Ben (The Sherwood Series Book 3)

by Lee Wardlow

  “I don’t know what it is about you that brings me to my knees. I’ve spent the last six years trying hard not to think about your pretty curls and those angel eyes,” I rubbed my thumb along her cheek, “and doing a damn poor job of it while going from woman to woman, but none could fill the void left behind when I broke it off with you.”

  I heard the huskiness in my voice. I bit down on my lower lip. Then a tear rolled down her cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb. “Don’t cry, not because of me. I’m not worth it baby.”

  “I’m crying for us, Ben. For what we could have had. This sounds crazy, but I look at Asia and wish that she was mine. I feel cheated.”

  Then she pulled away from me. “Don’t,” I said to her drawing her back to me. She wiped furiously at her cheeks. “Please just don’t pull away from me.”

  Her eyes turned up to me. “What if Jasmine comes back?” She asked.

  I shook my head. “We work out a parenting agreement. We aren’t going to be together, if that is what you are worried about.”

  She sighed. “Maybe you should consider it for Asia’s sake.” She sounded resigned.

  I rubbed my hand over my jaw then I reached for her hand. “Why? How? When I look at her I would think about kissing you. Disa, that wouldn’t be fair to Jasmine or myself. I did that once. It didn’t work out.” Her eyes shot up to my face. “Dammit, Disa. I’ve been running from my feelings for you for six years. I’m not running anymore. Don’t you run out on me now,” I implored her to hear me. I wanted her to see the anguish I had been feeling. I wanted her to understand the women had been a need to hide from the pain that I was feeling over losing her.

  Her eyes were so sad when they gazed at me. “Ben, she’s my cousin. Yesterday, when I saw you I just wanted to talk. Then you told me that Jasmine was gone and left Asia behind.” She hesitated like she wasn’t sure that she should be telling me this, but she did anyway. “I thought, I’m not letting Ben get away again.”

  “Then don’t,” I told her rubbing Disa’s thumb with my own. “Let’s be more than friends. Let’s see what this can be between us.” Suddenly I was desperate to not lose her again. The words kept tumbling out of my mouth, coming straight from my heart. “I’m not right without you, Disa. I need you.”

  She stepped forward. The toes of our shoes were touching. Her chin was turned down, her eyes not looking at me, because she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to see the love I felt for her in my face. I was open and honest this time. I was willing to show her everything that I was feeling.

  I touched her chin and tilted her face up. “Give us a chance?” I begged her.

  She stood on tiptoe and her eyes closed while mine remained wide open watching her. Her lips hovered near mine but hadn’t touched mine yet. My hands went to her waist to steady her. “Disa,” I whispered her name. “Kiss me already,” I begged her.

  She chuckled at me. Then she pressed her lips to mine in such a soft, sweet kiss that she stole my breath away. I teased her lips with my tongue and she parted to let me in. Her breath was sweet like candy but minty like peppermint too.

  I moaned at the touch of our tongues. She tightened her grasp around my neck and kissed me harder, with much more passion. I pulled away. My breathing was heavy and my need obvious. “We have to stop,” I told her. “I want you and I haven’t been with anyone since Asia was conceived.”

  “Seriously,” she said surprised by my revelation. She tilted her head to the side. Her brow was wrinkled in that way that said she didn’t believe me.

  I nodded.

  “Color me shocked. I am in awe of your restraint,” Disa teased me.

  “I’m glad I could amuse you,” I deadpanned. I released her but kept hold of her hand. “Let’s walk,” I suggested.

  “Why?”

  “Why do I want to walk?” I asked surprised by her question. Disa rolled her eyes towards the heavens.

  “Why did you change?” She asked. “You’ve been celibate for a long time, Ben. A really, long time. You’ve had this bad boy reputation of being a womanizer since high school even though you weren’t sleeping with women then. Were you?”

  I wasn’t. Disa was right. I didn’t physically have sex until I was out of high school, but I had a lot of damn fun playing around. Oral sex was a pleasure both giving and receiving so I wasn’t completely innocent up to that point that I finally did the deed.

  Then I tried explaining to Disa that at first, I was scared. Never had I ever had unprotected sex before. The next morning felt like a mistake. Like I was trying to substitute one woman for another. I took her home and told I would see her. It was wrong. I should have never taken her out in the first place. “The connection between the two of you was too close. That wasn’t fair.”

  “No, it wasn’t but we can’t change the past, so we just move forward, right?”

  I nodded. We were trying which was making me a happy man until I saw Rachel at brunch tomorrow morning. All bets might be off after that.

  Chapter 11

  I asked Disa to come to Sunday brunch at Rachel’s house. She wasn’t sure how good of an idea that was, and I wasn’t sure that she wasn’t right once I arrived at my mother’s house where my father was now living most of the time. I didn’t know how the parents were going to take the idea of Disa and I dating.

  I went early so I could see Mom first. If I had any chance of winning her over it had to be alone. She was up at the crack of dawn every day of the week and today would be no different. Danni and Walker wouldn’t arrive until nine-thirty, so I arrived with Asia at nine. I tried to get there earlier but getting a baby ready when I was a newbie wasn’t always the easiest thing for me. I thought for some insane reason a half hour would suffice when I arrived at Mom’s house.

  I was wrong.

  As I entered the kitchen, Rachel looked at me and sat her cup down. She was still in her bathrobe which was unusual for her. By this time of the morning she was dressed and ready to start cooking or head out to church whichever she did. Apparently, this morning she wasn’t ready for anything. “What’s wrong?”

  “I need to talk to you,” I sat Asia on the floor beside me. Thankfully, she was sleeping still. Although, that didn’t stop Mom from getting her out of the car seat. I wanted her to be focused on me not Asia. “Mom, I really needed to talk to you.”

  She frowned at me. “I can hold my granddaughter and talk to you.”

  “This is important.”

  “So is my granddaughter.” She fussed with the blanket that Asia was wrapped in. “You have her bundled in here so tightly, Ben,” Mom grumbled.

  “I didn’t want her to get cold.” I was getting frustrated with Rachel. She was lost in the grand mommy haze of lust that came over her whenever her grandchildren came around her.

  I reached out and touched her thigh. “Mom, focus.”

  “What, Ben?” She scowled at me.

  “Years ago, I really liked this woman and…” I chewed on my lower lip because now, I had Rachel’s full attention. Anything having to do with our personal lives and Mom went into Dr. Rachel, sex therapist mode. Shit, she was making me uncomfortable, right night.

  “Spit, it out Ben,” she told me.

  “Dad gave me the no go, lecture. I had been dating her for a few months. Six to be exact. Actually, almost seven.” I was frustrating Rachel. She rolled her eyes at me. “He gave me the look and the speech that said, you’re not too old for an ass whooping and I’m just the man to give it to you. He also informed me that I was just like him and he didn’t want her to get hurt.”

  She laughed at my description of our conversation which I didn’t find humorous. It had cost me Disa because I was young, dumb and still afraid of my father. “How old were you?”

  “Twenty-two,” I explained.

  “Ben, you weren’t ready to date anyone seriously at twenty-two. He probably did save you and her both some heartache,” Mom declared.

  I cleared my throat. Then I got up and paced the floor
. “Mom, I never got over her. I’ve spent the last six years trying to run away from my feelings for her by sleeping with one woman after another.”

  “Ben,” Rachel said. Then she got up and walked to me stopping my pacing with a hand on my arm. “Why didn’t you talk to us? To me? I would have listened.” She realized that I was heartbroken over Disa. She just didn’t know who it was.

  “I’m talking to you now. I had a chance to reconnect with her recently. Mom, I don’t want to lose this chance again. I invited her to brunch today.”

  She was surprised by that news. Her mouth was slightly open. Her eyes were wide with shock. “It must be serious. You have never invited anyone to brunch before.”

  I heard the doorbell. Then I heard Dad’s voice shouting, “I’ll get it.”

  “Shit.”

  “What’s the problem?” Mom asked.

  “That’s the girl,” I said.

  “So.” She didn’t understand. She wouldn’t because she didn’t know who the girl was. I hadn’t gotten that far yet. Mom was becoming suspicious now. I could see it in her eyes. They narrowed on me like they did when I was ten and stole some candy from the corner drug store.

  After she marched me back to the store, she made me return it to Mr. Phelps, the owner of the store. I also had to apologize. On the walk home, I got the speech, wait until your father gets home. That was on Saturday at three p.m. I had twelve hours to stew on what he would do to me. That was worse that the beating he gave me for stealing candy.

  “Who is it? Why are you so concerned about Dad answering the door, Benjamin?” She crossed her arms and tapped her foot on the floor. “Who are you wanting to date and why does it matter what your dad and I think?”

  “Mom, it’s D…” That was as far as I could get because Dad escorted Disa into the kitchen. She looked so beautiful. Her hair was down around her face. Her lips were painted pink and her cheeks were flushed from the cold air.

  She wore a cream colored, heavy sweater that was big on her and jeans that fit her figure snuggly. She took my breath away just looking at her.

  I could tell that she was nervous. “Hi Rachel,” she said. Her voice soft and slightly afraid of what had transpired before she got here. Not enough. I didn’t know how Mom was taking this news.

  “Hi sweetheart. How are you?” Mom asked her then before Disa could respond with Asia cradled in one arm she grabbed my bicep in a tight grip. I was cringing because her tiny fingers were biting into the flesh of my upper arm. I had forgotten, how her grip and her little fingers could pinch the shit out of you when we were being bad.

  She dragged me to the kitchen sink not that Disa couldn’t hear us if we were too loud. “Did you sleep with her too?” She snapped at me keeping her voice low.

  “No, I did not. Mom, I really liked her.” Then I amended my statement. “Mom, I was in love with Disa, but I walked away because Dad told me to. He convinced me I was too young and would only hurt her.” I decided to go for broke. “Mom, I still love her.”

  She frowned at me for several long seconds while I tried to uncurl her talons from my bicep, then she turned to Disa. “I’m so glad you came to brunch.” She said, her tone, sweet and breathy.

  Mom was relieved. I rolled my eyes at the tiny, elven creature that was my mother then I rubbed my arm where she had dug her little fingers into me.

  “Are you sure?” Disa asked sensing the tension in the room.

  Mom glanced at me and her smile this time was genuine making me relax. “I am,” she declared. “I’m going to run upstairs and change. Simon, come with me, please.”

  My dad was confused. He didn’t know why Disa was here for brunch. He had just come downstairs, so he didn’t understand why he had to go back upstairs with Mom. She handed Asia to me then she gripped my Dad’s arm the way that she had gripped mine.

  “You’re hurting me, Rachel,” he complained but she didn’t let him go as she dragged him out of the room. I chuckled at him being dragged out of the room by my diminutive mother.

  Disa walked to me. “Are you sure everything is all right?” She asked.

  “Positive,” I replied. Then I leaned over Asia and kissed Disa. Her lips were cool from being outside. “Did you walk here?” I asked her.

  “I did,” she replied. Her voice was soft and held a hint of something that alerted my brain something was off with her. “It’s such a beautiful morning and just a little bit cool.” It was thirty-five degrees this morning. Unusually cold for October in Ohio but that was the great state of Ohio. It could be ninety, one day and sixty-five the next.

  I didn’t walk anywhere I didn’t have to while Disa walked whenever she could. She was health conscious and maybe I needed to start working on that since I now had a child.

  “How did she take it?” Disa asked me.

  I shrugged. I wasn’t really, sure. Mom had only asked if I had slept with Disa which I hadn’t, so I was hoping that was a good sign.

  “Can I take Asia?” She asked me. I sighed at her. She didn’t need to hide behind my child anymore, but I gave her my daughter anyway.

  “I’m beginning to think you like my child more than me,” I teased her. She rolled her eyes at me.

  “I like you just fine,” she informed me. “You’re comfortable to sleep on and you’re warm.” Her voice became softer, so no one would hear her in case my parents returned to the kitchen.

  “Don’t worry, they make a ton of noise. We’ll hear them coming,” I let her know.

  She laughed while she rocked back and forth with Asia. Her eyes were locked with mine though. We were just standing there looking at each other when my sister and her husband came into the room.

  “Disa,” Danni declared stopping in the doorway with India in her arms. Walker nearly crashed into her back. His arms were laden with bags of goodies for our brunch. Danni and my mother shared the cooking responsibilities with Jen and Layla before she left Matt.

  “It’s so good to see you.” I watched the two of them hug over the babies in their arms. Then Danni was gazing at me strangely wanting info on why her old friend was here.

  I tugged Disa to my side giving them the only explanation that I felt was necessary. I forgot one important thing…I was a Hatfield and so was Danni. My sister wasn’t giving up without an explanation.

  “Ben could you help me carry in the rest of the food from the car?” Danni asked. Walker looked over his shoulder at her, confused by this request. He had been expecting to carry it in. “I was going out to do that as soon as I unloaded this stuff.”

  “Ben will help me,” she informed her husband. Then she handed him their daughter. He looked even more confused by this change of events.

  I had no choice but to leave the kitchen with my sister or make a scene. I followed Danni down the hall, through the living room and outside onto the porch. She still hadn’t said anything which made me uncomfortable. When we reached the driveway, she turned on me like a mother protecting her young. I backed up a step or two.

  “Are you sleeping with Disa?” She growled at me.

  “Jesus, will you relax. Mom about gouged out my bicep with her fingers when she saw her. I have not slept with Disa.”

  My sister crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes narrowed, and it frightened me for a moment how much she reminded me of our mother.

  I took another step back.

  “Don’t you hurt her,” Danni warned me shaking her finger at me. “I remember how much you hurt her the first time you dated her. She was crushed when you gave her the it’s me not you, speech,” my sister said in a lame ass voice, mimicking what she thought I sounded like I’m sure.

  I kicked my toe around the driveway for a moment. “Danni, are you hearing me? I have not slept with her. I have feelings for her then and now.”

  My sister’s arms dropped to her sides. Suddenly she was standing toe to toe with me. “I know you had feelings for her before, Ben. I know you hurt her feelings too. I never understood why you broke up with her
.”

  I gave her that look that said I didn’t know why either. Dad’s opinion didn’t seem so important anymore but at the time, I was young and still scared of him. I still lived at home. I did what he wanted. I backed off. I explained this to Danni.

  She laid her hand on my cheek that was rough with whiskers then she smiled at me. “Ben don’t mess this up, this time,” she told me. “She’s good for you.”

  “I won’t.”

  Then she turned to the car and handed me bag after bag of groceries to carry inside. When I got to the kitchen, Dad was holding Asia at the kitchen table, making faces and cooing at her while Mom and Disa were starting to cook. I sat down by Dad who smiled at me.

  “How are you son?” He asked me.

  I was puzzled by this strange turn of events. It was like Disa came here all the time and no one was curious about her being with me at all. Dad said nothing about it. Didn’t he have anything to say? No questions. No warnings about dating his employee?

  “Ben, are you all right? Did you hear me?”

  “What Dad? Oh, yeah. I’m all right,” I responded, watching Mom and Disa like they were the best of friends confused me even more. Then Danni joined them.

  “I’m taking Asia to the living room with Walker and India.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  Next to arrive was Elijah and Jenny with Jeremiah. Jenny would join the women in the kitchen. Elijah did what he always did. He was the only Hatfield male who had the nerve and the testosterone to come to the kitchen and say hello.

  “Elijah how are you honey?” Mom presented her cheek for a kiss. My tallest brother in the family bent and pressed his lips to her smooth face then he started to walk away. “Hold up there. I need to say hello to my grandson.”

  She cooed over Jeremiah for a moment then she let my brother leave the room. He joined the men in the other room while Jenny helped the women cook.

  Disa came to me and stood between my legs. She laid her hand on my shoulder. Her pretty, blue eyes were gazing at me with a happiness that I hadn’t seen in a while. “You don’t have to stay here. Go, join the men in the other room. I’m fine with your Mom, Danni and Jenny.”