Ben (The Sherwood Series Book 3)

by Lee Wardlow

  “Get up, get showered. Then get dressed. We’re going to Elijah’s.”

  “I am not going anywhere,” I replied and rolled over pulling the blankets over my head.

  She snatched them from me. I was naked beneath those blankets. “Mom,” I snapped trying to cover myself.

  “I’ve seen a naked man, Benjamin. You’ve got nothing I haven’t seen before and I powdered your butt. I am not one bit concerned that you are naked right now.”

  “I’m not a baby anymore. Give me my blanket,” I snapped at her.

  Then her eyes softened. Rachel was no longer glaring at me. “Asia needs you, Ben.”

  I sat up keeping my junk covered with one hand. “What’s wrong with Asia?”

  “Shower first. Get dressed. You stink like stale alcohol and sweat. We’re going to Elijah’s.”

  She was the most infuriating woman in the world. I got up still covering my crotch with one hand. “Mom.” She had turned to leave my bedroom. She stopped walking. “Mom, is Asia all right? Tell me that much.” I was ready to get on my knees and beg her for information about my daughter before I would let her leave my room after making a statement like that.

  That little girl had twisted my heart into pieces from the moment I held her. Danni had sent me a picture of her in Jasmine’s arms right after she was born. Jasmine had cleared it for me to see her if I wanted to, Danni told me.

  I had a daughter. I couldn’t fight it anymore. She was here, and her picture was the kick in the ass I needed. Asia was real. I kept looking at the picture then I went to the hospital and held my daughter in the nursery.

  For six weeks I had been fighting with myself about seeing her again. Seeing Jasmine. Unsure of anything but my daughter and my love for her. I needed her as much as she needed me.

  “Asia is fine, but she does need you,” Mom said then she left my bedroom.

  I sniffed myself. I did smell terrible. I didn’t want to take the time to shave when I didn’t know what was going on. I went to the shower and scrubbed myself clean then dressed in a hurry and walked down the hall searching for Rachel.

  Seth stepped out of his room in front of me. “What’s going on?” He asked rubbing his eyes. He had worked last night till three a.m. then brought me home with him.

  “I’m going somewhere with Mom,” I told him. “Be back later,” I said.

  “Okay,” he replied and headed back to bed. I wanted to go back to bed and sleep off this hangover, but Asia needed me.

  “I’m ready.” Mom was cleaning the kitchen. She stopped and looked at the mess then she looked at me. “Get your brother out of bed and tell him to clean this shit up.”

  “You tell him,” I told her feeling irritated and grumpy from the jackhammer in my skull and being woken so abruptly. “I need a drink of water and some aspirin before we go anywhere.”

  My mother frowned at me. “Fine, I will,” Rachel snapped at me.

  I ran my hands through my hair, frustrated that I didn’t know what was going on with Asia. Mom returned to the kitchen while I was sucking down water like a dying man. “Seth will have this place spic and span by the time we return.”

  “That will be a miracle,” I informed her. I popped two tablets into my mouth and drank more water.

  I knew my brother. He was a pig. Housecleaning was not his forte.

  “We’re taking Seth’s truck too,” Mom informed me.

  “We are?” I followed her out the front door and down the porch steps. AJ, Heath and Seth had helped Granddad, Elijah and I build this porch onto the trailer. We had a nice patio in the back too that faced the woods.

  “Yep,” Mom replied marching her happy little self towards Seth’s truck. Her perky little ass was making me want to throw up this morning.

  “Mom, what’s going on?” I asked her.

  “Let’s wait until we get to the farm.”

  She was quiet as she backed out of the driveway. The one thing about Rachel Hatfield that I knew was if she was quiet there was trouble somewhere. That trouble involved my daughter. “Just tell me,” I said. My voice broke.

  Mom gazed across the seat at me. “I don’t know anything, other than Elijah called me this morning and told me Jasmine left the baby with them. She’s gone, Ben. She left a letter for you to read. Maybe that letter will tell you what you want to know.”

  I swallowed hard. I knew what Mom was thinking. Hell, I knew what they were all thinking. Asia needed me now and they weren’t entirely wrong, but could I do this?

  I had been thinking I wanted to see Asia, but I was still mulling around the idea of how to go about doing it and what that entailed. Her mother was a factor in seeing my daughter. I was still pissed at Jasmine. Now, she was gone.

  When I met Jasmine, in the parking lot at Ike’s I did things differently with her. I took her on dates. The last one I slept with her then I pushed her away because of Disa. When I was cock deep in her, I could only see her cousin’s face in the face I was looking at and it scared the shit out of me.

  She had lied to me about her age. She was only nineteen when she told me she was twenty-five. I should have known. I could have asked Disa her cousin’s age. Disa had always been my friend before she was something more. Until the moment I took her cousin out and that bothered me. That is why I ran that morning. I thought to myself, get your head on straight man before you hurt this woman.

  I was enthralled by her beauty, the free and easy feeling I had when I was with her. It was her innocence that captured me. She was just like Disa and that was the kicker. I kept comparing her to Disa.

  Shit no wonder, Jasmine was innocent, she was only nineteen. I still didn’t believe her story about not knowing that the antibiotics would make her birth control pills ineffective.

  Mom turned down the long driveway, that led to the farm. I had cut everyone off over the last nine months while Jasmine carried Asia. They were all taking care of her. I was angry at them. Angry at myself mostly because I had been careless and now I was a father. My life had changed, and only six weeks ago when I held that child in my arms did I realize it was for the better.

  I thought she had lied to me about being on birth control. I felt shackled by own stupidity. I knew better. When I didn’t have any condoms and neither did Seth I should have said another time. I didn’t. I had sex with Jasmine. Seven weeks later, I get a call from her saying she’s pregnant.

  I paid for all the doctor’s visits, so her delivery was covered. I did the right thing. I tried to convince her she wasn’t ready for this before I even knew she was nineteen. Hell, I was twenty-eight and not sure that I was ready for a child.

  Then I held that innocent child in my arms. I knew that she was what I had been waiting for. She was what I needed to change my life. I had been unhappy for a while now. Searching for something. Feeling lost like I was missing something. I had found her. Purpose, in a tiny child named Asia. My daughter.

  Mom parked in the driveway. I hopped out and made my way around the front of the truck. Did she bring the truck because she thought I was bringing Asia home with me? Hell, I knew nothing about taking care of a baby. How could I take her home with me? Couldn’t they give me a little time to figure out how to take care of baby before they socked it to me with all the responsibility?

  I grabbed Mom’s hand as she started to walk towards the house. “Mom, what are you thinking?” I asked.

  “What do you mean?” Her innocent act wasn’t flying with me. Hadn’t worked in a long time with any of us.

  “I mean, Jasmine’s gone. You said Asia needs me. You bring Seth’s truck here to the farm instead of your vehicle.”

  She stared at me for a moment. I grew uncomfortable beneath her gaze. “I expect you to be a man now, Ben. Your daughter needs you.”

  “We’re taking Asia back to the trailer?” I asked.

  “You bet your ass we are,” she declared. Then she walked away from me. I groaned.

  I tried to grab her hand to stop her, so I could talk sense to
her, but my diminutive mother was quick on her feet. “Mom, you do know that I have never taken care of an infant. I don’t know anything about what to do. What they need. How to feed them. What if I hurt her?”

  She scoffed at me. “You are twenty-eight years old, Benjamin. She’s a helpless baby. We’ll write it down for you.” Rachel glanced over her shoulder at me. “You can follow instructions.”

  “Shit.”

  Mom laughed. I didn’t think it was a damn bit funny. Then she walked through the door and I followed her. Elijah was on the couch holding both babies. My daughter and his son.

  Why couldn’t I have had a son? A son I would know what to do with. A daughter? I had no clue what to do with a girl other than what I had done with Asia’s mother which is what had gotten me into trouble in the first place. I could tell my daughter only one thing, how to avoid men like me.

  In the last ten months, I had turned over a new leaf or else I was scared to death now of the complications of sex. Jasmine was the last woman I had been with. The night our daughter was conceived to be exact.

  Then last night’s kiss flittered through my mind and I had to shove it out. I wondered how Disa would treat me in the light of day now that I had kissed her.

  I’ll admit I was attracted to Jasmine. I’ll admit that night I ran. After five dates, which I never do, I took her home with me. I never took a woman to the trailer with me. I always went to their house. That night I realized I had been with her for all the reasons and worse, I couldn’t take it back and make things right.

  For months, I watched the hurt look on Disa’s beautiful face. She didn’t understand. I couldn’t explain it to her either, not the first time when I suddenly stopped seeing her and this time when I messed up by taking her cousin out on a date or dates.

  The first time, we stopped seeing each other, for a while, her whole demeanor changed when she saw me at the pub. She was kind but different. Aloof. She acted like she didn’t care. She was friendlier with other guys and it cut me. I’ll be honest.

  She was my dad’s employee and if I had screwed that up for her I wouldn’t have heard the end of it from him and Rachel, but I just couldn’t get over the fact that I felt like I had lost an angel. Not many men get a chance with a woman like Disa Riley and I had tossed it aside without a fight.

  Did I regret it? Hell yes, every day of my life since that day I told her I didn’t want to see her any more. I gave her the it’s not you, it’s me speech.

  So, when I met, Jasmine and saw the same qualities that I liked in Disa I practically chased her down in the parking lot. I was hoping to recapture what I had lost. That night we slept together, I knew that I had made a mistake.

  You can’t replace a woman with someone else just because she reminds you of the one that got away. Sure, I liked her. Could my feelings have changed with time? I’ll never know, I ran. I just didn’t think it was fair to Jasmine to try to replace Disa with her.

  I took Jasmine to the diner in Severe, dropped in her front. Kissed her goodbye. Said, I’ll see you soon. Didn’t talk to her again until she told me that she was pregnant. I admit that I didn’t handle it well. The Hatfield men weren’t known for being the best at relationships starting with our father who was divorced from our mother still but living with her once again. For now. Until the next blow up or until they decided to get married again whichever might come first.

  I sat beside Elijah on the sofa. He smiled at me. Then he handed me two letters. I saw his and Jenny’s name at the top of one. Mine was in an envelope.

  “Why don’t you read those then hold Asia,” my brother said to me. I took the envelope and the letter that was addressed to Jen and Elijah, leaned over my daughter and kissed her cheek then I headed to the kitchen.

  This was my grandfather’s house before Elijah bought it. This kitchen table where I took a seat had solved more problems in the history of this house than anywhere else.

  I had told Granddad about Jasmine at this table. He wasn’t happy with me because I wanted her to get rid of our baby. Now, I couldn’t imagine ever feeling that way. Now that I had held her, seen her face and knew what it was to love her I was glad that Jasmine hadn’t done as I had asked.

  I read Jen and Elijah’s letter first. She had left our baby with my brother and Jen in case I wouldn’t be a father to Asia.

  Then I read the letter that she left for me.

  Ben,

  We had some great times before I let you take me back to the trailer. I often wondered what would have happened if I had held out longer.

  I didn’t trick you. No matter what you may hear after I’m gone, I didn’t know that the antibiotics would affect my birth control pills. I did lie to you about my age only because I knew that you wouldn’t give me a chance if you knew how young I was. I thought you were something special and I wanted to be with you so badly.

  I liked you, Ben. That was my only crime. You were only the second man I had been with. The first one, was when I turned eighteen, so my experience was pretty, limited.

  Ben, I wish I could say that you were completely right about our situation, but I can’t. I couldn’t get rid of Asia like you wanted me to. I’m just not built that way but Ben, you were right that I’m too young to do this.

  I spent my whole life taking care of kids that my mom kept popping out. Then I left them all behind, so I could have a better life. I might have left my brothers and sisters, but I never forgot them. I need to get away from here, so I can do better for me and for Asia.

  Your family is what she needs, not me. I know that if you won’t come around your mom, dad, Elijah and Jenny will be there for her. I pray though that you will do right by our daughter. She really does need you. I am speaking from the heart and experience. I never had my daddy in my life, so I know what that feels like.

  When I would see him he would sometimes, turn his back to me like he didn’t know me. I felt ashamed. Ashamed that he was my dad. Ashamed that I wanted him to love me. Don’t do that to Asia. As a kid, it breaks you.

  He has children with another woman. He’s a father to those kids. What’s wrong with me, Ben? Why couldn’t he love me like he did his other children? Why couldn’t he get me out of that hell that living with her was?

  It was easier to tell people that he was an alcoholic like my mother than it was to admit that he just plain didn’t want me. Please don’t do that to Asia. She deserves at least one of us to be there for her.

  I guess I’m like him. I’m walking away too. I just can’t do this yet. I deserve to have a life.

  I wiped the wetness from my face. I had it rough as a kid because Dad was a strict disciplinarian, but Jasmine had it far harder. Dad loved me. I knew it.

  I know you were at the hospital. I know you held our baby. The nurse who was on duty that night, told me. She told me that you cried while you rocked Asia. She told me you stayed for hours and even gave her a bottle. She said, you kissed her goodbye and told her that you loved her.

  I know you have you it in you to be her father. I’m counting on it, that you will take care of her. Please Ben do this for her. I can’t.

  I’m smart Ben. The teachers told me so. I can go to college and build a life if I just get away from here.

  Her thoughts were all over the place. Jumping from one topic to another. I think her hand was trembling too. At times her writing was so sloppy I had to read the words more than once to make sense of them.

  I realized after the twins were born that I had to escape that house and my mother, or I was never going to have a life. Steven, the father of the twins seemed willing to stick around and put up with her because she had his kids.

  He was a good man who took care of the other kids too. I prayed he would stay, so I ran away, and she didn’t look for me.

  I found a job in Severe. Only after I turned eighteen I got in contact with Disa. Only then because I knew that nobody could force me to go back to my mother. Then I met you and well you know the rest.

  Please t
ake care of Asia. Be a father to her. She deserves one of her parents. You’ll be a good Daddy if you try.

  “I wish I believed that,” I said out loud.

  “What don’t you believe?” Jenny asked me.

  I turned on the kitchen chair and there she was holding Asia. Jenny walked across the floor and sat beside me. Then she handed Asia to me. I still felt awkward as I did that night in the hospital holding my daughter.

  I looked at the child in my arms, wondering at the thought that I was responsible for her being here. She was mine. My daughter. My heart beat hard in my chest. I loved her though. How could I not?

  She was tiny and precious. She was innocent in this mess that Jasmine and I had created, and Asia needed me, her daddy. Damn that sounded strange to me but good at the same time.

  “She’s mine,” I whispered.

  Jenny chuckled at me.

  “She’s the image of you, Benjamin. You can’t deny that. So, what are you going to do about her?” She asked me.

  I cleared my throat. I adjusted the tiny baby in my arms holding her closer, just a little bit tighter. “Jen, you know I don’t know a damn thing about babies.”

  Jenny chewed on her lower lip like she always did when she was nervous, and I knew Mom had given them strict orders. I was taking my daughter home with me. I looked at Jenny then I looked at Asia. “I’m taking her home, aren’t I?”

  Jenny nodded. “You can call us if you need us,” she offered with encouragement.

  “In the middle of the night?” I asked.

  She laid her hand on my thigh. “Ben even in the middle of the night. Considering your nephew’s sleeping patterns. Me or Elijah one will most likely be awake.”

  “How does she sleep?” I asked wondering how I was going to work and care for a baby who got up in the night. Hell, who was going to watch her while I worked?

  Jen reached over and touched Asia. The baby stirred in my arms. Then Jenny looked up at me. “She’s an angel, Ben. You’ll do fine.”

  So, I left with my daughter in a car seat that I wasn’t sure how to get buckled in. Mom told me she would show me at the trailer. I had the formula and bottles that Jasmine had been using. Blankets and clothes. The crib that Elijah and I loaded into the back of the truck. Now I knew why we took Seth’s truck. I needed to get mine from Ike’s before the end of the day.