by Laura Scott
There, in her face, he saw everything he wanted his life and his future to be. But he’d also seen a lot of mirages in the heat of the desert sun when he’d been on the battlefield. How could he possibly know if any of what he felt for her was real? It was nothing like anything he’d ever experienced before. He prayed for wisdom.
Lord, I don’t believe in love at first sight.
“I feel something for you,” he admitted. “Some kind of connection. It’s like a tune, a drumbeat, playing at the corner of my mind. I don’t know what it is or how to turn it off. All I know is it’s distracting, it’s overwhelming and part of me wants it to stop.”
He wanted to feel his hands back on the steering wheel of his life again, and not like someone else had grabbed it and was swerving his heart down a path he couldn’t see or control.
“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say,” Noelle said.
Neither did he. Just like he didn’t know why he was now holding her hands or why he’d kissed her back in the truck.
“My family needs me,” he said.
“Yes,” she said. “They do.”
“And I’m not saying that any of this is your fault,” he said quickly. “Not at all. You’ve never once done anything to put me or my family in danger—”
“I know I haven’t.” Noelle pulled her hands away and stood.
“But my head hasn’t been in the game,” Adam went on. “I’ve been distracted. I haven’t been focused.”
“I got it.” Her voice chilled. She glanced at her partner and raised an eyebrow.
“Plus,” he said, “you’re trying to get all the overtime hours...”
“Stop.” Noelle raised a hand, palm up. “Your train of thought is swerving all over the place right now, like you’ve got no idea where you’re going, and it’s giving me whiplash.” Her arms crossed. “If this is your way of saying you’re sorry you kissed me earlier, you can just come out and say it. You’re not the first man to decide he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me.”
No, that’s not what he was trying to say. But the problem was he had no idea what it was he did want to say.
“You’re a really incredible person,” he tried again.
I think I have a crush on you! The words shouted inside his head. And that’s scary and confusing, and I don’t know what to do about it.
“Thank you,” she said curtly. “You’re pretty incredible too. But I really don’t want to grow any closer to a man who seems to be really confused about what he thinks of me or what kind of relationship he wants to have. Whenever a police officer fires their weapon, they have to make a report and go through an internal investigation. I’m not worried, but the fact I was off duty might complicate things. Sarge will assign a different K-9 officer to connect with your family going forward. I gave your mom my cell phone number and I’m happy to take her call if she needs something. But hopefully my unit will be able to find someone who your whole family is comfortable with.”
He hesitated a moment, still crouched between where Noelle stood and Matty lay. Then Noelle nodded to Liberty and the dog moved to her side. Matty stirred, his eyes opened, and a myriad of conflicting emotions battled in his face before he turned and looked at Adam.
“Daddy!” He crawled out of the blankets and threw his arms around Adam. “You made it! Are the bad guys gone?”
“Yes.” Adam hugged his son tightly. “Grandma and Grandpa are safe. The police are upstairs making sure everything is good. And I’ve got you.”
“That was an adventure, wasn’t it, Dad?” his son said.
Adam chuckled, feeling tears form in his throat. “Yeah, it sure was.”
“Well, I should go,” Noelle said. “Goodbye, guys, and Merry Christmas.”
He glanced at Noelle over his son’s head and for one fleeting moment caught a glimpse of an unexpected emotion filling her eyes. It was like sadness or longing, maybe even regret. All he knew was that it made him want to pull her into the hug and apologize for his confused and muddled heart.
Instead, he watched as the most extraordinary woman he knew turned and walked out of his life.
* * *
Traffic was still thick and the snowflakes even thicker in the dark Christmas Eve sky when Noelle finally left the Brooklyn K-9 Unit and drove home with Liberty. She hadn’t minded how meticulous Sarge had been in going over every decision she’d made in how she’d responded to the hostage situation at the Jollys’ house. He’d told her what to expect from the upcoming internal investigation and that she was currently on leave with pay. She liked the fact there were checks and balances in place to keep NYPD officers at the top of their game. Although she dreaded telling her folks she and Liberty were off active cases again—and that it was her own fault this time.
Besides, the longer she’d stayed there, discussing the case with Sarge, the longer she could put off thinking about her final conversation with Adam.
She liked Adam. That much she could admit to herself. She really, really liked everything about Adam. It had taken a lot of self-control to keep from pointing out it had been a very long time since she’d let anyone kiss her and she didn’t know what she felt either. The connection as he’d called it between them confused and surprised her every bit as much as it did him.
But the last thing she needed in her life right now was an ambivalent man playing games with her heart.
Thankfully, the arrest of the two masked men at the Jollys’ house had led to a major break in the case. Both perps had been members of one of the notorious drug-running gangs that the other officers in the Brooklyn K-9 Unit had been investigating. Within half an hour of their arrest, officers had gotten a warrant to raid a garage they suspected was used by the gang and had discovered a transport truck packed to the seams with pill-stuffed toys. That was the very good news. The bad news was that they’d only found the drugs after they’d apparently been transferred from the new major player on the drug scene to the gang he or she had finally decided to use as a distributor.
Who this major new dealer was, who’d apparently been shopping MDMA-filled FlupperPups around, remained a mystery. As was their connection to Adam Jolly and his family.
But that was another officer’s problem now, Noelle told herself firmly, as she inched her vehicle through the snowy streets. Someone else would be sitting in their patrol car, keeping a watchful eye on the street outside the Jollys’ home tonight and filling the family in on the developments in the case. Noelle and Liberty would move on to the next case and then the one after that, without her having to deal with the kind of man who intrigued her mind, flipped her heart upside down and then walked out the moment things got confusing.
No, now it was time to focus on work. And maybe give her heart some time to heal.
Her phone buzzed, letting her know a text was coming in. She pulled over to the side of the road, then glanced at the screen. It was Irene Jolly.
Hi, Noelle. It’s Irene Jolly. Got a minute?
She was surprised by just how much her heart jolted to see Adam’s mother’s name on the screen. Noelle hadn’t just liked Adam. She liked his whole family and would miss having all of them in her life.
She debated how to answer for far too long, before finally just using voice recognition to text back.
Sure. What’s up?
There was no answer for a long moment. Noelle debated whether she should’ve left the house as quickly as she had with only a wave goodbye to Fred and Irene, as the couple stood with their arms around each other in a picture of strength, love and resilience. They’d been through a lot tonight. But it was a crime scene, Noelle was a witness, and she had to give her statement and coordinate with her fellow officers. Not to mention the fact Noelle’s chest had been aching like a big and heavy weight was pressing on it.
Liberty nuzzled her hand gently as if sensing she was sad. Noelle stroked the d
og’s head behind her black-smudged ear. If only Liberty could tell her what to do about it.
Can we talk? Irene texted again. In person? Right now? It’s important.
Noelle took a deep breath and prayed God would guide her words.
I don’t know if Adam told you, she texted back, but I’m not working this case anymore. I’m actually on leave right now. Another officer will be assigned to coordinate with you.
Noelle waited for Irene’s response, hoping her text hadn’t come across as rude.
I know. Irene texted back. This isn’t about the case. It’s a personal family thing. I don’t know who to trust. And I trust you.
Irene had been really kind to her. At the very least Noelle could say goodbye to her in person, hear her out and help direct her to the right person. She owed Irene that much.
Okay, she texted back. I’m heading back to your house.
It would be awkward, but she was sure Adam would understand. Considering how busy the house was she and Adam might be able to avoid each other.
No, Irene texted. I’m actually headed to our offices/warehouse right now. Meet me there. There’s something I need to show you. I’ll leave the warehouse door unlocked. Meet me in the office.
Noelle’s heart hammered in her chest.
No, I think it’s safer to meet at the house, she texted back. The person behind all this still hasn’t been caught yet. If you have to go to the warehouse wait to go with Adam or go with a cop.
Maybe she was overreacting, but she really didn’t like the idea of Adam’s mother going to the warehouse alone right now. Noelle waited for Irene to say okay. But there was no response. She waited another solid minute. Nothing.
Oh, no. She pulled out into traffic and turned around.
Her GPS said she’d be at the Jolly Family Charity headquarters and warehouse in eighteen minutes.
It wasn’t likely this new player in the drug game would strike again so soon or be poking around the charity after it had been swept by the cops. But still, something about the idea of Irene going there alone sent shivers up her spine.
SEVEN
Adam sat alone in the darkened living room and spun his wedding ring around in his fingers. That, the gun and five hundred dollars of emergency cash was all that had been in the safe the masked men, who he now knew from police were drug dealers, had tried to force his mother to open for them. It had been half an hour since the police had left. His father had helped him board up his broken bedroom window and sweep up the plaster, door splinters and glass shards. A quick bit of plaster and paint, plus a fresh pane of glass, and it would be like nothing ever happened. Matty was already asleep in his bed.
Everything was back to normal. Except his heart.
He’d deleted Noelle’s number from his cell phone and politely evicted her from his life. Getting her out of his heart and mind though was a whole other story. He turned his old ring one way and then another in between the fingers of his injured hand, noting the places it was smooth from wear and wondering what the shape and contours of it would’ve been if he’d worn it several decades instead of just a few years. Then he set the ring on the table, dropped his head into his hands and prayed. God, please give me wisdom.
The floorboards creaked behind him and he looked up to see his dad standing there, holding his cell phone.
“Hey,” Adam said. “Everything okay?”
“Pretty much,” Fred said and sat down in the chair opposite him. “But what’s up with Noelle?”
Adam almost laughed. Now that was the million-dollar question.
“To be honest,” Adam said. “I asked her to leave because I have a crush on her.”
Fred’s eyebrows rose. His father glanced at the phone he was holding and his mouth opened and closed again like he was debating what to say. Then he set the phone down on the coffee table and looked at Adam. “Well, that’s something. Do you want to talk about it?”
Did he? He didn’t know.
“I know what you’re going to say,” Adam said. “You’re going to ask me what Carissa would want, but I already know exactly what she’d say and that it’s the same thing I’d have told her if I’d died first. I’d tell her I want her to be happy and trust her judgment on finding the right person to marry and bring into Matty’s life. But that doesn’t help me right now.”
His father glanced at his phone again and once again Adam had the feeling this wasn’t the conversation his dad had been expecting to have when he walked into the living room.
“Because you trust your own judgment less than you trust Carissa’s?” his father asked. “Or because you have less of a right to be happy?”
Adam blew out a long breath. He hadn’t even gotten as far as letting himself think about happiness.
“I don’t trust my heart,” Adam admitted. “It’s like an accelerator trying to drive me toward a future with Noelle at a reckless speed. But my brain is trying to jam the brakes on and stop. And while both parts are equally strong it feels safest to let my brain win this one. Do you think I’m making it too complicated?”
His dad crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.
“Honestly, I think you’re making it way too simple,” Fred said. “It’s way more complicated than you’re making it out to be.”
Adam blinked. “What?”
“When you’re a little kid, you think a car has two pedals,” his dad said. “One that goes and one that stops. When you grow up, you learn a vehicle is way more complicated than that, especially the kind you drove overseas. You’ve got a speedometer to figure out your speed. Not to mention a really great steering wheel. You can change gears. You’ve got a windshield to keep the bugs from flying in your face and windshield wipers to clean the glass off so you can see where you want to go. And lights. Don’t forget trucks have lights.”
Adam laughed and leaned forward. If he didn’t stop the metaphor quickly, his dad would probably try to list every vehicle part he could think of. “Yup, trucks have lights. Headlights and brake lights both.”
“And high beams for bad weather,” his dad added. “And turn signal lights to help the other cars around you know what you’re about to do.”
“Okay, okay, I get the analogy.” Adam held both hands up in surrender. The irony didn’t escape him. Maybe if Adam had done a better job at signaling to Noelle what he was thinking, his little speech in the basement wouldn’t have run her off the road—metaphorically speaking. “I get it, I’m complicated and Noelle’s complicated. People are complicated.”
“Life is complicated,” his dad said. “And I’m not telling you what to do. Certainly, your mother and I have a good feeling about Noelle, and Matty likes her. All I’m saying is you’re not driving around in a little kid’s bumper car. You’re smart enough to figure out a way forward once you get all the parts of your internal engine working together. Not to mention you can pray for guidance too, which I guess is like roadside assistance, or maybe a regular oil change and maintenance.”
“Dad, stop!” Adam laughed. “No more comparing me to a car. Not that your metaphor wasn’t helpful. But I think you’re running it into the ground.”
His dad chuckled. “Bottom line, I trust you to figure it out. I hope that helps.”
“It does. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” his dad said. “Now, maybe you can tell me why Noelle and Liberty are at Jolly Charity headquarters? I got an alert on my phone from that security app you installed that the motion sensors had gone off and when I looked at the camera feed it was her.”
“What?” Adam sat up suddenly. “What do you mean she’s at our headquarters? Is she there with other police? Are they raiding the place? Was there some kind of new lead?”
“It’s just her and Liberty, and she’s still in regular clothes,” Fred said. He handed Adam the phone. “Even though I received a notification, the alarm
didn’t go off so I assumed you’d disabled it and figured something out with her?”
“No,” Adam said. He glanced down at the screen. Sure enough, Noelle and Liberty were standing in the snow outside the warehouse door. Then as he watched, she pushed the door open and walked inside. The building was unlocked? How? Why? He leaped to his feet.
“Mom!” he called. “Do you know why Noelle is at our offices?”
“She is?” Irene stepped out of the kitchen, seeming to bring the scent of spices with her. “I have no idea.”
“Do you have her phone number?” he asked. Why had he been so quick to delete all signs of Noelle Orton from his life?
Irene blinked. “In my contacts list. But I lost my phone in all the confusion earlier.”
“Text me her number when you find it,” Adam said. He pressed his phone into his dad’s hands. “And keep watching the security feed from the different channels.” He scooped his keys up off the table, ran for his coat and shoved his hands through the sleeves. “If anything looks wrong, call me and call the police.” He stuffed his feet into his boots. “The police have a valid warrant to search the place and so it’s probably nothing. But I’m heading over there, just to be safe.”
And to figure out why a dozen alarm bells inside him were now ringing, clanging and warning that something was wrong.
* * *
“Hello?” Noelle called as she walked into the warehouse. The cavernous space was dimly lit and silent except for the sound of her and Liberty’s footsteps on the concrete floor. “Irene?” Please don’t be here, she prayed. Let her have gotten my text to go home.
Tall metal shelves of toys rose high on either side. Rows of dolls seemed to watch her with plastic eyes. She turned a corner and came face-to-face with a wall of old cardboard displays for the Jolly Family Charity. There were the Jollys over the years, starting with a much younger Fred and Irene holding a tiny baby Adam, all the way up to posters with Adam as a child, teenager and then young man in military fatigues. She turned away and headed to the office, where Irene had said to meet her.
