by Erin Noelle
To be honest, as Scarlett told me the story about how she had gone to see Mason in rehab, I believed her she truly was worried about him as a person and her intentions were to be his friend and to help him through his recovery. It was him I didn’t trust for shit, especially in a time when he was sure to feel abandoned by his friends, his fans, and his steady stream of groupies falling at his feet. He was an attention whore, plain and simple. I had never met a front-man of a band who wasn’t; that’s why they were what they were. My musical skills were just as good, if not better than his, but I never had any desire to be up in front of hundreds or thousands of people. He craved the spotlight and it fed his ego and vanity, and having her coming to visit him, to coddle him, was just another form of that. However, I also knew if I forbade her from seeing him, she would either resent me or see him anyway behind my back. Either of those scenarios would end in us breaking up, which was the last thing I wanted.
After worshipping her body for most of the night, reminding her exactly who it was who gave her everything she needed, we both skipped our early morning class and slept in, staying warm and cozy under the covers. I really wanted to do something special and fun with her that weekend. It seemed like ever since we had officially been together as a couple, it was always something causing a strain on our relationship. When we had come back from California, first it was Mina and Noah’s wedding, then it was Mason’s overdose, and for the past couple weeks, it had been the stress of classes in the new semester. We never really had any time for ourselves, so I wanted to get her away for a couple days.
I slipped out of bed while she was still in dreamland and made a few calls to set everything up. When she finally decided to roll out of bed a little after eleven, I told her to get showered up and to pack a bag, because we were going away for a surprise weekend getaway. The smile that lit up her face when I told her warmed my soul, and I couldn’t wait to get us away from there. I ran home, got ready myself, and packed up some clothes. A little more than an hour later, I had Scarlett secured in my front seat and we were heading west on I-10.
“Are you gonna tell me where we’re going?” she asked, obviously both excited and curious as we pulled out of her apartment complex.
“Nope,” I teased her. “You’ll know when we get there.”
“Well, how long of a drive is it?”
“Just a couple hours. Settle down, Nervous Nellie. It will be fun, I promise.
She gave me that signature Scarlett smile and melted my heart. “Ok, I trust you. I just like being prepared for where I’m going and who I’m going to be around.”
I grabbed her hand and brought it to my mouth, kissing the top of her knuckles. “Other than the hotel staff, I’m the only person you need to worry about being around.”
True to my word, about three hours later, we pulled up to Lake Austin Spa Resort. After a quick check-in with the front desk, I retrieved the keys to our premier hot tub cabin and I drove the car around to our home for the next two nights. When we entered the cabin, she was like a little kid on Christmas morning, looking around at everything, taking it all in. She was beaming from ear to ear, and I knew I made the right decision. When she made her way to the French doors in the back of the cabin, she opened them and found the back porch decked out with a hot tub and posh sitting area with breathtaking views of the lake.
“It’s absolutely gorgeous, Ash,” she whispered in her sweet voice. She turned around and launched herself into my arms. “Thank you so much for bringing me here. It’s perfect.”
I enveloped her tightly in my arms, burying my face in her hair, savoring her heavenly smell. “You’re welcome, butterfly; anything for you.”
Sunday afternoon came before either of us wanted it to. We had spent forty-eight hours being completely pampered at the spa and divulging in the delicious meals prepared by the chefs. My mom and sister had always gone to get massages and pedicures when I was growing up, and I never quite understood the draw to it, but after that weekend, I had a newfound respect for the relaxation and rejuvenation those things did for one’s well-being.
Spending that time away, alone with Scarlett, was therapeutic not only on an individual level, but for us as a couple as well. We spent hours upon hours in the hot tub under the stars, talking about our hopes and dreams for the future. I told her all about CERN and my obsession with the research that was going on there. She expressed to me her love for music, which was much deeper than I ever realized. She hadn’t done much with it scholastically, because she was afraid of what her parents and others would think of her wasting a Rice education just to major in music theory. I encouraged her to follow her heart with it. She would only be miserable if she ended up working in the business world if her true calling was in music.
I hoped I had gotten through to her, even if it was just a little, and I was going to continue to push her to follow her dream. On several occasions, I had the opportunity to tell her about California, but I didn’t want to ruin the moment with a possible argument. Plus, I still didn’t know for sure where she could enroll once we got there. I knew everything would work out. Like I had always told her, I had faith that fate would find a way.
Scarlett
When Ash and I came back from our weekend at the lake, I was completely revitalized and felt as if I had a direction for my future. I had been struggling with the whole “what do you want to be when you grow up” topic for some time now. Other than my music, I really had nothing else I felt connected to. All my classes came pretty easy to me for the most part, but I didn’t love any of them. Even though they always pushed my music lessons on me, my parents always made me feel like there was no future in it; it wasn’t an acceptable career choice. However, after talking to Ash about it, I began to realize there was nothing disgraceful at all in following your calling. Even if I was an elementary school music teacher forever, I would be doing something I absolutely loved; it didn’t matter how much money I did or didn’t make nor what my parents thought about it.
After he dropped me off at my apartment that evening, I unpacked my things and changed into my pajamas. I had been hoping Max would be there so I could tell him all about the weekend, but he was nowhere to be found. I also couldn’t wait to tell Mason about my decision. I thought about texting him but decided I would wait to tell him in person on Tuesday when I went to see him. I knew he would be proud of me for going after something I really wanted. I was accepting who I was and what I wanted, and I was finally learning to embrace it. I felt as if things were finally starting to make sense for me.
All of the talking and thinking about music also made me realize that other than when I was bored at work, I hardly ever played anymore. It had been a long time since I learned to play anything new as well. I pulled my keyboard out of my closet and pulled up the sheet music to Ellie Goulding’s “Burn,” which I was totally in love with. For the next couple hours, I completely lost myself in the song; I allowed the music to take over, my fingers moving fluidly over the keys as I belted out the lyrics. Not even aware Max had come home, he nearly scared the life out of me when his voice joined me midchorus during my concert for one. I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled as he climbed onto my bed next to me, neither of us missing a note.
When we finished the song, he began clapping and whistling. “Bravo! Bravo! My dear Scarlett, when did you learn how to play the piano?”
“Umm, when I was about six,” I teased as I nudged his shoulder with mine.
“I knew you played the guitar, but I had no idea about this… and your voice! Why don’t you do anything with this talent? You’re amazing, sweetheart.”
Slightly blushing, I told him my news. “Well, actually, I decided over this weekend I am going to do something with it. I’ve always felt like it was just something to do as a hobby, but after talking with Ash this weekend, he helped me realize if I really love it, which I do, I should pursue it. So when I got home, I pulled this old thing out,” I explained as I nodded to the keyboard.
A few minutes later, Max and I were holding quite the concert on my bed. We played anything and everything we both knew how to play by memory; I’m sure our neighbors just loved us. I then thought of a song that was perfect for the two of us.
“How quickly can you pick up music from a tab sheet?” I asked him.
He rolled his eyes at me. “So do you not know who I am? I am the guitarist for the world-renowned 32 Leaves,” he retorted, acting annoyed.
“Oh, well, excuse me,” I said playfully. I put the iPad in his lap with “Together” pulled up on it. “In that case, here. Read over this while I play the song for you to listen to. I’ll expect you to nail it on the first try.”
After we listened to it a couple times, he said, “Okay, I think I’ve got it. Let’s give it a go.” And nail it, he did. We sounded amazing, if I do say so myself. Even he knew it. “Okay, let’s try it again, but dirty it up a little. It’s a little too bubblegum for both our voices,” he suggested.
I nodded excitedly, completely understanding what he was saying. Our voices harmonized perfectly together, and after just a couple run-throughs, we had pretty much perfected it.
Looking at the clock on my nightstand, I saw it was after two in the morning. Max’s eyes followed mine and he laughed. “Yes, we both better get some sleep. I’m afraid our song won’t help us pass any of our classes this semester.” He kissed me on the forehead before getting off the bed. “Get some sleep, rock star. We’ll play again tomorrow.”
I slipped in between my cool sheets as he walked out of my room. Just before he closed the door behind him, he stuck his head in and said, “If Noah and the rest of the guys are okay with it, would you ever be interested in doing a song or two with us up at Empty’s?”
I lifted my head off of the pillow and looked at him in disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious, silly. You’re really incredible” he answered, smiling brightly.
“Absolutely. I’d love it.”
“Okay, I’ll let you know what they say. Goodnight, sweetheart.”
“Goodnight, Maxi.”
Twelve
Wake Me Up—Avicci
The Forgotten—Green Day
Mason
One more day. I had one more day in the rehab center before I rejoined the rest of society, and to be quite honest, I was a little nervous. Despite my initial denial I even needed help to begin with, my mindset toward how I viewed both myself and others was completely different five weeks after walking through those doors. The clarity in which I was beginning to see things with was incredible, and learning how to make decisions in the best interest of me without being a selfish asshole was becoming attainable.
Scarlett’s visits every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon were the bright spots of my week. I was thrilled when she told me about her decision to follow her musical dreams. Of course, as a musician myself, I knew the fulfillment it helped bring to my life, and I really wanted her to find true happiness as well, wherever that was. It had become apparent that any hope of Scarlett and me ever being together in a romantic sense was all but nonexistent, no matter what I wanted, but I still wanted the absolute best life for her.
Our relationship while I was in the center had blossomed into an amazing friendship. I had always known she was sweet, compassionate, and had a heart of gold, but I discovered she had an amazing sense of humor and was fun to just hang out with. My desire to touch her smooth porcelain skin or kiss her soft pink lips had not disappeared, but I learned to push it to the back of my mind. Her being in my life, in whatever capacity, made me a better person; I’d take my angel any way I could get her.
I decided I wanted to stay at my apartment in Houston for the six weeks post release for a couple reasons. First, I could continue my therapy with Heather if I stayed in the city, and I had formed a great bond with her. Sometimes, it was hard to remember she was my counselor and not my friend. I knew at some point I would be leaving both her and Houston to rejoin the band in Austin, but I thought another six weeks with her rather than starting over with a new therapist would be the best thing for me.
That night after dinner, several of the other patients I had become friends with all stopped by my room to hang out for a while. Someone asked me what the first thing I was going to do when I got out was, and my reply was go to McDonald’s. After everyone laughed a bit, they each began talking about what they couldn’t wait to do. Answers ranged from seeing friends to apologizing to parents to having sex until it got to one girl, Andi, who said, “I never want to leave.” The response stunned me, so I immediately asked why. “There’s nothing out there for me. My family doesn’t want me, and I don’t have many real friends, so there’s really nowhere for me to go that’s not going to lead me right back here again,” she said matter-of-factly with a shrug.
My heart broke for her. I couldn’t imagine feeling hopelessness like that. I didn’t have much family either; Marcus was it for me. Even though he and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye, I couldn’t imagine having no one at all. As for friends, I was blessed in that department. Cruz had been my best friend since we were little kids. I knew he had my back no matter what. Slowly throughout school, we added his cousin Sebastian and then Aaron to our group, and even as much as I whined about Aaron’s girlfriend, Sophie, she had always been a good friend to me. Then there was Scarlett. I knew I could depend on her no matter what. The fact that we had salvaged a friendship after everything we’d been through was proof we weren’t going anywhere in each other’s lives.
Bringing my attention back to the group, conversation had moved to what everyone’s favorite restaurant was. The small group hung out until it was time for lights out, and then I said my final goodbyes and wished them all the best.
Before Andi walked out the door, I asked her to stay back a minute. I had never really paid much attention to her; she was tiny in stature and typically very quiet during group activities and just kind of stayed to herself. She always hid behind her long dark hair and baggy clothes. As she looked up at me, the surprise evident in her big blue eyes, I asked her, “When do you get out?”
“Whenever I want really. I’ve been here for nearly five months now. My parents just keep paying, because they don’t want to deal with me. Their life is easier if I’m here.”
I frowned, not even trying to hide my displeasure. “How old are you?”
“I turned eighteen last week.” Damn, she was just a baby. I didn’t understand why parents would rather keep their kid locked up in here rather than at home where they could actually be parents.
“What are you in here for?”
“What am I not in here for?” She laughed nervously as she pushed her hands into her pockets.
“Don’t answer my question with a question please. I want to know what your drug of choice is,” I said sternly.
“I’ve dabbled in pretty much everything, but my addiction is not alcohol or drug related. Blood is my drug of choice,” she replied as her eyes pierced mine. “I cut.”
“Oh” was the only thing I managed to say. Her answer caught me completely off guard and it took me a minute to wrap my head around it. She stood there staring at me with a snarky look on her face. “Any other questions, Dad?”
“You don’t need to get defensive with me,” I said calmly. “I was going to tell you if you wanted a place to stay on the outside, I have a two-bedroom apartment you are more than welcome to stay at. My brother owns a bar and I could get you a job, but if alcohol was your issue, that probably wouldn’t be the best idea. I wasn’t trying to be your dad; I was trying to be your friend.”
Her face relaxed as she realized what I was offering her. “Why would you do that for me? You don’t know me. How can you trust me?”
“You’re right. I don’t. However, if you really don�
�t have anyone or anywhere to go, I would hope you’re a decent enough person that you wouldn’t screw over the one person trying to help you. Unless you really do want to live here forever…”
Before I knew it, she flew across the room and was sobbing in my arms. “You are the nicest person I have ever met. I can’t believe you just said all that. Are you some kind of guardian angel or something?”
Laughing, I answered, “No, not even close, but I am taking notes from one. You’ll meet her tomorrow.” She pulled back and cocked her head at me, confused. I continued, “If you accept the offer, one of my closest friends, Scarlett, who truly is an angel, will be picking me up to take me home tomorrow. Since you’re eighteen and have finished the program, I’m guessing you can check yourself out at any time? So I thought she could take us both at the same time.”
She began jumping up and down in my arms, grinning from ear to ear. She really was a cute girl once you found her face behind all that hair. “Yes! Yes! I will pack up my stuff tonight and discharge myself in the morning.”
“There are rules in the apartment, Andi. Absolutely no drugs whatsoever, not even pot. I can’t be around any of it. If you do decide to work at the bar, alcohol can’t become an issue; you will lose your job. Don’t steal from me; please don’t fucking steal from me. And you’ve got to continue counseling for the cutting. If I find out you’re doing it again, I will drive your ass back here in a heartbeat.” I looked at her sternly. “Are you cool with all that?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“Also, in six weeks, I will be commuting back and forth between Houston and Austin, so I won’t be there all the time. Not that it should be an issue, but just so you know,” I warned her.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe this. I promise I won’t disappoint you,” she said as she left my room, obviously ecstatic.
