“I need you, too. For always.” And for the first time in years, I felt a flicker of hope. Optimism. Anticipation. Glowing inside me and all around me. As if I was being carried away like a lantern in the breeze.
Alex’s fingers traced along my jawline as he kissed me slow and gentle. I melted as his tongue entwined with mine in a way that felt so intimate. So flawless. So real.
38
Meadow
Last night Alex and I had stayed up late, mapping out our lives together. I would become an independent entrepreneur, not only with my jewelry but with a cleaning business as well. I’d been in housekeeping for years and Alex convinced me that plenty of busy families, bachelors, and even small companies would love to have their places tended to a couple of times a month.
In the morning, we’d be driving back to the reservation to pack up our belongings and say good-bye to the people we loved. I hadn’t had a nightmare in a couple of days but the idea of returning to that community, the same one I’d grown up in with Sparrow, must’ve triggers some of my fears.
Because I couldn’t shake the uncertainties that were clouding my brain.
Yet merely one crooked smile from Alex—as Joaquin curled up on his lap to watch a movie—made most of my misgivings disappear.
***
We gathered the last of the boxes and placed them by the door for the moving company. Thick tears easily flowed down my face. Though I was excited about the move, it was bittersweet. I was leaving my entire life—the only life I’d ever known—behind.
We agreed to keep the trailer for a while so we could visit whenever we wanted. Though I knew the busier we’d get the harder it would become.
The elders on the reservation had decided we needed a symbolic house blessing ceremony, the ritual normally practiced to consecrate a new dwelling. In this case, the home Joaquin and I would be sharing with Alex. So we met in the Coyote Moon recreation area last night where I wore a crown of eagle feathers, much like the day a few months back when I’d thought I’d laid eyes on Alex for the final time.
Alex and Joaquin also wore feathers as we stood in a circle and held hands, our holy man sending out blessings on the wind for a long and happy life.
“You look so beautiful right now,” Alex had whispered to me. “I can’t wait to begin our life together.”
The holy man ended his chant and nodded to Alex who got down on one knee. In front of the entire reservation, he opened a box that he’d pulled from his trousers containing my mother’s wedding band.
I gasped as my head snapped up, my eyes searching for Mrs. Black in the crowd, who bowed in my direction. I knew my mother had made her the keepsake of certain possessions. No wonder Alex had been spending so much time beneath the tent the other day speaking to the elderly couple.
“I love you both. Mi Corazon. I’ve never been happier in my entire life,” Alex said in a watery voice. I could feel Joaquin’s fingers grasp my leg but I couldn’t look away from Alex’s gorgeous eyes at that moment. “I want us to be a family. Will you marry me?”
“Yes.” My hand shook as he slid my mother’s plain platinum band on my finger. It was slightly loose but still the best gift he could’ve given me. I would have my parent’s memory with me always.
Tears stained my cheeks as Joaquin’s eyebrows knit together, his mouth a straight line, and he stepped closer to Alex to pat his face. “Does this mean you’ll be like a daddy?”
“I hope so,” Alex said, as his eyes filled with wetness. “But only if you want me to be.”
“Will you live with us forever?” Joaquin’s eyes were wide and inquisitive, if not a little hesitant. “If you take a trip will you always come back home?”
“Always and forever,” Alex said. “How does that sound?”
“It’s perfect,” Joaquin said and then threw himself into his arms. Alex pecked the top of his head and I bent down to kiss them both on the cheek.
When I looked up I saw scant a dry eye in the field. Dakota was wrapped inside Shane’s arms as she winked at me. Frank was standing beside Jayden and Gloria, both of them smiling and crying and clapping their approval.
“You ready, buddy?” Alex asked Joaquin now as he moved to turn off the light in our trailer. Jayden and her girls had already stopped by earlier in the day to give us their hugs and well wishes.
“C’mon Mr. Dino,” Joaquin said, clutching the same triceratops plastic figurine he had loaned Alex a few weeks back on his travels. “We’ve got new places to explore.”
Alex picked up my child—our child—and carried him to the door, his arm curling around me as well.
“See you, old friend,” Joaquin said motioning to the trailer as we shut the door behind us. My heart clenched as I considered the word good-bye.
How Chief Red Hawk in a speech once said that we all share the same air—trees and dirt and humans alike. How no matter where we were, a blessing or a kind thought would find us in the rustle of the trees, or the whirl of the grass.
I turned to the field beyond the trailer—to the land I had been raised on, the land I hoped to be married on in the near future. And with the golden towers of the casino looming in the distance, I said a silent and promising farewell.
THANK YOU for reading THREE SACRED WORDS!
I hope you enjoyed it!
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Read on to view a short excerpt from TWO OF HEARTS, Dakota and Shane’s book.
About the Author
Once upon a time, I lived in New York City and was a wardrobe stylist. I spent my days getting in cabs, shopping for photo shoots, eating amazing food, and drinking coffee at my favorite hangouts.
Now I live in the Midwest with my husband and son—my two favorite guys. I've been a clinical social worker and a special education teacher. But it wasn't until I wrote a weekly column for the local newspaper that I realized I could turn the fairytales inside my head into the reality of writing fiction.
I'm addicted to lip balm and salted caramel everything. I believe in true love and kissing, so writing romance novels has become a dream job.
I write Adult, New Adult, and M/M Contemporary Romance. I also own a hand-stamped jewelry business, which requires me to stamp letters and/or words onto pieces of silver. They go hand-in-hand perfectly.
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Acknowledgments
To Kate, Bev, and Jaime: You helped me deconstruct and then recreate the bones of this book so that I could make it shine. I’m so grateful for your insight.
To the Bolivar family. My college years were spent at your home, experiencing your Colombian food and traditions. I will never forget how welcoming and wonderful your family was (and how good that paella and flan was).
A shout out to THE SWOON ROOM readers. THANK YOU for being so lovely!
To Greg and Evan, for not complaining when I have to disappear to work at odd hours of any random day. I don’t want to be in any other place in the world except right next to you, every single night.
To my family and friends for your constant, unwavering support. I love you.
To the amazing book bloggers and reviewers out there—there are too many of you to list here. Please just know I appreciate all the work you do—all on your own dime—for the simple love of books. Because when it comes down to it, all of us are readers first and foremost.
Last, to the readers: THANK YOU for taking a chance on my books and reaching out to talk to me about them. For an author, there may be no better feeling.
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Excerpt from TWO OF HEARTS
Dakota
I inhaled a shaky breath as his coffin lowered into the solid ground. The drum beat echoed in my bones and the tortoise shell rattle reverberated in my veins. The holy man murmured his final offering in each direction of the wind—north, east, south, west—and then thanked the Great Spirit for safely seeing my father home.
My mother’s quiet whimpering added mass to the hard ball developing in my throat and my vision blurred through the haze of my own tears. But still I held onto that breath. Because when I finally expelled the air from my lungs, it would all be over. Different. Altered forevermore.
My father would truly be gone. And I’d be left in charge of operations at the Golden Arrow Casino.
For the past two weeks, I’d been going through the motions while the police conducted their investigation and the autopsy was performed. But this—the actual cemetery, the sacred ritual—made it absolute. And the finality of that was staggering.
I averted my gaze from the six-foot hole because the throbbing in my chest became so severe; it felt as if my heart had vacated my torso, leaving an enormous crevice. Thank goodness I remained steady in my sensible black heels and had kept my swollen eyes hidden behind my shades. I needed to stay strong for my mother and this community.
My brother Kai’s fingers slid beyond my mother’s arm to reach my shoulder and finally, I released a puff of air. I gave him and his wife, Rachel a slight nod, then offered a brief glance to my Uncle Elan and his family, standing on just the other side.
Stuart, my father’s most trusted employee and friend, stood across the rectangular pit next to Chief Red Hawk and other casino employees. He was always the rock, the voice of reason and he’d let me lean on him the last two weeks, as pressure mounted and decisions were made about the casino going forward.
Finally, I allowed my eyes to scan across the grass to the crowd gathered round. Old and new friends, members of the reservation and of the tribal nation respectfully mourned my father’s death. Later, these same people would be whispering about how his passing had impacted our community and our family’s business. The thought of their gossip made my stomach churn.
Making a sweep past the trees, my gaze collided with a set of vivid blue eyes, like two pieces of sea glass lying in the warm and calming sand. The slice to my gut was so intense my shoulders slumped forward like I might be cut in half. Mom grabbed my arm right at that moment, either to hold herself or me up, and my eyes snapped back to my father’s grave.
But Shane’s gaze remained fixed on me. I could feel it pressing in—cool and heated at the same time—similar to how that sea glass feels in your palm after hours in the surf. I gave him a cursory glance, quickly scrutinizing him the best I could, hoping my dark glasses hid my intentions. I hadn’t seen him in years, not since Kai’s wedding. Even when my brother, who’d been his best friend all throughout high school, had met with Shane during the holiday season, I always found some excuse to keep myself busy.
Besides, it wasn’t like he’d tried reaching out to me the past five years. The last real conversation we had, if you could even call it that, was just before he left for his intensive Marshal training.
But as I stood at my father’s funeral, my emotions raw and at the surface, all my feelings for Shane hit me like a thunderclap, much the same way that sorrow always railroads me. Everything became clear, like the gleam on the edge of a knife. How I’d secretly adored him for years, even though I never said it aloud. And how once he finally returned my affection, we never got the chance to see it played out.
My gaze traced the sweep of his eyebrow, the curve of his mouth, the indent in his cheek. Then moved down to his long fingers that now tap, tap, tapped his muscular thigh. I remembered how those same nails had dug into my hip as he’d thrust me forward so he could bury his head in my neck. Remembering was so overwhelming that I nearly sank to my knees in the grass.
His years of chasing fugitives as a United States Marshal had kept him fit. His broad shoulders filled out his black suit and his close-cropped hair illuminated those baby blues. I had to force my gaze away, which only sent me back to the tragedy at hand. My senses pelted from all sides, I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the rest of the day. Let alone the year.
As the funeral attendees filed past the grave to throw handfuls of cornmeal or evergreen boughs onto the wooden casket, an ominous fog arose from the ground. Gloomy clouds aligned overhead casting a dusky silhouette and almost at once it began to mist. The wetness soothed my heated skin and I welcomed it, tilted my cheeks to the sky.
Rachel’s hand grasped my arm, her low voice urging me to move forward, and when I cast my gaze around, only our immediate family remained. The funeral attendees had drifted back to their cars, some already pulling away from the curb and heading toward the exit. As a group, the four of us moved closer to the remains of my father.
We stood with our arms intertwined in a semi-circle. No one spoke as we each said our private, ultimate goodbyes. I closed my eyes and whispered my final peace. I’ll make you proud, Daddy.
My shoulder took the brunt of her weight as my mother’s knees gave out, so I shifted and tightened my grip on her waist. As her sobs set my teeth on edge and carved deeper grooves in my soul, Kai took firm hold, tugging both of us into his arms.
When I turned to the parking lot, I spotted Shane and a flare of nostalgia wrapped over my senses, swathing me in comfort. But everything about him seemed different. He stood near a sleek Range Rover, which was a stark contrast to his beat-up high school truck. Even his very being seemed larger, not just in stature but also in self-possession. An imposing figure, monopolizing all the air in the space between us.
His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and his muscular chest filled out his crisp white shirt almost too well. His eyes remained glued to mine and I nearly faltered, so pure was my longing for him in that moment. Instead, I tipped up my chin and stayed poised.
I’d never forgotten how it felt to have him leave, first after our secret summer together and then after college graduation. He’d always been the one to go. Which meant that I never was important enough for him to stay. But the problem was: nobody else since had felt essential enough to fill the void that Shane had created in my world.
Now another important man had disappeared from my life. My father. My pillar. My heart. And I was left holding all of the pieces. Again. It’s simply not true that leaving is the hardest thing. Being left was a far worse penalty.
I gazed across the expanse of trees and lawn, trying to keep in the tears threatening to escape my eyes once again. Then I looked down at Shane, who mouthed a single word to me.
Two syllables that could mean so many things, given our history.
“Sorry.”
Three Sacred Words (Golden Arrow #2) Page 21
