by A L Williams
“I know. I just wish I could believe it.” His eyes glistened with unshed tears and my heart ached.
“Let me show you.”
He studied me for a moment and then nodded. I lifted the bottom of my shirt, pulling it off and throwing it off the bed. I lifted off him and wriggled my jeans down. When I couldn’t get them any further down, I climbed off and removed them. I turned back, finding his cock already half hard as he gazed at my body. My cock took notice, loving the hunger shimmering in his eyes. I reached for him, cupping his cheek and climbing back on top. He leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. I leaned down, his cock hardening against my ass crease. Our lips connected the touch gentle, drawing a moan from him.
I pulled back reluctantly, only far enough to speak. “This isn’t about sex. I want to worship you. I want you to know that every kiss, every touch, is my heart. My love.” He gasped and before he could respond I sank down and kissed him hard, arching my ass to allow his cock to rub against my crease. I released him, breathless. “You are worth everything.” His eyes fluttered closed. I slid down his body, kissing his shoulder. His collarbone, biting down on the skin gently. He shuddered. I licked the spot, soothing it. He sighed.
I continued my descent, kissing and nibbling. His chest rose and fell rapidly as I left no part of his body untouched, kissing his skin. Imprinting it in my memory. I would remember his taste until I died and beyond that. He reached for my face, brushing my cheek, but when I reached his cock, he let it fall to the bed as I swallowed him to the root.
He arched off the bed with a long moan, the sound desperate. I throbbed, thrusting against the comforter and shuddering at the drag of my skin against the fabric, continuing to suck the life out of him. Every sound he made sank into me, touching every part of me.
God. I loved this man.
I pulled off him and then sank back down, relaxing my throat and swallowing him. He thrusted up into my mouth and I fought the gag. I pulled off him and licked the precum from my lips, and looked at his face, his dark eyes hot with want. I moved further down, lifting his thigh and kissing the inside of it. I kissed the other thigh, biting down. He hissed and then moaned as I licked my way to his balls, sucking them into my mouth.
I peered up at him as he arched off the bed again, before flopping back down. His thighs shook as I worked him. I moved my finger to his taint, brushing it. He looked down and I froze, waiting. A silent approval passed between us and I lowered my finger to his hole, pushing against it. He trembled. I pulled my finger away, scolding myself for almost forgetting.
I looked around and before I could move Ra spoke. “Use spit. I don’t want to wait.”
I furrowed my brow. “I—I don’t want to hurt you.”
He smiled and looked aside. “I like a little pain. Just go slow. “
I studied him and then nodded, settling back between his legs. I sucked on my finger, meeting his eyes. He stared, licking his lips as I sucked my finger the way I sucked his cock only moments earlier. My dick ached. I reached for it, stroking it a few times to relieve the pressure. Once my finger was wet enough, I lowered it to his hole again, circling it before pushing in. He tensed as the tip entered. “Relax or this is going to hurt really bad. Exhale as I push in.”
He huffed a breath and did as told. When my finger broke through the resistance, I stopped, twisting it a little. I fingered him with the single digit until he started to relax more. He groaned louder and pushed down on my fingers and wiggled. I pulled out and sucked on two fingers and repeated the process. I watched him in awe of how beautiful he was. He tilted his chin up, exposing his neck, his Adam’s apple bobbing. I continued the slow torture until he trembled. I crooked my finger, pressing the pad into his prostate and he tensed, his mouth falling slack as his eyes rolled back in his head. “Oh, god.”
I smiled, knowing exactly how it felt. I applied more pressure and he fisted the comforter, keening in desperation. “This feeling. This is how you make me feel. You fill me so nicely. You touch every part of me. When you’re inside of me I feel important. Wanted. Needed. Enough. Now it’s your turn to know how much I need you. Just how enough you are.” I pulled out and shoved my fingers back in.
His back flew off the bed and he moaned in pure bliss. When he relaxed, I pulled out my fingers. “Now this part is going to need lube.” Ra opened his mouth to protest. I shook my head. “No arguing. I won't hurt you.”
I climbed off the bed, glancing back at his beautiful body. I sucked in a breath, my erection pulsing at the sight of his cock, glistening against his stomach. Ra was a Nubian Adonis and I was the luckiest man in the world. He looked at me then with a smile and I returned it.
Fuck. He’s beautiful.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Rashawn
I needed him.
I watched as he searched the drawer of his end table, my cock aching against my stomach. Things had escalated quickly. One moment I was spilling my guts to him and the next I was on my back with his fingers in my ass. Never once throughout our time together had I thought we’d switch places. I’d thought about it, but things always progressed to me topping. If I was honest, I never allowed the idea to even enter the situation. How things had changed. I was desperate for it, especially with the way he touched me.
It’s your turn to know how much I need you. Just how enough you are.
I shivered as he walked back to the bed, climbing between my legs again. He squeezed some lube into his hand, coating his softened cock and stroking it back to full hardness. He cocked his fingers and fingered me more. I whimpered, unable to continue it. He didn’t touch my prostate this time and it was driving me insane. My head spun the moment he wrapped his other hand around my cock and stroked. I rushed to the finish line just to be denied. I growled, not sure if I should push down on his fingers or thrust into his grip.
When I thought I might go insane he left me. I whined, glaring daggers. He smirked. “How does my shoe feel?”
I groaned in defeat and he rubbed my thigh.
“Okay, okay. I’ll stop.” He crawled his way up my body, laying his full weight on me. He kissed my nose and I wrinkled it. He laughed.
He kissed my cheek. Then the other one. My heart swelled; my erection forgotten. I wanted more. More of whatever this was. He kissed my forehead and moved to my ear, nuzzling the side of my face.
“You’re enough,” he whispered.
My eyes watered and I turned my face away. He reached down for my thighs and lifted. I held my legs against my chest as his cock nudged my slick hole. He pressed, his head slipping inside. I exhaled, forcing myself to relax as he sank in deeper.
At first it met resistance and pain shot through me. He reached for my hand, entwining our fingers and didn't move.
The burning pain began to fade, and I squeezed his hand, hoping that was enough to tell him he could move. I couldn’t find the words. I shook beneath him, my mind in chaos. My body felt strange. Full. Too full. I blinked several times to clear my blurred vision. It did nothing. My heart hammered in my chest and my cock throbbed between us.
“Are you all right?” I met his gaze, reaching for his face, stroking his cheek.
“I—I’m fine. Please keep going,” I rasped.
He watched me as if he was looking for something. I wrapped my arms around him, gripping his hips and pulling him deeper. We both groaned. He held himself up against my thighs and reared back, snapping his hips and surging into me. I cried out, lost in the blinding pleasure and pain. So close together I couldn’t tell which was stronger.
Sensations danced, rising and falling inside me. My body quaked as it was impaled by ecstasy. I’d never felt anything like this. I was lost in a wave of bliss, everything shrinking to just him. My heart raced and my cock pulsed, dribbling my essence onto my sweat covered stomach. Pressure gathered at my spine and I bowed, crying out again as he hit my prostate. He angled his hips, slamming into my it again and again.
He leaned down, kissing my neck and
I offered it. His teeth grazed my ear and my skin tingled as my body tightened.
Stars danced across my vision as he whispered into my ear, stroking my cock slowly. “You are enough.”
My orgasm hit, washing over me and removing any other thoughts. His words repeated in my mind and another wave hit. I moaned loud in the haze of pleasure. It lasted for too long and not long enough.
He rode me through, prolonging the bliss until he collapsed on top of me, his cock pulsing inside and spilling all that he was. My orgasm faded, replaced by disappointment. I clenched around his cock. I wanted him in me forever. I wanted him to say forever.
Don’t leave me.
“I will never leave you.” He whispered against my skin.
Did I say that out loud? I thought as exhaustion tugged at me.
“Sleep. It’s all right. You’ve done enough. You are enough. I love you.”
Warmth spread through me as I drifted away into darkness. “I love you too,” I said before I fell asleep, his words the last thing I heard.
You are enough.
▽
A month later I stood outside of Soba Recovery Center. Scattered about the property were several identical buildings that looked like houses. The walls were blue with white pillars and vaulted roofs. They all looked freshly painted and new.
Izzy had been sentenced to two years impatient and an additional year of outpatient on parole. The cost would empty both of our savings twice over, but thankfully Larry and Barbara helped with the remaining amount.
The sky was cloudy and the air chilled. I tightened my jacket as I made my way to the main building, tugging on the doorknob and slipping inside. I shivered at the rush of cold air and walked to the receptionist desk. She smiled at me with one of those looks that might as well be painted on. “Can I help you?” she asked.
“I’m here to see Isabel Alvarez.” I replied.
“Name please?” she asked, looking at her computer.
When I finished giving all my information she directed me down the hall to a visitor room. The gray skies shone through the tall windows surrounding the soft chairs and potted plants. Tables and chairs littered the space. I made my way to one of the tables and sat down, entwining my fingers on it.
It had been a little over a month since I’d last spoken to Izzy. After finding her drunk at the house I hadn't been able to force myself to go home. So, I stayed at Dex’s apartment and sent him to grab clothes for me. I felt guilty, but he hadn’t complained. He’d assured me that needing space was valid. I smiled. He was so amazing. I’d never met anyone so in touch with my feelings or someone who could put up with my resistance to vulnerability. I was still struggling with what I’d learned about myself. So much so that I had agreed to start seeing a therapist about it. Dex had gone with me, holding my hand through the whole intake process.
My chest warmed. I didn’t know what I would do without him and hopefully I would never have to find out.
“Ra?” Izzy said. I whipped around, finding Izzy standing there with a smile on her face. She was dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I studied her. Everything was as it was, but there was something different. “Are you just going to keep staring at me or give me a hug?”she said, arching her brow.
I shook my head and walked over to her, pulling her into my arms. She hummed and wrapped her arms around me. My chest tightened. I’d missed her more than I thought. I should have known. We’d been inseparable since we met.
I let go and stepped back, allowing her to sit down and I followed suit. We gazed at each other in silence. “How have you been?” she asked.
“I’ve been good. You?” I asked.
She chewed her lip. “It’s been hard. I don’t think I’ve been this sober in years…” she paused, balling her hand into a fist on the table. “Ra…I’m sorry.”
I blinked, unsure if I heard what I think I heard. “What?”
“I’m sorry.” She slumped. “I’ve been going through therapy and although I'm a long way from recovery, without the alcohol clouding my judgement, I’ve thought about everything. Everything I put you through. All the pain. All the rejection.”
I looked aside. “It's in the past.”
She shook her head. “It’s still not right.” She reached for my hand. “I’m sorry.”
The urge to tell her it wasn’t a big deal washed over me and I closed my eyes. I exhaled. “I’m still pissed. Why didn’t you listen?”
“Because I wasn’t ready to.”
I furrowed my brow.
“You’ve been trying to save me from something I didn’t want to be saved from. I wanted to drown the pain. I was stuck being a victim. There was nothing you could have done.”
I squeezed her hand. She was right. My first therapy session he’d said the same thing. Hearing it from her was something else. I was having a hard time processing that she was admitting what she’d done.
“You don’t believe me. That's understandable. I can’t undo murdering that man and I will spend the rest of my life helping his family. I will prove that I understand how wrong I was.”
“If you’re sorry then just get better.”
She nodded.
We sat in silence, gazing out at the property. It was a nice place and that eased the discomfort with the fact that she’d remain inpatient for the next two years. Even so, my chest hurt that I would have to leave her there.
“How’s Dex?” She asked. I turned back to her. Her eyes shone with the curiosity, no sign of the distaste and jealousy from before. That had been the reason Dex and I decided that he needed to not come.
“He’s good. About to start his midterms.”
“How are the two of you?”
“We’re doing great.”
“You love him,” she said. It wasn’t a question.
I smiled. “Yes, I do.”
She squeezed my hand again. “I’m glad. I want both of you to be happy.”
“We want you to be happy too.”
When we finally said our goodbyes and she made me promise to bring Dex next time I left, glancing back at her through the windows of the doors. She waved and turned, disappearing.
I walked to my car, climbing in and turning on my phone and hitting Dex’s name. “Hey,” Dex answered the call.
“Hey.”
“How was the visit?”
I leaned back in the seat. “It was better than I expected.”
“Oh yeah?”
“She seems to be doing better. Clearer.”
“Good. “
“She wants to see you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. She said she wants us to be happy.”
“Well, I am happy.”
My chest warmed. “So am I.”
“Get home. I’m making Italian and I want to plow that ass until you can’t walk, let alone think straight.”
“We’re far from straight.”
“Just get home,” he said, the words an order.
My cock twitched and I groaned. I still topped sometimes, but I loved bottoming. I loved being filled until I knew nothing else, especially the next morning when I felt the lingering ache. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Love you,” he said.
“Love you too.”
...More than you’ll ever know because, whether together or apart, you and I are enough.
THE END
United States
SAMHSA’s National Helpline
1-800-662-HELP (4357)
TTY: 1-800-487-4889
(also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service)
A confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information.
If you need help now, please call 911 or contact SAMHSA’s Natio
nal Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
International helplines and Services
https://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline
If you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to these organizations, for whatever reason, reach out to a friend. They do care and they will listen. You can also always email me. I can’t guarantee I will be readily available, but I will do my best to provide a written based ear, so speak.
You’re not alone
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I would like to thank everyone who encouraged, as well as those who discouraged me, along the way because all of you lit a fire under me that could not be contained. I wholeheartedly appreciate you being a part of my writing journey.
Very special thanks to:
Alpha readers
Stephanie Gillis
D.L. Tilley
My editor
IWC PUBLISHING
Last, but never least, my ARC readers.
NOTE FROM AUTHOR
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A.L. Williams Novels
Paranormal Romance
