by Funa
I have to go far enough to not be seen, heard, or smelled, and find solid ground that’s slanted enough for it to flow in one ejection—I mean, direction! It’s a “number one”, okay?!
Huh? What’s that rustling in the bush—whoa! Something just came outta there!
It was clearly a wild animal. The creature was pretty boar-like, but even if it wasn’t a boar, Mitsuha’s brain interpreted it as such. More importantly, it was glaring at her. Their eyes met.
Did I invade its territory? Or does it see me as prey? Ahem. Sweetie, I’m the one doing the hunting here, thank you very much.
It wasn’t too big by boar industry standards... Not that Mitsuha knew whether something like that existed. Is it a juvenile? A wild boar piglet? A boarlet? Well, it doesn’t seem that small. It looks big enough to send little ol’ me flying, at least. It’s already got tusks, so maybe it’d stab me? Or would it ram into me after throwing me down? It doesn’t look the least bit afraid, so maybe it’s an adult?
Before Mitsuha could finish her train of thought, the boar bellowed, pawed the dirt, and threatened her with a “ready to charge” pose. She felt no obligation to hang around and wait for it to launch.
My dad was from the sticks—uhh, I mean... the countryside. Specifically this one town where it wasn’t unheard of for the local newspaper to have headlines like “Local Boar Goes Ham on Car” and for foragers to get badly injured in boar attacks. Of course I know all too well that these animals aren’t to be messed with... I know exactly what to do!
“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!”
She ran. Or rather, she skedaddled.
Boars can’t make sharp turns, so I just have to run to the si—HUH?! It’s still gaining on me! Dad, why would you lie about something so important?! Oh, yeah... He probably didn’t think I’d ever be chased by a boar. That probably never happened to him, either. He’d probably heard it and accepted it as fact without confirming it himself.
The boar wasn’t very nimble, but it gradually closed the distance between them whenever it had a straight path. It wouldn’t be long until it caught up. If that happened, Mitsuha would be in for much more than a world of pain... Its tusks were deadly. The forest was hardly a good place for running, either, so she quickly ran out of stamina. She felt as though she could trip at any moment.
This is bad! she panicked. But before she realized it, her right hand was reaching for the holster on her waist and pulling out a gun. It was the Beretta 93R—the handgun with the three-round burst mode. Her left hand joined in, setting it on semi-auto—the single-fire mode.
Dry, loud pops sounded off as she shot at the animal three times. There was a noticeable lack of echo; she wasn’t indoors, after all. There wasn’t much for the sounds to bounce off of.
The boar dropped dead on the spot. Only one of the three bullets had missed. Good thing I’d changed to single-fire mode. I’d have been lucky to hit a single one in burst.
What? You think using guns is unfair? Come on, now, it’s not like this is pro wrestling and the boar is some heel. I’m lookin’ to survive out here, not have some honorable “fight of the century” or whatever. Mitsuha rushed to grab two crossbow bolts from her quiver before shoving them into the boar’s wounds.
“What happened?!” The mercenaries dashed onto the scene and came upon Mitsuha next to a boar with two bolts sticking out of it.
“O-Oh, it attacked me outta nowhere,” she said. “I panicked and shot it, and it kinda worked out...”
Four pairs of eyes cast a suspicious look her way.
Ah, that’s gotta be ’cause the crossbow wasn’t that loud when I used it in front of them.
They took the boar and carried it back to camp, only to go out hunting again. Gritt stayed behind to gut the game and protect it from other animals. The rest of them went out, Mitsuha included. Ilse was an obvious choice, being the token archer, but it looked as though they now recognized Mitsuha as a valuable asset, too.
Ilse took out a rabbit and a bird, while Mitsuha shot only a single rabbit. She could’ve gotten two, but the second had run away when she missed. Quite a shame. Both rabbits and birds sold for a decent price, so they’d be going on the market. That was enough for the day, so the group returned to camp for the night.
By the time they arrived, Gritt was boiling some intestines. Ahh, yeah. Those rot pretty quickly, so it makes sense that they’d eat them instead of taking them back. I bet it’s a delicacy for these guys. I’ll eat some, too, of course. I like intestines, and they’re plenty nutritious.
Everyone was in high spirits. Though they didn’t catch a fox or anything else with an expensive pelt, the two rabbits, birds, and of course the boar more than made up for it. Their trip was a success, no question about it. There was also the mountain of herbs they’d picked over the last day or so, and they’d go hunting again tomorrow. All that combined with Mitsuha’s reward would make for some good money. Probably not enough to get new weapons, but enough to take it easy for a while.
Even if it was intestines, everyone was excited for their first meat in a long time, and their laughter rang out until it was dark.
The next morning...
“Huh? Food? What are you talking about? You’re going hunting, then having brunch, and then we’re all going back to town, right? Why are you wasting time here?”
Saddened by Mitsuha’s cold response, the four trudged off.
Huh? Me? I’m looking after the camp. Hunting is super bori—I mean, I need to preserve energy for the trip back. I will make something for them to eat, though.
Since visibility was low, Mitsuha took the chance to properly arrange her inventory. She jumped back home with the items she wouldn’t use again, like the camp stove. She left them there, and instead picked up some spices, like salt, pepper, and other herbs.
I think I’ll boil the leftover intestines, she decided. If she brought back the camp stove, she wouldn’t get another chance to leave it at home, since everyone would be back by the time I was done. She decided to use Gritt’s stone stove.
The four came back way earlier than she’d expected. She was doubly surprised upon seeing the deer they’d brought with them. No way, we’ve got venison now! The average American, sick of eating beef at every meal, will rush out of work for this legendary meat!
This stuff’s worth a lot. Everyone looks happy as a lamb! Ugh, yeah, I know it’s “clam”. But really, how does that make any sense? Imagine a bunch of lambs just hopping around a pasture, grazing without a care in the world. That works better, doesn’t it? I mean, really, can clams even feel happiness?
Whoa, went off on a tangent there. Back to the matter at hand... What a waste of good intestines! I already made stew out of last night’s guts! We’ll have to throw away the ones from the deer, even though they’re obviously better... Then again, even if we started cooking them now, we’d be back really late, so we would’ve had to throw out its intestines regardless.
Everyone began carving up the deer. It was too heavy to bring back in one piece, so they would only keep the parts worth selling. They threw away the innards, cut off its head, and set aside the antlers. The legs would be helpful in carrying it, so they tied them together using some ivy, then attached them to a branch so two people could lift and haul it. That was Sven’s and Szep’s job. Gritt and Ilse would carry the boar, of course. As for the birds and the rabbits... Well, Mitsuha was grateful she’d gotten rid of some of her things when she’d had the chance.
“It’s so damn gooood!”
Of course it is! There’s tons of spices in that! They pack a punch, don’t they?! Eat up!
On the way back, Mitsuha became keenly aware of how heavy their spoils were. The others were having even more difficulty, but imagining their load as a sack full of coins was all they needed to keep on trucking. By the time they returned to town, it was already dark. They’d had to take many breaks on the way.
The next day, Mitsuha met them in front of the mercenary guild. By the time she arrived, they’d already sold the
game to the guild. Mitsuha signed the paper saying that they’d completed her request and gave them an “A” rating, which they were quite pleased with. The guild gave Sven the one gold coin they were promised, and he tucked it away with great care. That was half a month’s worth of modest food and rent in a cheap room, which was pretty big.
What was even bigger, though, was the party they were about to have. They’d decided to celebrate their successful trip out in the wilderness. Between the earnings from the game and the herbs, the mercenaries could afford to have a good time. Additionally, they likely thought that getting close to Mitsuha would be beneficial, so this clearly wouldn’t be a waste of money.
Mitsuha had been too exhausted to even have dinner the night before. They were most likely the same on that front, and just like her, they probably hadn’t eaten anything in the morning to leave room for the party food. All five of them were hungry as bears, so not wasting any more time, they headed to their favorite place.
It’s only midday, but hey, it’s five o’clock somewhere, right?
“Here’s to our success!” Mitsuha raised her ale.
“CHEERS!” all four of them shouted back.
After the toast, they ordered more and more food and enjoyed some leisurely chit-chat. They talked about the hunt, the food... that sort of thing. None of the mercenaries mentioned the crossbow. In all likelihood, they assumed Mitsuha didn’t want to talk about it. An employer was entitled to her own private matters, so they didn’t dig any deeper.
Among mercenaries, there were some lowlifes who cared for nothing so long as they got paid, but Sven’s group was on the other side of the spectrum. They took the mercenary rules to heart, because if they didn’t, they couldn’t complain when someone else broke them.
“Anyway, the... ramen? And uhh, CalorieMates? Those are pretty good,” said Gritt.
“Yep, they really are,” Mitsuha nodded.
“Your little stove was really useful, too, but looked like a pain to carry around. I think it’s better to just use makeshift stone stoves. That thing’s expensive, too, isn’t it? It uses fuel, and if it breaks, then you’re outta luck.”
“Oh, yeah.” Mitsuha had learned a great deal from this trip and had a good time, too. If only carrying stuff back wasn’t so har—Ah! “Hey, don’t you think it’d be great if you could carry more stuff?”
“Well, of course. We could take more game with us, so we’d obviously earn more. But we can’t buy a carriage or anything like that. The maintenance costs waaay too much. Just getting one carriage and some horses would cost us an arm and a leg.”
At that moment, a certain search result came back to Mitsuha. It said “Foldable Aluminum Bike Trailer, Non-Bursting Tires: 37,900 yen”. If they bring one of these on their trips... The possibilities are endless!
“Hey, does that lighting stick cost a lot?” Gritt asked.
“Oh, not really. Especially the smaller ones. They can be used hundreds of times, and they cost less than a silver.”
“HUHH?!” Gritt and Ilse were dumbfounded.
Yeah, I got them in sets at the discount store. Each one probably had a value of about a small silver each. With my store’s insane profit margins, that’d be one silver. Also, why are the girls the only ones surprised? Mitsuha wondered. Oh, I get it, they’re the only ones handling fire and food, huh? I see how it is.
The chatter went on and on, but Mitusha didn’t mind. She found the conversation topics both fun and useful. Suddenly, she remembered something.
“Oh yeah, look at this,” she said, taking a magazine from her bag and placing it on the table. “Remember how you said I was being reckless on the first night? Look! Where I come from, it’s pretty normal to wear this when swimming!”
The four opened the magazine and immediately gaped at the content. Men and women of all ages clad in swimsuits were making merry in pools and beaches. A seductive bombshell in a bikini gazed out at them from one of the... special pages.
The group was frozen at the sight. Except Szep, whose shaking hands were flipping through the pages on some sort of autopilot.
“No way...” said Gritt.
“Th-This is just...” Sven couldn’t even form a sentence.
Ilse had no words.
Szep, however, was pretty talkative. “Hey, these are just pictures, right? They’re detailed, yeah, but this can’t be real! A heaven like this just... can’t exist...”
Yesterday evening, Mitsuha had jumped back to Earth. It had been a struggle, considering how tired she was, but she’d dragged herself to a secondhand bookstore and purchased a gravure magazine, which was full of sexy photography. Mitsuha had made sure it was both cheap and impactful. Her nation’s honor had been on the line, after all.
Man, even though I changed before I went in there, I still totally reeked. No wonder I got all those weird looks. There was that old guy with a mean look in his eyes... He stared daggers at me like the smell of blood made him get flashbacks or something. What was his problem?! Ugh, I really should’ve taken a bath...
After the party was over, Mitsuha and the mercenaries said their goodbyes and that they hoped to work together again. One of them tried to ask more about her crossbow, but the others got in the way. With that chapter over, she went back to her store.
Man, I close up way too often. I’ll really have to open up tomorrow, she thought.
Before they had parted ways, Szep had inquired about the magazine. It had served its purpose, so Mitsuha had let him keep it.
A few days later, Mitsuha returned to the place where they’d had their little gathering. She had really enjoyed their food. Even I like eating out every now and again. Cooking for myself too often always drains my veggie supplies, so saving them is nice, too.
The four mercs happened to be there, as well. Upon seeing her, however, they jumped as though she were a ghost. What the hell’s up with that attitude?!
“Hey, it’s been a while. What’s wrong?”
“Ah, nothing, just, uh...”
That was when she noticed that they had different gear.
“Huh? You got new weapons? Congratulations!”
“W-WE’RE SORRYYYY!” The four of them bowed down and apologized in unison.
Uhh... What? Oh, they sold the gravure magazine to the fourth son of a noble for seven gold coins? That’s just fine and dandy. I gave it to them for free ’cause I didn’t need it. I didn’t care whether they threw it out or sold it.
Reselling something I didn’t know the value of probably made them feel guilty, like they swindled me or something, but really, I’m not bothered by it at all. Then again, for me to make seven gold, I’d have to sell 140 generic shampoos. I sold them for eight silver each, but only five of that was profit. And these four went and made it all with just a single resale, huh?
No, really, it’s fine. I don’t think much of it. Seriously. Honest. I do feel like I might be popping a blood vessel and that my smile’s a little stiff, but that’s probably just my imagination. They look kinda pale... and like they’re shivering, huh? Nah, gotta be my imagination.
“All right! You’re buying my lunch!” she declared.
“Y-Yes ma’am!”
Mitsuha went on to enjoy a long stretch of peace. The country she was in became her second home. She was fairly safe in this world, and the people were kind. The world had its share of bad seeds, but the same was true for Earth.
Don’t fret the details or you’ll go bald, I always say!
She aimed to acclimate at her own pace, then think of a way to strike it rich. For now, she was leading a comfortable life and had all the time in the world.
I’m gonna take it easy and bring happiness to everyone!
...Ah, so there was a time when she’d believed that, wasn’t there? Well, it’s not as though you could blame her. She had only known of this one, relatively prosperous nation, after all. There was no way she could have noticed the shady activities of its neighbors or seen the writing on the wall that said war w
as coming.
Mitsuha spent her days blissfully unaware of the political intrigue, never sensing the oncoming danger...
Extra: Easy Money
Mitsuha was lost in thought.
Maybe I really should find a way to make some quick and easy money. Once or twice wouldn’t hurt, right?
Although she was getting a steady income from the (overpriced) products she sold as a store owner and the information (and overpriced ingredients) she provided as a consultant, Mitsuha wasn’t really satisfied with the speed at which her wealth was growing. It was for this reason she had started brainstorming some get-rich-quick schemes.
Cooking’s a no-no. I’d be so busy, I wouldn’t have time for anything else. Working all the way from morning till evening would be way too tiring for my liking. Besides that, I can’t do anything that’ll mess with this world’s natural progression, sell anything that could be used for war or crime, or anything else that would throw this world’s politics or economy into chaos.
These limitations didn’t leave her with many options.
There has to be something, though. Wait, I’ve got it! The four mercs got seven gold for the gravure mag I gave them! That means I can make a killing selling porn—I mean, romance magazines!
There were no scientific, distributional, or economic problems with those, so it wouldn’t mess up the world. Both buyer and seller would be satisfied, and no one would have a problem with it. It seemed like the perfect idea.
She decided to investigate her potential clients and find out what kind of prices to set. Needless to say, the best person to start with was Szep—the one who already had a high score of selling a gravure mag to a noble.
“So yeah, I’m thinking of selling these,” Mitsuha said, presenting one of the magazines. She was in the eatery Sven’s group frequented. Once there, she’d quickly located the mercenaries.
Upon seeing the porn—apologies, romance magazine, all four of them froze. Unlike the one she had shown them last time, this magazine was overtly erotic. Though not enough so to be “18 and up”.
