?”
“He wanted to go out again but I said no. Then he came by the house and I wasn’t there so he talked to Marie, and she told him I was staying with you…” She released a long sigh. “He wasn’t happy about that part.”
“It’s not like he’s your boyfriend, right?”
“No, not at all. We went out one time.”
“Sounds like a dickhead.”
She smirked. “Yeah, he does, doesn’t he?”
“I can take care of him.” I snatched her phone.
“Whoa, hold on.” She snatched it back. “I don’t need anyone to fight my battles for me. I told him I didn’t want to go out with him again. If he wants to waste his time blowing up my phone, he can knock himself out.” She set the phone back on the table. “But I’m not going to listen to it.”
I still wanted to break his neck.
“Don’t get all over-protective.” She rolled her eyes at me.
“It’s my job.”
“How do you figure?”
“I’m your best friend. I’m supposed to look after you.” I didn’t realize what I said until the damage was done. I’d never had a best friend in my life, but now I realized she was the first. She wasn’t just a friend. She was more than that. But she wasn’t my lover either.
“Best friends have each other’s backs, of course. But they don’t fight battles for each other.” She went back to eating like the conversation was over.
I knew it was pointless to argue with her so I continued eating. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“Thanks.”
Silence fell across the table for several minutes. Usually it was comfortable, but now it was just awkward.
“Anyone in your life right now?”
“No.” That was always my answer. I didn’t have relationships, just a string of weeklong escapades.
“You aren’t seeing anyone?” Skepticism was in her voice.
“I never see anybody.”
“You know what I mean, Hawke.” She gave me that look that told me I couldn’t hide.
I never talked about this kind of stuff with her. It made me feel guilty for reasons I couldn’t explain. “Here and there…”
“I don’t want to infringe on your lifestyle. If you want to go out or bring someone here, I can leave.”
That’s the last thing I wanted. “No, I like being here with you.”
She picked at her pasta but didn’t eat it.
“If I wanted to leave, I would just go and not say a damn thing to you.” I didn’t mean to be so hostile, but this was a topic I didn’t like discussing—at least with her. I felt ashamed for what I did on my own time. She didn’t judge me for it, but I knew she wanted me to have more than meaningless sex.
/>
“I was just asking as a friend…no need to get upset.”
I had a bad temper. Sometimes it went out of control and I couldn’t calm myself. It was one of the worst attributes I had—and I got it from my worthless father. “I’m sorry. I just don’t like talking about it.”
“You just called me your best friend. And best friends tell each other everything.”
She had me cornered. “I was with this girl last week, but I dumped her. I’m alone right now.”
“Brittany?” She remembered the name from the text message.
“Jessica.”
“The girl we saw at the restaurant?”
Why did she have such a good memory? “Yes.”
She continued to pick at her food. “Did you hook up with her after our date?”
“What kind of question is that?” My temper flared again.
She stiffened at my outburst. “I’m sorry…I take it back.”
Now I was being a dick to the one person who actually liked me. “No, I didn’t hook up with her. I came home and beat off in the shower.”
She held her fork in her hand and didn’t make a move. Her eyes were downcast like she was in shock.
“You asked…”
“I just…never mind.” She shook her head and kept eating.
I sipped my water while examining her face. I didn’t care about not censoring my thoughts. People’s opinions meant nothing to me. And she knew how attracted I was to her. I pressed my hard dick against her on our first date and made it clear just how turned on I was. “Thank you for dinner.” I wanted to say something to break the silence.
“Of course.” Her eyes were still glued to her plate.
“You really lighten the place up around here. It smells like flowers all the time.”
“That’s just the smell of a clean home.”
“Well, I like it. I need to get a maid or something.”
She finished her plate then wiped her lips with a napkin. I spotted the movement and wondered how my lips would feel pressed against hers. Would it feel just as good as last time? Or would it feel better?
I had a feeling it would be better.
“I’ll do the dishes tonight.”
“I don’t think so.” I shot her a glare that told her I wouldn’t change my mind. She could be stubborn, but I was more stubborn. “You cook and I clean. That’s our arrangement.”
