by Penny Wylder
It haunts me and I can’t sleep. I can’t breathe. Bailey has been amazing, getting my things and making sure that I’m going to my classes, but she can’t live my life for me. I have to do that, no matter how painful all of this is.
I haven’t even gone to student services again to see about getting another room, and Bailey has gone back to Granite House to get me more clothes, but I can go tomorrow. I need to take back control.
You are nothing.
My chest aches with the memory.
I’m honestly not sure how I managed to let him in so deeply. Because it feels like Malcolm is a part of me now, and that prying us apart is like pulling bread away from peanut butter. There will always be bits of him that were tangled with me now.
“Well, if it isn’t Juno Dennard.” Melody slips into the seat across from me, looking as glamorous as ever. Her normal group of friends from Tri Delta surround me at my table to. Taylor’s here, standing right behind her sister, smirking like the devil.
“Hi, Melody.”
“You’re not looking so good, Juno,” she says. “I heard you were kicked out of Granite House.”
I’m not wearing make-up, and I know I don’t look the way they look. But I’ve never looked the way that they looked. It’s just not a part of who I am. I don’t contradict her. Technically I did get kicked out of the house, but that’s none of her business.
“Is it cause they got tired of you?” One of the girls beside me asks.
“What?”
Melody smiles, and in this moment, I can’t believe that I ever wanted to be a part of her group. Her smile is poisonous. “The guys. It hasn’t even been a month and everyone knows that Juno Dennard is the live-in slut of Granite House.”
I shake my head. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
A voice to my left. “Jack told us all about it. How you get passed around from bed to bed, as many as you can in one night and by the end you’re so covered in cum that you’re dripping.”
Horror spears through me. I’m sure that’s what Jack would say. “Jack doesn’t live in the house anymore,” I say. “He doesn’t know anything.”
“Oh,” Melody says, “but you don’t live in the house anymore either. Is that because they fucked you so much that your pussy isn’t tight enough for them anymore?”
“Tri Delta doesn’t accept sluts,” a fourth girl says.
“I didn’t send you in there to fuck Malcolm and his merry band of men, Juno. I sent you in there with a very simple task. Sleep in the house overnight and get proof. You certainly did the one.”
“I—” What do I even say to that? My face flushes hot with a blush. They’re going to believe what they want to believe, and there’s nothing I can say that will contradict them.
The redhead next to me puts her hand on my shoulder. “If you want, we can help you find a new frat to be a hole for. You seem really sad without having a bunch of faceless cocks to fuck, and we really just want you to be happy, Juno.”
“Maybe they kicked her out for getting fat. Eating cereal for every meal has to be sending all that sugar straight to her hips.”
Melody reaches across the table and takes my hand. I pull it away. “It really is okay, Juno. The world needs sluts, and frats need people to fuck. And it’s fine to be one of those people. You just need to embrace your real self. Veronica is right. We know all the best frats, and I know we can find a good place for you to get fucked that won’t kick you out after a month.”
“It’ll be at least two months,” Veronica laughs.
That laughter makes me blush harder. They’re bitches, and I don’t have to stand here and take it. The fact that Taylor is standing there grinning like she’s won the fucking lottery is further proof of what Bailey told me. She hates me and she isn’t bothering to hide it.
I stand up and take my bowl of cereal with me. It’s stupid of me to think that that would be the end of it. They follow me through the cafeteria. “Listen, Juno,” Melody calls after me, voice way too loud. “It’s really okay. It’s my job on this campus to help freshman girls like you find your place, and the fact that you’ve decided that your best place is with your legs spread is your prerogative.” The other girls are laughing with her now, and people are looking at me. I’m not blushing anymore. Now I can feel the blood draining from my face and like I might pass out. She keeps going. “But if that’s what you want, I want to help you. I’m sure there are plenty of guys in here who want a slut-toy like you. Especially once they find out that you were kicked out of Granite House for fucking everything that moved.”
I want to be stronger than this. I want to walk away and ignore the words that are hitting home, but I can’t breathe and tears are clouding my vision. What can I say to this? Denial will only confirm my guilt to them, and now everyone within hearing distance thinks that I would do anything for anyone, when nothing could be further from the truth.
“Who said she was kicked out of Granite House?” A voice says from behind me. I know that voice. There’s no way I could ever forget it, and every cell in my body leans toward Malcolm.
He steps around me, not looking at me and not touching me, but standing in front of me enough that he suddenly became a shield. And the people that had been watching know who he is. If Malcolm says something, then they’ll believe it.
The problem is that I have no idea what he is going to say.
“The last time I checked,” Malcolm says loudly, “Juno still lived in Granite House. Her things are still there. She still has a key. You can check with student services, she doesn’t have a room on campus.”
Silence spreads through the air for a moment, sinking in. “And who Juno decides to sleep with is her business alone, and no one else’s. Why are you spreading lies?”
Melody straightens her shoulders. “They’re not lies. My information comes from a member of Granite House. You think that he would know.”
“Ohhh,” Malcolm says. “You mean Jack? The person I threw out on his ass for hazing and attempted sexual assault? If that’s who you go to for information, then you should really check your sources more thoroughly. Aren’t you a journalism major?”
Melody stiffens further, but says nothing. I see the moment that Malcolm sets his eyes on Taylor. “And I’m glad your sister is here too, so I can tell you some truth, since you’re so concerned about the state of the fraternities and sororities on campus. Two years ago your sister threw a party at your parents’ house while they were out of town, and my brother drank too much. That was his fault.
“What wasn’t his fault was that your sister begged Juno not to call the ambulance so that she wouldn’t get in trouble for that party. Did you know the doctors said that if it had been called any later he might have died? You’re responsible for her if she pledges to Tri Delta. Might want to be careful. You wouldn’t want anyone dying on your watch to ruin the reputation of the perfect sorority. You all need to keep up your standards, right?”
The look on Melody’s face is stricken and the girls with her look absolutely sick to their stomachs.
“So stop spreading lies about people you don’t like, take care of your own house, and check your own backyard the next time you want to call people sluts and trash,” Malcolm finishes.
It’s like a unanimous decision makes the Tri Delta’s move. They start walking for the exit immediately, not saying anything, and Taylor follows them. Melody turns and holds out a hand. Her eyes are hard. “Not you.”
Taylor’s face is a furious red as she’s abandoned in the middle of the cafeteria. Everyone that was watching is smirking as the Tri Deltas retreat and Taylor gets what she deserves. But I need to leave.
Malcolm may have defended me, but that doesn’t mean much. He would do anything to protect the legacy of Granite House, and having them be known as a house that shared one woman like that went against everything that he told me he stands for.
I head for the entrance behind me—where I had been heading when they stopped me—bef
ore Malcolm turns around. If I have to look into his face and see that anger and hatred for me, I’ll break, and I can’t afford that.
The air outside is warm and breezy, and I breathe it in. It feels good. I’ve been spending more time outside lately. Fresh air has been good for my brain.
There’s a lot to process here. From the fact that John—the boy I called the ambulance for—is Mal’s brother, to the fact that he knows everything and I had no idea how. Had he known all that about me the whole time?
If not, he must have done some serious fucking research. Hopefully that makes him hate me less, at the very least.
“Juno.”
His voice is behind me again, but I don’t stop walking.
“Juno, wait. Please.”
“What do you want, Malcolm?” I turn to face him, but I don’t have the strength to meet his eyes.
“I want you.”
I do look at him then, and I don’t see anger in his gaze. It’s something else entirely. “That’s quite the turnaround.”
He steps to me, and in a moment his mouth is covering mine. The kiss is so welcome that I can’t breathe. My whole body lights up with pleasure and magic and the feeling of relief, even though it’s not real. “Don’t do this,” I beg him. “Don’t torture me if you’re just going to walk away.”
Malcolm weaves his hand into my hair and he presses his lips to my forehead. “Will you listen to everything?” he asks. “I need to tell you some things. And after that, if you never want to see me again, I understand.”
He feels so good that I don’t want to move. It will backfire, being this close to him and not being able to have him. But I can’t say no. “Okay.”
We walk together over to one of the benches in the quad. There are a few trees around it, and it’s more secluded than some other places. At the very least, this won’t be as public as the cafeteria if it turns ugly. “Thank you,” I say. “For what you did.”
He looks like he wants to touch me, but thinks better of it. “It was the least that I could do. After everything.”
“How did you know that about me? What I did?”
“First,” Malcolm says, “I need to tell you that I’m sorry, Juno. I assumed the worst about you. I let my anger blind me. And after I accused you of assuming the worst about me, I never should have done that. I should have talked to you first before saying what I did. And if I’d listened to John, I would have.”
“Okay,” I say. That was an apology, but I’m not ready to accept it yet. Not until I hear more.
He lays everything out for me then. That he saw me at the hospital with the flowers and what he thought. What Taylor told him and how she twisted the truth to make it seem real. How he couldn’t believe the betrayal that he had felt, and finally, how Bailey had cleared everything up today when she had gone to retrieve my clothes.
“She is the best,” I say. “A really good friend.”
“Yeah,” he agrees. “And I will owe her a lot, I hope.”
I pull my legs up onto the bench and cross them. “Why?”
Malcolm moves, kneeling in front of me on the ground. He’s so much taller than me that we’re the same height right now. “Because I’m about to ask for your forgiveness again, and I’m hoping that you’ll accept it.”
“Ask,” I tell him.
He takes my hands where they’re resting in my lap. “I fucked up. Massively. Colossally. And I know that I hurt you.”
“You did,” I say.
He looks like he’s in as much pain thinking about it as I was. “I don’t ever want to see that look on your face again,” he says. “And if you’ll let me, I’m going to try to make sure that you only ever smile. I know that you’re into data, and that it’s unlikely that college relationships will last. But some do, and I know that we’re one of those couples. You fit me, Juno.”
I close my eyes, fighting the tears of relief and happiness. His fingers move, and suddenly there’s cool metal in my hands. A small silver chain. “What’s this?”
He leans close and presses a kiss to my cheek. “I know I joked about getting you a collar, but this isn’t a joke. I wanted to show you that I was serious. That I want you to be mine and only mine.”
Smiling, I pour it from one palm into the other. “Do I have to put it on myself?”
“No,” he said. “But I want to put it on you at home.”
“Am I welcome there?”
He whispers. “It’s not home without you, Juno.”
I feel like he means those words. He kisses me, and I wrap my arms around him, pulling him closer. The way our lips are connecting swiftly becomes too much for where we are, and Malcolm sweeps me up into his arms and carries me across the quad toward Granite House while I’m laughing.
This is a perfect representation of what I loved—love—about him. He didn’t need to ask me if I wanted to be carried, he’s just doing it because he knows that I need it. I rest my head against his chest, somehow more exhausted than when I was without him, because all the stress is melting away.
He carries me all the way up to his bedroom and lays me down on the bed, only pausing to strip me out of my clothes and shed his own. Taking the chain from my hands, he loops it around my neck and fastens it.
The choker is just snug enough for me to be reminded of it. A representation of us. The rules that we’ve chosen together and the fact that we’re choosing again. The smile on my face is real, but so is the exhaustion.
“I’ve barely slept,” I admit. “Since that night.”
“Neither have I.” He pulls me to him, letting me use his chest as a pillow as he pulls the blanket over us both. And we cling to each other as we fall asleep.
Pleasure lifts me to the surface and out of sleep. Sweet, deep, and slow. I don’t know where it’s coming from, but it’s welcome.
I take a deep breath and open my eyes. This is Malcolm’s room. For a second, I think that the last week has just been a horrible dream. But then I feel the choker around my neck and Malcolm’s tongue between my legs and it all comes rushing back.
“Ohhh,” I say as he slowly licks my clit. His movements are long and lazy. Languorous pleasure.
“I’ve missed the way you taste,” he says, sealing his mouth over me and sucking deep. “So good.”
I reach down under the blanket and grip his hair, pulling his mouth more firmly against my skin. He takes the hint, sucking harder and licking faster. Malcolm has learned exactly how to make me come. Before everything went wrong with us, it was one of his favorite things to do. Especially if he knew that I wasn’t going to be able to come at the end of it.
Light, swirling strokes that curl under my clit in a perfectly steady rhythm. It’s a pattern that works, always able to lift me into sheer pleasure, and soon I’m moving my hips upward to meet is mouth. I sigh with it, not bothering to ask as he licks me directly into an orgasm that’s equally long and slow.
My body doesn’t know how to do this anymore. I’m out of practice being aroused, and it’s amazing how quickly you can forget. But Mal keeps going with his tongue until the climax is wrung out of me and I’m completely finished.
He licks up my body, emerging from the covers to hover over me. Leaning down, he kisses my mouth and then my neck where the new necklace lies. My collarbone and cheeks. “I missed you,” he says. “You have no idea.”
I look up into his eyes, and I know that I’m here with him. “I forgive you, Mal. That doesn’t mean that it’s going to go away overnight.”
“I know,” he says. “One day at a time. I swear I’ll do whatever I have to to make you mine. Including tying you down to my bed and giving you orders, if that’s still what you want.”
That familiar heat and longing pools in my gut. “It is,” I say. “But not today. Today I just want you.”
He reaches over to the nightstand for a condom and I stop him. “Only you.”
Mal is stock still as he looks down at me. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I breat
he.
Lips crash against mine and he fits his cock into my entrance. He sinks into me in one long stroke. This isn’t fast or frenzied. We move with each other, sharing breath and every sensation. It feels like coming home.
Without the condom, it’s delicious friction that I’ve only felt once before. Deliciously intimate and binding us together more deeply than we already were.
Together we move faster. And faster still. Moving toward one goal together. My body is responding to his and remembering what he taught me. Suddenly, I’m careening toward an orgasm that’s bright and fast, and I can’t stop it. It eclipses my vision, everything turning white. Deep, shaking, waves roll down my spine, shaking me to the core. Pleasure like nothing else I’ve felt in my life.
Malcolm is coming too, cock jerking and filling me with precious heat. We cry out together before inhaling each other in another kiss. I’m fucking him and he’s fucking me and we keep moving through the orgasm and into the next one. Until we’re spent and panting, Mal’s weight pressing me down into the mattress though he’s still inside me.
“I love you, Juno,” he says. “I knew it before you moved into this house. My body and soul knew before my mind did, that you were mine, and I had to have you.”
Reaching up, I trace the line of my brand-new necklace with my finger. Smiling. “I’m yours,” I tell him. “And I love you too.”
Epilogue
Malcolm
The Last Day of the Semester
“Keep your eyes closed,” I say.
Juno laughs, and I savor the sound. “They are closed, I swear.”
Her hand is in mine, and I guide her over the threshold. I have the exact angle that I want her to see this from. It’s all planned out. Through a few rooms I guide her, and she’s good. She doesn’t peek.
I position her so that she can see several rooms at once, and then get out of the way. “Okay,” I say, letting go of her hand. “Now.”
Juno opens her eyes. “Where are we?” she asks looking around.
“Well,” I say. “If you like it, this is our new apartment.”
