by Robyn Carr
“Is Mother trying?” Charley asked.
“If you want the truth, Louise has been the lonely one. I had my work at the flower shop, the neighbors in my condo complex, the customers in the shop and all the other people who work in that little business district. I have a nice relationship with Beverly, and while she doesn’t come to stay with me, I’ve spent time with her family at her farm. We’ve spent several holidays together. I’ve been busy all the time. Lou never worked and had only those women she saw for cards sometimes. I don’t know how she lived like that.”
“That’s what stubbornness gets you,” Charley said.
“If she decides to be less stubborn you just might try letting her off the hook. Or you could find you are just like her.”
Krista shuddered at the thought.
What was she going to do when the summer was over? Where would she go? Maybe there was a small place for rent in the area and she could just keep her job at the lodge. Her job and her boss had become so important to her.
Krista had no normal role models or experiences in romance, in developing relationships. She didn’t know how; it was that simple. She was mixed up with all the wrong kinds of people before she went to prison and more scary people when she was inside. Her only experience with dating was what little television she’d seen in prison or discussions with her therapist about how to have healthy adult relationships.
She couldn’t believe how quickly her life had changed. She had only been back in the real world for a short time and she had a family to support her and she was being walked home by a sweet, handsome man almost every day. He had even kissed her. At first he had given her a peck on the cheek, then a brief kiss, then, most recently, they’d stood with their arms wrapped around each other and shared a deep and consuming kiss that rattled her bones. It took her breath away and terrified her. She’d felt suddenly weak and giddy; she was simmering inside with a heat that begged to be doused in satisfaction. She cautiously opened her eyes and found him smiling.
“That was nice,” he said.
“Is there steam pouring out of my ears?”
“You look perfectly normal,” he said with a laugh. “But I want to kiss you again.”
She let her eyes drift closed. “Okay,” she said, leaving her lips slightly parted.
He obliged. After that it became routine for them to walk together and then stop at the place where the swing hung from its sturdy branch, where they’d share several hot and exciting kisses. Jake had a way of holding her so tightly and yet she felt cradled rather than confined. She wished for him to hold her all the time. “What if someone sees us?” she whispered against his lips.
“I’d have to admit I have a big crush on the new waitress.”
“I think you should know something—I’m scared. I’ve never been with a man who was nice to me. I don’t know what I’m doing. This will probably end very badly.”
“Why?” he said. “Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know. How would I even know?”
“Krista, you’re smart and intuitive. I watch you at work. You relate to people easily and you seem to instinctively know which ones to avoid. If anything about our being together like this doesn’t feel right to you, you have to say so. I want both of us to enjoy ourselves.”
“And you’re enjoying yourself?”
“Oh, yeah. You’re fun and you feel good. You’re also smart. And pretty.”
“I’m not pretty!”
“Yes, you are. The head valet, Dennis, has the hots for you.”
“Dennis is seventy-five! By the way, why is he still working at seventy-five?”
“He gets the job done and he wants to work. I have an idea. We should have a proper date. What would you like to do?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I guess we could go out in a boat.”
“That’s not a date,” he said. “There aren’t a lot of great restaurants around here and we don’t want to have dinner at the lodge. We could drive over to Brainerd. Want to do that?”
“What happened to your marriage?” she asked abruptly.
“I’d be happy to tell you every detail but it is a long story. Basically we were unhappy together and my wife said she thought we’d both be happier if we weren’t married. She also pointed out that arguing wasn’t good for the kids. And she was pretty sure she outgrew me. We saw a counselor—twice. It was awful for a while. But then my wife remarried and wanted someone to take a turn with the kids sometimes so she could have a break, take a vacation now and then, and that’s when things got much more agreeable. We’re much better at being divorced than we were at being married.”
“Would you do it again? Get married?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe. But to be completely honest, I don’t want to rush into anything. And neither should you. You who claim to have no real experience with dating, with men.”
“No, I have only bad experiences,” she corrected.
“Well, look, I’d like this to be a good experience. Not just for you—I’d like it to be a good experience for me, too. You’re not the only one who hasn’t been with anybody for a long time.”
“What about sex?” she asked. “I suppose that has to be part of the experience, too.”
“That wouldn’t hurt, but it’s not a bargaining chip. I think sex should happen between two people who like each other. And respect each other. That’s the next level. You’re not ready for that.”
“How do you know?”
He raised his eyebrows. “You’re worried about being seen kissing! You’re not nearly comfortable that we’re right for each other!” He kissed her forehead. “Sex will happen when we’re comfortable with each other.”
“Well, I can’t wait for that.”
He grinned at her. “For us to be comfortable with each other?” he asked. “Or for the sex?”
“All of it, really,” she said.
“I love that you’re so honest. You’re not afraid to say what you think.”
“I do feel afraid, though,” she said. “I know I’ll make so many mistakes living in this world—I just don’t want to hurt anyone with my mistakes.”
“You are a good, honest person, Krista. Follow your instincts and you’ll be okay. So, how do you feel about dinner at a restaurant with me?”
“Will there be sex?”
He laughed. “No pressure, eh? No. No sex on our first date. We want to be very good friends first. We’ve done a lot of talking but there’s more to be said. We both have baggage. I know you think you’re the only one with baggage because of your stunning prison record...”
“You gotta admit...”
“I’ve had my own issues, just not as dramatic. I’m sure they’ll show themselves before long and you’ll have to decide if I’m worth putting up with. My wife said I was a selfish bastard who never thought of anyone but himself.”
“You’ve obviously changed since you were married. I appreciate that you’re afraid if you move too fast you’ll traumatize me,” she said. Then she smiled her impish smile. “I like you enough to call you my friend. Okay. I’ll go on a date with you. I don’t have a dress, by the way.”
“We’ll go somewhere not too fancy the first time. It’s summer. Lots of campers take a night to go out to dinner. But don’t you think I should meet your cousins before I come to pick you up?”
“Oh, you’re going to pick me up?”
“Did you think I was going to make you meet me somewhere?” He put an arm around her shoulders and then resumed walking toward her house. “I’ll go with you now if you like. I won’t stay. I’ll just say hello, then get back to work.”
“You won’t be missed?”
“I’m not on the clock. Elizabeth is covering for me.”
“Oh, Elizabeth,”
she said. “You better check when you get back. Be sure she hasn’t offended most of the guests.”
“I know,” he said. “I think she’s getting better. Little by little...”
“Not very much. Every time she sees me I get the feeling I slept with her husband or something and just can’t remember it.”
He laughed. “Elizabeth has a husband? See—miracles do happen!”
They talked and laughed the rest of the way. Jake had his arm around her shoulders most of the way; she loved leaning against him. She liked him so much she couldn’t wait to see what being very good friends felt like. It must be heaven to feel that sure of someone.
They walked down the drive and found her cousins sitting on the chaises inside the screened porch. Both of them reclined and both were reading in the balmy heat of the afternoon.
“Hi,” Krista said. “Charley. Meg. I want you to meet my friend and boss, Jake. We’re actually going to go on a date one of these days. Out to dinner. So we thought you should meet.”
Charley sat up and then stood, her book left behind. She walked slowly to the screen door and opened it, taking a couple of steps down. She just looked at him for a long moment.
“Charley?” he said.
“Mack?” she said.
“Wow,” he said. Then he laughed uncomfortably. “Charley! It’s been a long time.” He ran a hand around the back of his sweaty neck. “I’m not even sure when that was...”
“Ah, 1989,” she said. Her voice was ominous.
“That’s right,” he said. “I was maybe nineteen.”
“You said you were twenty-two,” she said.
Again the uncomfortable laugh. “I was a young idiot. I apologize. I’ve completely given up trying to be cool. It’s good to see you. I got older while you were doing something else with your time.”
“Mack,” she said. “Krista said her boss was Jake. That name didn’t ring any bells.”
“Everyone called me Mack back then. I’m officially Jacob McAllister but I go by Jake. Are you okay?”
“How long have you worked at the lodge? Not all these years?”
“No,” he said. “I’ve moved around a lot the past twenty-five years or so. I work for a corporation in the business of renovating or closing aging resorts. I’ve been here a year but grew up around here so it was good to get home.”
“You’re from here?”
“Hey,” Krista said, interrupting them. “How do you two know each other?”
Charley shifted her attention to Krista. “There’s no way to do this delicately. Jake and I should talk privately. Right away. Before you have your date. Would that be all right?”
“You know each other?” she asked, knowing the answer already.
“We knew each other that summer. Twenty-seven years ago. Then we all left. And I didn’t know where he was. I didn’t remember his last name or maybe I never even knew it. We left the lake for good. We were young.”
“Oh, God,” Krista said.
“What’s going on here?” he asked, clearly uncomfortable.
“Let’s walk down by the lake, Jake,” Charley said.
* * *
“It’s great to see you, Charley,” he said. “Although this is a little awkward.”
“So you do remember,” she said.
He stopped walking and looked at her. “You lied about your age, too.”
“What happened?” she asked. “A few days after we were together I looked for you. I asked your friends about you. You weren’t a law student and you weren’t twenty-two.”
“I was nineteen,” he said. “I was a kid and I thought getting a job at the lodge instead of spending my summer pitching hay bales was my big chance. Hanging with the cool guys.” His color darkened. “The rich, sophisticated girls. Getting lucky.”
“And you bit off more than you could chew,” she said.
“Look, Charley, I’m really sorry about the age thing. It was wrong of me. Really wrong. But we were both—”
“I got pregnant,” she said, interrupting him.
His face went pale. “No,” he said. He shook his head. But she was nodding. “How the hell...?”
“How well do you remember that night?” she asked him. “You were prepared, you said. Then you said you must’ve had too much beer...”
He hung his head. “Oh, God,” he said quietly. “Oh, God. What did you do?”
“I had her. I gave her up for adoption.”
“Oh, Charley, my God...”
“And then later I found her. Or I should say she found me. She grew up fine. She’s happy. Married. She has two little kids, very young kids. She wanted to know about you and I didn’t have anything to tell her.”
“You didn’t try to find me?”
“You ran!” she said. Then she looked over her shoulder and saw that Krista was just standing there, watching. Waiting. “Look, here’s how it went. I went back to the lodge to find you a few days later and the other guys said you found out I was under eighteen and that my grandfather was a judge and you ran for your life. Quit your job and took off. I didn’t know I was pregnant—I just knew the guy I gave it up to dumped me and ran. I didn’t realize I was pregnant for another month or two. We were back in Saint Paul. And all I knew about you was your name—Mack. And that you’d lied about everything else.”
“Didn’t you ask someone to find me? Didn’t you ask a few more questions? Because I was here. Just a few miles from—”
“Not long after I went looking for you there was an accident. My little sister drowned. They had to drag the lake to find her body. We packed up and left. This is the first time we’ve been back since then.”
His mouth hung open as he tried to absorb everything. His eyes squinted while he tried to remember. “A kid drowned,” he said softly. “I remember thinking I was glad I wasn’t working at the lodge when that happened. It was big news around here.”
“You should’ve seen the people,” she said. “They were lined up along the shore everywhere, watching. Waiting to see something gruesome.”
“Oh, Jesus, I don’t even know what to say...”
“Maybe nothing. Right now.”
“I don’t know where to begin to make amends...”
“Let’s not talk about amends—there’s plenty of blame to go around. We were kids. It was my misjudgment as well as yours. The only one you should probably make amends to is Andrea... That’s her name, Andrea. She’s beautiful and smart. And I’m not sorry she was born, hard as it was at the time. She was lucky—she had great adoptive parents. Did you marry? Have children?”
He looked shell-shocked but answered. “I’m divorced. I have a son and a daughter. My son is in the Army and my daughter in college. Charley, I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you. Sixteen and pregnant.” He groaned and shook his head. “I think at the end of the day you’re lucky you couldn’t find me. I don’t know what I could’ve done to make the situation better. I wasn’t known for wisdom back then. And you? Married?”
She shook her head and her eyes clouded with tears. “In a long-term committed relationship. We have a son. I know this is a lot to absorb...”
“Oh, Jesus... Krista,” he said, turning. She was gone. “I have to talk to Krista...”
“Jake, let me,” Charley said. “You should just let me. I’m not in shock.”
He grabbed her upper arms suddenly. “Charley, I never would have deliberately hurt you. If I’d known, I’d have done anything to help, to step up, but...I’m so sorry you went through all that with no one. I hope your family was supportive.”
“Easy there, big boy,” she said, shucking off his hands. “It was a tough time but in the end we have a daughter who is lovely and well adjusted, no thanks to us. I wanted to keep her but it’s probably better t
hat I didn’t. She understands. We were young and stupid.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “God. I want to meet her, of course. Will she want to meet me? Does she hate me for abandoning you? I should talk to Krista...”
She put her hand on his arm. “I think you should try to untangle your brain, Jake. Krista will be fine. You can talk to her later. You have a phone on you?”
“Yeah,” he said, pulling it out of his pocket.
She held out her hand. “Unlock it and I’ll add my number to your directory. You can call when you’re calmed down, and if you want to talk to Krista I’ll tell her. Okay?”
“You’re pretty calm,” he said. “You don’t seem angry.”
“I’ve had a long time to think about things,” she said, keying in her number. “I’ve already answered all those hard questions—like why I had to give her up. You’re pretty blameless. Except for that tiny inconsequential detail that you lied about your age and then ran like the chicken you are.” She delivered that last with a sympathetic smile.
“I’m so sorry,” he said.
She laughed lightly. “I thought I was in love with you, you know.”
“You were too good for me. I liked you a lot. I figured I was doomed. I couldn’t figure out how I was going to tell you I wasn’t a college kid but just a poor, dumb farm kid. A nineteen-year-old farm kid with no college degree.”
“It was a long time ago. You better not be lying to my cousin, though. If you do that I’ll come after you. She just doesn’t deserve any more bad breaks.”
“I told you, that was then. I’m not that guy anymore.”
“Go home, Jake. Clear your head.”
He turned and started to walk away. Then he turned back. “Charley, thank you. Thank you for having our daughter.”
* * *
“Where is she?” Charley asked Meg.
“I heard bathwater. Was that him?”
“How could it happen like that, huh? How could the father of my baby turn up dating my cousin? My cousin who has never had a boyfriend in her life?”
“Well, there was that one she shot,” Meg said, making a face.
“That wasn’t a boyfriend, that was a kidnapper.”
