by Kata Čuić
“And we get total access to our only grandbaby,” Rob’s mom adds.
Evie grins at me. Yep. She’s evil. She launches herself at Rob. Literally climbs him like a tree and snakes her arms around his neck then peppers his face with kisses.
He wraps his arms around her and buries his face in the crook of her neck.
Rob’s mom—who I also have called Mom since I was little—takes the empty seat beside me. She pats my hand and whispers, “Truthfully, we don’t say anything because after everything they’ve been through, they deserve this.”
Well, shit. I guess I deserve something completely different.
I hand Robbie the cookie he’s already drooling over as I rise from my seat. I pop a kiss on top of his blond hair. “Between you and me, this isn’t really about your mom and dad. I’m going to be your favorite uncle, and Uncle Mike is gonna be left in the dust.”
I stare at the picture on my phone. I should be grateful that Amira texted it to me at all, but I can only focus on missing something else—Layla’s first real smile.
We’ve been doing this long-distance thing for two months now. I’ve only had time to fly to Orlando twice for long weekends.
Amira was right. Getting traded to a new team has been more of a whirlwind than getting drafted to the pros. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have PT on top of everything else. Getting on a six-hour flight in pain is too much temptation to pop a couple pills and pass out for the duration. I’m never going down that road again.
Whenever I get to hold my daughter, I want to be fully present in the moment—no matter how short and far between the visits are.
Training camp starts soon. I’m going to have less time than ever, even though I’m not cleared to participate.
I swipe through all the photos Amira has sent me. Watch all the videos of Layla cooing at nothing at all. It only takes a few minutes. I’m going to miss a lifetime at this rate.
I press Amira’s contact and listen as her voicemail picks up right away. For the past few days, she either hasn’t had time to talk to me or her phone’s been off.
We were okay at first. She still didn’t want to hear my explanations of the bet between me and Mayview, but she didn’t cut me off from Layla either. We worked out a good schedule for me to be as involved as possible from across the country. Robbie already has a library of books, and I read a different one to Layla every other night. She falls asleep at Amira’s breast, listening to my voice from hundreds of miles away. I tell her I love her every night. I never get a reply.
Three-month old babies don’t exactly talk yet.
Amira just smiles before disconnecting the video call.
“I think I’m losing her,” I tell the air.
“What makes you think that?” a soft voice replies.
I twist around in my chair to see Evie stepping out onto the patio. She quickly closes the door behind her. The night is immediately a thousand times quieter.
“What’s going on in there?”
She doesn’t answer until she sprawls out on the chaise lounge beside me. “Mike and Tori just got here. Robbie’s excited.”
“Whatever,” I mumble. “I’m his favorite uncle.”
“Of course, you two would turn this into a competition.” Evie laughs, then asks quietly, “So, who are you losing?”
I do not want to talk about it. If I say it out loud, my words will make it real. “Why are Tori and Mike here? Did Rob get Mike a job with the team, too?”
Evie shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “Uh, no. Rob used up every favor anyone in the league ever owed him to get you a spot on the roster. If Mike needs help, he’s shit out of luck.”
“You don’t mean that.”
She smiles. “No. I don’t mean that.”
She stares me down, daring me to cave.
I’m not ready to admit defeat yet. “Seriously. Why are they here? No one told me they were coming to visit. Isn’t Tori ready to pop with those kids yet? It can’t be a good idea for her to hop on a cross-country flight while she’s carrying twins.”
“She’s almost to the no-fly point,” Evie admits. “She’s also scared out of her mind. I mean…twins. Can you even imagine? Hell, I’d be terrified in her shoes, too.”
I nod because nope. I can’t imagine being in their shoes either.
Evie shrugs then continues, “Mike thought it might be a good idea for them to get out of the house while they still can. He figured they could practice here for a while to feel a little more secure.”
“I hate to break it to them, but Robbie’s seven months old, and there’s only one of him. It’s not gonna be the same.”
Layla and Robbie are only four months apart in age but comparing them is like comparing apples to oranges.
“True,” Evie agrees easily enough. “I think they just want to be around family for a while though.”
Yeah. I get that.
It’s also going to be one more happy family shoved in my face while mine slowly slips away.
What kind of father am I to just sit here and let it happen?
“I think I’m gonna quit,” I blurt.
Aww, hell. I’m using Evie as a practice run again. For the past few weeks, I’ve been rehearsing this conversation in my mind. With Rob.
Evie sits forward in her chair and glances at the door before returning her attention to me. “Quit what? Football?”
I blow out a breath. Might as well get this trial-run over with since I already started it. “Yeah. I can’t do this. I appreciate everything you and Rob have done for me. Honestly. But I can’t be apart from my family anymore. Layla’s—” I swallow the ball in my throat. “She’s growing up without me. What’s the point of being her dad if I’m not even there?”
Evie sighs. “Is that who you’re afraid of losing?”
“Yes.” I shake my head. No. “I’ll always be Layla’s dad. Always. Amira though…” I blow out another breath. This one feels like razor blades. Like coming to terms with a loss I’m not sure I can walk away from. “I’m starting to think she’ll never forgive me even if I move back to Florida.”
Evie narrows her eyes at me. “You two talk on the phone constantly. You text. You FaceTime. You’re always wearing this goofy smile on your face that makes me wonder if you’re a pod person. So, explain to me how you feel like you’re losing her.”
I bark out a short laugh to hide the tears that threaten to choke me. “That’s what it looks like on my end. You don’t see her side of things.”
Evie glances toward the door again. “What are you seeing on her side of things?”
Fuck. I really am going to cry. Like a wimp. “She’s…distant. She talks to Layla when we’re on the phone or on video. Not to me. You told me to wait to explain the whole stupid bet with Mayview until she was feeling better. I did. I waited. She still doesn’t want to hear it. Every time I bring it up, she says we should just forget about it. I apologize, and she tells me there’s nothing to apologize for. I tell her I love her every time we talk, Evie. Every time. She won’t even say it back.”
Evie leans forward to place her hand on my arm. “I’m going to give you some really bad news now. Are you ready?”
I don’t need her to tell me what I already know. The writing’s on the wall.
She plows forward anyway, not even waiting on me. “She’s a new mom, Alex. She had a forty-nine-hour labor, finished off by a C-section. She’s exhausted. She’s still sore. She doesn’t sleep, and she forgets to eat most of the time. She’s so busy trying to keep that infant alive and happy and healthy that everyone else in her life has to take a back seat for a while. She’s doing all of this alone. If you can’t understand that, then maybe you’re not as ready for this job as you think you are.”
“Now, you’re just pissing me off,” I mutter. “Why do you think I want to quit the team and go back to Florida? She shouldn’t have to do all that by herself! I should be there to feed her when she forgets, to massage her shoulders when she’s
in pain, to give her a break at the end of the day, so she can take some time for herself! If I can’t feed Layla in the middle of the night, then I can at least be awake with them. We can be tired together.”
Evie removes her hand and leans back in her chair. “That sounds to me like a really good friend.”
I sense a but coming.
“But that’s something anyone could do for her. I could hop a plane to Florida and do all those things for her. Her mom could. Her dad could. Any friend could do those things. What makes you so different?”
Oh, I see where she’s going with this. I also see a reflection on the surface of the pool that wasn’t there when this conversation started.
It takes every ounce of my willpower to keep my ass in this seat. I smirk at Evie. “Do you really want the graphic details of the fantasies I have in your guest shower while I jerk off?”
She rolls her eyes. “That’s just sex.”
“If it was just sex, I would’ve been filling all the time after she graduated with more bodies. I couldn’t do that anymore. I didn’t want to. I wanted Amira. I still want Amira.” I blow out a breath and go for broke. “When she left that first time, I honestly never expected to see her again. I also thought I’d get over it. Get over her. It was just a missed play. I’ve walked away from worse and survived. I never really let go though. We were doing the long-distance thing way before now. If I wanted to make a clean break, I wouldn’t have made time to stay in touch with her. Fate didn’t have to give us another chance, but it did. And maybe if that second chance never happened, we would have both moved on and found someone else eventually. The stars didn’t align that way though, and I’m damn sure not gonna waste this second chance by not giving it my all. If that means quitting my job and going back to Florida, then that’s what I’m prepared to do. If that means being a father to my daughter while Amira moves on and finds someone else? I don’t want to share my little girl or the woman I love, but if it makes Amira happy? I’ll deal with it. I want her to be happy. I think I could be the man to make her happy. She makes me feel like a version of myself I wasn’t sure still existed. She makes me believe in things I thought I quit wanting a long time ago. You’re right—I’m no different than anyone else to her. She’s different to me. No one else has ever been able to compare to her, and I don’t think anyone else ever will. I don’t think her coming back into my life was an accident. I think someone upstairs gave me mercy I don’t necessarily deserve. I want my chance to earn it.”
I hold my breath and wait for something, anything.
Evie sighs and smiles. She glances down at her lap before reaching forward again. Her words are a whisper on the breeze, not meant for anyone else to hear. “You don’t need me for practice anymore. You’re ready. Go win the woman of your dreams.”
I laugh to myself. More like nightmares. Amira came out of the blue when I wasn’t looking and still makes me want to wring her neck sometimes.
Evie picks herself up and walks back into the house of mayhem and baby squeals. One familiar high-pitched shriek makes my heart sing.
I stare at the dark corner near the door where Amira’s been standing for I don’t know how long. Her black eyes glow in the night.
She glances at her feet. “That was dishonest of me. I apologize. I am still…scared. I wanted reassurance that I wasn’t making a mistake.”
I reach my hand out for her. “I’m fucking terrified, but I’m here. You have to take this next step on your own, sweetheart. No one’s forcing you into this. It’s your choice. If you want, we can be scared together.”
I hold my breath again.
She takes one step, then another. Another, and another, and another until she’s climbing onto my lap and wrapping herself around me. She burrows her nose into the crook of my neck, and she can stay here forever. “I missed you. Not all the things you do for me or for Layla. I missed you.”
I breathe in her words and just…her. I don’t want to hurt her if she’s still sore, but I can’t stop myself from squeezing my arms around her either. “I’m going out of my mind here. I can’t do this anymore. Wherever you and Layla are is where I want to be.”
“I’m so tired, Brawn,” she mumbles into my shoulder.
I try not to laugh, so I won’t shake her as her body grows heavier on top of mine. Our daughter’s inside with people I trust to take care of her, to love her. With my good leg, I drag the chair Evie sat in toward me and prop my legs up.
It’s an unintentional analogy of how I got here, with the woman I love heavy in my arms. Even after everything Evie went through—after everything she and Rob put each other through—she was still willing to fight. She didn’t teach me how to love. She taught me how to love through the pain. I’m sitting here right now because I finally learned not to give up when life gets hard.
“I think it is time to discuss our arrangements.”
Robbie wails as I pull Layla off him. She’s going through a biting phase, and Robbie is her favorite chew toy. Pavlov is not getting along any better with Rob and Evie’s cats. It is two to one, and they delight in ganging up on my poor furbaby. Pavlov loses chunks of hair daily from the stress of constantly being on guard for the next attack.
Alex winces as he plucks Robbie from the floor and inspects his arm. “She left bite marks this time. That’s not going to go over well.”
“Layla,” I scold. “We do not bite.”
Alex whimpers. He’s clearly torn. No biting is a hard rule in this house for obvious reasons, but Alex also doesn’t believe babies can be disciplined or taught. He prefers to throw out the rod and grossly spoil the child as his parenting mantra.
“It’s not that bad, buddy. It’s not that bad.” Alex bounces as he tries to soothe Robbie, who’s still crying his sad, little heart out. “You’re going to grow up and never know about all the crap your parents went through, and maybe you’ll even like it when a woman bites you some day.”
“Alex!” I hiss as I cover Layla’s ears.
I glance through the doorway of the play room, but all is quiet elsewhere in the house. Tonight is Rob and Evie’s turn to go to bed early while we put the kids to sleep. Tomorrow will be our turn to get a few much-needed hours of extra rest.
Living with another set of young parents has advantages. Especially since Alex’s road to recovery has meant that his contract is dependent upon him making a return to full play. Thanks to the generosity of our extended family, we haven’t incurred the potential financial risk of buying a home in Sacramento, only to have to sell it a short time later.
Alex still hasn’t found a buyer for his house in Orlando. Real estate is as fickle as professional football apparently.
“What?” Alex shrugs as he pulls Robbie’s head to his chest to comfort him. “He might. If I didn’t know all the things I know, I’d probably enjoy you biting me.”
The old jealousy that would have sparked a lifetime ago over the knowledge that Alex has seen the scars on Evie’s breasts from a much more violent bite would have felled me. All I hear now is that Alex might enjoy my teeth on him.
An old, familiar sensation thrums between my thighs. Between the rigors of parenting a young child, beginning a new job as the team psychologist for a local college, and living with a house full of other people, Alex and I have not had much time for intimacy. Certainly, not the kind that isn’t dependent upon being nearly silent since Layla shares a room with us.
Honestly, the idea of Layla being mere feet away from us freaks Alex out so much that we haven’t had sex nearly as much as we might if she had her own nursery.
An orgasm every night would be a very physically and emotionally soothing way to end the never-ending stressful days.
Perhaps I can motivate him to consider renting our own place in Sacramento. I smile my best seductive smile. The kind he never had to teach me. I’m not above playing mind games to get what I want. “Are you a secret sub? I never would have imagined. What, with all your rippling muscles and adept skill
at bringing me to my knees.”
His eyes widen. A flame flickers in his electric blue eyes. “No. Don’t you dare. I am holding a baby. You are holding a baby.”
“Brawn,” I draw out. “Do you really need me to teach you where babies come from? Your unmatched skills in the bedroom say otherwise.” I tap my chin with my free hand. “Just think. If we had our own place, we would not have to be confined to the bedroom…”
It is a shame someone will eventually buy the Orlando house. I have very fond memories of many surfaces there.
Alex glares at me while he conspicuously adjusts the growing bulge below his waist.
I sigh with happiness.
Sweatpants are truly God’s gift to women.
Alex is truly God’s gift to me.
“Quick! Quick! Give me Robbie! I need to hide!”
Alex cups his erection as Rob barrels into the playroom and steals his son. It is one of the most adept and fast-paced turnovers I’ve ever witnessed.
Rob crouches down in a random corner of the room with Robbie clutched to his chest. He’s much larger than a football. Fortunately, his tears turn to laughter with his father’s antics.
Alex blinks at the sight. “I have some questions.”
“No time,” Rob hisses. “Cover me. Distract her. You owe me, Fossoway. I’m calling it in now.”
I also have some questions.
Seconds later, Evie storms into the room, clad only in an oversize t-shirt that’s so faded with age, I can barely read the words printed on the front.
Ironville Warriors Football
“Oh, no way, buddy. Don’t even think about using my son as a shield.” She fists her hands on her hips. “Put him down. Right now.”
“Tell Mommy we love her,” Rob instructs his son.
Robbie happily obliges by clapping his hands and shrieking gibberish that sounds very close to the instructed words.
“Aww! So sweet!” I can’t resist baby babble. When Robbie and Layla speak to each other in their own little language, my heart melts every time. “I thought you two were asleep?”
