by A. G. Khaliq
“She's left me…” Donte began 146
trembling uncontrollably, fresh tears falling out of his eyes. My chest heaved upwards and downwards as I watched him. I hated seeing him like this. So fucking upset and broken.
“You've gotta help me find her, Arturo!” Donte screamed, in a voice that I didn’t recognize. His voice was hollow.
Like all of the energy had been drained right out of him, and he was left with nothing. “She's all I have…”
“Let me get this straight,” I mumbled. “Is she missing, or did she leave you?”
I folded my arms awkwardly, knowing that I wasn’t going to like the response he was going to give me.
“S - she left me,” said Donte shakily.
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I sighed to myself heavily. I had warned him about Sapphire so many times before, but he didn’t listen to me. I knew how much he loved her and cared for her, but he needed the brutal reality.
The brutal truth, or else he would never move forward, and he would keep dwelling on what he and her could have been. I saw how shit she’d treated him, countless times. Rejecting him, or cussing him out, speaking to him like he was a fucking monster. Like he was dirt on the damn ground.
He deserved a woman who loved him for who he was.
Not a woman who shit-talked him and refused to appreciate him.
“Then no, I ain't fucking helping you, bro,” I murmured. “Get yourself together.”
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Donte let out another blood-curdling scream, collapsing to the floor. I felt so helpless. I just hoped that I could help him to see sense…
He needed to realize his worth.
He needed to know that he was worth more than this.
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17
donte
“You don't understand, bro,” I cried out.
It felt like somebody had shot a million daggers in my chest, and was twisting them. Arturo holding the fucking blade with his brutal truth. The harsh fucking reality hitting me from thousands of directions at once, causing my body to sear in pain. Feeling like my head was 150
splitting open. I was in agony.
I was in so much fucking agony.
“I love her,” I screamed, feeling like I’d reached the brink of insanity. My last straw. “I can't live without her!”
“Did she say anything to you before she left?” Arturo asked.
“Just that she's moving away,” I mumbled, my heart feeling like it was being cut in half with a chainsaw as I recalled the painful text message. Every single word, etched permanently in my memory, haunting me. “That she doesn't feel the same way. Told me not to look for her.”
Arturo drew out a deep breath. As much as I appreciated my brother, he never held back when it came to speaking to me. And him telling me to forget about 151
her was the last thing that I needed right now. How could I forget the one woman who turned my life upside down ever since she walked in it? How could I forget the woman who made me want to drop everything to be with her? How could I forget the woman who taught me that there was more to life than work, making money, and empty sex?
How could I forget the woman who made me believe that love existed, even for a criminal like me?
“Bro, don't you understand?”
Arturo muttered. “If she doesn't want you to look for her, then why do you want to find her? The ship has sailed.
You're just going to rub more salt in the wound.”
He folded his arms uneasily, as his eyes continued to pierce mine. I couldn’t bear this pain.
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I couldn’t fucking bear it.
“I've never felt like this about a woman before, Arturo,” I pleaded exhaustedly. “I can't just let her go. She turned my life upside down from the moment she fucking stepped in it. Had me fall head over heels in love, only to fucking leave me!”
I broke off my sentence, seething, as I let out another blood-curdling scream. I punched my desk repeatedly, smashing my computer to the ground. I was going fucking crazy.
And it was all because of her.
“I know how much you love her, Donte,” Arturo sighed, taking his head into his hands. “Me, Mom and Dad, Pedro and Iglesias can all see how much you love that woman.” He trailed off his 153
sentence, sighing heavily. A tear was pricking in his own eye, and this only made me feel even more worse about myself. “Ma was glad that you were finally settling down after sleeping around for so long. I know what you're going through, bro. I feel your pain.”
I allowed myself to sob. I was tired of being strong. I was tired of putting up a rough, tough exterior, when inside, I was shattered and broken. I was so fucking tired.
“I once loved a woman just as much as you did,” Arturo breathed. “Sofia Martinez. A beautiful woman with bright, wild red hair, when I was studying at university in London.”
I furrowed my eyebrows, knowing how much it hurt my brother whenever her name was mentioned. I saw how much his own world tore apart when 154
Sofia Martinez left him. I saw how damaged he was. How much he tried to find her, without success.
A little like me, really.
“I loved her so much. But I never pursued a relationship with her. We were born into the Mafia, Donte. Even though we don't take part in it, anybody we bring into our lives is liable to danger,” Arturo spat bitterly. “And I loved her so much, that I didn't want to bring her into this life. She deserved better than to have to risk her life to be with me. And because I loved her so much, I let her go. I stopped looking for her, knowing that it would be selfish of me. She was better off without me, anyway. She was a bright girl, and she had a bright future ahead of her.
Studying Accounting and Finance, she was headed for success… I didn’t want to hold her back. It’s like that Dave lyric, from How I Met My Ex. How many men 155
stop their women from achieving because in secret, they’ve been feeling insecure?”
Deep down, I could relate with Arturo’s pain. Sapphire was a smart woman. A Python developer, and she’d studied Computer Science at Harvard.
Did she really need a man like me, with so many demons in the closet, holding her back?
I guessed she really was better off without me…
“I know you love Sapphire, Donte,”
Arturo shrugged. “But this was going to be a fuck up from the beginning. She's a Python developer, and all of our fucking relatives are part of the Criminal underworld. We broke off from them to live a life without crime. All we sell is legal firearms, for cops and do-gooders.
We make good money without needing 156
to destroy lives. Without participating in the nasty side of business, like human trafficking. We don't kill innocents, and we don't sell drugs.” He sighed. “But that doesn't mean that danger isn't a part of us.”
I could feel my skin burning as Arturo’s words etched their way into my flesh. Because deep down…
I knew he was right.
I knew that there was so much truth to what he was saying.
“You've gotta ask yourself if it's really worth it,” Arturo went on. “If she doesn't even feel the same way about you, and doesn't even have the decency to confront you in person, then why the fuck would you pursue her? It's unhealthy and toxic, Donte. She played you like a puppet. Made you feel like you 157
had something, but just used you for a few quick fuck's to forget her ex. You have to let her go, Donte.”
Arturo went on and on relentlessly, torturing me with nothing but the sounds coming out of his mouth. The harsh fucking reality, and it was driving me insane. I was going fucking crazy.
How would I ever be able to move past this? How would I ever be able to forget her?
“You're a good man,” Arturo breathed. “You're my fucking brother, man, and I can't stand to see you upset.
You've got a good heart, and a big one at that. Your heart's always been in the right place, despite all of the skeletons we’ve got in the c
loset. Despite our upbringing, and some of the shady shit we’ve had to involve ourselves in. You’ve stayed true to yourself, and stack to your morals.
And one day, somebody real will 158
appreciate that. Somebody will love you for who you are. Now is just not that day.
“It's gonna hurt at first. When I let Sofia Martinez go, I was kicking and screaming for months. Crying till I was blue in the face. But as time went on, I learnt to live without her. A part of me still loves her, and a part of me will always love her, but I know it's not the end of the world. Life goes on, with or without a woman.”
Arturo drew out a deep breath, his chest heaving upwards and downwards.
I could feel my heart hammer against my ribcage into a frenzy, feeling like I was about to explode. Feeling like I was a dead man fucking walking.
“Take all the time you need, bro,”
Arturo sighed. “Just don't go looking for her.” He narrowed his eyes, as he continued to stare at me. “I'll give you 159
some space.”
Arturo’s eyes burned into mine for a long moment, before he sighed again, and turned on his heel to walk out of the room. It didn't matter what Arturo said to me. I knew that nothing, absolutely nothing, would ever be able to make me feel better about this.
None of this was making any sense to me. I gave my all to that woman…
And right now, I just couldn't stop screaming and shaking about it. I couldn't
comprehend
what
was
happening. It felt like I was living in a motherfucking nightmare.
But I guessed in some ways, Arturo was right. I couldn't dwell on this forever…
I just really felt that I had a future 160
with Sapphire. I couldn't stand the thought of her seeing another man, touching another man, or getting intimate with another man…
A man that wasn't me.
But the more I thought about it, the fatal signs were there from the start. She hadn't been completely honest with me.
She hadn't told me about Brett. How could she forget to mention a whole ex-boyfriend, that she’d been with for years after Fibonacci? If she was over him, then it didn’t make any sense as to why she would hide it from me. Why was she lying about little things that didn’t matter to me?
Her file had said her whole family was deceased, when her mother only died recently. And then there were those two shady motherfuckers at her mother's funeral, addressing her with the name 161
"Maya". And I could have sworn that I’d seen them somewhere before.
Both of them.
And that argument looked really fucking personal…
I didn't know what any of this meant. I hadn't been able to put two and two together yet, but I guessed I deserved this. I wasn't honest with her either.
Arturo was right. Even though me and my family didn’t do or participate in anything illegal, we were still related to people who were part of the Mafia. And we didn't do anything to stop them. We weren’t completely innocent either.
If I'd hidden things from Sapphire, of course she was going to hide things from me…
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Our whole relationship was based on a fantasy. Plugging ourselves out from our surroundings, just us two against the world. When really, it wasn't realistic at all…
It was never going to work. Not with how much we hid from each other.
No wonder she fucking left me.
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maya
Please God…
Don't let me die in here.
Please let Donte find me.
I love you, Donte.
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But you won't want anything to do with me now…
Not now that Fibonacci has sent that message to you.
I'm going to die with Donte thinking that I don't love him.
With Donte thinking I moved away…
When really, I was fucking kidnapped.
I was lying down on the cold tarmac. I didn’t know how long I’d been here now. I couldn’t tell the difference between day and night anymore, because Fibonacci had left me here to rot.
I was saying prayers to God internally.
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Pleading that God would hear my cries.
Pleading that God would hear me kicking and screaming.
Pleading that God would send help for me.
Praying that this wasn’t the end…
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
The trinity…
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donte
One foot in front of the other, I allowed my legs to carry me to her house.
Sharon’s fucking house.
I was past caring at this point. I needed to fuck and forget.
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The only thing I knew.
The only thing I was good at.
The only thing I could possibly think of that could numb the pain.
The one thing that Sapphire stopped me from doing for her sake.
And now I was going back to it because she was gone.
“Sharon, are you home?” I called out, as I walked in.
Sharon walked into the living room. She was wearing tiny denim shorts paired with skyscraper fuck me high-heels and a red bralette.
“Hey Donte,” she waved.
“Are your parents’ home?” I asked 168
quickly, not wanting to beat around the bush. Not wanting to waste another second before I buried myself inside of her and rearranged her guts.
“No,” Sharon shrugged.
“Good,” I snarled, crashing my mouth down on hers so hard that I could feel the oxygen knock out of my lungs.
“Cos I need you. All of you. Right now.”
“Mmm, baby,” Sharon moaned, as I unhooked her bra with ease. “This is a nice surprise.”
I didn’t want to talk anymore.
I needed to forget.
I needed to fucking forget…
“That
was
nice,
babe,”
Sharon
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whimpered, as she rolled off of me after we fucked five rounds. She gave me a soft kiss on my chest, before she closed her eyes and began to sleep on my lap.
It was wrong of me to sleep with Sharon, but I was past caring at this point. I needed a distraction, and she was the perfect one. I was going to go ahead with the marriage with her. I was lucky that I'd forgotten to cancel the contracts while I was with Sapphire. At least now, the marriage would proceed as normal, and I'd have a fucking rebound.
I knew that the only person I was kidding was myself. Even when I slept with Sharon, having sex with her as rough as I possibly fucking could, Sapphire kept ringing at the back of my head. It felt like I was fucking cheating on her, even though it was over. It didn't feel right to be with another woman at all. It was a shame that Sapphire couldn't say 170
the same.
But I knew that I couldn't wallow in self-pity forever. I needed to move forward with my life… And Sharon was probably the best way to fucking do it. I knew that Sharon was crazy obsessed with me, so at least I could be with her with the comfort that she wouldn't leave me or cheat on me.
I let out a sigh, as Sharon continued to snore against my chest. It felt like the walls were closing in around me. Like I was suffocating, and I was tied to Sharon for life.
But I didn’t see any other fucking option.
No other option at all…
“Hey Sharon?” I murmured,
rubbing my chin as I continued to 171
immerse myself in my thoughts. “Are you awake, babe?”
“Mmhmm,”
Sharon
yawned.
“You're tense, baby. Is there something on your mind?”
“No,” I breathed quickly, not wanting her to pursue the subject further. “We need to plan a day for the wedding… Now that the contracts are in pla
ce.”
“Of
course,
baby,”
Sharon
murmured against my chest. “As soon as my parents come home, we'll go through it with them.”
“Okay,” I mumbled, and then continued to feel my head pound with the guilt that ate me up inside, as Sharon drifted into sleep against me.
My life was over.
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My life was fucking over.
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20
maisie
A few days later
Me and Maisie walked into the mall, browsing through the different stores.
We’d already bought about ten new mini-dresses each since we’d already worn the clubbing outfits we already had one too many times, and now, I was 174
exhausted to say the least.
“I need new shoes!” Millie exclaimed, as we walked out of Forever 21.
“Can't you go yourself?” I sighed.
“I'm tired.”
“Fine,” she retorted, rolling her eyes. “Wait here. I'll be about ten minutes.”
“Alright,” I shrugged, smiling.
Millie walked away from me. I found myself immersing myself in my own thoughts. I took my phone out of the pocket of my jeans, holding it out in front of my face. I may as well flick through my Instagram feed while I waited for her.
I scrolled through the different pictures that my followers had posted.
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Oh, that looks like a nice restaurant.
Like and comment.
I saw a picture of a model called Melly Sanchez.
Oh my God, that girl has ass for days!
Killing it girl!
I giggled to myself, before continuing to scroll. My jaw dropped as I saw a picture of a bodybuilder from the local gym.
That guy is hot as fuck. Damn, I should slide in his DM's, I thought to myself, giggling again.
I continued to scroll through my 176
phone, before I could feel my heart leap to my throat, because I saw something that I was not expecting to see. I was fucking shocked.
