by Natavia
“I saw him somewhere before. I think he was in the grocery store with an older lady,” Cooley said.
“His mother, I’m sure.”
“Naw, they looked cozy,” Cooley said.
“And who do you look cozy wit’ at work?” Tinka asked with her hand on her hip.
“Nobody, baby. Who told you that?” Cooley asked.
Dade came out of the building still wearing wet clothes while he was eating a hotdog.
“Damn, this car is trash,” Dade said about Cooley’s ride.
“Hold up, patna. What you say about my whip?” Cooley asked with his chest out.
“I said it is trash. You wasted money on it. Shiddd, nigga, you could’ve gave that money to me if you wanted to donate sumthin,” Dade said with mustard smeared across his face. Cooley pushed Dade into the door of the building.
“Nigga, don’t talk about my ride! I worked like a slave for that fancy car,” Cooley said, getting emotional. Dade pushed Cooley into his car and it knocked the rearview mirror off. All hell broke loose when they got into a fight. People at the car wash surrounded them, even the customers.
“Beat his ass, Cooley, before I whip your ass!” Tinka shouted. My father ran out along with Roberta.
“Break this mess up!” my father said, getting in between.
Dade and Cooley were swinging at each other and missing. Dade made a mistake and hit Tinka. I said a silent prayer because I knew she was going to act a fool. She picked up a plastic trash can and swung it at Dade, knocking him and Cooley on the ground. Cooley got up and got the best of Dade by kicking him. Roberta grabbed Cooley by his chain and Tinka mushed her, making her fall on the ground.
“Go the hell home, Tinka! You and this muthafucka need to get off my property!” my father yelled at Tinka.
“Dade started it!” Tinka yelled back at him.
“Dade always starts it. Let’s just go,” I said, grabbing Tinka by the arm. She and Cooley got inside his car and sped out of the parking lot. I did the same thing to avoid questions from my father.
Everyone is right. Me and Tinka are always surrounded by trouble. I’m gettin’ too old for this shit.
Before I went home, I stopped at the grocery store to grab a few things and get laundry detergent, so I could wash clothes and straighten up the house. I wanted everything to be spotless for when Mayor came home.
************
I met Ian at a sushi bar close to downtown Baltimore. He was sitting at the bar when I walked inside the restaurant. Ian was wearing jeans, a nice hooded shirt and a pair of Yeezy’s. His cologne reminded me of something Mayor wore.
“You look beautiful,” he said when I sat next to him.
“Thank you,” I replied.
I was wearing a black thin sweater with a pair of jeans and flat leopard print shoes I bought from Aldo a while back.
“I still have the room if you want to go there. If not, it’s not a big deal. I’ve been stayin’ there, so I could rest peacefully,” he said.
“I have to wake up early tomorrow mornin’.”
The waitress came over to take our drink orders. I never had sushi before, but I was hungry and willing to try anything. I let Ian order the sushi for me.
“How has work been comin’ along?”
“It’s goin’ well,” he said.
My phone rang, and it was Mayor calling me. I told Ian I had to use the bathroom, so I could take Mayor’s call.
“Hello.”
“What’s up, shorty? Whatchu up to?” he asked.
“Nothing, I’m just out with Tinka.”
I can’t say Essa cause she might be with Governor and he can easily find out. This is gettin’ complicated.
“Oh word? Where y’all at?” he asked.
“I’m at a sushi bar in Baltimore. At least I’m close to home. It’s called RA Sushi Bar,” I replied.
“Yeah, that’s a nice lil’ spot. Me and Governor had a few meetins there. But be home soon, shorty. I’m gonna call back and check up on you,” he said and hung up.
Wow, that’s odd.
I went back to where Ian was, and he hung up his cell phone as soon as he saw me. Something didn’t seem right. All the times I met up with Ian, I’ve never felt guilty about it until now.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. We have to talk.”
“Okay, what’s up?” he replied.
“First and foremost, I want to thank you for all of our conversations because they got me through the days when I was at my lowest. Many times, I’ve doubted myself but lately you’ve helped me figure out a lot of things within myself, but I can’t continue on wit’ this anymore. Me and my boyfriend are tryin’ to work it out. I’m sorry I wasted your time, but I had to let you know before it goes any further,” I said.
Ian played with the straw in his drink with an emotionless expression on his face. I didn’t know what else to say. In the beginning, I liked the idea of him, but Mayor had my heart. We were indeed dysfunctional, but we worked.
“It’s because I’m a cop? Your friends don’t approve? When will you grow up and stop lettin’ them control you?” he asked.
“I am growin’ up, Ian. This is the first step and I cannot drag this along. When we first started talkin’, me and him weren’t on good terms but now we are.”
“I understand,” he said nonchalantly before he took a sip of his drink.
I grabbed my clutch off the bar and headed to the entrance. Ian called out to me, so I turned around.
“Tell Mayor I said, ‘what’s up,’” he said, smiling.
Words couldn’t explain how I was feeling. My stomach was turning, and my head was feeling light. If looks could kill, Ian would’ve had his head blown off. If I wasn’t sure then, I was sure now. Ian’s partner had bruises and I wondered if he was in on Mayor and his friends getting attacked. Mayor said they fought back. The thing is, I never told Ian about Mayor. I could only come up with one conclusion; Ian was watching me. So, if he knew about me and Mayor, he was probably watching for a while. I exited the restaurant and practically ran to my car. A car blew their horn at me when I cut them off. I was too afraid to go home.
How can I explain to Mayor I was talkin’ to someone who was robbin’ his people for his product?
I was talking to the enemy.
Essa
I was on my couch watching TV when someone banged on my door. It was nine o’clock at night and all I wanted to do was mope around my apartment. When I opened the door, Kitty was standing in front of me in tears. Her mascara was running down her face and her eyes were puffy.
“What is the matter with you?” I asked pulling her inside my apartment.
“Ian is a dirty cop,” she said.
“Well, most cops are now a days.”
“No, Essa. You don’t understand! Ian is the one robbin’ niggas. He threw a slur tonight after I told him I was workin’ on my relationship. I’m not a dumb bitch, I read between the lines. Then I saw his partner earlier and he was bruised up. Mayor told me how some guys in black jumped out on them in an unmarked police van and tried to kidnap them, but they fought back. Mayor was stabbed behind it. I feel so fucked up, Essa,” she cried.
“You mean to tell me square-ass Ian is out here thuggin’ on the police force?”
“You know they act tough when they have a badge. What drug dealer is gonna report cops robbin’ them? But he knows I’m with Mayor. How would he know that when I didn’t tell anyone? He has been watchin’ Mayor I bet,” she said.
I promised Governor I would never speak on anything that I knew about his dealings in the streets and what happened that night at the gas station, but I trusted Kitty.
“I was with Governor one night at a gas station and three men walked in. Apparently, the man who owns the gas station is into the life, too, because they were lookin’ for him. They were bold. Most people rob places late at night when a lot of cars aren’t driving past but they walked right in and called out his name.
Ian came from Baltimore, right?”
“Yes, but he was transferred here. He said a lot of things were happenin’ up there. I think he must’ve moved down here to keep an eye on who was gettin’ what. I hope someone tie his ass up and beat him,” she said.
“You know you gotta tell Mayor he has dirty cops on his ass. I know you’re scared but you’ll look like a traitor even though you didn’t know.”
“He’ll tell me I shouldn’t have been talkin’ to a cop anyway,” she replied.
“It’s not like he was a complete stranger. We went to school wit’ the bitch.”
“Maybe I should tell Governor and he can tell Mayor,” she said.
“Sweetie, that’ll be even worse. Governor won’t spare your feelins because he’s not in love wit’ you; Mayor is. Look, go get some pajamas out of my closet and lay down on the couch. Rest yourself.”
Kitty wiped her eyes, but the tears wouldn’t stop falling.
“I wish I was like you. Your life is perfect and don’t mention Ricardo. The situation wit’ Ke’Ari will end soon but what I’m goin’ through seems like it’s gonna last forever. I think this is gonna be the end of me and Mayor. I really love him, and for a while I have been makin’ up all these excuses as to why I shouldn’t, but I can’t leave him alone,” she said.
“What about the baby?”
“I told myself last night I wanted to get rid of it but I’ve canceled the appointment earlier. I can’t do that neither especially since I think he knows. I’m so tired of keepin’ secrets,” she said.
“Well, then there you have it. Kitty is havin’ a baby. Awww, congrats. I can’t wait, but just remember me and Tinka got you in case Mayor acts up.”
“I know y’all got me and that’s why I love y’all,” she weakly smiled.
A second later, someone knocked on the door. Kitty went to answer it, but I told her to sit down just in case it was someone who was following her. I looked out the peephole and it was Sinna. There was a rumor going around in the building saying I sent my cousins to Sinna’s job to fight her, but I didn’t know about it until I heard it from someone in the building. Tinka and Baby Head Poo said nothing to me and Sinna hadn’t confronted me yet, so I figured the bitch was lying. I opened the door and she stood in front of me dressed in fighting gear.
“Where is Governor?” she asked.
“He isn’t here.”
“Bitch, I know that! I asked you if you know where he is? He’s been dodging me, and I know you have sumthin to do wit’ it,” she said. Kitty came to the door and stood next to me.
“Who you talkin’ to like that?” Kitty asked.
“Go ahead and fight me so you can get evicted,” Sinna warned.
“Hoe, I don’t live here!” Kitty said.
Kitty walked away and went to my bedroom then came back with one of my exercise push-up bars. Sinna stood her ground which caught me by surprise.
Maybe sumthin really happened because this broad didn’t back away yet.
“What’s up, Sinna? I don’t have time for your bullshit,” I said.
“Tell Governor to call me. We have a baby to talk about,” she said.
“Bitch, what?”
“You heard me! You think you’re the only one in the building fuckin’ that nigga? You think because you ride around wit’ him and work for him, it makes you any different? Hoe, that man ain’t feelin’ you like that. He’s used to this!” Sinna said.
“Girl, stop lyin’ on that man’s dick!” Kitty said.
“What do I need to lie for? Essa knows damn well why Governor keeps her out of the building! It’s because he doesn’t want her to know what he does wit’ me. Don’t believe me, tell him to show you his text messages that I’ve been sending for the past weeks. He hasn’t been inside this building since because he knows I’m gonna blow his cover! You ain’t gotta believe me but, bitch, you’ll see soon. Good day!” Sinna said and walked away. She waited until she got to her door to tell me I better get checked because Governor gave her and Rochelle an STD. Before I could say anything, she went into her apartment and locked the door.
“You have been usin’ condoms, right?” Kitty asked when I closed the door.
“No, not the last few times we haven’t.”
“Oh damn. You feel different?” Kitty asked.
“I think that hoe lyin’,” I replied, snatching a bottle of liquor off the kitchen table.
“I don’t know, Essa. Sis sounded like she really knows sumthin. I’m not sayin’ Governor is guilty but you don’t want to turn away from this. STDs are nothin’ to play wit’ and hoes don’t go around lyin’ about havin’ one neither,” Kitty said.
I took my liquor bottle to the couch and guzzled the rest of it down. Governor was honest with me about everything. We didn’t hold anything back from each other. We were friends at the end of the day and he could’ve told me about Sinna. I was starting to wonder if he was rushing to have his mother’s old house finished, so I could move in, then I thought back to that night where I heard him arguing with Sinna over the phone. The argument was before he told me to move into his mother’s house.
“That nigga played me,” I thought after a while.
“I’d expect that from Mayor but not Governor,” Kitty said.
“You mean to tell me you have never heard anything about Governor slinging dick throughout the city?”
“I’ve heard stories about him, but I didn’t know him personally to judge him and still don’t. Mayor never took me around him, so I can’t say,” she said. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.
“I trusted him so easily. Even let him talk me into handlin’ the situation wit’ Ke’Ari. I should’ve just gone ahead and got my own fuckin’ lawyer. But what can I say? I fell in love wit’ his dirty dick ass. I ain’t never have an STD before.”
“You might want to take a pregnancy test, too,” Kitty said.
“No, I’m on birth control. I got back on it when I was released from the detention center. You know I get bad periods.”
“What you wanna do?” she asked.
“I’m gonna tell him I need to talk to him,” I replied. I called Governor and he answered on the third ring. It was noisy in the background and I could hear men talking.
“What’s up, Essa? I’m in the middle of sumthin. How important is it?” he asked.
“Very important! We need to talk.”
“Aight, I’ll be there in two hours,” he said and hung up.
“This is why I need to stay away from men! Who gets their heart broken twice in a year?”
“We’ll get through this,” Kitty said.
She went into the kitchen to cook something for me while I paced back and forth in the living room.
Maybe I can look at it first.
I went to the bathroom and pulled down my house pants and thong. After I sat on the toilet, I grabbed a make-up mirror to see if my vagina looked dead.
“Ummm, still looks good. No nasty discharge nor smell,” I said aloud.
This doesn’t mean anything. Who am I kidding?
I threw the mirror across the bathroom in frustration. The reason I let Governor enter my body without protection was because I trusted him. Obviously, he didn’t really care about me if he was sleeping with other women. I went back to the living room and laid across the couch.
“I betrayed my son,” I said to Kitty.
“How?” she asked from the kitchen.
“I was so caught up in Governor when I should’ve been doin’ things to get him back.”
“You are doin’ things to get him back, Essa. That shit doesn’t work overnight. You have a job, an apartment and you tried to reach out to Ricardo plenty of times. What can you do if you don’t have custody? I mean, ask yourself what else can you do besides get a lawyer involved which isn’t cheap and you’ve been savin’ up for that. What else can you do?” Kitty asked.
“Sumthin. Anything.”
“Okay, but let’s think positiv
e here. At least Ke’Ari isn’t with a bad parent. You miss him, and I get that, but it’s not like he was taken away by the state and you don’t know who has him. This is just a nasty custody battle that’ll pass with the right lawyer to represent you. But in the meantime, you can still want to be loved. Hell, I think Governor kept you sane because knowin’ you, you probably would be in jail right now,” she said.
