by Lee Wardlow
I nodded. Then I peeked around her because I sensed the nosy women in my family watching us. They turned quickly back to the counter and continued working on food preparation.
I drew Disa to me and kissed her then I rose from the chair and left her alone with my female family members feeling assured that she would be fine with them which she was.
Me, I was the man who hadn’t been sleeping until Friday and Saturday night. I went to the living room and sat on the parent’s reclining sofa. First big mistake. Recline a comfortable sofa when you are tired, and you will fall asleep. They let me sleep too.
I heard my daughter crying and I stretched. Then, I yawned. Sat myself up and looked around. The living room was empty. Voices, including my daughter’s cries were coming from the dining room. Then she stopped just as quickly as she started.
I got up and headed that way. The family had finished eating. They were all sitting around the table talking. “There’s sleeping beauty,” AJ teased me.
He should try to take care of an infant for a week. I rolled my eyes at him and sat next to Disa who was giving Asia a bottle. She gazed at me for a second then she looked at my daughter. “She’s been really good,” she informed me. I patted her shoulder and stifled another yawn.
“Are you hungry, Ben?” Mom asked.
“Starving,” I replied gazing down to the end of the table where she sat. I propped my arm on the back of Disa’s chair and rubbed my thumb absently over her shoulder. She smiled at me.
My parents had always been nice to Disa. I knew they liked her a lot. That’s why I was worried about whether they would be accepting of me dating her. Apparently, things were going well without me.
Disa was comfortable with my entire family. Justin got out of his seat and wandered to each of the babies. He was fascinated with the small children that had invaded his world. He patted Jeremiah’s head eliciting a warning from Matt. “We’ve talked about this Justin. Not so hard. He’s small.” Jenny just smiled at him.
“He breakable,” Justin informed her.
“For a little while, Justin. Soon he won’t be so small.”
“Okay,” my nephew said.
My niece, India he treated differently. I think Justin was afraid of Walker, so he didn’t get too close to her which bothered the big guy. He didn’t like that one bit because Walker and Matt were close.
Then Justin laid his hand against Asia’s cheek. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. He walked around Disa’s chair and wanted me to pick him up. So, I scooted back a little and lifted him into my lap.
“I like Asia a lot.”
“I’m glad,” I replied.
“She don’t have a mommy like me,” he declared.
Matt got up and left the room, I thought so no one would see his pain that statement caused. I didn’t know what to say to my nephew.
Disa did though. “Honey, you do have a mommy and so does Asia. They love you very much.”
AJ scoffed at that notion and she looked at him and scowled shaking her head no in his direction. He looked away from her.
“Sometimes, Mommies and Daddies need to go away, and they leave us behind.”
“Do you have a Mommy and a Daddy?” Justin asked.
“I don’t,” she replied. “And that’s okay Justin. You will be okay too because like Asia, you are surrounded by so many people who love you.” I was right, she knew exactly what to say to him.
“I have my daddy.” Disa nodded. “He promised he wouldn’t leave me ever.”
“Yes sir,” she replied. “Your Daddy will never leave you.”
He laid he his head against my chest and I squeezed him. “Ben,” he said.
“Yes, Justin?”
“You love Asia like my daddy loves me.” It wasn’t a question. It was a command.
“I will Justin.”
Then I looked over his head and saw my mother standing there holding my plate. She had tears in her eyes. “You boys go watch your football game,” she told them.
They made a lot of noise, but they cleared the room. Danni and Walker took plates with them. “Thank you, Dan,” Mom said to her. “Walker,” she added as he stepped around her leaving the dining room too.
When the room was clear, Mom said, “I didn’t know Justin was feeling that way.”
“I was twenty-one when I know longer had my parents,” I knew Disa was choosing her words carefully because Justin was in the room with us. She didn’t want to give him too much information that might scare him. “It was hard on me. I can’t imagine how Justin feels.” She looked down on Asia. “Or how she will feel one day.”
Mom sat my plate down in front of me. Justin didn’t seem to want to move so since I was getting good at this, I ate around him. Rachel sat near us instead of her usual place and we talked.
“You aren’t upset about me dating Disa, are you?” I asked Mom. Dad sitting at the end of the table laughed at me. She gave him a dirty look
“Are you kidding me?” She declared. “She’s a sweetheart. I just wanted to be sure she was the real deal for you, so you didn’t hurt her. Upstairs, I told your father in no uncertain terms to butt out of your relationship this time.”
She gave him a look and Dad sighed throwing his hands in the air. I almost felt sorry for him.
Then, I glanced at the woman sitting beside me and I knew she was the real deal. I didn’t know what the future held for us but whatever it was I wanted to explore it with her. So far, she was willing to give it a try even though I had made a mess of things before, twice.
“She’s the real deal,” I replied.
Disa smiled at me.
Chapter 12
Asia wasn’t as small as I thought. I just didn’t know anything about newborns. She was average in size. Fiftieth percentile in height and weight. She got shots too which I didn’t like at all. They made my baby cry. The important thing was that Asia was healthy.
I called Mom on the way home to tell her how Asia’s appointment went. Again, she was hounding me about seeing a lawyer. She promised to text me her attorney’s number. Hers and Dads. The one who settled their divorce for them. The same one who settled Matt’s dissolution for him. Samson Hallows. The man that Jenny worked for too.
I swung by Matt’s farm. My brother worked hard at what he did and for what he owned. He and Layla had been together for a long time. He was worth a lot of money on paper. She could have asked for some of it, but she didn’t. She walked away with a dissolution taking only a suitcase of clothes with her, he had said. I wondered if he had removed the rest of her belongings from the house.
The rooms I could see were different. He had removed her picture from every room where she had once existed. The tiny things that reminded him of Layla were gone too. Things from high school. A gift that he had gotten her, or she had gotten him were packed away in a box. I didn’t know, but I could assume safely that her remaining clothes were gone now too. It was like Layla Hatfield had been wiped from our lives and only occasionally when Justin mentioned her was she even brought up.
I climbed out of the truck in the driveway. Matt stepped out of the barn where I knew acres of tobacco dried on sticks hanging in row after row. He had three barns like this one. He waved and motioned towards the house. I waved back acknowledging him.
I unlatched Asia’s seat and lifted her out of the car and headed towards the house. I went in the side door of the two- story farmhouse where my brother lived with his son. Justin was at pre-school right now. Matt thought it would be good for him to be with other kids since Layla had left them.
My brother stomped his feet and came in a few minutes after I did. He stopped by the carrier and peeked in at Asia. “How was the doctor’s appointment?” He asked.
“Shots, I don’t like shots,” I told him.
“Me neither.” He went to the sink and scrubbed his hands good then he returned to the carrier sitting on his kitchen table. He unbuckled Asia and lifted her out of her seat. “Come to Uncle Matt.” His voice was
soft and gentle. I realized something about my brother. In the last year, he had changed. His exuberance was gone. His light that made him Matt was gone too. Layla had darkened his soul and had given him an edge that hadn’t existed before. I didn’t like Layla much right now.
“How are you?” I asked him. “Honestly?”
“I’m happy for you,” he declared. “What I saw and heard at brunch yesterday sounds like you’re one lucky man.”
He was referring to Disa. “I’m lucky she’ll give me a chance after sleeping with her cousin.”
Matt nodded. “You have this, though. How could you not be happy about this,” he declared rocking back and forth with my daughter. “Justin is my world now, Ben.”
“Matt, it doesn’t have to be that way, you know.”
He snorted at me. “What do you expect, Ben?”
I tried telling him I understood but I could tell from the look on his face that I didn’t really. None of us did. Matt had been with Layla forever.
“Do you want her back?” I asked.
“Hell no, but I’ll be damned if I can forget her either.” He shook his head sadly and I was sad for him.
“I’m sorry.” I didn’t have the right words to say to Matt.
Matt leaned against the kitchen counter. He pressed his lips to my daughter’s temple. “Man, I just don’t get what happened. I’m lost, Ben. Truly lost.”
He was handling his pain differently than I had. I jumped from woman to woman trying to ease my pain at walking away from Disa while he hid out in the woods with AJ and Heath. Not a healthy combination, I might add. Heath was messed up by the war and AJ was just angry. He always had been.
“Are you doing okay with her?” Matt asked me.
I laughed. “Better than I expected. Seth has been a huge help.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “I’m sorry that I kicked him out at Layla’s urging. He wasn’t being that bad. I think I hurt his feelings, but we were rocky already. I didn’t want to do anything else to push her away from me.”
I didn’t want Matt to be worrying about Seth right now. I brushed it off. Seth was fine with me and Elijah. He shook his head at me. “I still feel terrible about it.”
“You could always start over. Find a nice woman. Have a few more kids…”
“Stop.” He glared at me. “I’m thirty-six years old, Benjamin. I’ve been with one woman my entire life. I’m not about to go out and hit the clubs now to find another woman and kids? I’m too old. I’ll be forty in four years. I’m happy with Justin. My boy is all I need.”
He could keep saying that to me, but I knew that Matt was lonely. I dropped it though. “Crops looking good this year?” I asked.
“The best I’ve had. That is one area that keeps getting better and better.” He laid Asia back in his arms and gazed at her. “She’s beautiful, Ben. You did good.”
I snorted at him. “I didn’t really have any control with how she came out, but she is gorgeous though. I’ll agree with you on that one.”
He ran his hand over her hair. Most people thought she was older because of that head of hair she had. “Man, the hair. You’re going to have to learn to braid and do ponytails,” he teased me.
I just rolled my eyes at him. I had a few years for that.
I spent the rest of the afternoon talking with Matt. I had a purpose for coming here. The attorney lectures I was getting from Mom. Rachel had me on pins and needles about what to do about Asia. Without Granddad, Matt seemed the next best choice to ask for advice.
He sat down beside me at the kitchen table. I was holding Asia now. Matt ran his hand over Asia’s hair then he looked at me. “I would seek an attorney’s advice Ben. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with, but Jasmine could return and take her from you then you would need to go to court. So, it might make sense to have full legal and physical custody of her then if she does come back and wants to see her, you can establish a visiting schedule with her.”
I glanced at my brother. “Is that what you will do with Layla if she comes back?” I asked him.
“I’m praying she keeps her ass in Florida,” he ground out between his clenched teeth. So, he knew where she was, and he knew who she was with. “Is she married already, Ben?” He asked.
“I haven’t heard,” I replied. I just knew that they had taken off for Florida with the intention of getting married on the beach.
He slapped his palm down on the hard, wooden surface then got up from the table. I cooed at my daughter who was startled by my brother’s outburst. Matt went to the kitchen sink. He gripped the edge like he was holding on for dear life. His knuckles turning white. “Ben, how could she do this to me?”
He tilted his head down and his shoulders shook. I knew that Matt was crying. One hand went to his face. I had only seen Matt cry three times in my life. When he married Layla. As she walked down the aisle to him, there were tears in his eyes. When his son was born. He unashamedly shed tears of joy. Then when Grammy died. He cried as he carried her casket across the lawn to the gravesite. I was in front of him and when we sat the casket down, I turned and saw the tears streaming down his face before he could wipe them away.
I went to Matt and held Asia in one arm while I took Matt in my other. I held him while he cried for only a moment. Then he walked away from me and grabbed a towel off the sink. He scrubbed it over his face. “Take care of Disa, Ben so she doesn’t leave you too.”
“Now wait a minute,” I said. “You don’t seriously think this was your fault.”
Matt shrugged. “Ben, I have gone over and over this in my head. I have to take some responsibility for the marriage ending.”
I shook my head at him. “No, you don’t. She left you, moved to Florida and is living with another man. A man, she might be married to for all we know. Matt, you can’t blame yourself if Layla changed.” He shrugged like he didn’t quite believe me.
“Dammit, Matt. I think you chose to ignore the selfishness she sometimes displayed. Danni is the only one that she liked besides Mom. She hated it when planting and harvesting came around because then we were all round you. You know it. We tried to stay away unless we absolutely needed you, man.”
He sighed. The sound was heavy and guttural, like so much emotion was weighing him down. “I didn’t mean to ignore you guys or make you feel like I only needed you to work for me.”
The money Matt paid us was great. It enabled Elijah and me to put down a good down payment on the double-wide trailer where we lived. It wasn’t a bad little place with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a nice large living room with a vaulted ceiling and good-sized kitchen too. Building on the front porch that extended the length of the trailer and adding the back patio that had a covered space, so we could sit outside no matter what the weather, added more charm to it.
I hadn’t meant for Matt to take it that way. Our brother put everyone else first in his life. He was never first. Matt was selfless. He had given Layla everything she asked for and the woman was never satisfied.
“We love you, Matt, don’t you know that?”
“I know,” he replied.
“Your priorities changed just like Elijah’s did when he married Jen and Danni’s when she married Walker. Man, you did what you were supposed to do and it’s fine. We were your whole life. You deserve to have a life with someone who will give as equally as you do.”
“I can’t man.” He shook his head no. His voice broken and unashamed that he was ready to cry again.
“Okay, I won’t push.”
Layla had only been gone for a little over seven months. They had only been divorced for about three of those months. He needed more time to realize that his life didn’t need to be over just because Layla had left him.
“I better get Asia home,” I told my brother.
He took her from me and cradled my daughter near his heart. He kissed her forehead. Then carefully, he laid her in her seat and buckled her in. Matt put the blanket around her and tucked it under h
er, so she was warm.
“Uncle Matt loves you, pumpkin,” he told her. Then he stepped back so I could pick her up. “Thanks for stopping by.”
I nodded then I stepped close to Matt. I wrapped my hand around his neck and I laid my forehead against his. “It’ll be okay man.”
He nodded but he couldn’t say anything in response. I knew that he was choked up again. “I’ll see you,” I said.
“I’m always here or at Heath’s.”
I chuckled as he walked me to the door. “What do you guys do out there in the woods? He has terrible TV reception, his radio sucks because he needs a new one and is too cheap to buy one. The only thing he does have is internet because Heath would die without the internet.”
Matt chuckled. “We watch shit on his smart television. You should come out. He’s rigged it somehow, so he can pull down shows legally. You know me I don’t know anything about technology.”
That would be the day. I had a child now that I had to care for. “Maybe when the baby gets a little older and either Elijah, Danni or Mom think they can handle more than one.”
He laughed then he clapped me on the back. “I guess I’m more pathetic than you.”
He stepped through the door and I followed him. “How’s that?” I asked.
“I get offers from everyone to watch Justin every weekend.”
I shook my head at him. It was too soon for me to leave Asia but that was okay. I really didn’t want to sit out in Heath’s cabin and watch television with the three most miserable men in the universe right now. Not when everything was going so well for me.
“Tell Disa, I said hello.”
“I will.” I glanced at my watch. “Shit, I gotta go. She’ll beat me to the trailer.”
Snapping Asia’s seat into the base, I shut her door then turned to Matt. I waved to him as he stood on the porch watching me with his hand over his eye to block the glare of the afternoon sun hitting him in the face.
